How to Respond When Someone Disrespects You

Use these tips to gracefully shut down disrespect

Co-authored by Nicolette Tura, MA and Marcus Pruitt, BS

Last Updated: January 6, 2025 Fact Checked

Encountering disrespectful behavior from others can be unnerving and upsetting. If someone has been disrespectful to you, you may be left wondering how to respond—or if you should respond at all. To help you navigate the situation, we spoke to personal growth and communication experts and got all the best tips for responding when someone disrespects you. Read on to learn how to deal with disrespectful people, including what to say (and how to say it).

How to Handle Disrespect: Quick Tips

Pause and take a deep breath before responding to gather yourself. Then, say something like “That's kind of disrespectful, and it hurts my feelings to hear you say that.” If you'd rather not respond, consider ignoring the comment to send a subtler message that it bothered you.

1

Consider the intent behind the disrespectful comment.

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Disrespectful behavior is always aggravating, but it’s not always intentional. Give the other person the benefit of the doubt, and try not to automatically conclude they're intentionally out to hurt you. Ask yourself if the rude behavior is part of a consistent pattern or a one-off event, and think about whether or not it seems to be directed at you personally.^{[1]
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- For example, if someone calls you names or purposefully pushes you out of their way, it’s pretty clear they are being intentionally disrespectful.
- On the other hand, if someone sends out a group email about an upcoming study group and doesn’t include you, it’s possible they simply forgot to add your email to the list.
- Likewise, if someone makes an uncouth comment in front of you, it could be they simply don’t realize they’re touching on a sensitive subject.
- Ask for clarification if necessary, as it’s easy to misunderstand other people’s words or actions. Keep your tone calm and use neutral, non-confrontational language, like “What did you mean by that?”

2

Take a moment to calm down if you’re upset

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Take a breath and get your feelings under control. Dealing with disrespectful behavior can be very upsetting. However, responding impulsively or saying the first thing that pops into your head can just escalate the situation and lead to unnecessary conflict. If you’re upset, take a moment to breathe and get your feelings under control.^{[2]
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Trustworthy Source

American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists

Go to source} If you have to, excuse yourself and leave the room for a few minutes.
- You might try counting to 10 or doing a grounding exercise, like looking around and seeing how many blue things you can spot.

3

Determine if it’s worthwhile to respond

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If the disrespectful behavior was mild or a one-time event, it’s usually best to ignore it and move on. Confronting the person may not help anything, and could even escalate the situation. However, if the behavior is part of a consistent pattern or if it is interfering with your daily life or your ability to work, a confrontation may be justified.^{[3]
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Greater Good Magazine
Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living

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- For example, if your partner or spouse regularly says rude things to you or refuses to take your feelings into account, it’s time to have a talk.
- On the other hand, if a stranger cuts ahead of you in line at the grocery store, it’s probably not worth your time and energy to confront them about it.
- When deciding to respond to rude comments, life coach Jessica George says to take some time to collect your thoughts, consider whether or not calling the person out is necessary, and be kind but firm, making sure to set your boundaries if you decide to confront them.^{[4]
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  Expert Source
  
  Jessica George, MA, CHt
  Certified Professional Master Life Coach
  
  Expert Interview. 11 February, 2022.}

4

Try disarming them with kindness

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1
Sometimes a few kind words are all you need to de-escalate a situation. If someone is being disrespectful or rude, responding with kindness can take them by surprise and encourage them to rethink their behavior. Instead of getting upset or retaliating, try de-escalating the situation with a smile and a few kind words.^{[5]
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- For example, if a coworker snaps at you to get out of their way, step aside, smile, and say, “Of course, sorry. Would you like a hand carrying that stuff?”
- Note: If the person’s rude behavior persists or is part of a long-term pattern, however, you may need to take a more assertive approach.
2
Speak to the other person directly if you decide to confront them. If you feel that someone is being disrespectful to you, it’s usually best to talk to them one-on-one. For example, if you’re dealing with a rude coworker, talk to them first before going directly to your boss. Going over the person’s head could ultimately lead to resentment and make the problem worse. If there’s a simple misunderstanding at the root of the problem, you could also hurt their feelings or get them into trouble unnecessarily.
- In extreme cases, however, bypassing the disrespectful person could be justified. For example, if someone is severely bullying you at school or at work, don’t hesitate to report the problem to someone in authority.^{[6]
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  American Psychological Association
  Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
  
  Go to source}

5

Stop and decide what to say before you speak

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If you lash out, it may escalate the situation. Tura says that you may be tempted to lash out at the rude person and give them a piece of your mind.^{[7]
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Expert Source

Nicolette Tura, MA
Empowerment Coach

Expert Interview. 23 January 2020.} However, doing so is unlikely to be helpful. Instead, make sure that whatever you plan to say is true, helpful, and necessary for getting your point across.
- Insulting the other person or making unfair accusations won’t encourage them to rethink their behavior, and is usually unnecessarily hurtful.
- Speaking to the other person calmly and deliberately is also more likely to disarm them and break their cycle of rude behavior.^{[8]
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6

Be direct but polite

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When you do confront the other person, be clear and matter-of-fact about the issue. Calmly explain what the problem is and how their behavior is affecting you. Don’t be afraid to firmly but politely ask them to explain their behavior.^{[9]
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- Use I-focused language so that the other person does not feel accused. For example, “I feel very disrespected when you speak to me in that tone of voice.”
- Try saying something like, “I find those kinds of jokes really upsetting. Please don’t joke like that in front of me anymore.”

7

Give them a chance to respond

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Confrontation is tough and the other person may want to explain themselves. Being confronted is often upsetting. The other person may wish to respond and present their side of the story, especially if they feel you have misunderstood their words and actions. Give them a chance to speak without interrupting, and let them know that you hear and respect what they have to say.
- Show that you are listening actively by nodding, making eye contact, and using phrases like “Right,” or “I hear you.”
- Try rephrasing what they say to make sure you understand them correctly. For example, “So you’re saying you weren’t trying to ignore me this morning, you were just distracted. Is that right?”

8

Try showing empathy and compassion

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Even if their behavior was pretty clearly disrespectful, do your best not to take it personally. Empowerment coach Nicolette Tura says that you can end up suffering if you do, as it takes away your peace and energy.^{[10]
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Expert Source

Nicolette Tura, MA
Empowerment Coach

Expert Interview. 23 January 2020.} Consider what the disrespectful person might be going through or what the underlying reasons for their behavior might be.^{[11]
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- For example, some people may become snappish with others when they’re stressed or feeling ill.
- If they’re tired or distracted, they may simply forget social niceties like holding open doors or saying “Hi!” when they enter a room.
- Being empathetic doesn’t mean that you have to excuse the disrespectful behavior, but it can help you understand where the other person is coming from and react more appropriately.

9

Set clear boundaries if the disrespectful behavior is a pattern

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If someone has a pattern of disrespect, boundaries can help establish consequences. Setting appropriate boundaries is an important part of any healthy relationship. It’s especially important to set and enforce clear boundaries with people who have a pattern of being disrespectful to you. Let the person know what you are and are not willing to tolerate, and establish clear consequences if they fail to respect your boundaries.^{[12]
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- For example, you might say, “If you continue to play with your phone and ignore me whenever we hang out, I won’t be able to spend time with you anymore.”
- When it comes to setting boundaries, licensed clinical psychologist Kim Chronister says that “Modeling the type of behavior that you want to see in a friend is ideal rather than lecturing or scolding them.”^{[13]
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  Expert Source
  
  Kim Chronister, PsyD
  Clinical Psychologist
  
  Expert Interview. 20 September 2022.}
- If the person continues to be disrespectful and regularly violates your boundaries, you may need to limit your time with them as much as possible or even cut ties altogether.
EXPERT TIP

Kim Chronister, PsyD
Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Kim Chronister is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist. She specializes in helping people struggling with substance abuse, relationship problems, eating disorders, and personality disorders. Dr. Chronister has contributed to and appeared on Access Hollywood, Investigation Discovery, and NBC News. She is the author of “Peak Mindset” and “FitMentality.” She holds an MA in Clinical Psychology and a Doctor of Psychology (PsyD) from Alliant International University.

Kim Chronister, PsyD
Clinical Psychologist

Taking too long to establish boundaries can result in what seems like an abrupt cut off. When you can’t take the boundary crossing anymore and cut someone off, it may seem out of left field. As soon as you feel drained or uncomfortable, set clear boundaries by letting the person know what you will and won’t tolerate.

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Question

What should you do if someone disrespects you?

Nicolette Tura, MA
Empowerment Coach
Nicolette Tura is an Empowerment Coach based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Through her work, Nicolette helps high achievers discover their true potential and grow personally. She recently founded the non-profit Celestial Wellness Network and started a musical project, The Feather and Stone. With over ten years of experience in nonprofit leadership and running her own wellness business, Nicolette combines her background in psychology, mindfulness, and psychophysiology to create profound change. Nicolette has hands-on experience as a Therapy Associate, and has worked with patients recovering from neurological disorders. She offers one-on-one coaching tailored to each client's needs, with options for short-term, transformative engagements. Her personalized coaching sessions help individuals break free from self-limiting beliefs and achieve their goals. She completed a 500-hour Registered Yoga Teacher certification and is a NASM Certified Corrective Exercise Specialist. She holds a BA in Sociology from the University of California, Berkeley, and a Master’s degree is Sociology from San Jose State University.

Nicolette Tura, MA

Empowerment Coach

Expert Answer

First, allow yourself to have your initial reaction. It's important to acknowledge the hurt this person may have caused you. Next, ask yourself why their words hurt you and why this person's opinion matters to you. If they have brought attention to a self-limiting belief you may have already had about yourself, try to replace that with a positive. Think of these people as teachers, as they bring attention to something that you can address within yourself.

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Question

Should you confront a rude friend?

Nicolette Tura, MA
Empowerment Coach
Nicolette Tura is an Empowerment Coach based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Through her work, Nicolette helps high achievers discover their true potential and grow personally. She recently founded the non-profit Celestial Wellness Network and started a musical project, The Feather and Stone. With over ten years of experience in nonprofit leadership and running her own wellness business, Nicolette combines her background in psychology, mindfulness, and psychophysiology to create profound change. Nicolette has hands-on experience as a Therapy Associate, and has worked with patients recovering from neurological disorders. She offers one-on-one coaching tailored to each client's needs, with options for short-term, transformative engagements. Her personalized coaching sessions help individuals break free from self-limiting beliefs and achieve their goals. She completed a 500-hour Registered Yoga Teacher certification and is a NASM Certified Corrective Exercise Specialist. She holds a BA in Sociology from the University of California, Berkeley, and a Master’s degree is Sociology from San Jose State University.

Nicolette Tura, MA

Empowerment Coach

Expert Answer

If someone makes you feel bad about yourself, I would really question the relationship or tell them how you feel. Try to surround yourself with people you can be yourself around.

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Question

How do you remain confident after someone disrespects you?

Nicolette Tura, MA
Empowerment Coach
Nicolette Tura is an Empowerment Coach based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Through her work, Nicolette helps high achievers discover their true potential and grow personally. She recently founded the non-profit Celestial Wellness Network and started a musical project, The Feather and Stone. With over ten years of experience in nonprofit leadership and running her own wellness business, Nicolette combines her background in psychology, mindfulness, and psychophysiology to create profound change. Nicolette has hands-on experience as a Therapy Associate, and has worked with patients recovering from neurological disorders. She offers one-on-one coaching tailored to each client's needs, with options for short-term, transformative engagements. Her personalized coaching sessions help individuals break free from self-limiting beliefs and achieve their goals. She completed a 500-hour Registered Yoga Teacher certification and is a NASM Certified Corrective Exercise Specialist. She holds a BA in Sociology from the University of California, Berkeley, and a Master’s degree is Sociology from San Jose State University.

Nicolette Tura, MA

Empowerment Coach

Expert Answer

Continue practicing self-love and self-care and really try to celebrate your uniqueness. If you're not sure what that is, think about the inner qualities you hold that you like about yourself. The more you can recognize those, the more you will radiate confidence.

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Tips

Consider talking to a friend before confronting a rude person. Your friend can give you clarity by providing an objective outside perspective.

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Don’t try to force a rude person to change. It is their responsibility to change their rude behavior, not yours.

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If someone is disrespectful because they’re frustrated with something, consider offering help if it’s something you have the bandwidth for. They may really appreciate the offer and diffuse the situation.

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Tips from our Readers

The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.

Disrespectful people don't deserve your time. Avoid those who go out of their way to disrespect you. If you are unable to avoid them, use kindness to diffuse the situation and move forward. Wear your headphones and listen to your favorite music if you need a moment to calm down.
Don’t let a disrespectful person ruin your day. Maintain a smile and keep your head up even when they’re being rude.

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