Do You Shower with Your Husband?

photo by Matthew Trow

A year or two ago at church, I was talking to a friend who is married to a deaf man. She was telling me how they spend time together and embarrassedly admitted they like to shower together, where they talk (sign) to each other after being separated all day. I assuaged her anxiety by letting her know my husband and I do the same.

I can understand her embarrassment, though, especially in talking to a church friend. Many people assume couples who shower together are really doing something else. I grew up with parents who showered together and didn't see it as anything but a practical thing to do while also spending quality time. I don't even know when I was first exposed to the idea of showering together equalling sex. But apparently that's what most people associate showering together with.

For example, a childless couple in one of our former church congregations was always late. I jokingly inquired how they could be so late when they didn't have any kids to get ready. He said because they each had to shower and his wife took a long time doing so. I said they should shower together to cut out some time, and she said no as if I had suggested something crazy.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because he's wet. And naked," she replied, giving her husband a sexy look.

Talk about TMI, lol.

For us, showering together means a few minutes of private time away from pestering kids. A time for us to talk about important things and just enjoy each other's company before or after being separated all day. And to get clean that spot on your back you just can't reach by yourself, of course. ;)

Do you shower with your husband?

7 Years Married!

Sunday was our 7-year anniversary. We celebrated on Saturday by leaving the kids with our friends and going to our favorite mall by ourselves. We started with laser tag. It was just us, so we were against each other instead of teammates. Of course Justin won, though I did get him quite a few times. It was a lot of fun! Next we went inside Wonderworks, a science-based fun center. Some of the things we did:

Can you see Justin's outline?

Making my shadows dance

At home with a flight simulator

It felt really prickly!

hall of optical illusions

We also played a mind game where you move a small ball on a table to the other person's side by relaxing. I won. Thanks, Hypnobabies! I beat Justin at the basketball arcade game too. Pay back for laser tag. We also went on these crazy bikes that go upside down (though I was too chicken) and a 4-D ride. There was a kid area, which included a giant-bubble play center, that we may take Caden to sometime.

After all the fun, we ate at the Cheesecake Factory. My burger was so big I couldn't fit it into my mouth!

Then we browsed the mall a bit. I finally found new sunglasses and got my hair curled at the Herstyler kiosk. Justin found some neat beanbag-like chairs that I will have to remember next time I get pregnant!

We were gone for 6 hours, much more than planned because we had a great time together and awesome sitters. (Good thing too, because Sunday ended up being a crazy day full of church meetings and nap strikes for the boys.) Hoping for 7x7 more years with my wonderful husband!

Marriage Jokes

Adam and Eve had the perfect marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about how well his mother cooked!

--

--

The wife says: You want
The wife means: You want

The wife says: We need
The wife means: I want

The wife says: It's your decision.
The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious.

The wife says: Do what you want.
The wife means: You'll pay for this later.

The wife says: We need to talk.
The wife means: I need to complain.

The wife says: Sure... go ahead.
The wife means: I don't want you to.

The wife says: I'm not upset.
The wife means: Of course I'm upset, you moron!

The wife says: Be romantic, turn out the lights.
The wife means: I have flabby thighs.

The wife says: I want new curtains.
The wife means: Also carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper!

The wife says: I'll be ready in a minute.
The wife means: Kick off your shoes and take an hour nap.

The wife says: Am I fat?
The wife means: Tell me I'm beautiful.

The wife says: You have to learn to communicate.
The wife means: Just agree with me.

The wife says: Are you listening to me?
The wife means: [Too late, you're doomed.]

The wife says: Yes
The wife means: No

The wife says: No
The wife means: No

The wife says: Maybe
The wife means: No

The wife says: Do you like this recipe?
The wife means: You better get used to it.

The wife says: Was that the baby?
The wife means: Get out of bed and rock him.

ahajokes.com

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(the rest are from ajokeaday.com)

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

--

Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is."

"Of course I do," he indignantly answered, going out the door on his way to the office.

At 10 a.m., the doorbell rang, and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long-stemmed red roses. At 1 p.m., a foil-wrapped, two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress.

The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home. "First the flowers, then the candy, and then the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never spent a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my whole life!"

--

Two husbands were discussing their married lives. Although happily married, they admitted that there were arguments sometimes. 

Chad said, “I’ve made one great discovery. I know how to always have the last word.”

“Wow!’ said Sherman, “how did you manage that?”

“It’s easy,” replied Chad. “My last word is always ‘Yes, Dear.’”

High School Sweethearts?

Sometimes I wonder whether or not Justin and I would have liked each other in high school had we gone to the same one. Justin says he would have liked me but I wouldn't have liked him; I say neither of us would have been interested in the other. Here's why:

Justin would not have liked me because

• high school wasn't my best-looking years, particularly in the fashion area.
• I was a snob.
• I had no idea how to act around boys.
• I was a nerd and his friends would have made fun of him.

I would not have liked Justin because

• I hated football players. Even if I had liked him I would have hated his friends (at least the ones at my high school, can't say about his). And I would have hated going to football games.
• he was a show-off.
• he was two years older than me and I didn't like guys more than a year older (or younger) than me back then.
• did I mention I hated football players?

Notice how all but one have to do with me and my attitude, not Justin? It's a good thing we met in college! Though I still hate football. ;)

Lindsey's Wedding

Last weekend I went to Nashville for my friend Lindsey's wedding. Lindsey and I met in middle school. We grew closer in high school, running track together and wreaking havoc in the library. Then she moved to Tennessee in tenth grade.

Lindsey, Kristen, Francine, Kaitlyn, me, Justin, Kara & Melanie (college roommates)

Me and Lindsey dancing at my wedding

We've kept in touch over the years through letters and Facebook. She visited again junior year and came out for my wedding and my 22nd birthday, where I first heard about her boyfriend, Michael. She got engaged to him last year. I was so excited and already planning around the big day. Then so many things happened the past year that I was afraid I couldn't afford to go. But I couldn't afford not to go either. This was a once-in-a-lifetime event of one of my best friends, who has always been there for me.

My 22nd birthday surprise!

Then a miracle happened: Southwest emailed me a great deal. I booked a flight, passed along the deal to my friend Francine, and told Lindsey the good news. Then Kaitlyn and Kristen decided to come too. I was so happy we all were going!

I flew out Saturday morning and arrived in the afternoon. We all got ready at the hotel and then drove to the wedding an hour away. It was cold and overcast but not raining, thankfully, since it was an outdoor wedding.

The wedding was intimate, romantic, and simple, with a beautiful variety of music. When Lindsey walked down the aisle, she was blind to everyone but her love waiting for her. Their first kiss as husband and wife was long and sweet. There is no doubt these two deeply love each other.

The bride and groom disappeared for pictures while the rest of us went into the hall for the reception. We ate and caught up with Lindsey's mom. When Lindsey and Michael returned, her mother snatched them away for us. I wanted to spend every possible moment I could with Lindsey. We finally let her go greet her other guests.

Next was the cake and some toasts. Although I managed to hold back tears during the ceremony, their first dance made me cry. The next song was also a slow song, making me miss Justin. Then dance music came on and the party really started. I have never seen Lindsey so outgoing and free! She was an unstoppable dance machine. We stole her for a few songs.

Finally dancing together again!

There was a break for the bouquet and garter. It was funny seeing Michael reach up Lindsey's dress. Actually, her entire interaction with him was fun to watch, because the Lindsey we knew never was interested in boys. It was also funny hearing the Southern accent she denies having!

We stayed until we were the only ones left besides the bridal party and clean-up crew. We lit some sparklers for the bride and groom to run through on their way out. The next day they were off to Rome.

We slept in and enjoyed a delicious lunch in the hotel restaurant. The girls dropped me off at the airport on their way to see downtown Nashville. It was a great weekend with my best friends. And it was great to see and reconnect with Lindsey; we want to have a girls' trip next year in Vegas!

Five-Year Anniversary

Friday we celebrated our five-year anniversary. We went to a restaurant called Warren's Jazz Bistro that had a live jazz band. On the way there we saw a double rainbow in the sky!

The food and band were ok, but the experience as a whole was great. We danced to 3 songs: a slow song, a triple swing, and a cha-cha. It was fun to be dancing again even though we are really rusty! Unfortunately, we didn't get any photos of us, which is a bummer because we looked really nice.

Saturday we took Caden to the aquarium. He loved it and didn't want to leave! (He just saw these photos and is really upset because he wants to go back now!)

Yesterday we had the missionaries over for dinner (along with Adam and Kirsten, of course) for the first time since we've been married. The boys swapped funny mission stories. Pretty crazy stuff!

Opposites

Mini golfing in St. George, January 2008.

When I think of lovers meeting for the first time, I imagine them at a mutually enjoyed activity, such as a concert or art fair, or being introduced by mutual friends dying to get them together. They hit it off and walk off into the sunset doing those hobbies and hanging out with their friends together.

That's not quite how it went down for me and my hubby. My husband and I are the epitome of opposites attracting. He grew up in the boonies of Wisconsin, outside of Green Bay. He's a jock and huge Packers fan. He likes punk rock and rap, junk food, and action movies, and his friends are usually jocks and their cheerleader wives. I, on the other hand, grew up in the suburbs of San Diego, raised by parents from New York but influenced by California life. I love watching plays and ballets, reading books, exercising, and generally eating healthy. I'm not into team sports, and my friends are usually more academic and creative.

Sometimes I wonder how in the world we got married and have stayed married. It has been a challenge finding things to do that we both enjoy. (At first it was a lot of movies, bowling, and miniature golfing.) But it has been a challenge that has brought us together and expanded our interests. For example, our first Valentine's Day as a married couple my husband bought us tickets to a ballet. He also took ballroom dance classes when we first started dating so he wouldn't have to watch me dance with other guys, and he discovered he was good at and enjoyed it. I took a beginning golf class, found out I liked it, and played and practiced golf with my husband.

I still don't like football and Justin probably won't watch ballet again (unless it's our daughters dancing), but that's ok. We've found plenty of things to do together and with other couples we both like--now if only we can find the money to do them!

Sweet & Simple Valentine's Day

For Valentine's Day, we invited my husband's brother and wife and another couple for a romantic dinner and dessert at our place, no kids. I decorated simply for lack of time and played some big band swing.

We all dressed up as if we were going out for a night on the town.

We have a special table my husband's grandfather made: it has a griddle in the middle. We made meat and vegetables dipped in a secret-family-recipe Asian sauce.

Next we played The Newlywed Game and we won! Yes, I wrote the quiz, but I promise I picked questions that I didn't know the answer to. The truth is we didn't do awesome, the other couples just did worse than we did.

We finished the night with some simple chocolate fondue. The night was a great success of free fun for everyone!

How to Show Affection

Whether you are married or still dating, showing affection will enhance your relationship by bringing trust, happiness, love, and romance. Here are fourteen (for Valentine's Day) simple ways you can show affection:

(one of our engagement photos)

• Hold hands when you are walking or sitting together.
• Gently stroke the other's cheek.
• Run your fingers through each other's hair, especially when kissing.
• Softly rub the back, arm, or neck of the person driving.
• Give each other a massage.
• Vary your hugs: give big goodbye hugs; sweet, comforting hugs; and cuddly, playful hugs.
• Kiss each other sweetly on the cheek, hand, or head.
• Cuddle with each other on the couch, in the car, at the movie theater, in bed, etc.
• Smile at each other throughout the day.
• Look at each other with love and admiration.
• Speak to each other in calm, happy tones.
• Say kind and loving words to each other, such as “I love you,” “God blessed me with a great husband/wife,” or “Thank you.”
• Compliment each other.
• Men, be chivalrous. Women, praise your men in public.

How to Date Your Husband

Women are not the only ones who like to be chased. Your man wants to know he’s still exciting to you. Bring back the fun of dating into your marriage with these simple yet meaningful steps.

1. Make sure that your date idea is something he enjoys, not something you enjoy or would like him to do for you. Thinking about his interests and being willing to do them shows him how much you love him.
2. Be prepared. If the activity is something you are not very familiar with, such as golf, ask his buddies for help on setting a tee time and going over basic rules. Your husband will very impressed that you put in time to understand his interests.
3. Ask him questions about the specific interest your date focuses on. For example, if you took him to see his favorite band play and you don’t know much about them, ask him when he first started listening to them or what his favorite song is.
4. Be on your best behavior: no bringing up things about him that are bothering you or talking about your day or interests. Flirt with him throughout the date to keep it romantic and fun.
5. End the date with a surprise, especially something related to the date, such as new golf balls or tickets to the next concert. He will feel that you are supporting him in his interests, reassuring him of your love and encouraging him to do the same for you.

Fourteen Valentine's Day Date Ideas

photo by P. Szczepanski

Valentine's Day is coming soon! Are you prepared? If you need help thinking of a creative date idea for Valentine's Day, here are some fun suggestions:

<3 Scrapbook romantic events in your relationship: first date, first kiss, first Valentine's Day, engagement, marriage, children, etc. If you're not scrapbookers, then read journal or blog entries about those events or look at photos of them and discuss how you remember it and how you felt.

<3 Buy finger food and feed each other. Good foods are fancy crackers with cheese, fruit, chocolate, and candy. Or you can make a cheese or chocolate fondue.

<3 Take a ballroom dance class together. Many dance studios offer great introductory specials.

<3 Go to a dollar store or thrift store and buy a gift for each other without spending more than a couple dollars.

<3 Get your favorite picture of you two together printed, framed, and hung up in your home. If you don't have a picture, have a photo shoot. Dress up nice, go to a beautiful or meaningful place, and have someone photograph you.

<3 Take a short walk or hike and end it with a romantic picnic. You can also bring along a book to read together, a portable DVD player and a movie, a frisbee, or a card game.

<3 Do something active: rollerblade, bike, exercise, dance, play sports, bowl, surf, snowboard, rock climb, etc. End it with a shower together, massage, food, and a movie related to the activity.

<3 Play a how-well-do-you-know-me game. Ask questions about each other and write down what you think the other person would say. At the end, share your answers. Whoever gets the most correct answers wins.

<3 Write poetry for each other using different themes and formats, such as romantic, silly, rhyming, limerick, haiku, Shakespearean, etc.

<3 If you have kids, do something you don't normally get to do or don't get to enjoy as much, such as eating out; going to the movies; attending a concert, play, or sporting event; shopping; or going to the zoo, aquarium, or museum.

<3 Plan a culture-themed date, such as a French date. Eat French food, watch a movie taking place in France, and learn how to say simple words and phrases in French. Other cultures include Japanese (learn karate moves, visit a Japanese garden, make a stir fry, and eat with chopsticks) or Hawaiian (wear Hawaiian shirts and leis, learn hula dancing, listen to Hawaiian music, and eat tropical fruit).

<3 Read together at the library or a bookstore. Check out or buy a book you both like and continue reading it together before bed.

<3 Camp out in the backyard or living room. Eat marshmallows and hotdogs, tell scary stories, and gaze at the stars. Then cuddle all night!

<3 Do service together: babysit so someone else can go out for Valentine's Day, bake cookies for a friend, volunteer at a hospital or homeless shelter, do yard work for a neighbor, etc.

Whatever you do for Valentine's Day, make it stress free. Enjoy the time you have together and strengthen your love.

How to Stop Nagging Your Husband

The new year is just around the corner--time to think of resolutions. I am the queen of nagging and want to dethrone myself this year. The following advice I have gathered from numerous resources to help me in my quest to stop nagging my husband:

When the hubby first comes home...

1. Greet him with a smile, hug or kiss, and hello.
2. Ask him about his day (unless he's not the talking type).
3. Avoid talking about your day until after he has shared his and has settled in.
4. Give him 20-60 minutes to relax before asking him to do anything.

When you need something done...

1. Ask rather than command.
2. Use a friendly tone of voice. If you sound mad, he will feel resentful and not do it or do it with attitude.
3. Give him time to do it.
4. If it isn't done within that time, remind him much later rather than right away. If it is something that needs to be done immediately, explain so he knows why. Ex: "Could you please take out the garbage as soon as possible? There is rotten food in it, stinking up the house and attracting bugs."

After he does what you ask...

1. Thank him sincerely and enthusiastically.
2. If he didn't do it perfectly, focus on what he did right. Then the next time he does that thing, remind him specifically what you want done.
3. Let time pass before asking him to do something else. If he views this as interruptive or inefficient, then group small requests together.
4. Do something he requests in return.