List of Wario: Master of Disguise quotes

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This is a list of quotes from Wario: Master of Disguise.

Carpaccio

• "Hey, looky what the cat dragged in! Carpaccio didn't expect company here!"
• "So, you're Cannoli, huh?"
• "What...seriously? Purple Wind? That's your name? Crazytown!"
• "I assumed that a...professional...had been following me."
• "Well, sorry about the museum then. I left all those booby traps for Cannoli."
• "Huh? Oh, yeah, that. Yeah, that was me."
• "I thought that museum smelled stanky! It was you! Wow, buddy. Shower much?"
• "Hang on a sec. Did I just hear you complaining that I stole YOUR treasure?"
• "You know what separates the Whiners from the winners? Results. And I get 'em."
• "Listen, friend, I just got there first."
• "Nothing personal. Just business, right?"
• "Don't you agree?"
• "Look, buddy! When you got a mind like a steel trap like mine..."
• "Plus the coldest heart in the biz...and fan-freakin'-tastic hair like this..."
• "Then maybe we'll talk more. Until then, you're wastin' my time."
• "Look me up someday when you're tired of being a loser, Purple Wind."
• "Got business to attend to up the road. See ya."
• "Hey, slick. You made it. The name, again, is Carpaccio..."
• "Car, as in "car, " and I got a great one. Pac, as in "posh, " which my mansion is."
• "Cio, which rhymes with "BO, " which is what you got. Seriously, take a shower!"
• "Now there's something I didn't see earlier...that wand!"
• "So it IS you, Cannoli! This whole idiotic Purple Wind routine was just a ruse!"
• "Well done! I applaud you, Cannoli! Let me unmask myself then."
• "I head up the global corporation called Sigil Securities. Heard our slogan?"
• "We're hard at work watching your back...That way it's easier to pick your pocket!"
• "Get' em, guys!"
• "Respect? He laughed in the face of Sigil Securities! So you're BOTH going down!"
• "You must face the cold, hard facts. One: I'm a winner. Two: you're a whiner."
• "Tuning me out , are you? Then we must have a meeting of the minds..."
• "You'll see things MY way! I eat guys like you for breakfast!"
• "Yum!"
• "H-how can it be? I lost to this lowlife? And I now see...he's not even Cannoli..."
• "My bad. I seem to have underestimated you."
• "I won't make that mistake twice."
• "Next time, I will totally consume you!"

Count Cannoli

• "I blow through like the gentlest breeze, then steal in with the greatest of ease!"
• "Think I'm a threat? I'd have to concur! Lock your doors! I'm the Silver Zephyr!"
• "Now...to business! What a luxurious ship! I shall steal its most dazzling treasures!"
• "Oh, my aching... Who...who are you?"
• "Oh! And that's MY wand! Give it back! Relinquish it NOW!"
• "Star? No! You're nobody! Hey! Don't wave that!"
• "P-Purple Wind?! You're a thief, too?"
• "HA! I'm superior to you! Even without that wand!"
• "Wait, no! Oh, my wand! Come back! I really didn't mean it!"
• "H-Hey! What a foul man! Bring back my wand!"
• "Oh, I'll strike when you least expect it...thief!"
• "Last warning! Give that wand back!"
• "The wand you hold in your filthy hand..."
• "It's served my family for generations!"
• "I'd be shamed beyond belief if I lost it! So give it back to me! Immediately!"
• "Without it, I can't turn into the Silver Zephyr, a thief feared by all!"
• "And I'll be stuck as myself...the utterly boring Count Cannoli...forever and ever!"
• "You musn't steal my wand! Or steal my FAME!"
• "I've got you now!"
• "Hoodlum! Return my wand!"
• "You're a slippery one..."
• "But I'll get you soon!"
• "Hmmm. Maybe you do have the heart of a thief."
• "But, Wario, you're no Silver Zephyr!"
• "Are you kidding? It reeks of inelegance!"
• "And YOU'RE the dumb one! Just try to survive!"
• "I've booby-trapped this whole ship already!"
• "Give me back my wand and I'll let you escape."
• "Well then, I shall dog your heels, you amateur."
• "Well, Wario... You've survived a few traps."
• "That's the last straw! No one insults Cannoli!"
• "It's time to take back my wand. And my honor!"
• "No, it can't be..."
• "W-w-wait! You just want treasure, right?!"
• "I can help you steal every bit of it from this ship!"
• "You have my word! Just give me my wand back!"
• "My family honor depends on keeping that wand!"
• "It goes WAY back in my family...to my great-, great-, great..."
• "So I hear. But I can tell that you're...not interested."
• "You're kidding?! I mean...thank you."
• "What a fool. That wand is priceless."
• "I'll just string him along for now."
• "Purple Wind, you'll soon breathe your last..."

Goodstyle

• "Ah, not so hard, sir! Old Goodstyle begs you!"
• "Oh, my! A NEW master! At your service, sir!"
• "AH, yes, my new master! And I am known as...Goodstyle!"
• "With merely a wave and a flourish, I've remade all of my masters!"
• "Oh, I've changed paupers into princes! And I've turned zeroes into heroes!"
• "I've even helped many former masters, such as HIM, turn into a master thief!"
• "So whoever you really want to be... Goodstyle is at your service!"
• "Ah, but I've jabbered so. Let me simply show you!"
• "Good day, sir! Care to learn the secrets of thievery? Check out how to suit up. Oh! Check! So funny!"
• "When disguised as Thief Wario, you can leap to tremendous heights, much like a cat burglar!"
• "You should leap at every opportunity that comes your way! Your acrobatics are as quick as my puns!"
• "You also possess a power that's rare among thieves: assault and battery! Fits you well, sir!"
• "Bash anything that gets in your way! Put the "break" into breaking and entering!"
• "If you ever need me to explain this all again, simply pause the action! I'll be delighted to assist!"
• "But do you know how to open it?"
• "What a novel way for a thief to open chests!"
• "But it won't work, sir. They're too tough."
• "Go get a closer look. I'll help pry it open."
• "Indeed! I'll always tell you when we can begin."
• "I'll use a picture to keep it short and sweet!"
• "See? We're ready! Touch it to start!"
• "Give it a try, sir! But first..."
• "Hear me out, just a moment longer!"
• "No, sir. I want every gem you find!"
• "They're... They're...so delectable!"
• "But more importantly, they're all Guise Gems!"
• "Yes! The more I eat, the more disguises I make!"
• "I can tell you're not going to like this..."
• "Sir! If I may explain! If I eat those gems..."
• "I can disguise you in ways that will help!"
• "You can go more places with more disguises!"
• "While your Thief Wario disguise will help..."
• "More disguises will give you many more powers!"
• "Think of it as an investment, sir!"
• "I'll note your disguises on the upper screen."
• "Eventually, you'll have quite a few of them!"
• "Each gives you powers to start with..."
• "Then superpowers after I get the right Mastery Gem."
• "The Thief Wario outfit never upgrades, however!"
• "Whew! Now go pry open that chest..."
• "I think there's a tasty Guise Gem inside!"
• "Cosmic Wario, low gravity awaits you! To suit up for service, draw a helmet on your head!"
• "Cosmic Wario has the power of laser fire! Isn't technology magnificent? Try it! What straight shots!"
• "Ah, and may I shoot from the hips with more ideas? Fire the laser at ropes and switches, too!"
• "Spot on, sir! Attack the bag to get its coins!"
• "Use different attacks to see which work best!"
• "Ah, let me fill you in on a little detail about Count Cannoli, sir!"
• "The Cannoli family also has access to a stockpile of high-tech trickery!"
• "Good thing all of the machines have serious weaknesses!"
• "Use your disguises and attacks to take advantage of the flaws!"
• "I'll give you hints in the lower-left corner. Now good luck! I'm rooting for you, sir!"
• "It appears the she-demon has fled to the underworld."
• "Terrormisu met her match, thanks to you! She has fled our world at long last!"
• "So perhaps...after all these years...my job is finally done."

Narrator

• "We join Wario as he's searching his...er, mind...for ways to get rich."
• "Our unlikely hero is about to be struck by inspiration from TV..."
• "Ah, poor guy. And isn't that just the problem! Wario still isn't rich."
• "A popular TV show about a master thief comes on the air..."
• "In this show, a somewhat ordinary fellow walks up to a luxury liner..."
• "Though Wario was trash-talking the TV thief, he really was insanely jealous."
• "Wario keeps watching, drooling at the thought of being a master thief."
• "And then it happened! The thief transformed! Wario drooled even more!"
• "Yes, Wario had come up with one of his...er, brilliant ideas."
• "Wario enters his secret HQ...er, back room, to make something."
• "What a racket! What in the world is this idea Wario's come up with?"

Wario

• "Bah! No treasure leads on the news!"
• "Hmmm? What's this?"
• "Who's this thief? This show looks good! Good way to kill an hour, at least!"
• "This chump is a thief?"
• "How's he gonna steal anything if he's dressed like such a bonehead?"
• "Bah! I want in on the action! This guy ain't worthy!"
• "Blech! What is this?! Amateur hour? If only... Yeah!! I got an idea!"
• "I'm a genius! I'm so good I scare myself!"
• "Yeah! It's done!!"
• "Ta-dah!"
• "If that moron can be on TV, so can I! I was born to be on the boob tube!"
• "Behold the Telmet!"
• "Television! Teleportin'! And, uh, it's a helmet."
• "Let's fire this baby up!"
• "It's meeee! On TeeeVeeee!"
• "Whadda entrance! And for my big break in TV, too!"
• "It worked! I'm a genius! I'm on that dork's show!"
• "Hey, and ain't THAT extra-lucky! That Silver Heifer guy dropped his wand!"
• "Don't know what this wand is good for, but at least I can scratch my back with it!"
• "Or wait...it's good for somethin', right, shmancy-pants?"
• "Who am I? ME?! I'm the star of this here show now...Wario!"
• "Do I gotta beat it into your head? I'm Wario!"
• "Wow! A talking wand! And it calls ME sir?!"
• "Check out these duds! Now all's I need is a fancy name like the Silver Zipper..."
• "Umm... Lemme see, I could be... No, that's not it. Maybe... Ha! Got it!!"
• "The Purple Wind! Yes! Silent but deadly!"
• "Good! Cuz you're not getting Goodstyle back!"
• "Ah, bug off already! OK, Goodstyle..."
• "Now that I'm all geared up, let's bust this ship open!"
• "My first chest!"
• "This Purple Wind stuff is already paying off!"
• "Wha-! Oh, Goodstyle... It's you."
• "These puny chests? I'll smash 'em open!"
• "Then what do I gotta do?"
• "Close enough for ya?"
• "Spit it out! You want my autograph?"
• "Guise Gems?"
• "Who cares?!! This thief getup is good enough!"
• "I'm keepin' all gems for myself. For ME!"
• "Help Wario find MORE treasure?"
• "I don't like the idea of losing treasure. But..."
• "Count Cannoli? What a dumb name! Look who's a nobody now!"
• "You're not getting this wand back!"
• "Not gonna happen, chump!"
• "What have we here?! A sack of cash!"
• "What a dumb thief name! Purple Wind is better!"
• "LET ME?!"
• "I'll LET YOU keep that fancy hat, how's that?!"
• "Traps? Those explosions? Thought I had gas? HA!"
• "You fancy-pants freak! Just try it, Cannoli!"
• "SMELL IT!"
• "Silent but deadly! Smell the Purple Wind!"
• "Bye, loser! I'm off to get rich!"
• "This wand...instead of ALL the treasure?"
• "Can it, Cannoli! Boo-hoo! Cry me a river! I don't care how great your family is!"
• "I just want treasure! And lots of it! Hmm...you think there's a ton of it here?"
• "Trying to read my mind, Cannoli? Don't bother! You'll find NOTHING!"
• "But you got a deal. You help me get treasure. I give you the wand."
• "Another piece of the Wishstone! About time that thing showed up!"
• "What the... Whaaaaa! My tablet!"
• "Hey, fertilizer-breath, that's mine! Give it back!"
• "STUPID FLOWER!!!"
• "You talk too much! Outta my way, Carp-head!"
• "What is that jerk doing?!"
• "Now, you second-rate demon! Grant my wish!"
• "Come back here, coward! Grant my wish!!"

Terrormisu

• "Please, m'lord! Stop! I'd be devastated if you burned your sweet bacon!"
• "Today's no day to be touring the caves, m'lord!You'll be burned to crispy bits!"
• "Sweatmore Peak is churning with lava! Thank the stars I warned you in time!"
• "Just a few steps farther and you'd have broken through the magma crust!"
• "My name is unimportant! What matters is that you're safe!"
• "No one can pass through the mountain's bowels to reach the other side now."
• "Why did those men install that infernal crater-tapping machine? Woe is us!"
• "I can't be certain, m'lord! With all that lava in there...?"
• "You're not thinking of braving the crater, are you? Heaven Forbid!"
• "Oh, catch me! I may faint! When you said that--wow!! You made me swoon!"
• "You really mustn't go! But...if you must , find the Sweatmore Hotpants."
• "Oh, what am I saying? You mustn't go! But...if you do, that gear will protect you."
• "I shall simply DIE if you go! But one last thing: the basic Hotpants have limits!"
• "Oh, Mr. Purple Wind!! Pardon me, m'lord!"
• "You survived Sweatmore Peak! I was so scared for your safety!"
• "You mustn't scare me like that again! I couldn't bear to lose you!"
• "If there are hazards ahead, you must promise me that you won't face them!"
• "Please, no, m'lord! You mustn't go to places like...oh, just as an example..."
• "...Blowhole Castle ahead! Even if it holds riches beyond reason!"
• "If you must, I shall go too! You see, it's a haunted castle, and I can help!"
• "The royal family that dwells there shares its quarters with ghostly guests!"
• "You'll see ghosts floating everywhere, often as harmless, insubstantial shades!"
• "Harmless...until you use a spirit switch, which makes ghostly entities very real!"
• "Oh, the horror! So don't touch those switches. Even YOU can't be that brave!"
• "Oh, m'lord! May I please help? Pretty please? With sugar on top?"
• "Oh, my! I can sense...such sadness! The spirits living in this castle are near!"
• "My purple and windy lord, it's the honest truth! Let me commune with them!"
• "Oh...yes...and... Oh, my... I see..."
• "These dearly departed creatures! They're missing one of their friends!"
• "It breaks my heart! M'lord, that's why they're all gathered here..."
• "They'll leave, and let us through, if we bring back the missing spirit."
• "Oh, I may weep! Please hold me if I cry! Their joy is overflowing! They're relieved"
• "M'lord! I believe that an...unusual power is holding it shut."
• "M'lord, fear not! Focus your efforts on overwhelming Stuffy the 64th!"
• "He's invulnerable on the water, so try to get him on solid ground!"
• "If you attack him out of the water, it may just fluster him to the point that..."
• "...his concentration may weaken, and he'll lose his hold on the door!"
• "When that happens, I'll pop open the door before he can shut it again!"
• "M'lord, you trounced him! Oh, what excitement! I knew you'd do it!"
• "No! It can't end! They're getting away!"
• "I'll catch up with you, Purple Wind! Then you'll get what's coming to you..."
• "Where are my manners?! I never told you my name!"
• "If you couldn't tell, I'm sugar and spice, and everything nice...plus sprinkles!"
• "I'm Tiaramisu! Nice to make your acquaintance at long last!"
• "You say the nicest things, sweetie!"
• "But, I'm afraid that we part ways here, my silent and deadly lord."
• "I can go no farther. Not with my current power."
• "Please be careful, dearest one. I feel HIS presence again. proceed...if you must!"
• "Fabulous! The moment has finally arrived after so very, very long!"
• "Oh, my foolish and fumbling lord! You've released me! I'm free as a bird!!"
• "Yes, m'lord! It IS me! Or is it?! I sort of fibbed about my name, you see."
• "It's not Tiaramisu. I'm not that sweet."
• "It's Terrormisu! Fear me, you fools!"
• "I simply must thank you for releasing me! Or should I say...unleashing me!"
• "What a perfect gentleman you've been, helping me ever since Sweatmore Peak!"
• "Fortunatelly, Sweatmore Peak is a nexus of dark power. It helped me...manifest."
• "Though I was sealed in the Wishstone, I could still reach out to m'lord here!"
• "Call a lady a monster, will you? You cad! HE'S the fiend! Right, my dear Wario?"
• "So impatient, m'lord! Savor this moment! The best is yet to come!"
• "Wheee! I'm giddier than a queen rolling in caviar! Let's have some REAL fun!"
• "M'lord, just for FUN, let's take a look at the writing that's on the Wishstone!"
• "I'm sure you've seen bits and pieces, but the story in full is quite different!"
• "if I may interrupt, m'lord?! Yes, it was NOT a Wishstone at all!"
• "It was certainly not MY wish to be sealed away for so many years!"
• "So many greedy men have tried to collect the tablets over the years."
• "Of course, this demon you see before you welcomed their efforts!"
• "But every time someone...somewhere...tried to collect the tablets...
• "That Cannoli fellow and his irritating family always got in the way!"
• "And if it wasn't the Cannoli clan, it was that meddling Carpaccio family!"
• "Both families...for ages...have kept the tablets from coming together!!"
• "But this lovely demon you see before you has finally made her comeback."
• "And I owe it all to the Purple Wind! My dearest, darling Wario!"
• "I'm famished! I could devour a hundred souls! Hmm...how about an appetizer?"
• "Who should I start with...?"
• "That Cannoli clan really ticks me off! I'll crush you ALL like cockroaches!"
• "But revenge on an empty stomach? I'll snack on YOU like a candy bar first!"
• "Boo-hoo-hoo! Waaaah! You're so mean! I hurt all over!"
• "You trip up a lady AND you want me to grant your wish?!"
• "Who's the mean one NOW?!"
• "Well, if it isn't m'lord! Tee hee!"
• "Both of you...here in one place! I'm the luckiest girl in the world!"
• "Don't be like that! Didn't we have good times?!"
• "Truth is, I'll be going back just as soon as I've finished my business here."
• "On my way back to my dimension, I dropped my best gown and my glasses."
• "They're somewhere in this garden. I'll give a gift to whoever finds it first!"
• "What, you ask?? The most beautiful gem from my dimension, is all!"
• "Even after all that's happened between us, I can still count on you...m'lord"
• "And I will be true to my word. Here's the most beautiful gem from my dimension!"
• "Truly, I am the most beautiful gem from my dimension! Or, so it's said."
• "Come be with me! Let us go together to my world!"
• "With your brains and my brawn, I'm sure that we'll seize and conquer it all!"
• "Wh-where are you off to?! Wait for me...my Purple Wind!"