A life in pictures

Milhouse
The Simpsons

Age: 6-11
Role: Hanger on.
Identical Traits: Nerdy, Glasses, best friend with cool kid, walkie talkies, mother fixation, stuffed animal

The nerd who thought they were cool. I hung around with the cool kids, but on reflection, I was probably just their slave.

Oliver Twist
Oliver!

Age: 11-12
Role: Confused outsider
Identical Traits: Street urchin, pale, In a world I wasn't made for, quiet, scared.

I went into a high achieving convent school full of middle class girls who had been learning French since they were 2. Having come from the ghetto, I spent the first few years of school like a rabbit in the headlights.

The Artful Dodger
Oliver!

Age: 13-18
Role: Loveable Rouge
Identical Traits: Street urchin, Cockney, Laugh-a-minute, Cheeky.

I soon realised that my working class routes were some what of a commodity among the middle-classers and cut my niche as the joker/cockney rogue.

Withnail
Withnail & I

Age: 19-23
Role: Very English drunkard.
Identical Traits: Fully stocked wine rack, vast knowledge of liqueurs, annihilated liver, Thespian aspirations, unfounded snobbery, manipulative.

Too much of my time is spent in wine bars and pubs or drinking Co-op Prosecco in inappropriate places. I have also tried rubbing myself in deep heat to keep out the cold.

Lee Holloway
Secretary

Age: Mid to late 20s
Role: Sexually deviant colleague
Identical Traits: Easily manipulated, sex crazed, power hungry, middle of the road job.

As I settle into a proper long term career, this is inevitable for me, considering how easily I get bored and my attraction to authority figures.

Susanna Kaysen
Girl Interrupted

Age: Early 30s
Role: Sectioned nutter
Identical Traits: On the fringe on sanity, underlying bitterness, prescription drug dependency

It seems a fair assumption that at some point I will be sectioned by my family, albeit short term.

Sally Owens
Practical Magic

Age: Mid 30s
Role: Loner hippy/witch
Identical Traits: Inner hippy, outer consumerist, country lover, amateur gardener

I'll head out to the country about this time and get in touch with my inner gypsy, maybe crack out a potion or two.

Morticia Addams
The Addams Family

Age: Late 30s
Role: Odd ball
Identical Traits: Wears too much black, social deviant, macabre, invulnerable to pain

Late in life, I will settle down with an odd-ball gentleman and go ahead and have some equally odd children.

Molly Weasley
Harry Potter

Age: 40s
Role: Reproducer
Identical Traits: Sewing Skills, mollycoddling, fertility, love of kettles

Family bliss will ensue, as many children as possible under one roof, large stews for dinner and gnomes in the back garden.

Auntie Annie
East is East

Age: 50s +
Role: Old wife
Identical Traits: Gossip, Wall Leaner, Commoner

The remainder of my life will be spent gossiping with chums over back garden walls, going on pensioner weekend breaks and making the most of an endless amount of free time.