Vetinari Quotes

“I believe you find life such a problem because you think there are good people and bad people. You're wrong, of course. There are, always and only, the bad people, but some of them are on opposite sides.”
― Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

“If per capita was a problem, decapita could be arranged”
― Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man

“...one day when I was a young boy on holiday in Uberwald I was walking along the bank of a stream when I saw a mother otter with her cubs. A very endearing sight, I'm sure you'll agree, and even as I watched, the mother otter dived into the water and came up with a plump salmon, which she subdued and dragged onto a half submerged log. As she ate it, while of course it was still alive, the body split and I remember to this day the sweet pinkness of its roes as they spilled out, much to the delight of the baby otters, who scrambled over themselves to feed on the delicacy. One of nature's wonders, gentlemen. Mother and children dining upon mother and children. And that is when I first learned about evil. It is built into the very nature of the universe. Every world spins in pain. If there is any kind of supreme being, I told myself, it is up to all of us to become his moral superior.”
― Terry Pratchett, Unseen Academicals

“We can't just drop everything, sir!"
"Mister Lipwig. Is there something in the word 'tyrant' you do not understand?”
― Terry Pratchett, Raising Steam

“Moist waited. Lord Vetinari could outstare a statue and make even a statue start to feel nervous and confess. Moist's counter was a fetching grin, which he knew annoyed Vetinari beyond measure, and there was absolute silence in the Oblong Office while blank stare and cheery grin battled it out for supremacy in some other dimension.”
― Terry Pratchett, Raising Steam

“Oh, that's just Thud! That's easy!" yapped a voice.

Both men turned to look at Horsefry, who had been made perky by sheer relief.

"I used to play it when I was a kid," he burbled. It's boring. The dwarfs always win!"

Gilt and Vetinari shared a look. It said: While I loathe you and every aspect of your personal philosophy to a depth unplummable by any line, I'll credit you at least with not being Crispin Horsefry.”
― Terry Pratchett, Going Postal

“I have to ask, sir...Why does it have to be done like this?"
Vetinari smiled. "Can you keep a secret, Mister Lipwig?"
"Oh, yes, sir. I've kept lots."
"Capital. And the point is, so can I. You do not need to know.”
― Terry Pratchett, Raising Steam

“Men marched away, Vimes. And men marched back. How glorious the battles would have been that they never had to fight!”
― Terry Pratchett, Jingo

“We play and are played and the best we can hope for is to do it with style.”
― Terry Pratchett, Unseen Academicals

“He didn't administer a reign of terror, just the occasional light shower.”
― Terry Pratchett, Sourcery

“One of my predecessors used to have people torn to death by wild tortoises. It was not a quick death.”
― Terry Pratchett

“It’s bad enough barging into Guild property, but we’ll get into really serious trouble if we shoot anyone. Lord Vetinari won’t stop at sarcasm. He might use’ - Colon swallowed - ‘irony.”
― Terry Pratchett, Men at Arms

“You see, the only thing the good people are good at is overthrowing the bad people. And you're good at that, I'll grant you. But the trouble is it's the only thing you're good at. One day it's the ringing of the bells and the casting down of the evil tyrant, and the next it's everyone sitting around complaining that ever since the tyrant was overthrown no one's been taking out the trash. Because the bad people know how to plan. It's part of the specification, you might say. Every evil tyrant has a plan to rule the world. The good people don't seem to have the knack.”
― Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

“But I did not return until half past four this morning and I distinctly remember stubbing my toe on the stairs. I am as drunk as a skunk, Drumknott, which of course means skunks are just as drunk as I. I must say the term is unfamiliar to me, and I had not thought hitherto of skunks in this context, but Mustrum Ridcully was kind enough to enlighten me.”
― Terry Pratchett, Unseen Academicals

“Mister Lipwig, the world lives between those who say it cannot be done and those who say that it can. And in my experience, those who say that it can be done are usually telling the truth. It's just a matter of thinking creatively.”
― Terry Pratchett, Raising Steam

“And in this doleful mood he ventured to wonder if they ever thought back to when things were just old-fangled or not fangled at all as against the modern day when fangled had reached its apogee. Fangling was indeed, he thought, here to stay. Then he wondered: had anyone ever thought of themselves as a fangler?”
― Terry Pratchett, Raising Steam

“I think it is just a matter of getting into the mind of the writer,” Vetinari went on, looking at a letter covered with grubby fingerprints and what looked like the remains of someone’s breakfast. He added: “In some cases, I imagine, there is a lot of room.”
― Terry Pratchett, Making Money

“İnsanlar, iyi yönetim ve herkes için adalet istediklerini sanıyorlar. Ama içten içe istedikleri ne biliyor musun? Yalnızca, her şeyin olağan bir şekilde devam etmesi ve yarının da hemen hemen bugün gibi olması...”
― Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay