Art Buchwald Quotes

Quotes about:

• Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.

  Art Buchwald

  Inspirational, Time, Acceptance

  CNN Newsroom With Kyra Phillips and Don Lemon, transcripts.cnn.com. November 02, 2006.

  56 Copy quote

• This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.

  Art Buchwald

  Time, Government, Easy

  1987 Speech to international meeting of satirists and cartoonists. Reported in the NewYork Times, 28 Jun.

  29 Copy quote

• The things that matter most are not things.

  Art Buchwald

  Humor, Deep Thought, Matter

  32 Copy quote

• We seem to be going through a period of nostalgia, and everyone seems to think yesterday was better than today. I don't think it was, and I would advise you not to wait ten years before admitting today was great. If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.

  Art Buchwald

  Past, Thinking, Years

  44 Copy quote

• There isn't a child who hasn't gone out into the brave new world who eventually doesn't return to the old homestead carrying a bundle of dirty clothes.

  Art Buchwald

  Inspirational, Teenage, Children

  Art Buchwald (1986). “"You can fool all of the people all the time"”, Fawcett Books

  57 Copy quote

• An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.

  Art Buchwald

  Money, Men, Making Love

  19 Copy quote

• If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.

  Art Buchwald

  Long, Enough, Members

  The International Herald Tribune, May 24, 1989.

  31 Copy quote

• You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.

  Art Buchwald

  Love, Life, Relationship

  The New York Times Book Review Interview in 1985. Quoted in "Pundits, Poets, and Wits: An Omnibus of American Newspaper Columns‎" by Karl Ernest Meyer, p. 308, 1990.

  30 Copy quote

• And Man created the plastic bag and the tin and aluminum can and the cellophane wrapper and the paper plate, and this was good because Man could then take his automobile and buy all his food in one place and He could save that which was good to eat in the refrigerator and throw away that which had no further use. And soon the earth was covered with plastic bags and aluminum cans and paper plates and disposable bottles and there was nowhere to sit down or walk, and Man shook his head and cried: "Look at this Godawful mess.

  Art Buchwald

  Nature, Men, Aluminum Cans

  33 Copy quote

• People who live in glass houses have to wash their windows all the time.

  Art Buchwald

  Glasses, People, House

  Art Buchwald (1986). “"You can fool all of the people all the time"”, Fawcett Books

  70 Copy quote

• I don't know whether this is the best of times or the worst of times, but I assure you it's the only time you've got. You can either sit on your expletive deleted or pick a daisy.

  Art Buchwald

  Reality, Daisies, Accepting

  10 Copy quote

• I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.

  Art Buchwald

  Class, Directors, Looks

  18 Copy quote

• Every once in a while your world stands still... There are certain friendships that are so important they leave a mark on you long after the person is gone.

  Art Buchwald

  Friendship, Long, Important

  19 Copy quote

• Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week

  Art Buchwald

  School, Night, Government

  5 Copy quote

• Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, "I am not a crook." Jimmy Carter says, "I have lusted after women in my heart." President Reagan says, "I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope."

  Art Buchwald

  Taken, Writing, Heart

  "TIME" Magazine, September 29, 1986.

  7 Copy quote

• Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.

  Art Buchwald

  Suicide, Two, Mind

  Art Buchwald (2006). “Too Soon to Say Goodbye”, p.37, Random House

  15 Copy quote

• Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and drowned herself. What would you do? Go back for a masters?

  Art Buchwald

  Beautiful, Girl, Mother

  17 Copy quote

• I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?

  Art Buchwald

  Real, Ideas, Firsts

  11 Copy quote

• The best things in life aren't things.

  Art Buchwald

  Love, Inspirational, Life

  96 Copy quote

• This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.

  Art Buchwald

  Keys, House, Remember

  17 Copy quote

• Tax reform is taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven't been taxed before.

  Art Buchwald

  Past, Reform, Taxation

  Art Buchwald (1963). “I Chose Capitol Punishment”

  11 Copy quote

• This is what makes me happy: ...Any music-free restaurant ... A grandson who offers to clean the snow off my driveway and also fix my computer ... An evening in bed with a good book. ... A good night's sleep ... As you can see, it doesn't take much to make me happy.

  Art Buchwald

  Happiness, Good Night, Book

  8 Copy quote

• The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.

  Art Buchwald

  Son, Doors, House

  Art Buchwald (1986). “"You can fool all of the people all the time"”, Fawcett Books

  7 Copy quote

• I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.

  Art Buchwald

  Team, Light, Political

  15 Copy quote

• I don't know what's coming next and neither does anyone else. It's something that we do have to face but the thing is that a lot of people don't want to face it. And there's denial. If somebody says it, like me, everybody feels a little better that they can discuss it.

  Art Buchwald

  Future, People, Doe

  14 Copy quote

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