“I’m a jobless deadbeat? What a sad existence I don’t remember I live.”

Synopsis: SpongeBob goes missing after he develops amnesia.

After all these months of empty promises of reviewing this special, it is finally time I deliver. This Season 5 special episode is often criticized for its cliche plot, unfunny humor, and disturbing imagery. However, it has been a long time since I myself have seen this episode. Is it as bad as people say, or is it an episode that just gets a little more slack than it deserves? Today we explore that, on day two of the SpongeBob Review Christmas Event thing!

SUMMARY:

This episode begins as SpongeBob wakes up another morning, preparing for another lovely day. He reminisces of how good his life is, talking about how he has the best friends, best job, and most lovely pet, as we cut to each interaction turning out negative on this day. He runs to prepare for work but knocks over Patrick and accidentally destroys a birthday cake he made for his mom. Patrick is visibly upset as he walks back into his rock, as he proceeds to call SpongeBob “Idiot Boy.” This feels a tad bit out-of-character, even for the jerk Patrick can be for some episodes, and definitely isn’t a hint of the episode heading in the right direction. SpongeBob is confused, saying it was the first time someone had called him that, and decides to go talk to someone he thinks will enjoy his company: Squidward. Squidward is upset he was awaken from his beauty sleep, and refers to SpongeBob as the same term Patrick did.

SpongeBob is once again upset, and decides to stop by Sandy’s treedome, where she has finished building one of her greatest robots yet. SpongeBob walks in, but trips over a log, splashing water over the robot, causing it to explode. Sandy kicks out SpongeBob, and refers to him as “Idiot Boy” yet again. SpongeBob heads to the Krusty Krab, the one place where he feels he should be whether he’s wanted or not. Mr. Krabs is upset at SpongeBob’s lateness, but he backs into the kitchen and knocks over several pots and pans by accident. He starts slipping on a puddle of water when the episode cuts to Krabs, who is playing with two dollars he dubbed “Mr. Dollar” and “Mrs. Dollar.” Krabs gets annoyed by SpongeBob’s screaming, and walks in to find him still slipping. He falls and knocks Krabs into the fryer, and he jumps out, claiming he’ll be fine if his money is okay. However, just then, he sees Mr. and Mrs. Dollar burning up in the fryer, as they confess their love to one another. Krabs kicks SpongeBob out of the Krusty Krab, and advises he tries to get as far away as possible, calling SpongeBob “Idiot Boy” once more.

Nothing too far has really been that funny, aside from maybe the dissonance between SpongeBob and the world around him towards the start, and the two dollars confessing their love to each other, which actually got a decent chuckle out of me. In fact, at this point, the episode has only felt kinda cruel, really. There is still 18 minutes left to get through in this 22 minute-long special, but from what others have said, it doesn’t get much better from here. I’m still giving the episode a chance to redeem itself, but it is evident why this episode isn’t particularly popular with fans.

SpongeBob is extremely upset, deciding that if Mr. Krabs calls him Idiot Boy, it must be true. SpongeBob decides he knows what he must do, as he cries himself back home, using his tears to carry him. I know I’m not a huge fan of episodes where SpongeBob cries a bit much, but that gag actually wasn’t too awful. SpongeBob begins to pack his things, leaving a year’s supply of snail food for Gary, and he walks away. He lets the winds carry him, as he says goodbye to all his friends, and he proceeds to float away leaving the town and life as he knows it. This episode is actually kind of depressing, as it stands right now. I have good feelings it probably won’t get much better. He marches into the wilderness, fearing the sounds he hears around him, and he tries to run from the strange figures he starts seeing. However, he falls off a cliff, hitting his head several times, resulting in a lump. His bag proceeds to fall on the lump, knocking him unconscious.

We cut to Patrick knocking on SpongeBob’s door, when Sandy walks up to him, asking where SpongeBob is. Patrick is unsure, saying he’s been knocking for three hours because he needed hot sauce for his milkshake. Sandy knocks over the door, with Patrick as well, when she hears Gary. She walks into Gary, who’s grown huge from eating all of the snail food that was left for him. Sandy asks what happens, when Gary points them to a note, which states that to whoever’s reading it, SpongeBob has been missing for about a year, and Gary’s bowl needs refilled. We cut back to SpongeBob, who is woken up by two travelers who believed he was dead and were preparing to steal his clothes. However, when they try speaking to him, he can’t seem to remember his own name, allowing the travelers to trick him into believing he is named CheeseHead BrownPants. SpongeBob, however, noticed bubbles in his pockets, scaring away the travelers before they can steal his clothes. SpongeBob then notices the New Kelp City skyline.

Meanwhile, Bikini Bottom has erupted into a state of total chaos, simply because no one could get Krabby Patties. The scene is actually kinda funny, albeit kinda short. The big tough guy just re-iterating “LITERALLY” definitely got a laugh out of me. Now if only the whole episode was that funny. Krabs and Squidward are arguing about where SpongeBob is, when Sandy and Patrick burst in, wondering where SpongeBob is. Squidward’s snark is slowly feeling like it’ll be the best part of this episode. They show Krabs the letter, who recognizes it from SpongeBob after seeing the insult he referred to him by the previous day. Everyone cries about being cruel to SpongeBob, worrying they’ll never see him again - except for Squidward, who further establishes my point that he’ll probably be the funniest part of this episode, which has otherwise been depressing, cruel, or boring so far. We’re almost halfway through and things aren’t looking so bright. Krabs prepares a group meeting, asking if anyone else has a plan to find SpongeBob.

Meanwhile in New Kelp City, SpongeBob trying to remember the life he used to live. He assumes New Kelp City was his old home, and is upset with how unclean the town is. He walks up to someone who refers to him as a jobless deadbeat, and wonders just the extent of how depressing his life was. SpongeBob continues through the streets realizing how hungry it is, when he notices he has no money. He sees a Help Wanted sign on a bank, and prepares to get a job. When the owner notices the application is blank, SpongeBob notes he can’t remember a thing. She asks about his skills, and he pulls out a bubble wand, and blows a bubble, scaring the bank owner who then kicks him out. SpongeBob assumes no one wants him blowing bubbles, unless they relate to his job. SpongeBob begins work at a construction site, where the builder is complaining that he isn’t working hard enough. SpongeBob rides a bubble to help out, but the builder is scared by the bubble and fires SpongeBob.

SpongeBob walks through the streets, wondering what’s wrong with the city, until he realizes something may be wrong with him. He asks someone if something is wrong with him, as we get a disturbing close-up of SpongeBob, but as a snot bubble blows out of his nose, the man is frightened and runs away. We cut back to the Krusty Krab, where Sandy is preparing a plan to bring back SpongeBob. Sandy presents a device that can track any sponge in a fifty mile radius, and shows it to Squidward, who then breaks it. “Oops, I dropped it,” he says sarcastically as he holds a mallet in his hand. Mr. Krabs is upset, and orders Squidward to find SpongeBob. Squidward refuses, and Krabs threatens to kick Squidward out of his job. When Squidward still refuses, Krabs presents his retirement gift: a hand-crafted, jewel-encrusted, ornamental egg, that Squidward can only get if he finds SpongeBob.

That night, we see SpongeBob walking on the streets, when he finds a barrel fire with two other people. They ask him what a drag it must be to stand around a fire every night for warmth, but we realize they were simply standing in line for a video game. SpongeBob guesses he is just a jobless deadbeat, and tries to blow bubbles to cope. He scares the two fish as the bubble approaches them, and as it floats along, it scares everyone else in the line. Everyone runs away, leaving SpongeBob alone, as a gang of greasers starts approaching him. One of them ends up holding him by the sides, and another asks if he knows who they are. SpongeBob tries to respond, but the leader introduces themselves as the Bubble Poppin’ Boys.

Eh. I preferred the Sharks.

They establish that their charter bans bubble blowing on their turf, on the ground that it gets in their eyes when they’re popped. He prepares to have the rest of the gang rough up SpongeBob, but he starts running away, causing the Bubble Poppin’ Boys to chase him. They start blocking him wherever he goes, so SpongeBob started blowing bubbles to aide him with transport. He gets to the top of a telephone pole, which one of the Bubble Poppin’ Boys climbs to reach SpongeBob. SpongeBob blows a bubble raft, and floats away on it, only for the Bubble Poppin’ Boys to attack him with slingshots. SpongeBob tries to blow a paddle to escape faster, but the gang pops his raft, destroying his bubble container, and causing his bubble wand to fall through a grate. SpongeBob uses his hand to blow a bubble big enough to carry away the Bubble Poppin’ Boys once more.

Someone pops out of a mailbox, and informs SpongeBob that he has freed the city, and that everyone can come out of the shadows now that the Bubble Poppin’ Boys have been kicked out of town. Everyone starts blowing bubbles, thanking SpongeBob for his work. The mayor drives up to SpongeBob and thanks him, saying he’s been able to do something he could never do for twenty years. SpongeBob is then appointed mayor of New Kelp City, much to the excitement of the citizens. Meanwhile, Squidward, Sandy, and Patrick are looking for SpongeBob, when they see a truck stop thinking someone there might’ve seen him. Sandy says she sees him, causing Patrick to pick up a random girl at the truck stop. Sandy points out that SpongeBob was in the news, where Patrick tries to free him. They then find out he’s mayor of New Kelp City.

We cut back to the big city, where SpongeBob is giving his first speech as mayor of the city. He talks about how he hardly knows anything about politics at all, but assures the citizens that whenever he’s mayor, it’ll always be safe to blow bubbles so long as his name is CheeseHead BrownPants. Sandy, Patrick, and Squidward are confused. Sandy tries to tell SpongeBob that Bikini Bottom needs him, but SpongeBob is surprised to see what he thinks is an underwater talking weasel. SpongeBob can’t remember Patrick either, and Sandy tries to convince SpongeBob that he needs to come back to Bikini Bottom to get back his memory. SpongeBob refuses, saying he needs to get to a meeting, but he walks into a limo Squidward is driving, and Squidward picks up Sandy and Patrick as well. Sandy presents the Krusty Krab to SpongeBob, but he still can’t quite recognize it. SpongeBob is confused to find out he was a fry cook before, and while he’d love to stay, he decides it’s best to keep his job as mayor of New Kelp.

Squidward is excited to find out SpongeBob is leaving for real, and since he technically completed his job, has Mr. Krabs give him the egg. Squidward is stunned by the egg so much he doesn’t notice SpongeBob’s greasy spatula. Squidward slips over the spatula, causing the egg to fly into the air, and it lands and breaks on SpongeBob’s head. SpongeBob notices his memory is back, but decides the people of New Kelp City need their mayor, wishing his final goodbyes, when a TV program suddenly turns on, revealing the bubble policy actually lead to the downfall of New Kelp City, with the citizens being mad at him once again. Sandy, Patrick, Mr. Krabs, and Squidward wonder where SpongeBob went, when suddenly a Krabby Patty is prepared from inside the kitchen. SpongeBob remarks that he is glad to be the best fry cook in town, and is ready to stay forever, for everyone but Squidward’s delight, who proceeds to place his brain in a trash can.

RECAP:

THE GOOD:

• Squidward definitely had his moments in this episode, with his snark causing a few funny moments in an otherwise not-so-funny episode.
  
• While an amnesia plot is somewhat cliche, I feel the other elements of the story are pretty decent, and could offer a good episode provided it was funnier.

THE BAD:

• The amnesia stuff is still cliche, though.
  
• The biggest problem with this episode is that really it’s just not that funny. Heck, in some moments it felt downright somber or depressing, which definitely isn’t that great.
• The world feels unnecessarily cruel towards SpongeBob, both at the beginning and at the end. While there are episodes where I’d prefer something bad happen to him, he didn’t really do anything to deserve the hate he gets in this episode. I know the audience is supposed to sympathize with him, but the episode just feels a little too harsh.

VERDICT:

While “What Ever Happened to SpongeBob?” isn’t the worst episode I’ve ever seen, or even the worst special, it’s still a bad episode. The story is decent, but nothing revolutionary or game-changing, and there are other episodes with similar concepts that I’d rather come back to over this one. The few funny jokes it has do work pretty well, but only two or three were really that notable, and the extended length of the episode certainly does it no favors. The story does grant a decent premise for a special, and really, if the episode were just funnier, it could’ve been a good episode while keeping the exact same story. Unfortunately, it just doesn’t do enough to really give any good reason to come back to this episode over something like, “Sharks vs. Pods.” If you don’t mind an episode with little humor and just wanna see the story, maybe you could give this one a watch, but don’t consider it a recommendation. “What Ever Happened to SpongeBob?” isn’t quite a waste of 22 minutes, say when compared to “The Clash of Triton” or something like that, but there’s not really any good humor, which is a key component in a memorable SpongeBob episode.

FINAL SCORE: 3/10

THE SIDE-NOTES:

• Note that now I’m actually writing the review as I watch the episode - I feel that giving my thoughts as they happen does help the review feel a little stronger. If you all prefer the old system, however, where I watch an episode then review it, please do tell me.
• Not gonna count this against the episode, but for some reason, there are water physics inside Sandy’s Treedome. Not sure how many episodes have this, but this is the first time I’ve noticed them.
  
• What’s with Season 5 and special episodes about bubbles? I mean, “Atlantis SquarePantis” was also about bubbles. Are there any other bubble-themed specials I’m not thinking about?
• Speaking of that episode, we’re only ten reviews away until I get to it!
• This one hovered on the 2/10 or 3/10 line, but after a little thinking, I decided that the story was at least enough to deserve the title of a special episode, and it could at least keep some level of interest.

<<PREVIOUS REVIEW: SALSA IMBECILICUS
NEXT REVIEW: WHIRLY BRAINS>>

“I can’t be SpongeBob SquarePants with round pants!”

Recommended by: @26newspapers

Synopsis: SpongeBob takes on a new lifestyle after he starts wearing round pants.

This episode begins with some opening narration, as the French narrator describes one time something terrible happened: when SpongeBob changed his pants! It feels just like yesterday, but it actually happened three days ago. We see SpongeBob preparing his laundry for the day, as he takes all his pants, as well as Gary’s shell. While he waits for his pants to dry, he gets on the phone with Patrick, who wants to see how long he can hold out one sound. SpongeBob asks Gary to check on the laundry, but Gary simply grabs his own shell, and keeps SpongeBob’s pants in there for later. Much, much later, SpongeBob is still on the phone with Patrick, when he decides to check on his pants, only to notice something horrible: his pants have shrunk.

He goes to a clothing store, but the next shipment of square pants won’t be in for another month. He looks around to find a pair of pants which fit him, until he sees a pair which looks much like his normal pants, but much more round. He likes the pants, saying they hug him tighter than his own mother, and decides to buy them. He decides to go out and show the pants to his friends, but Patrick thinks he can’t be SpongeBob SquarePants, since he is wearing round pants. He sees Sandy, but Sandy, using her Texas lingo, refers to him as a “stranger”, spooking him a little more. He tries to see Squidward, but Squidward doesn’t feel like talking to SpongeBob, so he pretends he doesn’t recognize him, leaving SpongeBob upset.

SpongeBob tries to go home, but the door is locked, being guarded by Patrick, who doesn’t want him opening, noting that the house belongs to a SpongeBob SquarePants. SpongeBob decides he’ll have to take on a new life and identity, so he goes to get a new application at the Krusty Krab. He writes down his name as SpongeBob RoundPants, and Mr. Krabs, who recognizes him, gets mad at him, wishing he could just get to work. SpongeBob decides to get to work, but wonders what to do, so he tries to get help from Squidward, who says he should just let the patty be, since it isn’t going anywhere.

SpongeBob decides to take notes from Squidward, and follows him into the bathroom. He learns that you should insult the customers, and make fun of the food, and be irresponsible when it comes to taking out the trash. SpongeBob slowly takes on Squidward’s behavior, as he denies customers food, becomes lazy when preparing the patties, and uses sloppy behavior when it comes to serving customers. Mr. Krabs bursts in, expecting more from SpongeBob, but SpongeBob explains that he can’t be SpongeBob SquarePants if he wears round pants, but Mr. Krabs recommends he just take his pants off.  The next scene we see SpongeBob serving patties in his underpants, but when Sandy calls him “SpongeBob UnderPants”, he ends the episode screaming.

THE GOOD:

“To SquarePants or Not to SquarePants” isn’t without its moments. The opening narration is kind of funny, especially with the line about three days ago, and some of the SpongeBob and Squidward interactions towards the end are actually kind of cool to see, and I sorta wish there was a full episode kinda like that. However…

THE BAD:

The good stuff I mentioned? That’s about it for the good stuff. This episode isn’t the worst episode ever created by any means, and it’s leagues above some other stuff from this season, but it’s still a pretty boring episode. Really, there was a whole lot of hype surrounding it, and the opening narration makes it seem like a big deal, but it’s just your average 11-minute long episode. Not too much happens, and the plot is relatively simple. It’s a pretty bland episode, where not really much is happening, and a few characters, namely Gary and Patrick, are kind of jerks. Really, the episode doesn’t have much substance, and like “Smoothe Jazz at Bikini Bottom,” I couldn’t find a way to summarize it in more than four paragraphs, especially since many gags last a long time, and the plot doesn’t really kick in until SpongeBob gets to the Krusty Krab. For all these reasons…

FINAL SCORE: 3/10

THE SIDE-NOTES:

• The next review is “SpongeBob LongPants” from Season 9!
  
• This episode I don’t think is hugely infamous, but if you want to count it as a “fifth episode infamous review,” go straight ahead, I suppose.
• Feel free to keep sending requests!
• Five more reviews until “The Googly Artiste!”

“Like our ultimate existence, an untimely end has come upon this krabby-valued meal.”

Synopsis: Plankton accidentally steals a work of art in an attempt to reverse-engineer a Krabby Patty.

The episode begins with a Krusty Krab commercial, featuring Patrick getting back from work, wondering where he should eat, Mr. Krabs, in a leotard, recommends the Krusty Krab, where they have food cooked by SpongeBob, their expert waiter, Squidward. Patrick starts pouring Krabby Patties in his mouth, only to show SpongeBob presenting storyboards to Mr. Krabs. Krabs disapproves of this idea, and SpongeBob walks out the door crestfallen. He asks Squidward for help thinking of a new gimmick, but Squidward asks SpongeBob to put on his thinking cap, which SpongeBob literally owns. Squidward looks around, and notices a freaky customer messing up a tray of Krabby Patties. The customer leaves, and Squidward prepares to throw the tray away, only to notice it’s an art piece by a famous artist.

Krabs tries to throw away the tray, but Squidward explains to him that it’s a Fiasco, a work of art by the artist of the same name in the episode of the same name, as Squidward shows Mr. Krabs a few examples of Fiasco’s artwork in the last week’s issue of the Art Wonk magazine. Krabs is unimpressed, until many customers seem impressed to see it. Squidward brings up it’s not on sale, even for a million dollars, which sparks Krabs’s interest. However, the curator of the Bikini Bottom Art Museum shows up, and explains Krabs is not allowed to sell it since it is a national treasure, and a few of the customers, who were actually policemen in disguise, will have to guard it. The art piece becomes famous, and gives a good money-making opportunity to Mr. Krabs.

Plankton spies on the Krusty Krab, only to spot the Fiasco, as in the art piece, which he is unaware is such a thing. He thinks he can steal it and reverse-engineer a Krabby Patty, and starts to do exactly that. He is caught by Krabs, however, who presses a button which summons a few cops. The cops start chasing down Plankton, who is surprised, since he thinks what he has is only a bag of garbage. He tries to hide in a movie theater, and sits down, but the cops burst out of the screen and continue to chase Plankton. They catch him in a supermarket when he hides in flowers, due to his pollen allergy, and even manage to find him in space.

He tries to reach Patrick’s house, but Patrick is unwilling to take him inside. He then walks into SpongeBob’s house, explaining the situation. He is panicked, because usually it’s only Krabs who chases him when such a crime is committed, but all day long, he has been being chased by police officers. He reveals the contents of the bag, which SpongeBob recognized as the Fiasco, once again, the art piece. Plankton realizes that he can use this to his advantage. Since SpongeBob offered hospitality, he’s an accomplice, and Gary is an accomplice too. Patrick then walks in, chewing on something. They question what he’s eating, and it turns out he cleaned the plate of the Fiasco.

Squidward comes in with the cops, and the cops put everyone in the house under arrest until everything can be figured out. At the police station, everything seems figured out, but Mr. Krabs is wondering how they’ll be able to get customers without the Fiasco (art). SpongeBob however, has an idea. Cut to the Krusty Krab, where we see Mr. Krabs happy to make money, and SpongeBob happy to find the gimmick he’s been looking for, the viewers unsatisfied with the episode, and Patrick happy with the X-Ray being used on him, revealing the artwork in his stomach contents. Fiasco, the artist, is so amazed, he admits he’ll never create art again. Meanwhile, we see Squidward still in jail, desperate to get out.

THE GOOD:

This episode starts off pretty solid. The commercial is somewhat entertaining, and Squidward’s snarks can be kind of funny. There are also a few moments later on which can garner a few laughs, such as Plankton being able to escape the cops nowhere, not even space, and Plankton trying to make everyone an accomplice.

THE BAD:

However, I feel like this episode could be much more well-done. It’s a little bit slow to get started with the actual plot, and large portions remained pretty unfunny. There are also some strange choices, like why Squidward is in jail at the end. I mean, he wasn’t even that harsh in front of the cops! This episode feels sort of unfocused with what it wants to be. It starts off as an episode about the art piece, only to switch to a “Plankton steals the formula” episode about halfway through, with a kinda boring chase scene, and a few gags which feel really out of place. While it does do some things good, in the end, “Fiasco!”, the episode, ends up being somewhat of a fiasco, the noun.

FINAL SCORE: 3/10

THE SIDE-NOTES:

• I may or may not use that “fiasco”, the running gag, gag again in my review of “Are You Happy Now?”.
  
• My brother pointed out this would probably work out better as a short episode. A longer short, like 7 or 8 minutes, but it may work, since there were definitely parts that could be cut, and parts that could’ve been a little shorter.
• I really wish the owner of the Bikini Bottom Art Museum was a flounder. They have the mismatched eyes and everything!
• TOMORROW.

“You got it. He’s safe with me!”

Synopsis: SpongeBob has Patrick take care of Gary when he celebrates his grandma’s birthday.

This episode starts with SpongeBob reading through his mail, getting a letter from his Gramma detailing how she’ll be turning… even older, and that SpongeBob should come to her party. SpongeBob then notices Gary, and wonders who should take care of him. First, he tries Squidward, who quickly denies, but then he tries Patrick, who accepts to take care of Gary.

SpongeBob hands Patrick a list of things to do, but Patrick claims he’ll be fine, and quickly throws the list away. After a long bathroom break, he returns to notice Gary wants to open the bag of food, but a miscommunication leads to Patrick eating all the food himself.

SpongeBob, worried about how Patrick is treating Gary, calls home, and reminds Patrick to give Gary a bath. The next part of the episode can pretty much be summed up as a worse version of “Gary Takes a Bath”. Patrick prepares a bath for Gary, and pours some food in, to make sure the water doesn’t leak out of the bucket. Gary quickly becomes fed up with Patrick and tries attacking him, and SpongeBob tries to tell Gary the exact circumstances to give Gary a bath, but Patrick feels like he has it all under control.

Patrick then has an idea to scare Gary into getting a bath. After all, if Gary doesn’t like water, he should enjoy the opposite of water right? Enter the flamethrower. Eventually Patrick ditches the flamethrower, and hoses Gary down, with some soap bubbles to make sure he’s extra clean. He then uses a hairdryer to dry off Gary, who seems clearly distraught now.

Eventually, Patrick and Gary start napping near the broken TV, only for the house to start flooding. SpongeBob is worried again, and seems to hear screams of terror, but a closer shot reveals that Gary and Patrick seem to be having fun in the flooded house. Eventually SpongeBob comes home, to find Gary reading Patrick a bedtime story.

Alright let me say, this is a bad episode. However, I won’t say it’s the worst episode ever like some people may. Sure, the abuse towards Gary is pretty bad, and Patrick is largely unfunny, rather than charming, but in the end, I didn’t cringe nearly as much as I did “The Splinter”, and it feels evident they were at least trying to make jokes. Just none of the jokes they tried ended up being very funny. (Though unlike “The Splinter”, I did get one decent laugh from the “even older” bit of the letter). Boring? Yes. Cruel? Definitely. But the worst thing ever? I’ve seen “The Splinter”, and trust me, it was a far more unpleasant experience than this ever was for me.

But I may just not be seeing it from the right angle. Either way,

FINAL SCORE: 3/10

“Have you learned nothing about sharing?”

Synopsis: SpongeBob and Patrick have difficulty sharing the official licensed Krusty Krab toy.

The episode begins with Patrick ordering from the Krusty Krab. He wonders how cute the Krabby Kiddie Meal is, and SpongeBob is able to confirm that the Kiddie Meal Krabby Patty is exactly 30% cuter, and for only a dollar more! Patrick finds it a good deal, and tries to buy it with the junk in his pockets. SpongeBob decides they can buy it together and share it, so Patrick takes SpongeBob’s wallet to pay for it. Patrick takes the entire patty to himself, only to be upset when he realizes there’s no toy. He asks for money back, which alerts Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs creates a toy, and gives it to SpongeBob, who is amazed to see the Krusty Krab has an official licensed toy.

SpongeBob spends a few seconds playing with the toy, which he dubs the “Patty Pal”. He pays for it, and decides that he and the toy will be best friends, only to be interrupted by Patrick, who wants to play with the toy himself. He reminds SpongeBob about his lesson on “sharing”, and SpongeBob gives it to him. SpongeBob anxiously wants it back, but Patrick reminds him he should be working. That night, Patrick continues not to share it, and says SpongeBob can have it tomorrow. SpongeBob at least feels glad that he’s keeping it for the night, wondering how Patrick can have fun while he’s asleep.

The answer is by not sleeping.

The next day, SpongeBob feels determined to get the toy back from Patrick, even though Gary doubts he’ll be able to. SpongeBob walks up to Patrick’s house, but Patrick pretends he isn’t home. Patrick then tries to claim he’s washing his hair, and that he needs an ID. SpongeBob hands Patrick his milkshake license, which Patrick claims looks fake. SpongeBob pretends to leave, so he can get Patrick out of the rock, as he proceeds to wrangle him for the toy. They try to compromise, by exchanging it every second, but it doesn’t work out, as Patrick steals the toy for himself.

They run through Squidward’s house, as he simply claims “I hate them,” and they continue fighting until they reach Sandy’s. There, Sandy tries to find out the issue. SpongeBob claims Patrick won’t share, while Patrick claims SpongeBob won’t let him play with the Patty Pal. Sandy decides they need to sit down and talk, and find a mediator. Realizing they forgot their helmets, SpongeBob and Patrick agree that what they both need is water, as they go running out of the Treedome. They admit that Sandy was right about finding a mediator, and that communication is key. They then proceed to fight as they board a bus, then a subway, then a taxi, all the way to the Krusty Krab.

They continue fighting at the Krusty Krab, when Patrick finally gets it himself, deciding that if he can’t have it, no one can. He eats the Patty Pal, destroying it. Mr. Krabs walks out, wondering what is going on, and SpongeBob explains that Patrick wouldn’t share the Patty Pal, and that he ate it so SpongeBob couldn’t have it. Patrick denies these accusations, but Mr. Krabs tries to calm them down, by letting them both have Patty Pals, since he saw it was so popular, he could make many of them for easy money. He sells two Patty Pals to them for $13.50 apiece, when Patrick takes a little bit of money from SpongeBob, you know, because sharing.

THE GOOD:

There are a few jokes in this episode that were able to hit. The scene when SpongeBob approaches Patrick at his house was a little entertaining, especially when we learned Patrick was washing his hair, as he shows how nice his armpit hair looks. Squidward’s brief “I hate them,” line was also pretty funny, and Gary’s appearance can be funny provided you’ve seen this episode before. However, I feel like most of what I can say about “Yours, Mine and Mine” will be in the next section.

THE BAD:

Let’s get the issue most people have with this episode out of the way. Patrick. He’s definitely way more of a jerk than he should be in this episode, and it shows. He was kind of a jerk in earlier episodes, but some Flanderization leads to his personality in episodes such as this one, where he appears more unbearable than he does entertaining. As well as that, most of the episode is pretty boring. Really, the jokes I mentioned in “THE GOOD” are about the extent of good jokes in “Yours, Mine and Mine”. A few almost caused laughs, but not quite. It’s not the worst of SpongeBob, but it definitely is still pretty bad.

FINAL SCORE: 3/10

THE SIDE-NOTES:

• Yes, the final score was intentionally put before the side notes. I feel it’s a more fitting place for it.
  
• Wasn’t the Kiddy Meal seen in “Mermaid Man vs. SpongeBob”?
• I think my next review will be of “Fiasco!” followed by “One Coarse Meal”, so long as I don’t receive any requests.
• We’re getting awfully close to 50 reviews! After the “One Coarse Meal” review is Analysis #1!

“No one’s gonna pay to read this malarkey! When you write these stories, you gotta use a little imagination, boy!”

Synopsis: The Krusty Krab gets a newspaper, but the lies spread in the paper end up hurting some of Bikini Bottom’s residents.

The episode begins with Mr. Krabs talking with SpongeBob, asking him how things are going. SpongeBob says he sees a few regulars, but Mr. Krabs is wanting new customers at the Krusty Krab, since he placed an ad in the Bikini Bottom Examiner. However, what he finds out is that no one reads that newspaper, because everyone reads the Bottom Feeder instead, since it has far more interesting stories. Afterwards, he decides the Krusty Krab should get a newspaper of its own, and puts SpongeBob to work as the reporter.

SpongeBob goes to downtown Bikini Bottom, and looks around for an interesting event. Despite all the things going on, however, he chooses to write a story about Patrick at a pole. (For reference, he isn’t waiting for the bus. He’s just standing there making sure it doesn’t move.) SpongeBob has his story printed, only to find out it isn’t selling. Mr. Krabs tells SpongeBob that he can’t tell a story like that, since everyone else will find it boring. He suggests he stretches the truth a little, and write a story like “Man Marries Pole”, to garner more interest.

Back in Bikini Bottom, SpongeBob looks around finding something he could use for content. He sees Mrs. Puff with a police officer behind her, and takes a picture, fabricating a story about how she was caught in a high-speed chase. The story sells pretty well, and makes Mr. Krabs a lot of money. However, Mrs. Puff’s boating school gets shut down in the process. SpongeBob, similarly, the next day, takes a picture of someone punching Larry in the gut, to write a story about how Larry is weaker than everyone believes. When SpongeBob notices Larry is crestfallen after being kicked out of the gym, he asks Mr. Krabs if he can tone down his stories. Mr. Krabs, however, denies it, since he is making a lot of money.

SpongeBob is tossed out of the Krusty Krab, and is demanded to find more stories. At the Chum Bucket, Plankton is prepared to have his new chum sticks sell well, only for a health inspector to come in, and close the Chum Bucket due to a story about how chum is supposedly made of other fish. SpongeBob tries to tell Mr. Krabs that his stories are hurting people, but Mr. Krabs threatens to fire SpongeBob if he doesn’t get anything juicier, so SpongeBob tries writing a story about Sandy, which gets all her science awards taken away.

SpongeBob tries to get through to Mr. Krabs one last time, but Mr. Krabs continues to deny it. He asks for the juiciest story yet, which will make all the other stories look lame in comparison. SpongeBob decides to get to work, and spends all night writing the best story he can come up with. Mr. Krabs is ready for a hit success, only to be greeted by several angry customers. Mr. Krabs checks out the new story, which turns out to be about him overworking SpongeBob. The customers all get refunds, and Mr. Krabs is left with only one dollar left. Noticing the printing press behind him, however, he uses this as an opportunity to create several dollars once more. Patrick then walks in, now married to the pole.

THE GOOD:

There are a few good things I can say about this episode. I feel like it has a fairly interesting concept, which is nice to see, and unlike certain episodes, it definitely feels like it’s doing something with the concept. As well as that, a few jokes hit their mark, such as when SpongeBob is investigating the town, seeing several interesting events going down, only to settle for a story about Patrick and a pole. Also, if the “two hats” was a nod to “Squid’s Day Off”, that would be a sorta nice touch. However, I feel like I have more to say in the next section.

THE BAD:

Here’s the thing. While this episode pulls off some good jokes here and there, it’s not funny enough throughout to really keep one interested. And while yes, the story has a good concept, and not the worst execution, about halfway through it starts to become pretty boring, as it mostly is just repeating “SpongeBob writes X story about Y character which has Z taken away from them, complains to Mr. Krabs, Mr. Krabs demands more, repeat”. It may work well the first few times, but it gets old pretty quickly. And while it could work provided it was more well written, it doesn’t put enough variation on the story to keep it interesting. Not to mention, SpongeBob writing these stories feels kinda out of character, even the one about Mr. Krabs.

In conclusion, while this episode can pull off some interesting concepts here and there, in the end, it ends up being a bit more disappointing than anything else. I really wish I could enjoy “The Krabby Kronicle” more than I did, but in the end, there’s not much to come to this episode for. Even the story it has wouldn’t be good enough for the Bottom Feeder.

THE SIDE-NOTES:

• Actually, I don’t really have any side-notes for this episode. I summarized most of how I feel in the review up there. Not much really stood out to take note of here.
  
• Maybe I could mention that the krabby-kronicle tumblr blog can actually be a nice place to find SpongeBob themed content.

FINAL SCORE: 3/10

“It’s my art. Uh, I buy Krabby Patties for $3 and I… I sell them for $50.”

Recommended by: @26newspapers

Synopsis: Patrick’s art becomes coveted by everyone else in town.

The episode begins as Squidward prepares a statue for display, as famous art critic Frederick T. Nitpick will be there to critique him. He notices SpongeBob and Patrick nearby, who are creating some art and crafts. SpongeBob is glad to see Squidward, and Squidward wonders what they are doing. SpongeBob shows off the new basket he weaved, a new scallop house, as well as the wallet he knitted, with crochet money! Squidward then wonders what Patrick has been up to, as he smashes his basket with a hammer. However, his basket collapses. SpongeBob asks if Squidward wants to join, but he denies, leaving SpongeBob and Patrick alone. SpongeBob gives Patrick an idea, to create a craft by putting googly eyes on a rock!

Patrick tries, and ends up with a rock completely covered in googly eyes. Frederick T. Nitpick shows up to see Squidward, and Squidward presents his new artwork: La Venus Squidward! Frederick T. Nitpick absolutely hates it and confiscates Squidward’s beret. He says he’s looking for a real artist, when he hears Patrick screaming of joy that he’s an artist. He walks over, and asks which one of them is the artist, and SpongeBob explains they both are, and ask if Nitpick can join. Nitpick, however, claims he is a critic, and criticizes SpongeBob’s scallop house as being “lame.” When he walks over to Patrick, however, he finds his artwork absolutely astounding, and pays $500 for it, alongside Squidward’s old hat.

Squidward’s upset, saying that selling one lousy piece of art doesn’t make someone an artist. SpongeBob, however, questions how many art pieces Squidward has sold. Squidward dodges the question, by saying he bets Patrick will never sell another. Just then, a person named Ted walks up, craving creativity, and he pays $50 for one of his googly-eye rocks. Squidward bets he won’t sell another, and Ted invites his friends. Squidward tries to bet again, but SpongeBob remarks he should have a talk about his gambling problem. Patrick continues selling his googly-rocks, when suddenly, he runs out of rocks to put googly eyes on. He rushes home, and sees if he can create a new masterpiece. He recreates the Starry Night and The Thinker, but he hates both of them. Patrick decides he needs a lunch break.

Patrick walks up to the Krusty Krab, and looks at the menu wondering what to order. At first he thinks he wants a Krabby Patty, but he believes that might be too predictable. SpongeBob walks up to him and asks what’s wrong, and he tells SpongeBob that he’s in a creative slump. Squidward simply asks for him to order something, and Patrick asks for artistic advice, and Squidward requests he orders off the menu, only to look up and see Mr. Krabs had just added Artistic Advice to the menu. Squidward is introduced to Patrick as his artistic consultant, and Patrick tries to ask him for advice. Squidward simply asks Patrick to look at his Krabby Patty. Patrick takes a good long look, and suddenly is inspired.

Patrick places googly eyes on the Krabby Patty, and Nitpick reappears from the ketchup bottle. He hands Patrick a huge bag of money, and declares the Googly-Eye Krabby Patty the next big thing, and his voice echoes, attracting several customers. Patrick starts selling his googly patties, and the sound of money attracts Mr. Krabs. However, when he sees no money in his register, and Patrick making lots of money, he demands an answer. Patrick says he was following Squidward’s advice, and Krabs gets mad at Squidward. We cut to the end, as Patrick has Squidward preparing Googly Patties to sell. Patrick says that with a little more work, Squidward could be a real artist. Squidward cries, ending the episode.

THE GOOD:

“The Googly Artiste” does have a few funny moments. I like Nitpick appearing from the ketchup bottle, I like SpongeBob’s line about Squidward’s gambling problem, and a few other funny jokes here and there. However…

THE BAD:

Really, this episode is just kinda boring. I really don’t have much more to say, it’s just not all that interesting. Not too many jokes hit, and really it just leaves me with a kinda short review with very little to say. It’s a bad episode, but nothing terrible, and if it is one of the “big bads” people claim it is, it really doesn’t deserve it, since this episode is just… average bad. Patrick is kind of a jerk, but not even anything like in “Yours, Mine and Mine” or even “I’m With Stupid”.

FINAL SCORE: 3/10

THE SIDE-NOTES:

• Alright! I have requests now! I’ll be reviewing “The Two Faces of Squidward” next, followed by “The Smoking Peanut”.
  
• Would you pay for a rock with googly eyes?
• I really don’t have too much to say right now.
• 10 more reviews until “What Ever Happened to SpongeBob?”

“The story of the Krusty Krab is the story of one man’s hard work, perseverance, vision, determination, and sweat. But mostly his sweat.”

Recommended by: @the-pottydactyl

Synopsis: We see a training video for future Krusty Krab employees.

This episode is going to be hard to write a summary for. It’s a really heavily gag-based episode. In fact, it’s a completely gag-based episode. It’s probably the only episode of SpongeBob that doesn’t really have a plot. But let’s try anyway!

This episode begins with the narrator welcoming the viewer to the Krusty Krab, as the latest employee. We see SpongeBob, playing the new employee, wondering if he can make a Krabby Patty, but the narrator explains how we have a lot to learn. He explains a history of the Krusty Krab being one of the most successful restaurants in Bikini Bottom, and that Mr. Krabs, the financial genius and owner of the facility, was able to found it by buying a bankrupt retirement home, with a few minor changes. Sounds like a lot of

HOOPLA!

…sounds like a lot of-

HOOPLA!

…sounds like a-

HOOPLA! HOOPLA! HOOPLA!

A brick is tossed at the hoopla fish as the training video continues. We see the Krusty Krab today, where Mr. Krabs is able to supply us with “modern technology”, which is really just old-fashioned fast food objects with fancy names. But don’t worry. Mr. Krabs’s fear of robot overlords keeps the balance of technology in check.

Time to learn about the difference between a good employee, and a bad employee. We’ll call him Squidward. We look at SpongeBob, who they claim has an appearance and attitude of a good employee, while Squidward’s sarcastic, glazed, annoyed approach, complete with the “I really wish I weren’t here right now!” button is seen to be disapproved of.

Time for training! There is one key element to making Krabby Patties, the understanding of the acronym “POOP”! People Order Our Patties! We get a quiz to find out what a customer should order. Is it

A.) A sofa

B.) An expensive haircut

C.) A Krabby Patty

The customer asks for a Krabby Patty, as the narrator claims how POOP never fails!

Of course after learning about POOP, we still can’t make a Krabby Patty until we understand personal hygiene! Every employee should wash their hands thoroughly! Very thoroughly. As in so much you don’t have hands anymore. Also don’t forget to polish your shoes, your face is clear of any boils or blemishes, and your hair is neat and tidy, you should be ready for a day at the Krusty Krab! We of course, have to see an employee without good hygiene, Squidward, who is asleep on the toilet. No employee wants to be a Squidward.

Of course, good hygiene isn’t the only key to making a Krabby Patty! You have to have a good work station as well! As SpongeBob cleans the stove, the narrator explains how it’s important to keep the work station neat and tidy, and make sure every ingredient is organized, without a pickle out of place, as we see SpongeBob doing well. Squidward, however, has a messy work place, once again proving he’s a bad employee.

There is also the psychological aspect of the job: Interfacing with your boss.

“Mr. Krabs, can I have a raise?”
“No.”

Good work, SpongeBob! For some reason, even though this was the shortest sketch in the episode, I found it to be the most hilarious. You should’ve seen how long I laughed after that one joke.

We also need to learn the importance of the most important aspect of the industry: the customer. Patrick walks in ready to order, but when Squidward asks what he wants, Patrick is left dumbstruck. Deciding we should check on them later, the narrator decides we have to learn what to do in an EMERGENCY SITUATION.

We learn that for every treasure, there’s someone ready to steal it. Plankton starts stealing a Krabby Patty with a slow metal walker. The narrator asks what SpongeBob should do, as he starts screaming, and running around the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs walks up to Plankton, and flicks him back to the Chum Bucket. Another emergency is avoided, thanks to Mr. SquarePants.

Back with Squidward and Patrick, the Narrator reminds Squidward of POOP. Squidward recommends Patrick should get a Krabby Patty, which Patrick finds a great idea. Squidward then asks “For here or to go?”.

Let’s leave them alone, as we get to the moment we’ve all been waiting for: preparing the Krabby Patty. A sandwich which is so good, some even worship it, seen as SpongeBob bows down to a poster. The narrator asks if SpongeBob is ready to hear the formula, and once more to make sure. Afterwards, he announces. The secret formula to the Krabby Patty is…

THE GOOD:

I actually wasn’t planning on writing that summary section at first, but there it is. I tried, okay? Anyway, despite not really having a plot, this episode has some of the best jokes of the entire series. The Hoopla fish, the buildup to the Krabby Patty, the interfacing with your boss (complete with electric chair!) all end up being absolutely hilarious, and there’s plenty more where it comes from! This episode can be compared to “sketch-based” episodes, where rather than having a complete and full plot, it mostly focuses on a series of sketches, which isn’t really a bad thing. It helps make one of the most hilarious episodes of the SpongeBob SquarePants series.

THE BAD:

Aside from having practically no plot, this episode doesn’t really have any faults. Again, think of it as a “sketch-based” episode, like Gumball’s episodes “The World” and “The Extras”. As a series of individual sketches, this episode excels, so I suppose that’s how I will treat this hilarious episode of the series.

THE SIDE-NOTES:

• This one was incredibly close to a 9/10, but some of those jokes were just too [foghorn] good to pass down. It’s definitely a lower 10/10, but being a 10/10 at all is pretty impressive.
  
• I know there are a few gags I may have missed, but I didn’t want to wind up reciting the entire episode.
• I have a bad memory.
• Only three more reviews until One Coarse Meal!

FINAL SCORE: 10/10

“Well, that’s a relief. I mean, what kind of a moron would go to their worst enemy’s music recital?”

Recommended by: @0newspapers

Synopsis: Squidward disguises himself as Squilliam to teach a prestigious music class.

SUMMARY:

This episode begins with the ending of Squilliam’s concert. Squidward, who is in the audience, is jealous of his fame, especially considering that he was able to do insanely well without even touching his instrument. Squidward walks outside, where he is consulted by the owner of a prestigious art school who mistakens him for Squilliam. At first Squidward tries to deny these claims, but after hearing about how good the job would be, he changes his mind, and begins teaching the class.

Squidward shows up to class with a large poofy wig, attempting to pass himself off as Squilliam. One of the students asks him to write his name on the board, like most teachers, but Squidward teaches his first lesson by having the student write his name instead. Squidward’s attitude towards the student allows this joke to be what is likely the funniest moment in the episode, which is kind of sad, considering it’s not that funny. Afterwards, SpongeBob and Patrick show up, and nearly spoil Squidward’s identity, but Squidward tries to hide it. Squidward learns they had a New Year’s resolution to sign up for a music class, and that he’s going to have to put up with them for a day.

As you may know, “Professor Squidward” is a Season 6 episode. Another thing you may know is that I’m not particularly fond of Season 6, since SpongeBob and Patrick would often be annoying in a sense that was never particularly funny. And SpongeBob and Patrick’s behavior is much of the bulk of this episode. How well do they do? Not particularly well. You can tell they were trying to have various gags, but they all sorta fall flat on their face. Whether it be SpongeBob tickling himself, Patrick thinking the staff resembles a train track, or being put into a trance by a metronome, nothing particularly stands out here as being funny.

I believe part of this has to do with the delivery of the jokes. None of the characters really feel at the top of their game to let these jokes feel funny. Squidward is just kind of an average grump, while SpongeBob and Patrick just are dim-wits that are not easily distinguished from one another. There’s not enough energy here that lets it work, and I believe a more energetic atmosphere may allow the gags that didn’t work to flourish a little better.

Anyway, where we left off, SpongeBob and Patrick are still distracted by the metronome when a reporter shows up wanting to interview Squidward, believing he is Squilliam. However, the reporter seems to find SpongeBob and Patrick being in a trance more interesting, upsetting Squidward, causing him to kick the reporter out. A bell rings, snapping SpongeBob and Patrick out of a trance, when they reveal he is Squidward to the rest of the class. Everyone is annoyed at Squidward for being a phony, but Squidward tries to keep everyone in the class. The owner of the college shows up, and has Squidward arrested for identity theft, noting he didn’t have Squilliam’s large unibrow. The episode ends with SpongeBob and Patrick getting back out the metronome and continuing their trance.

RECAP:

THE GOOD:

• There are a few small, subtle gags that kind of work. Squidward making the student write his name on the board is one of these things, alongside the school literally being called “Prestigious Music College,” the reporter introducing himself by saying “I’m a reporter!” and the beginning with Squilliam’s concert. However, these are just about the only things worth even the slightest chuckle in this episode.
  
• I will say, it also has an interesting concept, with Squidward teaching a music class. However, there are similar episodes which do better with this concept as well.
• I guess it has some interesting background music, with somewhat of a variation on some of the normal themes to fit the mood better?

THE BAD:

• The bad in “Professor Squidward” mainly comes from the delivery. As I said in the summary, none of the characters are at the top of their game, and it really brings this episode down.
  
• SpongeBob and Patrick are somewhat annoying. Not at their worst, but definitely far from their best.
• This episode as a whole just isn’t too funny. When it comes to SpongeBob, a show whose primary purpose is giving laughs, an episode that isn’t funny is one of the worst things an episode can be.
• To top it off, it doesn’t have a good story to balance it out. Occasionally I can make up for lower-than-average humor if the story satisfies, but this tries to be a gag-based episode where the humor takes top priority. Unfortunately, this doesn’t work if most of the humor falls flat.

VERDICT:

“Professor Squidward” is surely an episode you can skip. Most of the content of this episode can be found in other, better episodes, primarily “Artist Unknown” and “New Student Starfish.” Being a gag-based episode where most of the humor falls flat also doesn’t help its cause, since it hardly leaves any redeeming qualities for the episode. I will admit, it could be much worse, and what it does attempt at least is somewhat memorable, though none of it is really that funny. It’s just another plain bad episode, that doesn’t do anything to make it too atrocious, but does nothing to really consider it as good.

FINAL SCORE: 3/10

THE SIDE-NOTES:

• Actually, my next review is another school-themed episode requested by the same person! Whaddya’ know?
  
• Thinking I might want to turn these reviews into a daily thing. Not sure how much I’ll keep that promise, but I feel it’s easily be the most steady schedule for me.
• You know, this isn’t the only episode that I’ve reviewed that is about Squidward teaching SpongeBob and Patrick that has a chalkboard as the title. I know it’s mostly just coincidences, but still.
• “What Ever Happened to SpongeBob?” is just two reviews away!
  

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