Showgirls aren’t just dancers, they’re a symbol of Las Vegas itself. And as a featured dancer at Fantasy at Luxor, Mariah Nieslanik is one of the best. We talk the life of a Las Vegas Showgirl, the fierce competition to become a Showgirl and the future of Las Vegas. Then, it’s God Shamgod vs. Zsa Zsa Gabor as we countdown the Top 5 Celebrity Names.
Mariah Nieslanik: 01:08
Pointless: 23:09
Top 5 Celebrity Names: 45:13
Interview with Las Vegas Showgirl Mariah Nieslanik
Nick VinZant 0:12
Nick, welcome to Profoundly Pointless. My name is Nick VinZant Coming up in this episode show girls and celebrity names. I
Mariah Nieslanik 0:21
never thought I would be a Las Vegas show girl ever. Um, it was called show in the sky, and I rode around on they had like, this huge track above the ceiling. I know, like back in the day, like Las Vegas show girls would do their show, and then they would have to go sit at the bar and be nice to the gentlemen that are there or whatever, high rollers, and
Nick VinZant 0:43
I want to thank you so much for joining us. If you get a chance subscribe, leave us a rating or review. We really appreciate. It really helps us out. If you're a new listener, welcome to the show. If you're a long time listener, thank you so much for all of your support. So I want to get right to our first guest. This is Las Vegas showgirl. Mariah nislanick, so was this something that you always planned on doing, or was this something that just kind of happened?
Mariah Nieslanik 1:13
I never thought I would be a Las Vegas show girl ever. When I grew up, I was playing sports, I danced when I was really little, but then I focused on basketball, volleyball, track and body building like in high school. So that's what I thought I was going to do my whole life. Was going to be, you know, a high school basketball coach. And luckily, the universe had bigger plans for me, so my littlest sister still danced, and she did a competition out in Las Vegas, and I came out here, and my mom was like, you should just kind of audition for a show, since you're out here. And I was like, Well, I haven't danced in a long time, and I went to an audition completely embarrassed myself. Didn't have anything, right, but kind of caught the bug, and I was like, I'd like to try it. So I was like, I'm just going to move to Las Vegas for the summer audition for a bunch of things. If I get it, great. If not, I'm going to go back to Grand Junction, Colorado and be a basketball coach. And luckily, like, I booked an audition. Think it's probably around my 10th audition that I finally figured out the whole system and and booked a show, and I've been professionally dancing in Las Vegas ever since. It
Nick VinZant 2:27
took 10 auditions. Is that fast? Slow? Middle at
Mariah Nieslanik 2:32
the time I moved out, there was literally two or three auditions a day, like Vegas was booming, and so it was pretty quick for me. I'm shorter in Las Vegas, I'm almost five seven, which is shorter. So if they're looking for someone that's going to be 511 I'm never going to get it. I could keep going to the auditions, but I'm never going to grow an extra four inches. So when
Nick VinZant 2:56
we talk about a Las Vegas show girl, like, what is a Las Vegas show girl do how
Mariah Nieslanik 3:01
I kind of consider it is anybody in a show a professional dancer. I know there's other clubs and different things that they kind of attach on to that, but these are professionally trained dancers. We've trained our whole lives, and then typically we have some kind of headdress and feathers, the, you know, the glitter, the glitz, the glam, the the what you would think of Las Vegas when you think of, you know, all of the beautiful women, there's also girls that walk up and down the strip just taking pictures in showgirl costumes. And that's not the kind of show girl that we're talking about. I
Nick VinZant 3:35
remember growing up in the Showgirl was kind of like the symbol of Las Vegas. Is that still the case? Has that kind of changed? I
Mariah Nieslanik 3:44
think Las Vegas has changed its branding throughout the years. So I don't know like what like the younger generations would see, but I still see the, you know, beautiful Las Vegas show girls. And I think if I was marketing for Las Vegas, I would bring back that classy, beautiful element, because it's, it's so it's so iconic, it's so it's so beautiful. So I think Las Vegas should step up their showgirl
Nick VinZant 4:11
game. What was that first show like for you? The first
Mariah Nieslanik 4:15
show I did was at the Rio. It was called show in the sky, and I rode around on. They had like, this huge track above the ceiling where they had these gorgeous floats that went around. So you kind of dance on, like, you know, as you float through the casino and dancing, we do, like a choreograph, a choreographed number for like, 12 minutes, and then we went around again and just threw beads to people. And I I literally thought I'd won the lottery. It was the most fun. It was, you know, family friendly. Everyone could come see it. My mom was, you know, she came out and she saw we did eight shows a day. So she would literally sit there. She'd come out for, you know, three or four days and watch every single show for eight hours. Just watch me go around. In this float, just throw beads. I thought I won the jackpot. I was coming from a farm in Colorado. I was like, this is the easiest, most fun job I've ever had. I'm not getting dirty. People want to take my picture, and it's I caught the bug. And I was like, I don't I don't see myself ever doing anything else than this, because it's
Nick VinZant 5:20
so fun. How did you transition to working in fantasy? Fantasy
Mariah Nieslanik 5:23
was always, you know, in my mind, it was on the billboards. And it took me a couple years being in Las Vegas to decide if I wanted to go topless, because when I first moved here, I was, like, deathly shy. I'm like, I'm never doing a topless show. It's just, you know, I don't judge anybody, but I'm just not comfortable doing that. And as the as a couple years went by, and I was just like, they're so beautiful and classy. You just, you know they're you forget that the girls are topless instantly, because they're just so talented. And I was like, I think I'm ready to to do a topless show. So I submitted my stuff. They invited me to audition, and luckily, I booked it, and I've been there. I don't want to age myself. Don't do the math, but 16 years now, that's
Nick VinZant 6:12
got to be a long time for people to be doing it right, like I would imagine, people come and go a lot quicker.
Mariah Nieslanik 6:19
Our producer takes such good care of us. I think there was a girl that was in the original fantasy, and she retired the January of 2020, I think she'd been in the show 15 years working. We just celebrated our 25th anniversary at fantasy. So she had been in the show 15 years, and I think now officially, I'm the longest cast member that's ever worked in the show up.
Nick VinZant 6:45
Could you be potentially the longest running show girl in all of Vegas?
Unknown Speaker 6:51
Potentially?
Nick VinZant 6:53
I can't say for certain, but I don't know anybody who's been doing it longer.
Mariah Nieslanik 6:57
Yeah, I've, I've been for, well, since I was 18 and I
Nick VinZant 7:03
we don't have to date it. We don't have to date it. We can skip people can do math if they want
Mariah Nieslanik 7:07
very long, successful career. Hey,
Nick VinZant 7:11
if you still got it flawed, it makes any sense. Yes, I'm. I came out like in a certain way I didn't necessarily mean but, um, so and then to transition into even continuing on that path. Were you conflicted about doing the topless part? I
Mariah Nieslanik 7:30
don't think I was personally conflicted. Because I was like, I want to do it, but I was like, what are people going to think? What is this going to be like if I, you know, run for president, you know, they're, they gonna dig this up and it's gonna be a terrible, you know, shameful thing. And I think as the world has changed in life in general, like, everything's just more accepted. And I, as soon as I did my first show, I was like, I've never felt like I was home, like, ever like, it was just like, this is where I'm supposed to be. It was just, I was so comfortable you're, you know, and literally, there's so many quick changes in course. Changes in choreography, like you forget that you know you trained ballet, you know you're wearing little leotards. Anyways, it's not like, you know, we're used to. I, literally, it didn't even acknowledge that. I didn't have a top on,
Nick VinZant 8:19
yeah, that makes sense, right? Like, you're probably just in the grand scheme of things, removing another inch of clothing, yeah? Like, you're just kind of showing the whole thing, as opposed to 95% of the
Mariah Nieslanik 8:31
thing. For me, I was like, I love it.
Nick VinZant 8:34
Do some girls struggle with it? Or is it more, just like, whatever.
Mariah Nieslanik 8:39
I guess I've seen some girls struggle with it, but I think once you're to like the caliber of like fantasy, and you know what the show is, you're ready to audition. You're already comfortable, and you're not, you're not going to audition for something that you just morally not, yeah, for. I have seen many girls, not many, a couple girls in my life, be really happy, be really comfortable, get a new boyfriend. They're on the boyfriend's uncomfortable, and so now all of a sudden, they're, you know, either quitting or they're, you know, not doing it. They're trying to cover themselves. And I'm just like, for me, I feel it's really sad, like they should be supporting you, but there we have had that element.
Nick VinZant 9:24
Yeah, there's a big difference between, I think, how someone feels about it personally versus how society feels about it, like I don't care, but society feels this way, and that makes me feel this way. There's, I think there's a difference. Yeah, would, but it is being a show girl. Would you describe it as an inherently sexual thing?
Mariah Nieslanik 9:45
I think just by the nature, yes, it's very sexy. I mean, I think for the general public, anything topless is still a little taboo, just very like, you know, not. Sexy. But I think sometimes people's like, preconceived notions in their head are way worse than, like, actually coming. I used to tell people, just come see just come see me in fantasy. Oh, you know, I don't, you know, I don't know your topics, like, just please, whatever you have in your head is probably a million times worse than what it actually is like. This is, you know, where it is sexy, but also it's, it's talent, it's, it is class, it's,
Nick VinZant 10:27
it's not that. If that makes any sense, I know that's kind of a nebulous way of phrasing it, but like, it's not that, yes. Like, how popular are show girls now in Vegas,
Mariah Nieslanik 10:38
there are definitely less shows than there used to be. Like, I remember when I came to move to Vegas, every single casino had a some kind of dancing show. It was either, you know, Siegfried and Roy or, you know, just so many, so many shows. And I feel like now there's very few. I think maybe there's maybe four or five showgirl shows. I know they opened up a couple more recently, which I think is amazing. But yeah, Vegas kind of moved to the DJ, the DJ world and the nightclubs and the restaurants more than the the show girl. So I, I, I hope, I hope the Las Vegas show girl comes back.
Nick VinZant 11:26
Does it feel like a cyclical thing? Do you feel like this is going to come back? It's just going to come back around? Or do you feel like this is a time that may have passed? I
Mariah Nieslanik 11:37
don't think so. I think, I think there's always going to be a place for the Las Vegas showgirl. I think, I don't think the Las Vegas show girl, well, knock on wood, will ever die. I think it's just such a specific need that I, I will make it my duty to make sure that the Las Vegas show girl doesn't die. When
Nick VinZant 11:57
it comes to selecting Show girls, how does that process kind of work? Like, what are producers like yourself? Like, what are you looking for
Mariah Nieslanik 12:07
every show is a little bit different. Like, the rockets are looking for something very specific. They want the exact height everybody to be perfect fantasy. We are kind of the modern take on the Las Vegas show girl. So we are, as the show is called fantasy, looking for a little bit something different in each girl. So we kind of offer something for everybody. We've got, you know, super, super tall girls, Blondes, brunettes. But overall, it's the The dancing is number one. Dancing. You have to be able to dance, know, the steps be able to be clean. The next element is the look you have to be for fantasy, very beautiful in shape. And third would be kind of your reputation in town, or just how kind you are. We start watching girls when they walk in, how they treat everybody around, if they are, you know, do they hold the door for this person? Are they in line just like I'm ready to, you know, if you can already tell they're sassy and not nice, it's like you're not, you're not gonna or you have a really bad reputation in town, like you've, you know everybody you know you're mean, or you threw through shoes on stage at a girl because they messed up a note. Vegas is very small. We all hear about these things so so
Nick VinZant 13:27
of like, okay, of 100 people who try out, like, how many would you say? Generally, Make it two. That competitive? Yeah,
Mariah Nieslanik 13:40
yeah. And usually, there's always one girl that just kind of steals the show. It's like, hands down, all of us, you know, we have a little panel of, you know, three or four women that are, you know, picking who's going to be in our cast, and historically, one girl has just stole the show. It's like, every, everybody's on the same page. Like, Nope, it's her. Yep, she's the one. We usually put maybe two, two extra girls into rehearsal to see if they'll, you know, pick up our style or see, you know, are we really like them, you know, but we've heard bad things, like, are they going to be nice? Are they going to be able to, you know? Is it just a rumor that we heard that? Maybe that, you know, they're not a, you know, a person we want to spend six nights a week with? Yeah,
Nick VinZant 14:29
at some point you got to work with these people. Like, it's still a job. Yeah, when you start off, like, how much practice, slash rehearsal goes into the show before you kind of like you got it. You got it nailed down. Our
Mariah Nieslanik 14:44
show moves pretty quick. You are in a studio for about four or five days. You learn about 10 different numbers. Then you take a day on stage with the dance captain, kind of looking at the blocking and everything. Then we bring in. A cast to do, like, a a dress run, and then, then we put you in.
Nick VinZant 15:05
Oh, that's just like, right to it then, huh?
Mariah Nieslanik 15:08
And usually our producer, Anita, comes to watch the show pretty much on the girl's first or second day in the show. And she can tell right away if they're, if they're going to make it, if they have, you know, obviously people make mistakes. This is, you know, we're not looking for perfection on your on your first day, but the performance that you know, and if you mesh with all the girls, I mean, we've had fabulous dancers that I was like, this is going to be the new star of fantasy. And when you put them in a line next to our girls performing full out.
Nick VinZant 15:44
They they don't work. You can tell right away, though, when somebody like, Oh, that's not going to happen. Yeah, um, are you ready for some harder slash? Listener submitted questions. Yes. Favorite part of the show.
Mariah Nieslanik 15:58
Favorite part of the show is seeing the audience. I could be having the worst day. And if I just go out there and someone's smiling in the front row or anywhere and just clapping it, it changes everything. It's and the audience is different every single night i i love being able to see the audience.
Nick VinZant 16:19
I would imagine it's, does it get in people's blood, like, is it a hard thing to leave once you kind of get the thrill of it?
Mariah Nieslanik 16:27
Yes, there's, there's nothing like performing. That's why I literally didn't think I was going to be doing this this long. And yeah, it's, it's, there's nothing like it after the show. We have our calendars. We sign autographs. You know, people rush up and want that. And I'm like, where else in life do people like, not at the grocery store, people like, we're kind of little mini celebrities after each show. And nowhere in life that I've experienced so far I can replicate that feeling anywhere.
Nick VinZant 17:05
Are there show dudes?
Mariah Nieslanik 17:08
There are not currently on our show, but I have done lots of shows with male dancers.
Nick VinZant 17:15
Show boys is that they are show boys. That's what I call them. I
Mariah Nieslanik 17:19
don't know if they call themselves that,
Nick VinZant 17:20
but then, will they do it bottomless?
Mariah Nieslanik 17:24
Oh, that's a that's an idea for a show that's
Nick VinZant 17:27
not the same thing. Like, I don't think that anybody really wants to look at that. I think it'd
Mariah Nieslanik 17:32
be a different market, maybe, maybe a different like, maybe really successful in, like, San Francisco or somewhere, but I don't know. I don't know if I'm sure it's legal, right? I would think so. So puppetry of the penis, which I haven't seen yet. Wait,
Nick VinZant 17:47
what? There's a show called puppetry of the penis. Yeah, I
Mariah Nieslanik 17:51
had some girlfriends go for a bachelorette party, and the boys are bottomless,
Nick VinZant 17:57
just that thing flopping around so
Mariah Nieslanik 17:59
and then they do some like, tricks, and like, bend it and like, I actually need to add that to my list. I'll go see it. Get back to
Nick VinZant 18:09
you, let me know, or don't, or let me know, or do. I'm slightly curious to like, what tricks are they to
Mariah Nieslanik 18:16
me too. I don't, and there's some terms or they, like, folded inside out. I don't, I don't know I have,
Nick VinZant 18:23
I'm gonna blush. Let's move on. Let's just, let's just skip this whole part. Just, I mean, whatever you want it, whatever you want to do, do it. I just, I just imagining myself like, just flopping around out there, like, whatever
Mariah Nieslanik 18:40
it takes a lot of courage.
Nick VinZant 18:41
It takes a lot of courage. It takes a lot of courage to do things like that. Yeah, um, oh, what is the best movie, slash documentary, slash media depiction of show girls? Oh,
Mariah Nieslanik 18:55
well, I have a love, hate relationship with the movie show girls. I would imagine that's that's typical, and thank God it's not as catty and and pushing girls down the stairs to take their spots and throwing rhinestones and things. That's kind of a cult classic. That's it. They tried, but then they went to a darker element from it, I'm really excited to see the new documentary, the last show girl with Pamela Anderson. I think it comes out in a in a couple weeks. I know a lot of girlfriend Vegas dancers that are in that movie as well. And from what I haven't seen it yet, but from what I've heard, it's It's fabulous. So I'm thinking that's going to be the best depiction of show girls. Otherwise, there's lots of movies that are not so kind to us. What
Nick VinZant 19:50
do you think is kind of the misconception about it? I
Mariah Nieslanik 19:53
think, well, like the movies like casino and the old school movies, and it might have been different back in the day that we were, you know, I. Kind of a glorified prostitutes for for the casino, I know, like back in the day, like a million years ago, Las Vegas show girls would do their show, and then they would have to go sit at the bar and be nice to the gentlemen that are there, or whatever, high rollers. And thankfully, that element has changed. It's, you know, we're literally professionals, not that kind of professional, professional dancers. We go and, you know, do our job, we perform on stage, and we do meet and greets. And then that's it. There's no, you know, conceived notions of things that we're supposed to do or entertain, and then, you know, like strippers to kind of stole the Las Vegas title and name. And so I think sometimes for the common public, it can get confusing. Even when I moved out to Vegas, I was like, I'm going to be a dancer. They're like, Oh, you know, can you do a dance for me right now? Like, you know, I'll tip you. And I'm
Nick VinZant 21:00
like, I'm not that kind of dancer, not that kind of dancer. Thing against them,
Mariah Nieslanik 21:04
but that's not what I do. Will you
Nick VinZant 21:07
get people though that from that type of dancing come into this type of dancing? Does it go back and forth? They're like, No, these are totally different things,
Mariah Nieslanik 21:15
totally, totally different. We've had some girls auditioned that I'm sure are very successful in the the club scene, and it's completely different the you know, choreographed dance. And you know, some of our numbers are five, six minutes long. Every single one, you know, 12345678, is, you know, choreographed and if you're not trained like that. It's very, very hard
Nick VinZant 21:42
to keep up. What do you think the future holds? What do you think? What do you think happens? I
Mariah Nieslanik 21:46
think the future of showgirls is, is bright. There's always, you know, new young, hungry choreographers coming up, new shows, new casinos opening. I think New documentaries, new series that highlight show girls are just going to add more that, you know, allure back to to our industry, and I think the Las Vegas show girl will never die.
Nick VinZant 22:18
That's all the questions I got. If people want to kind of find out more about the show. Find out more about you. Where can they find you? That kind of stuff?
Mariah Nieslanik 22:24
I'm at fantasy at the Luxor Hotel and Casino. The show runs seven nights a week. I am there six nights a week, at 1030 every single night, and we've added a bunch of 8pm shows as well. So it's not hard to find me. And then on Instagram and Facebook and Tiktok.
Nick VinZant 22:44
I want to thank Mariah so much for joining us. If you want to connect with her, we have linked to her on our social media accounts. We're Profoundly Pointless on Tiktok, Instagram and YouTube, and we've also included her information in the episode description. And if you want to see more of this interview, the YouTube version will be live on January 9 at 12:30pm Pacific. Okay, now let's bring in John Shaw and get to the pointless part of the show. You're going to drowned. What kind of liquid Do you want to drowned in.
Speaker 1 23:20
If I'm drowning, I'm not going to enjoy it. So, like, why would I want to be drowning in? Say, Mountain Dew? So I guess I would go for something that would hopefully kill me before I actually drown.
Nick VinZant 23:32
I agree with that logic. I was going to say soda. I love soda enough that my sons are like, when you die, we're going to visit your grave and pour soda on it. I love soda, so I would say I'd want to dry drown in soda. But in reality, I think that I would want to do it pretty quickly. So it would probably be like acid pulled the audience. 56% say water, 25% alcohol, 20% lava. Slash, acid. Slash, something quick. Nobody is picking soda or pop, which is actually how I would drown. If I was going to drown and wanted to enjoy it, I would want to drown in soda or pop.
Speaker 1 24:11
People aren't really thinking about, I mean, water is, I mean, you're just drowning, and it's not going to even you're not going to have a taste when you drown. It's just water. You know what I mean, like, it's not going to be Diet Dr Pepper or Coke or anything. Here's regular drop me. Oh,
Nick VinZant 24:27
I think when the inevitable is there, you sit back and enjoy it as much as you can, like you try to get it well, at least I'm drowning in diet Cherry Pepsi, which I love. Here's
Speaker 1 24:37
a random question that goes along with this. Now that we're thinking about this, would you rather drown or be buried alive? Oh, and I'll give some parameters for being buried alive. You're in there for no less than two days alive. Obviously. Okay? Okay,
Nick VinZant 25:01
so would you rather drowned or be buried alive? But you're gonna be buried alive for at least two days? Yes. Oh, well, then drowned. There's, is there any is like, is there any percentage chance that you could get out? I didn't even think, I even
Speaker 1 25:21
think, I don't even think the strongest person on the face of the Earth would be able to punch their way out of that box, no, and then dig themselves out, because you would suffocate or drown in the dirt.
Nick VinZant 25:33
Yeah, I think so. I don't think that you can, like you can't get out of snow. You're not getting out of dirt. Okay, yeah, if there was any chance that I could potentially survive, I would rather be buried alive, because you would have more time. But if there's no chance of me living, then I would definitely rather drown because it'd be quicker.
Speaker 1 25:54
Yeah, what about, uh, drown, for sure. I think, I think that's probably the worst. And we've, we've done this top five before, that is the worst way to go. I think it's buried in a dark box, you know, to suffocate, no air, nothing that just sounds, that just sounds like the worst way to go alone. No one knows where you are. I mean, come on, man, sounds terrible. It
Nick VinZant 26:19
sounds awful. That's, to me, is one of the greatest fears. I read this story one time about a guy who got trapped in the cave, and that, to me, is the worst way of all time like that. I that have nightmares about that. I talk to my sons about not going into sewers, and there's not a sewer around us that you could access for 100 miles, but I've had conversations with them about like, Don't ever go into a cave. Like, Dad, we don't even know what a cave is like. Well, don't go in one not had that
Unknown Speaker 26:47
conversation either of my children. You need to
Nick VinZant 26:49
have a conversation about your kids, about not going into sewers and caves. I tell them
Speaker 1 26:53
that there's balloons coming from the sewer. Drake's just keep walking. Don't even pay attention.
Nick VinZant 26:58
That's movies too scary for me. All right. You ready? Move on.
Speaker 1 27:00
Clowns are scary. Yeah, good. Some shout outs here. Uh, let's see. We'll start with Catherine, Langdon, Dominic Anderson, Kylie Rampling, Felicity, Mathis, Jane young, Joshua Cameron, Dorothy Davies. Don't hear too many Dorothy's nowadays? No,
Nick VinZant 27:20
you don't, I wouldn't think that there's any Dorothy's under the age of 50. There can't be very many Dorothy's under the age of 50.
Speaker 1 27:26
Well, Dorothy, we love you, but I can tell you by your social media picture, I'm not sure you're under the age of 50. Uh. Diana Fisher, Rosie Oliver and Richard Clarkston, appreciate all of you this week.
Nick VinZant 27:42
So that guy's name is Dick Clark.
Speaker 1 27:46
Dick Clarkson. Oh, okay, if Dick Clark could be better as we you know, enter the seventh year of this amazing podcast. No, since the year, right? I don't know, no, 18, right? Yeah, I
Nick VinZant 28:00
always get confused on Listen, I'm gonna go ahead and reveal this. I always get confused on things. So do you like if, okay, from 2019 to 2024 that's five years mathematically. But if you think about it, that's 2019 2020, 2021, 2022 2023 2024 so it's six years, but it's five mathematically. And that's always confused me.
Unknown Speaker 28:23
It really does make notes like, Okay, how
Nick VinZant 28:25
many? Okay, we're recording this on Monday. How many days from now? Would you say Thursday is
Unknown Speaker 28:32
three?
Nick VinZant 28:34
I consider it to kind of be two days. So, like, I consider it to be Tuesdays, because it's Tuesday, Wednesday and then Thursday. So it's two days till Thursday, but somebody might say it's three days
Speaker 1 28:48
technically, I guess it is only two days until Thursday. Yes, right,
Nick VinZant 28:52
right. We that's why. That is why anything in life gets confused. Because it all depends on how someone defines what they're talking about. If I said I'd see you in two days for I'll see you two days from now, some people would show up on Wednesday and some people would show up on Thursday.
Speaker 1 29:12
Well, then you have, yeah, and then you have people can make you believe it. You believe them? No, right? It's five days away. No, this is why, I'll tell you why,
Nick VinZant 29:20
you could make an argument. Thursday is three days away because it's Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday four days away.
Speaker 1 29:28
I mean, I guess if it was like Monday morning, I would say Thursday is three days away. If it's Monday night, heading into Tuesday, say like 11pm Okay, Thursday is about two days away.
Nick VinZant 29:39
Okay. Anyway, we've wasted a lot of people's time on this. That's fair.
Speaker 1 29:44
A lot of people are wondering, though, um, you thought that was a waste. Wait until you could care less about this person? Uh, Demi Moore, oh, good for her. She won her first Award for acting. Uh, last. Last night's award ceremony there whatever. It's called Golden Globes. Here's my issue with Demi, and it's my and it's kind of a bigger rant that I didn't know how to formulate correctly. So let's
Nick VinZant 30:17
hear your issue with Demi Moore. It's really, is it Demi or Demi?
Speaker 1 30:24
I think, Well, I think it's, to me, we're in America, boy, it's Demi,
Nick VinZant 30:28
yeah. Like, if people have enough people mispronounce your name, that's not your name anymore.
Speaker 1 30:34
So it's really just about Hollywood power couples in general, okay? Like, when you think of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, right? I couldn't tell you 10 things Demi Moore has done, but yet, you know the name, and anytime she pops up, it's like, there's Demi Moore, but I feel like half of it. And once again, it's not just because she's a woman. I could say, like, Who's that guy that's married to Kristen Bell. You're
Nick VinZant 31:06
not helping me out here. He looks like a just a mash of douche. I know that. But anyway, like, different kind of name, Dax, yeah.
Speaker 1 31:15
But Dax Shepard, but like, with him, I'm like, What has he done? So, like, for Debbie Moore to finally win a gold, Golden Globe. I'm like, Okay, that's great. But, like, I don't really know what you've done. All I know is, you've been partners with Bruce Willis Ashton Kutcher. Like, I don't, I just don't know what, what you've really done. So when I read the headline this morning, I was like, okay, good for her gi Jane. That's really all I can really remember her from. She's
Nick VinZant 31:43
in Ghost. That's a pretty big movie, and that's enough of a movie that can make somebody for all time. There was the lady that was in Dirty Dancing, and that was the only thing that she was ever in. One movie can make somebody a big time celebrity for the rest of
Speaker 1 31:59
their life. But she was Debbie Moore was in Saint Elmo fire. That's a big movie and decent proposal trip tees. Those are, but, like, I don't know, after 1997 anyway. I'm just saying i i love that people, uh, revamp their careers. I think it's fantastic, but it's got me thinking. Like, you know, I always put Bruce Willis and Demi Moore together, but I always think of Bruce Willis like 80% of the time and Demi Moore 20% of the time. Well, he's
Nick VinZant 32:31
the bigger star out of the two of them. But you could say the same thing about the the lady from friends, she's more famous for her relationships then, like, I don't know what she's ever been in. Oh, I mean, friends is pretty big.
Speaker 1 32:47
I mean, she has a niche though, right? She done, like, romantic comedy, if you don't know. Oh, okay, here's another rant, by the way. Oh boy, here we go. They actually made happy. Fuse, my language, fucking Gilmore too. Jesus Christ. I
Nick VinZant 33:06
mean, don't be don't get fired up about it until you see it. I don't like the idea of it. I don't know why they would make it, but maybe it's great.
Speaker 1 33:17
I just can't I just let let original things be original. Man,
Nick VinZant 33:23
listen, I don't know you're Listen, I don't it doesn't matter how much you yell at a cloud, the weather's still going to be the weather. Man, you can't get so caught up in these things and get all fired up about it. You can't just start yelling at the kids in your yard all the time.
Unknown Speaker 33:39
I mean, I'm getting close. I'm getting close.
Nick VinZant 33:41
You're rapidly aging. You're a 30 something year old man with the personality of a 65 year old.
Speaker 1 33:48
I mean, I'm getting there. I've I
Nick VinZant 33:51
you're not getting there. You're there. You know
Speaker 1 33:53
what I did this morning when I got up, the first thing I did, well,
Nick VinZant 33:57
ain't about do you make a noise every time you stand up? Do you every time you stand up, you go,
Speaker 1 34:02
Oh no, because I started this, this yoga program, yeah, it's actually kind of nice. I didn't realize how unflexible I was actually. Oh yeah, dude, you still have as a board. Oh, it's embarrassing. Like, you know, touch your toes that I'm like, Greek. Can
Nick VinZant 34:21
you get to your knees?
Speaker 1 34:22
I can, I can actually touch my palms to the floor with my knees a little bit like it's not completely,
Nick VinZant 34:29
not the same thing. If your knees are bent a little bit, just a little touch your palms to the floor, you cannot with I can't. Then you're really flexible. I can't touch the palms of the floor. Yes, you can your palms. You can bend over and put your palms on the floor.
Speaker 1 34:47
I mean, once again, my legs are pretty far apart. I, you know, like, I'm not like, at a 90, like the shoulder base, but, you know,
Nick VinZant 34:56
okay, this is, this
Speaker 1 34:58
is anyway, uh. Up that that doesn't I'm getting upset.
Nick VinZant 35:01
I'm getting upset.
Speaker 1 35:03
I mean, I could also beat a buffalo, Amer, a bison, and a 40 year dash too, but you've never believed me.
Nick VinZant 35:10
No one would ever believe you,
Speaker 1 35:12
nor have you ever brought a buffalo on the show. So we could race.
Nick VinZant 35:19
Because it's pointless, right? It's like, do I need to, if you said you could beat Usain Bolt in a race? Would we need to get Usain Bolt On the show like, no, it's pretty obvious that this is a waste of time.
Speaker 1 35:31
I wonder if he could jump like, like, just hop faster than I could run a 40 yard down. Yes,
Nick VinZant 35:38
he could do any, any sort of movement he could do faster than you run a 40 yard dash, he could crawl like a baby faster than your 40 yard there's no way to get Yes, there is, because if you started running, you would take three steps and tear your calf again and would never finish the race for six months. So anything that he takes less than six months to do, he's gonna win.
Speaker 1 36:00
Listen, I'm not taking, I mean, he's argued the he's the fast man in the world, all
Nick VinZant 36:06
right, person ever, yeah, but if he's crawling,
Speaker 1 36:09
Jesus, no way. There's no way. Yeah, anyone would beat him?
Nick VinZant 36:13
No, maybe, I'm sure there are people who would beat him. But, you know,
Speaker 1 36:18
I once, I don't know how we got on this, but I people out there listening to this would beat them. You would beat them. I
Nick VinZant 36:27
mean, he would beat you crawling, no, he would be you crawling backwards.
Speaker 1 36:31
It's impossible to beat anyone running in a full sprint, crawling again.
Nick VinZant 36:36
Like I said, you take five steps, you tear the calf, you're done. You're not finishing the race. All he's got to do is finish the race. And even if you guys did straight up, he would beat you, maybe not crawling in any sort of movement where he's standing on two feet, any sort hopping, skipping, jumping, you know, whatever he's going to beat you. If
Speaker 1 36:56
I tore my cap, I would still finish. I don't even care. I would like try to crawl into his lane, and he would already be gone. He would always
Nick VinZant 37:03
be gone. He's the distance between you and the professional athletes is astronomical. It's so there's so much better. Anybody who's at the top of their level of anything is so much better. Anyway, we spend a lot of time talking about Usain Bolt racing.
Speaker 1 37:20
I want to play a professional tennis player in tennis, okay, that's what I want to
Nick VinZant 37:24
do. Um, anything, anything where you are going up against a professional in anything you are going to lose, I don't care what it is,
Speaker 1 37:33
hasn't worked out well for either of us in our life. Um, I just thought this was interesting, because I don't, I don't, I don't know what's happening. January 20, Donald Trump's getting inaugurated again, and apparently he's gonna send His Son, Don Jr, to Greenland. Because apparently we're gonna try to own Greenland. I don't know why we want to own Greenland. I don't really care. But can we all just get along? Can Greenland just be Greenland? I would wonder
Nick VinZant 38:04
what Greenland is thinking about this the thing that I don't want to get into politics, but there is an old saying about politics that the issue is never really the issue. The thing that they're talking about is never really the thing that they're talking about. So, great, man, I'm not listen. I'll tell you this. If there's a call up for going to war against Greenland, I'm not going to sign up for that.
Speaker 1 38:26
No, I would, because there's nobody there, send me to Greenland. Actually,
Nick VinZant 38:30
I don't want probably the best war to fight. Like, if you had to fight one war, like every American male has to fight in one war, I would sign up for that one. Be like, who we fight in Greenland? I'm okay, let's go be I
Speaker 1 38:43
mean, it's some island or something, you know, like in the, in the in the Caribbean, like, that's where I would want to go. Um, alright. What else here? Uh, alright, obviously, it's winter. What is your preferred style of head covering, ear muff, a knit hat or a baseball cap?
Nick VinZant 39:03
Hmm, I'm not a head covering person. I just tough it out. I just tough it out. But if I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna go with like a beanie. You so what do you do? Just what do you protect your ears with? I just be a man. Oh, no way. This is what I do. I just walk outside and say to myself, Oh, wait, I'm a man and I can handle this. I'm not out there. It's like, oh, I need me to protect my new you gotta protect your little ears. Johnny, yeah, worry about your little ears.
Speaker 1 39:31
Three things in my body, I need to keep warm, and I will stay warm. And it's my ears, my throat, like my double chin area, and my hands. If I keep those three things warm,
Nick VinZant 39:42
I'm good. I've never in my life been thought to myself, Man, my neck is cold. For me, it's hands. If my hands are fine, I'm good to go. I'm not worried about feet. I'm not going to be out there in that dangerous of a situation for that long. And I'm certainly not concerned about my years. I'm certainly not going to be a grown man. In going back inside of my house to get earmuffs on.
Speaker 1 40:05
I don't, yeah, I don't have earmuffs. I'm definitely, like, a beanie guy. But, like, I'm like, the obnoxious, like, gigantic beanie, you know what? I mean, like a thick, one little fuzzy ball at the top. Oh, my God, you are a pansy. I mean, it's, it's quite warm, actually, I'm sure it is. I mean, in your mother's womb, I'm sure it is baby boy. I prefer trash panda. Somebody called me that today. I looked in the in the mirror, and I was like, yeah, yeah, maybe I'm a trash panda. I'm okay with that. I
Nick VinZant 40:39
still think you're. Samuel Tarly from Game of Thrones. That's the one that I will always stick with. It's the best one. Sam, what is it? Sam, Charlie,
Speaker 1 40:48
say, Yeah, well, whatever. Um, alright. Last thing here, obviously we you stop bumping your desk.
Nick VinZant 40:57
I didn't bump my desk. You're bumping something. I hear it every five seconds. What are you doing? Are you tapping?
Speaker 1 41:05
If you so obviously, it's the first show that we've recorded since the new year. Yes, sir. So how are your New Year's resolution?
Nick VinZant 41:16
I didn't make any, I didn't make any new year's resolutions because I made, I guess, a resolution at some point earlier in last year that I'm just gonna there's something I'm gonna do, I'm gonna do it then I haven't been successful in any of the things that I've been trying to accomplish. But I didn't make any new year's resolutions like, it's just a continuing process every Sunday night, I'm pretty much like, you know what? Alright, tomorrow, I'm getting my stuff together. I have a New Year's resolution basically every Monday to try to get my life together. And that's been happening for the last 10 years.
Unknown Speaker 41:54
And how's that going?
Nick VinZant 41:57
I would say that I've made three to 5% improvement in that 10 years. It's hard to change who you are. Man, it is so hard to change who you are.
Unknown Speaker 42:12
It definitely is 100%
Nick VinZant 42:15
and plus, I think that at our point in life, not that we've accomplished anything great, but we have gotten to the level where we're almost at 100% of the people that we can be. And so to get that last percentage out, I think, is really, really difficult.
Speaker 1 42:32
Yeah, I mean, at this point, I almost don't want to get that last percent out, because then what's, what's the rest of life? This
Nick VinZant 42:38
is something that my wife and I were talking about is that, what do you think is more likely that you're really just not good at anything, like really good or you just never found the thing that you were really good at? So what do you think is more likely that you're just not really that good at something, or that you never really found the thing that you could be good at. And that could be like, You know what? It turns out that you are the best in the world at a Rubik's Cube when there's pressure on or, like, it could be some very specific thing.
Speaker 1 43:18
I actually think that it's neither of those. I feel like, if you don't have the opportunity, it's never, I mean, it's never going to happen. You need the opportunity, and a lot of that is where you're born. You know when you're born. I mean, listen this, this is just an example, so don't crucify me for this, but say that I was like, the fastest typer in the world, but I didn't know it. No one else knew it. No one else ever, you know, gave me the opportunity. That's why I have an issue with like saying Usain Bolt is the fastest man ever. There could be people in countries that don't have opportunities that are faster, but they've never, they've never worn a fair track shoot. Like, we don't know.
Nick VinZant 44:03
Oh yeah, I agree. I think that there's probably way more people in the world that have just, they just never. They could have been incredible at something, and they never got the opportunity to do it.
Speaker 1 44:18
This is a very introspective segment. I don't, I don't know how to feel about it. Oh,
Nick VinZant 44:24
I think it's just life, man, it's just life. Life works out for some people, and it doesn't, and I don't that's why I never understand why people think that they're special. You're not special. Your circumstances are special. Otherwise, like I just think that for most people who get into a position of success, it's just luck. You got lucky. They didn't. That's it,
Speaker 1 44:49
but that's all. I mean, I agree with you 100% I don't know if I've actually agreed with you more so than anything, than than what you just said. Oh, it's just
Nick VinZant 44:57
luck. The only thing you can do is be the best version. Of yourself, but if you just got a bad hand, there's nothing you can do, like you're just, that's it. You just make the best of what you got. Get
Speaker 1 45:07
a new hand. Get a new hand. Alright, can we talk some funny names now? Can we talk some good names? Okay,
Nick VinZant 45:13
alright, so our top five is top five celebrity names. These are just celebrity names that we like. They're just cool, they're funny, they're interesting, whatever, top five celebrity names. Who's your number five?
Speaker 1 45:24
Just for the record, you're probably not going to know any of these names. Most of mine are sports related. I'm sure they are, but god damn it, they are hilarious. So I'm going to start with number five, a former Boston Red Sox pitcher, Dick pole. I feel like
Nick VinZant 45:41
there's going to be a lot of dicks on this. There's going to be a lot of dicks. I think you're right. My number five is God, Sham God, former basketball player. I would have put him higher, but I feel like I was tempting fate. I would not have the guts to name anybody anything religiously oriented, just like, No, yeah.
Speaker 1 46:02
I just really feel like, if you have the god anywhere in your name, you're either going to have a real long life or you're going to be something amazing. And I'm, I don't know what God, Sham God, ever did, but, but good for him.
Nick VinZant 46:18
To number four,
Speaker 1 46:22
sticking. With sports team. My number fourth, W clap.
Nick VinZant 46:29
Who is he? That's a grace.
Unknown Speaker 46:34
Yep, dubby.
Nick VinZant 46:35
I mean, I guess it's better than like, stinky clap.
Speaker 1 46:39
And I really hope that, like somebody out there listening to this at some point in time goes, I knew Stubby. He was a great
Nick VinZant 46:46
guy. He was Stubby. I knew Stubby. Clap, like, that's one of those where there's no way he's not on my list. But Dick Van Dyke is hilarious to me, like, there's no way that that guy's name is Dick Van Dyke, uh, my number four is Jaja Gabor. I just always thought that was a really interesting name to be named. Jaja Gabor. No idea she did. No idea if she's a singer, a musician, an actor, whatever. No idea what she does. But I know the name of Jaja Gabor.
Speaker 1 47:22
I want to say she was just a socialite, maybe, but I could be you're at she is definitely a name where you're just like, yeah, Jaja Gabor,
Nick VinZant 47:33
zaja Gabor. Was she an actor or musician, celebrity, politician? No idea, but I know the name of Jaja Gabor,
Speaker 1 47:43
uh, all right, so my next one, and once it gets kind of like you, I've just always appreciated his name. It might not be funny to anybody else, but Whoopi Goldberg, okay,
Nick VinZant 47:54
it's a different name. It somehow works, though, like some people can have weird names that somehow work. My number three is Jean Claude Van Damme. That's a good one. That's a great name. Jean Claude Van Damme.
Speaker 1 48:08
So it's kind of funny. My number two is a total Homer pick, but along the same lines of like the action movie star and I'm with Cathar van Dean.
Nick VinZant 48:18
Oh, what's good about that? Love it.
Speaker 1 48:21
It flows. Caspers badass. Van Dean's badass. He was in one of my favorite movies ever, like, yeah, Casper Van Dean. I always wanted to be named Casper Van Dien.
Nick VinZant 48:33
Those are three sentences I don't think that anybody has ever said before. Caspers badass. No, it's not van Diem is badass. No, it's not. And Starship Troopers is not a great movie. It's a caricature of itself. If you're listening,
Unknown Speaker 48:50
we'd love to have you on my
Nick VinZant 48:52
number two is a name I can't even look at without laughing. Okay? Dick Bucha. I could never, ever like that will always be funny to me. What's your name? Dick, butt, kiss.
Unknown Speaker 49:11
Funny is he? He was a badass, too. Man
Nick VinZant 49:13
crush you,
Speaker 1 49:14
destroy you. But, I mean, he would, yeah, like,
Nick VinZant 49:20
but no one would think that that was a real name, like you could never put that down on any kind of hotel registry or reservation list and have someone think you're serious. What name do you want me? Yeah? What table for set? Table for two? It's seven. What's the name dick, but kiss? Yeah, right, buddy.
Speaker 1 49:38
But then he'd come walking in, and you'd be like, oh, oh,
Nick VinZant 49:42
here's your tape. Mr.
Speaker 1 49:47
Dick buccas party at two. I'm curious to see who your number one is, because there's man, there's so many, there's so many funny ones. So my number one is a soccer player that. Being asthma,
Nick VinZant 50:02
what? How is that your name one, baby
Unknown Speaker 50:05
and Aspen.
Nick VinZant 50:07
How's it spelled? Is it spelled A, S, S, M, a, n, because that would be yes, hilarious.
Unknown Speaker 50:14
Baby and Aspen. All right, I
Nick VinZant 50:15
don't think it beats duck dick, but kiss, my number one is the only name that can beat Dick bud kiss. Dick army,
Unknown Speaker 50:28
you're right. Name is Dick Armey, you're right about there being a lot of dicks on your list.
Nick VinZant 50:34
There's so many funny Dick names. Dick, but kiss, Dick, pound. Dick, Van Dyke Dick army.
Speaker 1 50:43
I wanted to put really. I wanted my number one to be some guy that I didn't even know if that was real, but apparently there was a Zimbabwean, uh, soccer player named have a look dude. What is it? Have a look dude, D, U, B, E,
Nick VinZant 50:58
there's like a ping pong player named Dong Dong, I know that, which is just hilarious to me, like, what's his name? Dong Dong, I think that there's also a college football player named General booty.
Unknown Speaker 51:14
Yes, I think you're correct. And there's a
Nick VinZant 51:17
football coach named Dick pound.
Speaker 1 51:22
You can't coach. Coach. Pound How are you today? We're going to town and
Nick VinZant 51:27
even backwards. Pound Dick, I What's your name? Pound dick,
Speaker 1 51:34
oh, I had a couple of my honorable
Nick VinZant 51:38
mentions so many. Give me some numbers, though.
Speaker 1 51:41
I wanted to do two Engelbert humper dick, no, yeah, that's a great one, because, I mean, just, you know, why not? And then another soccer player, credence, clear water, Pluto.
Nick VinZant 51:57
Oh, there's some really funny ones, like haha, Clinton dicks. NFL is full of them. I think there's a guy named Kool Aid McKinney street. But I think that those are more nicknames than they are. Like, I feel like a nickname that becomes who you're known as isn't quite the same.
Speaker 1 52:15
Well, I feel like we need to give a quick rip to Dick beau, by the way, because that's, a
Nick VinZant 52:20
great name. Dick in be more Tombo. I love that name. Oh, no, you know, it's other one. I've also found hilarious for some reason, Wilford Brimley, I don't know the like, if you somebody says Wilford Brimley, like you, that guy looks exactly like a guy named Wilford Brimley.
Speaker 1 52:39
Yeah, 100% great mustache too, by the way.
Nick VinZant 52:43
Oh, I think that all walruses in captivity should be renamed wolf Brimley.
Unknown Speaker 52:51
Just get rid of the walrus name and there's no
Nick VinZant 52:53
more. There's no other walruses names that exist. They're only Wilfred Brimley. From now on,
Unknown Speaker 53:00
you hear that whoever named walruses?
Nick VinZant 53:02
Oh, okay, that's gonna do it for this episode of Profoundly Pointless. I want to thank you so much for joining us. If you get a chance, leave us a quick review, subscribe all that kind of stuff. We really do appreciate it. We're trying to make the show a lot better in 2025 so any support that you can give us really helps us out. We also have our Patreon page that is now, I don't know what the link is, but it's in the description of the episode. If you want to check that out and let us know what you think are the funniest slash best celebrity names. It's just so hard to beat a dick. I mean, how are you gonna beat a dick? You just, you can't. It's just too hard to beat a dick. You can't beat a good, hard dick. I'm six years old. I.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
