Lessons Learned

Thankfully, it has been quite a while since this moving ordeal and I must say, I think we are finally settled.  Whew!
As I read over my last post, I was still ashamed.  I hate that I doubted God.  I feel like a worm.  But, I have asked for forgiveness and now I must move forward.  So much has happened in our lives over the last month and a half, it really is hard to go back and try to capture all of it, but I will point out my biggest lessons learned.

1) God is in control.  He always has been and He always will be.  Praise the Lord!!  I am so glad I am not in control of everything...it has been proven over and over that if I were, I would surely make a mess of things.  I am so grateful that He carries me.
2) When we sit in worry and doubt, we miss the big picture.  Even this morning I was reminded of Exodus 4 when God told Moses to go back to Egypt and all of the men who wanted to kill him were now dead.  Moses feared things that he didn't even need to fear...God had already worked it out.  Just like in my case, I worried and doubted and was so negative about how things would turn out, but even in the midst of all my worry, God had already worked it out.  Thankfully, He is a God of details and He sees all that we cannot.  Again, I am thankful He is in control.
3) God loves me (all of us) so very much.  Sometimes I forget that He is not only God, but my Father.  His word says that we who are sinful give good gifts to our children so how much more would He give to His children.  He wants to bless me, why do I so doubt that He will?

All I can do now is rest in Him, be ever so grateful for His blessings, and pray that I do not doubt Him so the next time. 
Now, I will try to catch up the rest of my blog...Disney Cruise, new house, Auburn Cake.....

Inductive Bible Study

I just completed a Precept Inductive Bible Study on the book of Titus. I must say this was very eye opening. I have done many Bible studies before, mostly by going to Lifeway and getting a study and doing it on my own. This study was through Precept Ministries by Kay Arthur. What it does is take Scripture and break it down word by word. My mom said it was like dissecting ~ which is actually a great way to describe it. I must say until now I feel like I have only been surface studying. I learned so much that I don't think I would have any other way. I am hooked! This can really be the only way to really dig in (well, not the only way but certainly a really good way). I feel like I will read my Bible differently from now on. If you have never done one of these studies, I would highly recommend it. We are going to start the book of Romans in the fall and it will take us 1 1/2 - 2 years to complete! That is how in depth it is. I am so excited!

Worship Like a Child

Oh, Ella. What a sweet heart and love she has for Jesus. She is always talking about Him, and it is obvious she has a genuine, child-like love for her Savior (as should we all). I'm telling you, sometimes she inspires and challenges me. Well, yesterday evening, she was "painting" on the computer (something she taught herself to do) and she created this picture.

I asked her exactly what this was, and this was her explanation.....the person is Jesus; the star is the bright star the shephards followed to find Him when He was born; the house is the stable where he was born; the cross is, of course, to represent the fact that He died on a cross; the green up and down arrows represent the fact that Jesus came down from Heaven and then was resurrected after His death; the clouds represent how He will come back. WOW! From a 6 year old.

As I was doing my quiet time this morning, I read in Malachi. I read in 2:15 where it says "He seeks godly offspring." My commentary says "God seeks godly children even as He seeks for true worshipers." Then it was talking about when God talks about His pleasure...how in 1:10 He says "I have no pleasure in you." Of course, here God was speaking to the people about their apathetic "worship" of Him. So, my commentary said "pleasure: The word describes the desire of God to smile, even to laugh with joy at true worship from a godly people." All I can say is, I think God got a chuckle out of Ella's picture. It must please His heart to see one just love Him for who He is...not what He has done, necessarily, but just because of who He is. In Matthew 19:14, Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these." He so delights in our children!

Well, the challenge I took away from this morning's time with my Lord....in Malachi 1:6,7 the people where sort of back-talking to God and asking, "In what way have we despised your name? In what way have we defiled you?" These questions show the halfheartedness of the people. They were essentially saying, "We are making sacrifices, what else do you want?" But what He wanted from them, and what He wants from us, is OUR BEST. The question posed is this....Do we offer God our best in worship, or do we just go through the motions? I will admit, there are some mornings that are just more difficult than others, and I am just going through the motions. God says we are to serve Him wholeheartedly...in a choice of half-hearted service or no service, He would choose no service...in a choice of being warm or cold, He chooses cold. He doesn't want what we feel like giving...He wants OUR BEST. So, the challenge to me this morning is....am I giving Him my very best....every day, every time I worship, always...am I bringing Him pleasure and making Him smile and laugh with joy because of my worship.....are you? Just a thought.....

Discouraged

Wow, this has been a difficult morning. Doubt has crept in. I know I have only recently begun posting about my personal life and my desire to come home full-time, but it has been my prayer for at least two years now. A couple of years ago, my cousin Cantina told me she felt like the Lord was urging her to speak to me about homeschooling. She asked if I would "just pray about it." Quite honestly, I had never thought about it before. I just assumed we would send our kids to "regular" school. But, I said I would and so I did. And the more I prayed the more I felt like this is in fact what God would have me to do. So then, I began to pray for a way for God to bring me home full-time so that I could homeschool my children. I am currently homeschooling Ella in kindergarten and she will begin first grade this fall. God has opened up doors at work that allow me to work part-time doing a job I love. But I feel this ever increasing burden to be home full-time.

So, I have sensed God's telling me this is going to happen and I just need to wait on him. I see other people's prayers getting answered, but what about me? Others I know haven't been praying for this as long as I have yet their prayers have already been answered. Have I misunderstood God? I have prayed for wisdom. I felt as if God had confirmed His plan over and over. Doubt. An ugly word. What does God have to say about that? Well, in James 1:6-8 He says, "But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does."

So, this morning I got on my face and cried out to Him to either confirm (yet again) what He has been telling me or change my heart. Well, ask and you shall receive.
According to James 1:3-4, "...the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
Psalm 27:13-14 "I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."
Isaiah 33:6 "He will be the sure foundation for your times, a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge; the fear of the Lord is the key to this treasure."
Zephaniah 3:17 "The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing."
To top it off, In Touch with Charles Stanley this morning subject: waiting on God.

What a truly amazing God! So patient with His children. Me? Wouldn't I have told mine by now "How many times do I have to tell you?" But not God. He just opens up His word to me and speaks to me and encourages me over and over. How I wish I were so patient and encouraging to my own children. He is the perfect example. And the perfect, loving Father. Thank you, God, for loving me more than I can even fathom. Thank you for encouraging me day after day. Thank you for your living Word. Thank you for your Holy Spirit that lives in me and speaks to my own spirit. Thank you for quieting me with your love.

I don't know if anyone really reads this blog or not, but it's good for me to get this out. I want it to serve as a testimony to God's work in my life. That when all of this comes to pass, it will be clear that only He deserves the glory. I hope that it will serve as an encouragement to others that only God and your relationship with Him is all that really matters.

Now, time to go decorate my oldest blessing's 6th birthday cake! Post to come tomorrow!

God is so good!

I am so full of expectation. God is soooo good. He is so actively at work all around me and it is so exciting! Let's see if I can even put this all into words and make it flow right.....

As most of you know, God has laid a huge burden on my heart to be at home full-time. I have been praying and figuring out a way to help God make that happen. I am an immediate results, instant gratification type of gal....hence why I love the emergency department ;) Nonetheless, God has been dealing with my patience (or lack thereof) for quite some time. I finally realized that God does not need my help...imagine that! So there was a revelation and peace. Since then, I've been waiting and waiting and waiting and guess what....I'm becoming impatient.

I believe that God is laying the foundation and opening up doors. Last night our pastor talked about having small Bible study groups in the home. This made Charles and I very excited. We have been interested in this since last year when we went to a marriage conference by Family Life Today and they have a Homebuilders series that we were very interested in. God has grown us individually and as a couple during the last year and the thought of ministering to others is so exciting. But, no one from Prattville is going to drive to Lowndesboro for it I'm sure.

I've been doing a Bible study by Priscilla Shirer called Discerning the Voice of God. Wow is it good!!! She is amazingly gifted and I am learning so much. The first week talked about praying expectantly. So often we pray but don't really expect God to answer. Then she talked about waiting patiently...there it is again! It went on to teach about taking the time to listen to God and stop talking so much, planning to be obedient when He does speak, and having faith that He will speak. And that's just week one!

Then, I got this email devotion by James McDonald at Walk in the Word about the benefits of waiting. He uses the process of waiting to mold us into the person that He wants us to be...to advance His purposes for His kingdom. Then he quotes many Scriptures to support these claims. (This is already becoming quite lengthy, but you can check out the posts on https://www.walkintheword.com/).

So as you can see, this waiting is becoming a persistant theme in my life right now. But aren't the best things in life worth waiting for? I may have an end result, but God has the plan...and His plan is best. He is teaching and molding me so I can be of better use to Him. Again, the expectation is building...I am so excited to see what He is going to do. And it will be worth the wait and He will get the glory. Isn't it amazing that with all of the big, major events that are happening in this big world that He still cares about little me and my little piece of the the world? I get overwhelmed with just my little piece of the world....THANK GOODNESS I SERVE A GREAT BIG GOD WHO IS STRONG, MIGHTY, ABLE, LOVING, PATIENT, FORGIVING, AND WORTHY!!!!

So, until His perfect timing is brought to light...I will continue to wait...patiently....

A Revelation

Well, this will not be my typical blog entry. You will also notice a change in the blog title. God is doing a fresh work in my life and just yesterday gave me a great revelation. This will probably be a long entry but I want you to understand things.

I have had this dream of opening up my own little "business" of making and decorating cakes for a while with the end result being my coming home to be a stay-at-home / homeschooling mom. I could not foresee how to be at home without supplementing my existing income even if we made lifestyle changes. So, two days ago I contacted the Lowndes County Department of Public Health to see what I needed to do in order to make things happen. Much to my disappointment, I found it would be far more of an investment than I ever wanted to make. So, I began to pout. "I'll never get to come home."

I kept telling God I just didn't understand. There is no doubt that He is calling me home. Why is He not allowing my plans to work? My husband began to pray. Close friends also lifted me up as I slumped into discouragment. I attempted to take a nap but couldn't. Still my heart questioning God. As the hours passed, God spoke softly and tenderly to my heart. He gave me a revelation.

The conversation went a little something like this...
God: "Is your dream to stay home and serve your family or to own a cake business?"
Me: "To stay home with my family."
God: "Are you sure?"
Me: "Yes."
God: "Then why are you pouting? I am not sensing you being grateful for what you have. I don't see contentment."
Me: "I'm pouting because how else am I going to stay home if I don't supplement my income somehow?"
God: "Oh, so you are saying I'm not big enough to handle that?"
Me: "No, I'm not saying that. I just don't see how it's going to happen."
God: "So you're saying I'm not big enough to handle that?"
Me: becoming ashamed...also began reading about opening at home cake business and realizing from person after person that there is so much more to it than baking and decorating a cake....
God: "If you are so consumed in running a business, does it really matter if you are at home? Will you be able to still have the time to teach and mold your little girls? Will you have time to make your home a sanctuary for your family? What will be left for your husband at the end of the day? So, will you really be accomplishing your 'dream'? Furthermore, who gets the glory for your 'success'? If you go home because you made something happen to accomplish your goal, you get the glory. When you go home because I have provided the means, I will get the glory. Are you living for your own glory...or Mine? Would you rather be home baking, decorating, and stressed or would you rather be home loving and serving your family?"

A REVELATION

First of all, thanks be to God for speaking to my heart...for allowing me to hear....for removing the blinding scales from my eyes...for giving me hope and peace....for being concerned about my little world when there are so many bigger things happening in this big world. It's quite humbling. I am overwhelmed by His unfathomable love.

Second, I am excited to see what He is going to do. I passed by a church who's marquee said "do not sacrifice the future on the alter of the immediate." If I do things my way, I more than likely will be sacrificing the great blessings He has in store for me by forcing my plans which will be less than what I "dreamed."

Third, I do enjoy decorating cakes. So, I still plan to do that for my friends and family. But now I will enjoy it more. No pressure to make it so great others will want to "use" me. It really can be just fun now.

Fourth, my friend Dana pointed out that even the Proverbs 31 woman worked and had a craft to support the family. I am interested to see what God is going to develop in me. I very much want to learn to sew, paint, etc...now I can diversify my artistic side with things that aren't so regulated.

God has been doing this fresh work in me for a few months now. Speaking to me through His word, through music, and other Godly people. Just the other day on my way to the hospital He spoke to me through a song by Avalon ... You were there. He was there when Abraham was about to sacrifice Isaac and He provided the lamb at just the right time. I was weeping in my car...cried my make-up off even before my day began. The same God who came through in mighty ways thousands of years ago is the same God who comes through for me each and every day. He loved me enough to die for me....to save me from myself. He loves me today and will love me tomorrow. He is here...holding me in His arms...surrounding me with His love.

So I am excited to give up my "dream" to follow His lead....

Drinking from my saucer...

Michael Combs sings beautifully a song that goes..."I'm drinking from my saucer 'cause my cup has overflowed." Well, I can tell you, that is exactly where I am. God has blessed my life more than I could even have imagined. My heart is so full it is hard to put into words. Ephesians 3:20-21 says "Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen." God does do more than I could ever even think or imagine. He is GOD. He is good!! To Him be all honor, glory, and praise! Thank you, Father, that I am drinking from my saucer.