A

Publication

Praise for UNPLUGGeD

“I borrowed my mother’s copy and read it. Now, this Saturday, I am going
out on a first date with a man I met recently, and I have a plan…get him a
brand new copy of this book. It will give a perfect picture of what I look for
in men. What a real man should be has been deeply and comprehensively
captured by this outstanding author.”

—Judith Maneno

“Men have been sold comforting lies for centuries; this book is a must-read
for any man who wants a relationship with the new empowered 21st century
entitled modern woman. Get Unplugged or perish. I have my copy, and I am
getting several for my three sons, who will have to read and internalize
everything by the time they are teens.”

—Hillary Lelei
“The most informative book I have ever read. A must-have for both women
and men.”
—William Cira
“I have an amazing time reading this book. I’ll definitely gift it to my kids.
As a single mother, I can finally understand men.” —Jane Wanja

“Every Kenyan man must read this. Our fathers never prepared us for some
of the realities we face today as men, but this book is a complete guide. It
empowers you to be a man in this highly feminized world.”

—James Moriasi

“I know the target audience is men, but women will greatly benefit from
reading this book as it will help them to tell the kind of men that are
marriageable and those to keep away from. It can also help you make your
man, a man of value, a full-stack man. Excellent read.”

—Caroline Wesonga

“I have read this book twice, and while there are some parts I don’t agree
with as they contain gender stereotypes and subjective bias, I am attracted to
the author’s mastery of the English language and intersexual dynamics. In
addition, the book has helped me understand some aspects of woman’s
nature I was not aware of, and I also have a better understanding of men
courtesy of the book. This is an A-class author.”

— Janet Banda

“I now understand men better, courtesy of this book. If you don’t want a
low-value man in your life as a woman, read this book, and you will
understand how to pair bond with men of substance: Excellent read.”

—Bernice Akinyi
“I am in love with the linguistic prowess of the writer.” —Elaine Mumbi

“The quality of writing is dope. Those in love with linguistics, great English,
and high-level mastery of writing skills will fall in love with this book.”

— Steve Ogola

“This has to be my favorite Kenyan author at the moment. The quality of

writing is unprecedentedly high. Does he have any other book?”
—Morris Mwongera

“This is the intellectual version of the advice Amerix and Kibe have been
giving men. The author is moderate in that he avoids extreme gender
bashing and digital hooliganism associated with the two. He takes men
through an intellectual trip to masculinity, using evidential anecdotes that
relate to some of the experiences men are going through today, which the
advice we got from our fathers cannot solve. I like this intellectual brand of
masculine content.”

—Elon Chuol Biel

“Yaani Kenya has this pedigree of authorship? Our own Paulo Coelho!”
—Phoebe Omutanyi

“It is a shame that I first heard about this book from a Morrocan expatriate
who is my supervisor at work and has been quoting excerpts from this book
while trying to describe to discuss the weird stuff he sees from Kenyan men.
I had to get a copy, and…It was a 4 figure well spent. The book provokes
thoughts, opens eyes, and makes a rallying call that will set Kenyan men
back on the right track.”

—Engineer Chiuri

“This author has read widely. This book combines culture, philosophy,
theology, literature, sociology, psychology, current affairs, and showbiz, I
mean, there are references from almost all spheres of life.”

— Warungu

“In five years, this will be the most read author in Kenya. Future Nobel
material if he remains consistent at delivering such outstanding content.”

— Jeremy P. Kiprop

“I bought a copy for myself in May and later added two more to ensure all
the male employees read the book. Over the two months, the is a significant
observable change in anyone who read the book in terms of attitude,
behavior, and productivity. I have decided that reading this book becomes an
official part of the orientation of male employees in the factory.”
—Raghav Raj

“God Bless you, Mr. Aliet. I doubt anything else will ever touch my life the
way this book has done. You have set me up for a new beginning. Once
again, God Bless You.”

—Nyamari Omache

“As a feminist (non-toxic), I strongly disagree with the author on many

issues, but I celebrate the international standards of authorship achieved by
this book. At one point, while reading the book, I got angry, especially at the
demeaning labeling of women, but the high-quality everything else in the
book would massage the anger away. Aliet, you are international!”

—Kristine Konuche

“We say men are dogs, men are cheats, men are players bla bla bla, but I
would prefer the dog version of a man than the weak version. A weak man is
the scum of the earth, the worst human being there shall ever be. There
should be no place for weak men in society. This book has done an excellent
job of addressing a burning issue in the 21st century; masculinity decline.
Perfect work.”

—Njeri wa Mugo
Reading the book a third time, this time with a notebook. I will commit to its
ideals.
— John Ntaragwi Muthaura

“Two weeks ago, I went online and post “Men, what is the most perfect gift
a woman should buy her boyfriend?”. I wanted to gift my man something
valuable. People suggested different things, but three of them posted, “get
him a book called unplugged. I googled the book and decided to get it after
reading the authorial summary and a few reader reviews on Nuria. His
birthday comes, and I give him the gift. The following day, we were
supposed to go out for a picnic an extension of his birthday but he refused to
get out of the house. The moment he started reading the book, his attention
remained on it for the next 10 hours, which made me curious about it.
Immediately he put it down, I took it up, well it took a few days for me to
finish, and what I can say is, ladies, if he is celebrating a birthday, ask him
whether he has read unplugged. If he hasn’t, there is no better gift than
unplugged by Jacob Aliet.”

—Mary Anyango

“I teach family law, and I got alarmed when a student heavily cited this book
in a paper related to divorce, I requested him for the source so that I can read
more. Just finished reading it, and it has really opened my eyes.”

—Maiyani

“We have a men-only club called ‘Mantle” n campus that brings male
students together to discuss our issues and create a closely knit tribe of men.
One of our lecturers donated three copies if this book to the club a few
weeks ago, and that was the game changer. The energy the book has put into
the movement is phenomenal.”

—Mbari Yahiti

“This book will provide a turning point for many Kenyan and even African
men. When the history of African Masculinity is written, this book will
undoubtedly be recognized as one of the game changers. It comes at a time
when the low masculinity crisis is biting hard. Thumbs up, author for this
timely rescue resource for men.”

— Jimmy Mbogo

“I bought my husband this book a few weeks after it was launched, and I can
already see some change in behavior and attitude. You can even hear him
quoting it during a call with friends. Quite an influence.”

—Judith Murigi

“My college-going son rarely reads, so I got alarmed when he stayed home
the whole of last weekend reading one. I borrowed the book from him, and
three days later, I was going around recommending it to anyone who cares to
listen. It is the best book I have ever read in my half a decade of existence.”
—Marcus Obiero
ALSO BY JACOB ALIET

The Levant Church Magnolia Flower Shoreline Origins

Shoreline Evolution The Photographer

Strange Encounters The Secret

First published 2022

UNPLUGGED
Copyright © by Jacob Aliet 2023

First printing, March 2022, Second Printing June 2022, Third Printing July
2022, Fourth Printing August 2022 https://www.facebook.com/ndikoaliet/

Published by Ndiko Aliet All rights reserved.

If you purchase this book without a cover, you should know that it may have
been stolen and reported as “unsold and destroyed” to the publisher. In such
a case, neither the author nor the publisher has received any payment for this
“stripped book.”

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any
manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief
quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

Set in Electra

Art, design, graphics & layout by Okang’a Ooko Concept, realisation and
print and consultation by Okang’a Ooko @www.okangaooko.co.ke
ISBN: 9798486942273 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3
Acknowledgements

In writing this book, I have been heavily influenced by the works of Rollo
Tomassi, aka the R&D of the manosphere. Rollo’s blog, The Rational Male,
has been an invaluable source of information for me, alongside his book
series and podcasts. I particularly credit Rollo for developing frameworks
that are a reference point in the discussions on intergender dynamics.

Borrowing from fields like endocrinology, sociology, evolutionary

psychology, history and sociology, and the experiences of thousands of men,
Rollo has developed organizing principles for understanding female nature
and how men can navigate them over the decades.

His work is essential in this area.

Kevin Samuels (RIP), Jordan Peterson, Rich Cooper, Casey Zander, AMS,
MTR, StephIsCold, Fitxfearless, Immortal Minds, The Lead Attorney, Poor
Man’s Podcast, and Oshay Duke Jackson have also been sources of valuable
insights.
I would also like to thank Silas Gisiora Nyanchwani for teaming up with me
in sharing masculinity lessons with Kenyan men. His book series, Memos to
Men, has opened up several men’s minds to some of the issues I discuss
herein.
Last but not least, I would like to give heartfelt gratitude to my wife, Mary
Aliet, for providing me with the support and conducive environment that
enabled me to undertake a project of this magnitude.

Contents

Acknowledgements .../ i Foreword .../ vii

1. Done Dirty 1 Zeroed Out .../ 1 Swept Clean .../ 10 Silenced Men .../ 18

2. Social Axis 25
The Gynocentric Social Order .../ 25 The Manosphere .../ 31
The Red Pill .../ 32

3. Trends And Statistics 41

Women Dying Alone .../ 43
Single, Childless Men .../ 44
Obesity Among Women .../ 45
Female Dudes .../ 47
Single Mothers .../ 50
Home-Wrecking Women .../ 53
Independent Black Women & Divorce Porn .../ 55

4. The New Social Order 61

Patriarchy And The Failure Of Men .../ 61 Feminism .../ 63
The First Wave Of Feminism .../ 64

iii

The Second Wave Of Feminism .../ 64 The Sexual Revolution .../ 65

The Third Wave Of Feminism .../ 65 The Fourth Wave Of Feminism .../ 66
Other Categories Of Feminism .../ 67 Liberal Feminism .../ 67
Marxist Feminism .../ 67
Radical Feminism .../ 68

5. Feminism Spin-Offs 69
Blank Slate Equalism .../ 69
Female Supremacy And Misandry .../ 72 The Modern Woman .../ 76
The Destruction Of Marriage .../ 79 Equality Of Outcome .../ 81
Unhappy Modern Women .../ 84

6. Things Our Fathers Did Not Teach Us 90 Female Nature .../ 91

Maturation And Sexual Selection .../ 106 Mental Point Of Origin .../ 120
Open Hypergamy .../ 126
The Myth Of Eternal Happiness .../ 131 If She Loves You, She Is Yours .../
137
Marry Someone That You Love .../ 140
Treat Her Like A Queen .../ 144
Women Are The Prize .../ 147
Men Do Not Conquer Women .../ 155
Money Does Not Get You Genuine Desire .../ 159 Women Only Cheat For
Emotional Reasons .../ 162 How Deep Is Your Love .../ 166
Saved For Someone Else .../ 174
You Have To Pay To Be The Boss .../ 177
Why Women Love Drama .../ 184
Mind Your Own Business .../ 191
Is She Cheating? .../ 198
Love Me As I Am .../ 200
Women’s Blue Pill .../ 208
Listen And Apologize .../ 215
When Women Kill Their Own Babies .../ 220 The Protector Dynamic .../ 225
The Saviour Schema .../ 228
The Disposable Sex .../ 232
Briffault’s Law & Men’s Diminishing Returns .../ 235 Women Who Play
Hard To Get .../ 237
Manhood And Sacrifice .../ 241
How Women Communicate .../ 247
7. Some Pillars Of Success For Men 251 Guard The Gates To Your Garden
.../ 251 Pursue Real Pleasure .../ 254
Be The Advancing Man .../ 256
Ye Are Gods .../ 258
Integrate Your Shadow .../ 261
The Burden Of Performance .../ 263 What Can We Learn From Lions? .../
268 Don’t Do This .../ 272
Lessons From Will Smith .../ 277 Beliefs That Destroy Men .../ 283 Securing
Your Treasures .../ 287

Dealing With Infidelity .../ 292

Get Out Of The Friend Zone .../ 296
What Is An Alpha Man? .../ 301
Are You A Simp? .../ 308
Why Men Simp .../ 311
Concessions That Make Men Beta .../ 315 How Men Remain Beta .../ 318
Signs That She Belongs To The Streets .../ 325 Equal Partnerships .../ 328
Reset Your Beliefs .../ 335
Things We Learnt From Kevin Samuels .../ 338

8. The Rise Of The Sheconomy 322 References .../ 326

About The Author .../ 328 .

Table Of Figures

Figure 1: Marriage Rates In The Last Century .../ 42 Figure 2: Timeline Of

Modern And Traditional Man .../ 87 Figure 3: Traditional Vs Modern
Westernized Woman .../ 89 Figure 4: The Menstrual Cycle .../ 103
Figure 5: Sexual Maturation And Smv Graph .../ 107

Foreword
 Several people
lost their jobs during the covid19 lockdown and subsequent economic
meltdown.

In some cases, the job losses catalyzed the end of some marriages.
In all the cases where I know the affected personally, the wives walked out
of the marriages. The men were not accused of abuse or infidelity in the
same cases. They were men with regular 9-5 jobs and paid the bills. They
had kids in those marriages too.
And they were nice men: men who deferred to their wives, faithful men,
non-disagreeable, mellow men and committed fathers. They were men who
fervently supported European football teams, read newspapers earnestly,
were committed employees, watched television, were often nursing
hangovers on Sundays, and brought home the bacon.
They were nice guys, and they had not lost their jobs or anything like that.
This got my attention. In fact, it confounded me.
This book is an effort to explain what could have gone wrong and what they
could have done to avoid the unpleasant outcomes.
Most of us have learned about relationships from our peers, books, and
movies (especially from Disney). Boys grow up believing that men and
women love the same way and for the same reasons. We grow up believing
that women care for the same things that men do and with the same intensity
and purpose.

vii

But once you become a man and get married, you realize that things are very
different.
Over the last several years, there have been concerted and sustained efforts
to push the idea that gender is a social construct. This idea is what we know
today as blank-slate equalism, which I tackle in this book. Alongside these
have been the efforts of liberal feminism to promote egalitarianism – not in
the workplace, but within marriage, coupled with a poor appreciation of our
evolutionary psychology and how our ancestral past still influences our
behaviour today.
We need to understand these three things properly to ace life and navigate
our relationships.
From what I had witnessed in the time surrounding the COVID 19 pandemic
and things I always took for granted in my past, I began piecing together
relationship dynamics and joining the dots.
A pattern began to emerge.
I realized that what I had learned about relationships from popular media
was primarily wrong. Ideas that my generation espoused were false and
dangerous, and led to the demise of several people. Men have actually
committed suicide and killed their partners and children because of these
false beliefs.
Indeed, relationships and marriages were counterintuitive in several respects.
This struck me more powerfully than I can put in words.
It was a remarkable revelation.
I started reading more on the subject and quickly became aware of a global
problem affecting marriages in the westernized world.
Back home, an incident that involved a date gone bad resulted

viii

in some male radio presenters getting fired for discussing it. That also caught
me by surprise, and I sought to understand what was at play. I was blown
away when I beheld the nuts and bolts of it.

Looking back, I became aware of the first glitch in the matrix when I was in
my early twenties when I witnessed a marriage go from bad to worse to
tragic. It was a marriage that I thought was great. At the time, I thought it
was just a sad story. I dismissed it as a case of bad luck to the affected man,
who happened to be my friend. Decades later, I came to understand the
dynamic that resulted in my friend’s outcome. It was not bad luck or poor
decision-making. I was fascinated.

From the seventies, eighties, and nineties, when most of my generation grew
up, much has changed about what drives the relationships between men and
women and the glue that holds marriages together.
Whereas the firmware that drives our psychology and sexuality remains the
same, a lot has changed that governs how we interact in relationships and
marriage. Laws have been altered, political ideologies have been changed,
marriage has been remodeled, intergender dynamics have shifted, and
women’s expectations have changed while men have fundamentally
remained the same. Society has evolved in so many ways, as we shall see.

These changes have shifted the fitness landscape in relationships and

marriage. It is utterly alien to what it was when we were children. Our
fathers did not teach us how to kiss or have sex. Our fathers did not teach us
how to court and propose to a girl. Our fathers did not teach us what it
means to be a man and how to run a marriage. Our fathers did not teach us
how to maintain female attachment.

ix

We learned most of these things from books, television, movies, magazines,

and novels. Many of the things that we learned as we grew up are no longer
applicable.

In fact, they are mostly wrong.

Women have been empowered while men, not so much. As you read this,
women surpass men in terms of enrolment in universities. For the most part,
men lack a playbook for navigating relationships with the “empowered”
women. In countries like the US, it is common knowledge that a man is
better off not getting married. Marriage has been weaponized against men,
and men are forced to resort to prenups to firewall their lives from divorce
laws and family courts that have weaponized marriage.
We now live in a femicentric world. Popular media pander to women
without regard to what is truthful or beneficial to society. Social media have
provided women unlimited access to unlimited attention and an easy source
of validation for women.
These developments have resulted in a decline in marriage rates, increased
divorce rates, increased single mothers, and unrealistic expectations from
marriage, especially from women.
This book is an effort to consolidate practical and predictable lessons that
can help us, particularly men, to navigate life and relationships in the
modern world in a manner that brings satisfaction and stability. Where such
stability is not achieved, I hope that, through this book, the men will be
better equipped to cope with the turbulence and the vicissitudes of their
relationships.

1
Jacob Aliet: UNPLUGGED

DONE DIRTY
Zeroed Out

If you visited Denno, you would likely find him sitting in the awning outside
his house. His crusty elbows would be on his knees, his shoulders jutting
above his head, head hanging low, his pinkie finger bearing month-long
nails, eyes sliding slowly beneath hooded lids. He reminded you of a raptor
perched high on a tree, waiting for the prey to move down below. If you
asked the oneeyed man who roasted maize at the matatu stage to describe
him, he would wave the stinging smoke away and tell you from behind his
squint that Denno was a thoughtful and kind man who often told him to keep
the change.

Denno was my friend and a mentor when I was in high school. He was the
academic type who loved maths – he was in the last batch that did A levels
before 844 kicked in. Because of his orientation toward maths and
accounting, he got a job with Barclays bank Nakuru branch, where he
worked for a couple of years. He rented an apartment, bought household
furniture, and set himself up.

As sure as day follows night, it occurred to him that he needed a wife. As he

sipped evening tea one day, Denno told a friend that he didn’t want to marry
the town ladies: the worldly town ladies “knew too much.” So, we sent word
around, and soon a beautiful young lady with sparkling teeth and emerald
eyes was found in a backwater community in a rural area in Siaya County.
Her name was Achieng.
Because of lack of school fees, she had dropped out of school

in form two, and all Achien’g’s parents wanted was someone to marry her
before the marauding village boys made her pregnant and worsened her
predicament.

When her parents were told that a young man in Nakuru with an excellent
job wanted a girl to marry, they were delighted.
But they were no fools.
“Tell him to come and meet the girl,” her father said, driving his walking
stick into the earth. They wanted to see him and assess his suitability as an
in-law. Was he someone they could trust to take care of their daughter? Was
he a decent man?
Denno sat bare-chested in his living room after work and looked at the
distance as the news was delivered to him. He had the habit of casting a
thousand-yard stare whenever he was presented with important news.
“Why can’t she just come?” he asked simply. He thought about traveling to
an obscure village to meet a girl he had never seen. What if she was not
marriageable for whatever reason? He would look like a fool, he thought.
Denno said he would pay her bus fare from home and back if the transport
money were the problem. He flatly declined to travel to her home. Denno
said that he wanted to see her first. He was the quintessential shy guy.
And so emissaries were sent to go and talk to her parents. As a banker,
Denno was a man of means, and getting dielmen to send on such errands
was easy.
This assignment was given to smooth-talking men with disarming smiles
who knew how to deploy jokes, ambiguous metaphors, clever imagery, and
handle dowry negotiations in crafty fashion.
On the day of the travel, they took a heavy breakfast, wore borrowed suits,
and bearing gifts and cash, they went for the girl. The parents released the
girl with the understanding that she would be back the next day. The girl was
taken to Nakuru carrying a handful of threadbare clothes and odd shoes.
She met Denno in his house; he smiled when he saw how she avoided his
eyes. He did not want a bold girl who could look him in the eye. He wanted
someone teachable who had not slept with many men and become imprinted.
She met his requirements.
The emissaries exchanged knowing looks and left the two to “talk.” The two
“talked.” The girl slept on a mattress on the living room floor and would
travel home the next day.
The next day, they went shopping for new clothes, accessories, and shoes
courtesy of Denno. In the evening, she asked the emissaries for a few more
days. She didn’t want to go back to her parents just yet. Word was delivered
to her parents that she would delay for a few days. The intermediaries
exchanged knowing looks as she negotiated for more days. Days turned to
weeks, and weeks turned to months.
I was a high school student at the time. When I saw the girl, I was floored. I
thought she was too young for marriage, leave alone too young for Denno!
From her conical-shaped breasts and pimply face, I could tell that she was
hardly out of her teens.
Regardless, she stayed. They became man and wife. Denno was happy he
was no longer alone, had someone to cook for him and wash his clothes, and
was naïve and entirely submissive to him. I thought his level of insecurity
was shameful, and to settle for such a child? Disgusting! I thought.
I was a fool. I did not appreciate at the time that a man does not stand
barefoot on hot coals merely because his feet are wet.
Months later, Denno went with a fitting entourage to meet her parents,
bearing gifts and cash. He paid the bride price as required, and his in-laws
were ecstatic and proud. They exhorted their daughter to be a good wife. She
was reminded that bettereducated women were in the village but could not
get such a good man to marry them. She was told to take care of her family
and home.
Denno was happy. They soon had a child, and when the child began walking,
Denno considered how his wife was managing the family finances and
decided he couldn’t let such a bright girl waste away as a housewife.
While he could not know the future, he decided to plan for it as all men do.
After all, our lives are a series of plans even though we have no control over
the future.
An idea filled his heart with hope.
One evening after dinner, he spoke to Achieng. Was she willing to go back to
school and get an education to get a job and work? She agreed and hugged
him tightly. She told him that she had always dreamt of completing her
education. That night they made passionate love and together imagined a
magnificent future for themselves.
He built a house in the village for her and got her acquainted with his folks.
They liked her. She was a well-behaved woman and had delivered a child
that looked like Denno.
Denno took her to a teacher’s training college and hired a housemaid to help
him with their child.
She spent two years in the teacher’s training college, and as Denno expected,
Achieng was a bright girl and was often the best in all subjects.
One Friday evening, a woman came to deposit money at the bank where
Denno worked. The bank was already closed for the day. The woman
phoned Denno, who was still in the office. He told her to come the following
Monday because the banking system was already shut down for transactions.
She said she understood. But she would be traveling out of the country, she
said. “Can you just receive the cash and then deposit it for me on Monday?
Please, please?” She begged, her hands held in a prayer pose.
He agreed, accepted the cash, stamped the deposit slip, and gave her the
copy.
The following Monday, he deposited the cash as agreed.
Three months later, a customer complained that she had deposited cash, but
because it was banked two days later, she had been penalized. She had the
deposit slip as proof.
After a brief investigation, Denno was found guilty of some banking
infraction and interdicted. He called her and reminded her of the fateful
evening, his hands sweating, his words dripping with loss. His voice
trembled with emotion. His words hit her like a surprise wave at the beach.
“Oh no!” she gasped.
She recalled and said she was suffused with remorse. “It is my fault. Let me
come and explain to them.” she said ruefully.
He told her it didn’t matter anymore. He sounded distant and detached. “I
am in a lot of trouble because of this,” he said, devastated. He visualized
everything he had built crumbling to dust as he disconnected the call. Bile
rose to his throat, and he swallowed hard. Tears pushed their way up to his
eyes, but he fought them down.
“Oh my gosh, what have I done?” She cried when the realization hit her.
But it was too late. The wheels of disciplinary action had already started
rolling in the bank. When those wheels started rolling, like a device of fate,
they often could not be rolled back.
A few weeks later, his terse termination letter came.
It was brutal and final. There was no option of appeal.
Denno was the light in their village and was paying school fees for a few
kids, bringing light to people born in darkness.
On the day he received the letter, the world closed in on him in one
agonizing knot.
He was instantly plunged into existential darkness.
He had no plan B, and his job was his only means of livelihood.
He broke the news to his wife, teary and devastated. She was very
sympathetic and told him to stay strong. Once she was done with her
training, she said, she would get a job and help him raise their child.
She completed her coursework and joined teaching practice. Denno started a
car wash in the neighborhood as he looked for the unlikely job now that his
record was tainted. The car wash business wasn’t bringing in much cash, but
it was better than nothing.
Achieng was posted to a school in Nairobi for her teaching practice. He was
thinking of having a second baby at that point, but she asked him to allow
her to finish her teaching practice, and then they could get to it. He agreed.
She left for Nairobi.
At the time, mobile phones were already in vogue. Her initial months in
Nairobi were okay, then towards the end of the first year, she started flaking.
She would say she was coming over the weekend and failed to come for
flimsy reasons.
She started becoming unavailable on her phone, and often, her whereabouts
were unknown to him. He decided to confront her.
When he questioned her, speaking to her sharply on the phone. She talked
back at him. Harsh words were exchanged.
In a fit of anger, he decided to travel to Nairobi. This little girl thought she
knew more than him? He would go and show her what’s up, he thought as he
angrily threw some clothes into a handbag.
When he got to Nairobi, he called her. Her phone was off for the first sixteen
hours. It came on briefly and went off again. He sent her a text message and
told her he had arrived and was at a friend’s place. “Where are you?” He
asked.
She texted him that she was at a workshop in Lukenya and would be back in
a couple of days. She sent him a number of a friend from whom he could get
the keys to her house.
He expected her to go home over the weekend.
She did not. Her phone stayed off the whole time.
He became suspicious. As time passed and the shadows became longer, fears
that lurked in the darkness approached him and held court with him.
At the time, Denno did not know that nothing truly belongs to a man. When
he called her, she yelled at him, telling him she was not the one who told
him to come to Nairobi and can he please stop bothering her?!
He retrieved the phone from his ear and looked at it as if it were a rock from
outer space. His Achieng was violently challenging him point blank!
As they say, you never know how you will react until the pin in the grenade
is pulled.
His heart dropped.
Something exploded in his head, and he felt smoke coming out of his ears.
He tried to summon her to appear in place of the phone, but he was all alone
with the phone.
After gathering himself, he tried to call her, but her phone was off. He did
not sleep that night.
The wall of the future was now painted with ghastly images that burnt into
his mind, and he could not turn away from it.
She came the next day and demanded that he explain why he had come to
Nairobi.
“What do you want from me? What? What!” She demanded angrily.
She was wearing heavy makeup, revealing clothes, and fake hair.
He was shocked and tongue-tied. Who was this woman? What had happened
to her? Was she bewitched? He wondered.
She stormed off as he was trying to understand what was going on. That
evening, he found a new padlock on the door as he came from visiting a
friend. As he fumbled with it in disbelief, the caretaker politely told him that
Achieng had left instructions that he does not access the house.
He had to ask the caretaker to repeat what he had just told him three times
before it sank in. His world was blown apart. He felt his body recoil as the
blast echoed away.
How can she do this to me after I snatched her out of a life of poverty and
gave her a life of comfort? He asked himself as his eyes searched the ground
for answers. Humiliated and devastated, he had to look for somewhere to
sleep that night.
The next day, he came with a carpenter to break the door and get his stuff.
They didn’t have to break it.
The door was wide open.
They found the house swept clean.
As he was reeling with shock, his phone rang.
It was his mother calling from the village.
“Did the furniture arrive safely?” she asked.
“What furniture?”
“Someone came here and picked up the furniture and household goods,
saying Achieng had sent him to pick them because you needed them for a
new house. Did they arrive safely?”
“They picked everything?” he asked, his voice husky.
“Yes, just as you had said,” Denno muttered a muffled gasp.
His knees buckled. He was short of breath. The world swam.
He sat down heavily.
He wept like he had never wept before in his life.
Blindsided by this betrayal, Denno, being almost middle-aged, took it hard.
He couldn’t spring back and manoeuvre his way out of the blast site to seek
a new beginning. His loss coiled around his mind like an old serpent around
a tree and refused to crawl away.
Denno became a shell of his former self. Nursing a paralyzing depression, he
tried running some businesses in nearby towns, but they were dead-end
businesses headed nowhere. He retreated to his rural home to disgrace and
ridicule.
Denno became ashen, unkempt, shell-shocked, and quiet. He retreated into a
shell and spent a lot of time locked in his simba, listening to crickets and the
voice of his mother inquiring why he was not coming out.
Failure materialized around his bed like dark auxiliaries and kept him
company, urging him to surrender.
Like many a broken man, he found refuge in silence, and therein, he
communed with his soul, spirit, and darkest fears.
As a man who lived an unexamined life, the experience vandalized his entire
mental constitution, leaving him tottering on the edge of madness. He
walked around the village like a mortally wounded animal, his path marked
by a trail of blood from a fresh wound whenever he went.
Moved by this great shattering of a man’s soul, old men clutching walking
sticks gathered around him, struggling to behold him clearly in their
impaired vision. Willing him to be brave, they exhorted him to seek out his
wife and not lose his son.
The last I heard was that there was a weak glimmer of hope for
reconciliation with his estranged wife. Defeated and with no options, all
Denno wanted was to reconcile with his wife and be with his son.But she
would have none of it.
She was dating a rich man. Denno’s story struck my head like a bell and rang
in my ears for a long time. I struggled to understand it, given that human
nature has always fascinated me.
But now I do. Denno’s story is just one of many.
At the outset, I would like to point out that men have equally disappointed
women in marriage and relationships. This story is not meant in any way to
portray women as villains. Men are not perfect and can give as good as they
take.
What it’s meant to illustrate is what can happen when we walk into a
marriage or a relationship assuming that if we do everything we are
supposed to do, everything will run according to a script.
Through this book, I seek to engender an understanding that will bring forth
competent men that can avoid such outcomes or, if they do take place, equip
men to be able to handle them without buckling.

Swept Clean

I met Quan at my brother’s house several years ago, one sweltering Saturday
afternoon in Umoja I estate in Nairobi, as we watched Jet Li’s Twin
Warriors.
An afternoon breeze blew in the room that we sat in. Flowerpatterned
curtains had been pushed aside to let in air. I sniffed a hint of sewage in the
breeze. The burgeoning middle-class was tearing Nairobi apart, and the
sewage system was exploding from the pressure.

We sat looking at martial artists tearing at each other on the screen, their
strikes accompanied by overblown sound effects and exaggerated theatrics.

Quan sounds like Kwan, which means Mathematics in Luo, my mother

tongue. The first time I heard his name, I thought, “who would love
mathematics so much that he would name his son maths?”

The name Quan is short for Quantico Ocholla. At the time, I was unmarried,
and, most afternoons, I would hang out in my brother’s house watching Jet
Li’s movies or music videos. We would often reminisce on old times and
chop it up.

Quan was not much older than me. He was about six feet, athletic with a
deep voice was quick to joke and laugh uproariously. He was a very open,
approachable guy. He loved wearing jeans shorts, showing off his muscular
legs and perfect skin. He would man-spread on my brother’s seats as he sat
and filled the room with his warm and energetic personality.

He often visited with his young wife in tow, filling the house with so much
life, jokes, and laughter. In his arms, he often held his one-year-old baby. I
remember the baby’s eyes shining with curiosity, a clear stream of saliva
dripping from his mouth as he looked about at the strange adults around him.

Quan was very loving towards his baby and played a lot with him. He called
his wife “beb” and often pushed her shoulder in excitement when they joked.
They seemed to have great chemistry. She was a light-skinned lady from
Central Kenya who blended well wherever Quan was. She was called Shiks,
she had brown, soulful eyes and a set of perfect teeth, and contrary to
Kenyan stereotypes, she filled her jeans well at the hips and behind.

I had heard some murmur of disquiet from Quan’s friends about him
marrying a girl from the hill, but when I saw her and how they fussed around
their baby and shared jokes, I dismissed such doubts. What I saw was
unblemished love. A relationship that could go the distance.

In my eyes, they were the perfect couple. They were youthful, entirely in
love, working, bright, energetic, and healthy. Quan himself was fearless and
clearsighted about the relationship. Shiks was a good girl, and she loved him
without material interest.

They lived a modest lifestyle, and the future was bright for them. In fact,
looking at them just put pressure on me. Why was I still single? Why
couldn’t I also get myself a Shiks?

Anyways, I saw this great couple a few more times because Quan was my
brother’s friend and would come to argue about the games Man U and
Arsenal were playing as Shiks played with the baby or just hang around for
the visit to come to an end.

After a while, I heard that Quan had lost his job. He came to visit my bro a
few times. Those few times, Quan didn’t come with Shiks. He just came
with the baby.

His usual bubbly self had fizzled to this thoughtful and quiet version. He
looked haunted.
When the baby was asleep, he withdrew into himself and cast a thousand-
yard stare. He seemed to brood a lot, and their conversations with my
brother were heavy, with my brother assuring him that he would get a job
and encouraging him to keep searching.
A few months later, I found Quan at my bro’s house.
They sat quietly. There was a tightness in the air, and the mood was somber.
Quan wasn’t accompanied by his kid. Concern jangled in me. Was the baby
sick?
Quan had had it rough in the recent weeks from what I had picked
ambiguously. I finally asked my bro what was going down.
Shiks had taken to going home late and becoming very rude and
disrespectful when Quan asked her why she was going home late. Quan
pushed her for an answer. Shiks told him he could not ask her any questions
since he did not know where the food he was eating was coming from, nor
did he know how she was paying rent.
This hit Quan like a train. He almost lost it and caught himself just as he was
about to slap her into the afterlife.
Shell-shocked, he retreated into himself and stopped challenging her. He
continued seeking employment as things slid from bad to worse.
She stopped cooking for him.
She would cook a little food, feed the baby, and throw the remnants away if
some remained.
“Beb, you have thrown the food, and I haven’t eaten,” he would protest.
“Go and eat it if you are hungry! Mscheeeeeeew!” She would hiss, eyes
blazing.
She would say this, roll her eyes and wave him away as if he were a swarm
of flies. Crushed and humiliated, Quan would go to bed hungry on many
nights. He did not want anyone to know the humiliation he was undergoing.
He would either eat at a friend’s place or go hungry.
Shiks stopped washing his clothes and stopped speaking to him. They lived
like strangers, never exchanging a word unless it was about the baby.
Whenever he touched her, she would scream, slap him and become wild. He
had to apologize to stop things from getting out of hand.
Quan cried himself to sleep so many nights. He kept following up on job
promises, and nothing materialized. His life had become a nightmare. He
spent many nights lying sleepless in the dark, listening to his wife snore,
wanting to die. He would often be standing at the roadside and see a
speeding car approaching. The idea of jumping on the road would cross his
mind. He had to fight dark ideas in his head. He needed to live for his child,
he told himself.
One morning, as he slept, the covers were ripped away from him, exposing
him to the biting cold. He had been snatched from the middle of a pleasant
dream back to harsh reality.
“Get out!” Shiks screamed at him as he blinked in confusion. The light
stabbed his eyes. Her voice made his heart start beating hard. She stressed
him to no end.
“Beb…,” he croaked.
“Don’t beb me! I will not feed a grown man! I am tired. Just leave!” her
voice made the windows rattle. Bile rose in his throat.
“Beb…” Quan pleaded as he reached for a TShirt, feeling small and
exposed. He saw a bag at the bedside. His bag. He looked up at Shiks in
bewilderment.
“I have already packed for you. Toka!” She pointed at the door with a painted
claw. Her bangles jangled, and her eyes showed no mercy—lips, red as
blood, curled in distaste as her angry eyes bore through him.
She tapped one toe impatiently, her breathing heavy, her baby in one arm.
The baby seemed too stunned to cry.
“Beb…” he looked into her eyes, searching for the woman who once loved
him. Something chilling lurked in those eyes.
“Toka! Tokaaaaa!” She was getting agitated. She slapped her thighs.
Curious neighbours converged at the doorway.
Hot tears spilled from his eyes from the humiliation. He had nowhere to go.
He had no relatives in Nairobi who could take him in.
A lump stuck in his throat. This was the woman he loved. His world had
come to an end.
He put on a threadbare trousers and picked up the bag. He reached out to
kiss the baby, but he was swung out of reach as Shiks rotated away from
him.
“Ah! Toka!” She said in disgust.
Her words drove a blade through his heart.
It stung so bad. His eyes were shattered marbles as he looked at her.
He wiped his tears with the back of his hand and walked out feeling
shattered. He went straight to my brother’s house.
My brother counseled him, assured him, and told him not to worry. He called
Shiks. She did not pick. Later that evening, they went to see her. My brother
was a patient and crafty negotiator; finding a middle ground between
couples had never proved an impossible feat for him.
They found the house swept clean.
The caretaker told them Shiks had moved out that afternoon. They were
astounded.
Quan held onto my brother and cried himself into oblivion.
He had lost his baby, his girlfriend, and dreams of their future together.
Nothing in his life had prepared him for what had happened. Quan got a call
two days after being kicked out of his house. He had attended two interviews
just before the sheets were yanked from him as he slept. It was a better job
than what he had earlier. He got a house in Doonholm, a middle-class estate
in Nairobi, and settled in. He had management responsibilities and a
company car.
His wife soon got wind of it and started calling him, telling him what his
baby needed. He told her he was willing to take the baby and shoulder the
responsibility 100%. He did not want anything to do with her dusty ass.
Those days, co-parenting was not a thing. Either you were married, or you
were not. You were either together, or you were not.
She didn’t let him have the baby. She was from Nyeri, and according to how
she was brought up, the woman keeps the kid. No negotiation. But he loved
his son.
He made a point of seeing him and, therefore, saw the mother too. She made
a point of wearing tight, revealing clothing and would hand over the baby to
him with her luscious boobs popping. She would drop things and bend over
to pick them, exposing her assets to him at close range.
Being a hot-blooded man in his prime, he struggled but did not fall for her
snares. She made lame apologies for kicking him out and even came to his
place at one time and stayed late, saying that she didn’t want to wake up the
sleeping baby.
He had to drag her out in the dead of night to send her on her way. He was
not going to fall for her again after what she had taken him through. As is
typical for young, unattached handsome young men living in Nairobi, he
was sniffed out of the bachelor-sphere and soon had a hot damsel at his side,
eyes big as cherries, ready to ride with him into the sunset. Like day follows
night, Shiks got wind of it. She went to Quan’s place one cold morning when
he was at work. She stormed through the gate and shoved her way into his
house, breathing fire and brimstone at his new girlfriend.
The younger girl had some ghetto in her and wasn’t going to step aside
without fighting.
It was a tough battle with heavy losses on both sides. Neighbours
appreciated the entertainment. Lacerations, broken furniture, torn blouses,
hair ripped off, and swollen lips characterized that tussle. Torn bras, shoes,
hairpieces, buttons, and bloody saliva were strewn on the battleground.
Heavy breathing and unprintable words accompanied the duel of the
mistresses.
Eyewitnesses said that the younger girl won. She had better head movement
and was faster. We must consider that she faced a battle-hardened,
experienced heavyweight and lacked a size advantage.
But because of her better cardio, love for her man, and grit, she spectacularly
starched her unworthy predecessor.
The fight ended when Shiks stepped back, breathing heavily, swearing to
come back to finish her arch enemy.
Quan came home that evening and found his new love crying and licking her
wounds. He calmed her down and assured her he would handle it. Or else, he
would kill her.
Then he went to the house of his ex, breathing fire. With veins bulging in his
neck and eyes full of rage, he told her to never, ever, ever...ever...come to his
house.
She got the message for a while.
The last I heard, Quan was swearing that if everyone died on earth, and he
was left alone on the planet with Shiks. And it was up to them to decide if
humankind lived on, that would be the end of humankind because he would
never, ever...be close or sleep with that woman under any circumstances.
She started calling him late in the night with fabricated emergencies about
the baby. Of course, as intended, some of her late-night calls interrupted
some nocturnal delights.
Often, he would rush to save the baby only to find her wearing revealing
lace lingerie with the baby sleeping peacefully.
He blocked her number and told her she could keep the baby; he would not
deal with her. That’s the last I heard.
This story stayed with me for a long time. What was love? Did Quan’s
girlfriend stop loving him because he lost his job? Many people explained it
away using tribal stereotypes, but I had seen cases where other women also
moved the same way. Was this female nature? I could get no definite answer.
Until now.

Silenced Men
Linet, a beautiful twenty-year-old lady from Kiambu County, Kenya,
exchanged messages with Peter on Facebook.

After a while, they felt that they had done enough on the social media
platform and decided to meet. It was time to take their romance to the next
level.

On September 13th 2020, Linet put on her best clothes, did her hair and
slight makeup, and studied her reflection in a mirror. She tossed her hair
back and turned her head sideways as she appreciated her full lips and hazel
eyes with satisfaction. She was ready to meet him.
Linet traveled from Karura, Kiambu County, to Nairobi’s Central Business
District.

She met Peter for the first time at his office on AmBank House Nairobi on
that day. Peter, an unassuming young man of slight build, picked her up at
the reception, and they exchanged warm greetings and introduced
themselves. They proceeded to the 12th floor, where they knew each other
better.

After having a good first impression of each other, they decided to go out for
lunch at Simbiza Hotel.
They had a sumptuous meal of chicken and chips, which Peter paid for. They
then went to Naivas supermarket on Moi Avenue, where they bought a 750
ml Captain Morgan rum and a soda for the party they would later have.
They went back to Ambank house with their bellies full and started drinking
and getting more familiar and intimate.
They continued drinking alcohol until 7:30 at night. Realizing that it was
getting quite late, Linet said she wanted to go home.
Peter protested, saying he wanted to spend more time with her, possibly
spend the night with her. She refused.
He insisted. Linet stood up and walked towards the window and called her
father, telling him that Peter was about to harm her.
They argued, and there was some pushing and shoving as Linet tried to get
away and Peter tried to detain her.
Linet fell through the 12th-floor window to a landing on the 9th floor.
She broke her leg and sustained pelvic injuries from the fall.
She was taken to Kenyatta National Hospital (KNH), where she received
treatment for two months.
The matter was reported to the police.
According to Linet, Peter threw her through the window because she
rejected his sexual advances. Peter was charged with one count of causing
grievous bodily harm to Linet.
The case between Peter and Linet played out in the newspapers and in the
Kenyan media.
Seven months after the incident, on a morning drive radio show called The
Lift Off, Homeboyz Radio presenters Shaffie Weru, Neville, and DJ Joe
Mfalme discussed the event in a light-hearted manner. Shaffie said that
Kenyan women get caught up in such events because they readily make
themselves available to strangers.
He said Kenyan women should play hard to get and not be desperate enough
to risk meeting strange men who could be psychos in private spaces.
There was furor, condemnations, and public outrage on Twitter, Facebook,
Instagram, and youtube against the statements made on the radio show.
Condemnations poured in from all angles. Kenyan women condemned the
presenters for enabling rapists, supporting violence against women,
cultivating a “rape culture”, and victim shaming.
The three presenters apologized on their social media platforms, saying they
regretted their statements, realized they were hurtful, and emphasized that
they do not condemn or tolerate violence against women. Homeboyz
suspended the three for two weeks and announced that all their presenters,
producers, and social media teams would undergo mandatory gender
awareness sensitization training. “The training shall be done by our legal
team and a credible institution that is a key advocate for women’s rights and
their protection from all forms of discrimination, bias, and abuse.” They said
in a statement. But it was just the beginning.
More denunciations of the three presenters poured in like a tidal wave.
Homeboyz Radio apologized to Linet and the listeners for the comments
made by the presenters.
In their statement, they said that “Homeboyz Radio does not condone sexual
assault, violence against women, victim shaming and any actions by men
who do not respect women, women’s choices, and voices… We understand
the seriousness of the matter and will endeavour to ensure our Presenters and
show hosts discuss issues of consent and violence against women in a
respectful and conscious manner going forward…”
A day later, East African Breweries Limited (EABL), whose marketing
manager was a female at the time, said it was pausing advertising on
programs associated with Homeboyz Radio presenters; Shaffie Weru,
Neville, and DJ Joe Mfalme in support of investigations into disparaging
remarks made by the three on morning drive show, The Lift Off.
But even this was not enough.
The next day, the Communications Authority of Kenya (whose Director-
General was a female) fined Homeboyz Radio Kenya Shillings 1million and
suspended the breakfast show for six months for violating programming
requirements.
It was not over.
Radio Africa Group fired the three presenters.
“Our partners and listeners will not be surprised by this action to terminate
their services as it is the right thing to do,” explained Homeboyz Radio
General Manager Somoina Kimonjino in a statement.
Now.
The presenters did not rape or assault anyone.
They did not encourage rape or assault. The presenters just voiced an
opinion. And for this, they were denied their means of livelihood. This got
my attention.
When did having an opinion become a crime?
What happened to debating and challenging other people’s opinions through
argumentation? Isn’t the crucible of debate the best way to test ideas?
Once the feminists and bodies that pander to women smelt blood, they
started circling their wagons and fixed their gazes on these presenters. After
locking on their targets, a written apology could not save Shaffie Weru and
his colleagues from the bloodbath.
For voicing an opinion, as has been done to many men, their source of
income was taken away.
Note that Kenya is rather late in this game which has now taken the form of
cancel culture with the monetization of social media following. This story
illustrates one of the central tenets of the new wave of feminism that has
spread across the westernized world.
It’s the victim mindset. This mentality treats women as victims and everyone
else as a villain. The consequence is that a woman can never be held
accountable when something bad happens to her. Even if a woman makes a
poor decision or makes a wrong choice, you should never point that out.
Ever.
Doing so attracts charges of misogynism, enabling rape culture, and
accusations of toxic masculinity.
The effects of this form of feminism are quite pervasive and go beyond the
public spaces. Women tend to blame everyone but themselves for their
outcomes, even in relationships.
When Jada Pinkett Smith cheated on Will Smith with August Alsyna, the
majority of women on social media defended her and said, “Will must have
done something to her to drive her to cheat.” This is right on cue with the
female tendency to operate collectively. This is even more pronounced now
because feminism has taught women to think that men, who have patriarchal
tendencies, do not have their best interests at heart.
In this way, feminism fomented a gender war, especially among black
people. Later, we shall see how the perpetuation of this victimhood mentality
furthers the exploitation of the imperatives of hypergamy.
When dealing with women who have adopted the victim mentality, if you
ever try to frame a woman as anything other than a helpless victim, they turn
their guns on you.
One would think that many women have undergone some sort of trauma and
now view any infraction as a continuation of their unresolved pain.
As a result, they lash out blindly and maintain a victimhood status rather
than deal with the trauma and move in life, like healthy individuals. In
psychology, this coping mechanism falls under the escape avoidance
strategy, which seeks to protect oneself from psychological or emotional
harm by avoiding stressors.
Rather than hold difficult conversations with the men they disagree with,
these feminists silence and exile such men.
Conflict brings anxiety. But we also know that avoiding conflict by dodging
conversations that could bring conflict and thereby achieving low levels of
stress is an unhealthy way of coping. Among other factors we will examine,
this poor coping behaviour contributes to the increasing number of women
with mental issues today.
Left unacknowledged is that everyone has gone through something,
including men. If we all became victims and blamed everyone else for our
circumstances, who would step up and do the right thing? This victimhood
school of thought holds that women are incapable of doing bad, and all bad
things that happen to women are caused by men who, therefore, must be
held responsible and punished accordingly.
It is so aggressive and severe that it stifles free speech and will go to any
lengths to get what it wants, even if it violates the rights of others in the
process and tramples on them underfoot.
You cannot reason with this strain of feminism.
Any view that is not femicentric is vilified and silenced.
To set the ball rolling, we shall begin by understanding the social order that
we live in today.
That’s the subject of our next chapter.
2Jacob Aliet: UNPLUGGED
SOCIAL AXIS
The Gynocentric Social Order

Many have argued for the existence of a gynocracy, including Rollo

Tomassi, the author of The Rational Male series. A gynocracy, or a gynarchy,
is a rule or governance by women and for women.

Is there a gynocentric social order? How can we know? Let us dispense with
a few definitions. To be clear, a matriarchy means the mother or a female
elder has absolute authority over the family group or community.
A gynocracy is diffuse and has no central authority figure. It relies on
devious mechanisms like hypo agency. Hypoagency works insidiously.
Hypoagency is the dynamic in which women make themselves look weak to
manipulate men into doing something for their agency.
For example, women may not earn as much as men traditionally, but they
still control household expenditure. They do this in various ways but mainly
through controlling access to sex. Many husbands today succumb to the
wiles of their wives, believing in the “happy wife, happy life” notion.
Because women control household expenditure, corporations tailor
advertisements toward female sensibilities.
The popular expression “men buy and women shop” arose in recognition of
this social tendency. In 2009, Michael J. Silverstein and Kate Sayre wrote in
the Harvard Business Review, “Women now drive the world economy.”1
In the article, they indicated that “Women make the decision in the purchases
of 94% of home furnishings…92% of vacations…91% of homes… 60% of
automobiles…51% of consumer electronics” and added, “as a market,
women represent an opportunity bigger than China and India combined.
They control $20 trillion in consumer spending.”
Corporations have rushed to exploit this opportunity and target female
consumers.
An example is the computer manufacturer Dell, who, in 2009, created a
website called Della, a “special website” just to cater to female customers.
This was met with many protests, especially from tech-savvy ladies, who
said they were being patronized, and Dell subsequently took it down. Even
Gilette, the razor brand whose primary customer is men, created an advert
that purported to encourage men to be “the best version of themselves” while
pandering to the #metoo movement memes implying there is toxicity in
being masculine. It has more than 1.6 Million dislikes on Youtube2.
To many modern women, spending money is a recreational activity. Women
are more likely to engage in frivolous expenditure than men, and
advertisements target their feelings, which they tend to prioritize relative to
men.
Because of this female proclivity, the media also prioritize women alongside
other corporations; yet, the men are often the workers and the earners in
households.
This, as we shall see in subsequent chapters, is to the detriment of men and
contributes to the propagation of a gynocracy.
In his book,
The Boy Crisis: Why Our Boys Are Struggling and What We Can Do
About It, Professor Warren Farrell says that “Every day, 150 workers die from
hazardous working conditions. And 92 percent are male.”

The prospects of many men are getting dimmer by the day as they grow up
without their fathers. Professor Warren writes in the same book, “Prisons are
the United States’ men’s centres (90 percent male). A staggering 85 percent
of youths in prison grew up in fatherless homes. More precisely, prisons are
centres for daddeprived males- boys who never became men.”

As much as it prioritizes female primacy, a gynocracy lacks a mechanism for

holding women accountable and places no responsibilities on women.

In fact, it tends to encourage women to behave poorly because it caters to

their needs while passing the responsibility to men while not allowing men
to have authority over women. Among influential female leaders who have
acknowledged that women are encouraged in modern society to behave
poorly are Iyanla Vanzant3 and Sharazad Ali4 .

A matriarchy places responsibility on the female leader or authority figure.

Through the protector dynamic, the male instinct to protect women, men
have systematically propagated feminist ideals and mainstreamed them. Men
who instinctively rush to protect women without any awareness of their
behaviour and how it can be exploited are known as white knights. Right
now, through the actions of white knights and feminism, the female primacy
controls many spheres of our existence in the westernized world.

Does a gynocracy exist? Yes, particularly in the West and countries inclined
towards western ideals. In terms of earnings and careers, patriarchal patterns
are being rapidly erased, particularly in the West. More women than men
have enrolled in tertiary education in the United States and other Western
nations for more than two decades now.
In
Gender Differences In The Pathways To Higher Education, Gijsbert Stoet
and David C. Geary say, “Generally, schools are

less accommodating for boys than girls, partly because the school
environment is a better match to the behaviours and attitudes of girls than
boys.5”

According to a UNESCO report titled Women In Higher Education: Has The

Female Advantage Put an end to Gender Inequalities? Women are over-
represented among teaching staff at lower educational levels6.

The report says that in 2018, 43% of teachers in tertiary education were
women compared to 66% and 54% in primary and secondary education,
respectively.

More women opt for teaching jobs at the foundational levels of schooling.
The female teachers shape boys as they go through the education system,
contributing to more men tending to view the world through female lenses
and facilitating the growth of a gynocentric social order. The boys are
encouraged to speak like girls and emote like girls from their formative
years.

More female-led households have increased in the West as marriages

decline, and single mothers have become the norm. This means that an
increasing number of boys are raised by their single mothers compared to the
past. This contributes to men being inclined to comply with a female-correct
social order.
Back to economics, in the US, women now hold more management positions
than men. According to the US Bureau of Labor Statistics, in 2019, women
held 51.8% of all management, professional, and related occupations7. The
US National Center for Education Statistics reports that in 2017–2018,
women earned more than half of bachelor’s degrees (57.3%), master’s
degrees (60.1%), and doctorate degrees (53.5%).

Needless to say, increasingly, men are getting less educated, and their
employment opportunities are dwindling.
In the US, men are opting out of higher education because of the high cost of
higher education, linked to crippling student loans. Women have lesser
concerns about taking up student debt because they expect their future
husbands to help them pay them off. You may be wondering, what happened
to Patriarchy?
Rollo Tomassi says that Patriarchy ended in the sixties when it was made
legal for women to take hormonal birth control, particularly oral
contraceptives.
At that point, men lost reproductive rights and paternity power.
When abortion rights were legalized, it was accepted that women could
unilaterally decide to procure an abortion regardless of the sentiments of the
child’s father.
That sealed it for Patriarchy.
Abortion, as a fail-safe for failed hypergamy, gave women the exclusive
right to decide what man’s gene they could propagate. In other words,
women got the power to control heredity and decided on what lineage to
further and what legacies to establish.
The current ideology propagating the gynocentric social order in the West is
blank-slate equalism. The neuroscientist Lise Eliot,
author of
How Small Differences Grow Into Troublesome Gaps8, is one of the
brains behind this ideology.

Blank slate equalism is the idea that men and women are inherently the same
– we are born with blank slates – which the society shapes with gender
norms. Our gender differences arise from social construction, not biological
differences.
This ideology, like a dogma, is not supposed to be questioned in the West.
Those who do so are punished.
In August 2017, Google fired an engineer who challenged Google’s diversity
policies and said that the policies were unsuccessful because men and
women are biologically different. For referring to the biological differences
between men are women, which science has proven, to explain the gender
gap in careers in Google, he was accused of “propagating gender
stereotypes” and fired9.
James Damore’s ten-page paper titled “Google’s Ideological Echo Chamber”, posted
to an internal Google message board, outlined the gender differences and
appealed for an open discussion on the issue without hostility towards
divergent views.
James appealed for inclusivity of views and psychological safety without
censorship.
James Damore did not know that “inclusivity” and “diversity” in a
gynocracy are only defined in terms that serve the female primary social
order. He thought his views could be challenged in a debate or open
discussion.
He was wrong. James Damore was immediately fired.
Recall the earlier example involving three Kenyan Radio presenters, Shaffie
Weru, Neville, and DJ Joe Mfalme, who discussed an altercation between a
lady and a strange man on a date gone wrong. They were condemned for
their views.
They apologized, and their employers later apologized.
It was not enough.
Their biggest advertiser pulled out.
They were fined by the communications authority.
They were also finally fired.
There are several other examples.
In 2021, before a whole school assembly at Brauer College in Victoria,
Australia. The male students were all told to stand up, turn to a girl in their
class and say sorry10. Only in a gynocracy can we have the male gender
apologizing for being males.
Many public figures have had their careers destroyed because of unproven
accusations by women through the #metoo movement. In social media,
women who defend or support men are shamed by other women and labeled
as “pick me.”
In the US, marriage has been weaponized against men. Divorce has been
made very painful and costly for men while, at the same time, made very
rewarding for women.
In addition, laws that incentivize women to divorce, like the no-fault divorce
law, default custody laws, child support, and so on, have been passed to
enable women to exploit their hypergamy options. In other words, legislative
frameworks have been put in place to address the female existential fear of
settling with a suboptimal man. We are in the gynocentric social order.
Make no mistake.

The Manosphere

In the westernized world, men have been silenced for several decades. This
started in the seventies when men who spoke casually about rape were jailed
or dismissed from work. All attention was on empowering women, and there
was no room for men’s concerns.

With their opinions exiled from the public spaces through acts of liberal
feminism (more on this later) and having media that increasingly pander to a
female audience, men went silent.

But only for a while.31 The men found a safe outlet for their thoughts and
feelings away from mainstream media. The manosphere is a collection of
safe spaces where men express their views – their focus is masculinity and
personal philosophy for men.

It started in the form of late-night radio shows – where men could call in and
vent about issues affecting them. Then when the internet emerged, blogs
were set up by men. They sought to solve the problem of sexual access and
how to navigate the intersexual landscape.

Groups like MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) came up. There was an
infusion of ideas from PUAs (Pick Up Artists), MRAs (Men’s Rights
Activists), endocrinologists and dating coaches.

With the emergence of podcasts, YouTube, and men’s conferences, the

manosphere blew up. The female mystique was decoded by exchanging
men’s experiences in the manosphere.
Books like The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi, regarded by many as “The
Godfather,” were published, and the Red Pill praxeology was developed.
Influencers like Kevin Samuels came up almost a decade later to start a
conversation about the breakdown of the family among the black
community.

The Red Pill

The red pill is an awareness of how things are instead of the desire for how
things should be. It is NOT an ideology. It is not a movement, and it is not a
cult. It is a praxeology – which means it spells out purposeful behaviour as
opposed to beliefs. This means it talks about action and the results you get
from those actions.

A praxeology doesn’t tell people how to live or judge things as good or bad.
It is like Engineering. It doesn’t care about what you believe or what your
gender is. Engineering just teaches you how to do things well.

If you don’t follow sound engineering, you get poor results.

The red pill is not an antidote for feminism, which is an ideology. Unlike the
red pill awareness, is blue pill conditioning.
The blue pill is what we are conditioned to believe from childhood. It is
shaped by religion, popular culture, and handeddown beliefs.
You become red pill aware. You are blue pill conditioned. From a male
perspective, the blue pill conditioned us to believe in comforting lies, which
we will dissect in this book.
The Red Pill content emerged from a collection of ideas from the shared
experiences by men in the manosphere.
The Red Pill is a metaphor borrowed from the 1999 movie The Matrix written
and directed by the Wachowski brothers and starring Keanu Reeves.
As a mindset, the red pill refers to the truth-seeking attitude and clear-
sightedness portrayed by the leading actor in The Matrix.
Morpheus offers Neo a blue pill and a red pill in the movie. If Neo takes the
blue pill, he gets to go on living a blissful life in the matrix without knowing
reality. If Neo takes the red pill, on the other hand, he is told that the scales
will fall off his eyes and, for the first time, see the world as it really is.
Neo takes the red pill.
To his surprise, that unplugs his mind from a simulated world, freeing him to
explore a genuine and rather ugly reality, and as he does so, he finds his true
purpose.
The red pill was borrowed from this movie and is used as a metaphor for
truth. The red pill awakens men to the reality that society is dominated by
feminist values and often misandrist attitudes, as we shall see later.
More importantly, the red pill is the garment a man puts on when he drops
the comforting lies taught by religion, popular culture (Disney), and romance
novels about female nature and life in general. The red pill rage refers to an
anger that many men feel when they realize that what they were taught by
popular culture was false. Some of what popular culture teaches men
include, for example, the idea that women don’t cheat like men do, women
want a man who will treat them nicely, that if you treat a woman like a
queen, she will treat you like a king and so on. As we shall see in this book,
most of these ideas are false. Often, they are why so many men are frustrated
in their relationships.
People who have embraced this disneyfied perception of intergender
relationships are blue pill conditioned. Since blue pill ideas are passed on to
us from childhood, we talk of blue pill indoctrination.
Naturally, we are emotionally and intellectually invested in our beliefs from
childhood. Because of this, unplugging from the blue pill mindset takes
conscious, sustained effort. Most times, a personal crisis involving a
relationship is what triggers one to question the matrix, what we can call a
“glitch” in the matrix.
People who understand what drives women and how they interact with men
are said to be red pill aware. The red pill is mainly about awareness of the
mechanics behind intersexual dynamics. However, some are expanding it to
cover religion, politics, finances, and personal growth.
This happens a lot once humans accept an idea. Once evolution was
accepted, we had evolutionary economics, evolutionary sociology, etc.
This may happen to the red pill too.
Now, the red pill is not a homogeneous praxeology. There are many variants
of the red pill. Some flavours are extreme and misogynistic – fueled by the
red pill rage.
Whereas the red pill rage is normal, it’s not healthy to hold onto it. Men are
supposed to get over the angry phase and accept the new reality – accept
female nature for what it is: you don’t hate water for drowning you or
making you wet: get a life jacket or an umbrella.
Like MGTOW – Men Going Their Own Way, some movements believe men
should shun women altogether. They see women as a source of drama and
headache and seek to live lives without interacting with women. The red pill
espoused in this book is that men enjoy a better quality of life with women,
whereas men can survive without women.
Women have evolved to be who they are to guarantee their own survival and
the survival of our species. Women are neither good nor bad. They just are
an excellent product of evolution, and men must understand the female
nature to navigate life and have successful relationships with women.
Women can bring a shine on the life of men, inspire and soothe men, and
provide them with a means to create a legacy.
Since the sexual revolution in the sixties (when the female contraceptive was
developed), the emergence of feminism and abortion rights, feminist
ideology has convinced many that Patriarchy has been the cause of the
suffering and subjugation of women.
Feminists successfully promoted the notion that because men have been
responsible for starting wars leading to millions of lives being lost, men are
dangerous because of their aggression. They have proceeded to argue that
masculinity, therefore, is something to be moderated or eliminated
altogether.
Today, feminists argue that despite women having voting rights and equal
opportunity in the workplace, there is still a “toxic masculinity” that still
poisons society, promotes violence against women, creates misogyny, and
has to be stamped out.
This has also furthered the spread of a gynocentric social order where
anything that does not facilitate the feminist agenda is vilified, canceled, and
banished.
Today, many men walk around hiding their masculinity for fear of being
labeled “toxic.” Because women tend to spend more than men, the media
and advertisers all pander to female sentiments to the exclusion of men –
and, as we shall see in this book, to the detriment of women and society.
This anti-masculinity ideology got so bad that in 2019, Gilette, a company
whose main product is a razor used by men, created an advert that presented
men as toxic and challenged other men to hold each other accountable11.
Public figures such as Piers Morgan said they would boycott Gillette
because of the message of the new advert, which was influenced by feminist
propaganda.
How long this gynocentric social order will last is unclear. Many people are
still unaware of its existence, but its effects cannot be ignored and are pretty
harmful.
To appreciate its influence, let us look at a few cases:
After an emotion-fueled media onslaught, retired American comedian Bill
Cosby was imprisoned wrongfully on allegations of sexual assault. The 83-
year-old was later freed after serving more than two years of a three-to-10-
year prison sentence, but the damage had been done.
Jada Pinkett Smith, the wife of American actor Will Smith, cheated on Will
with a friend of their son. She announced this sexual indiscretion publicly,
yet her infidelity was defended by most women on social media, with many
women saying things like, “Will must have done something to make her do
that,” or, “Will has cheated too.”
Women have continued to resist being held accountable or holding each
other accountable, which is a feature of gynocracy.
Shows like The Steve Harvey Show pander to women rather shamelessly.
Similar shows continue feeding women false but comforting beliefs – for
example, the idea that looks don’t matter and female sexual market value is
evergreen. These sound nice to women, but they are false beliefs.
This book will look at the ubiquity of the gynocentric social order and how
men can navigate it.

WHY THE RED PILL IS IMPORTANT

It Saves Marriages

The red pill saves marriages because men who are red pill aware are better
able to manage their relationships and marriages because they become
competent men. Women want masculine men.

Men who do not understand female nature are more likely to get into wrong
relationships and navigate relationships the wrong way based on false
beliefs. Such men often end up unable to sustain long-term, beneficial
relationships.
Men who are abusive, irresponsible, purposeless, and highly emotional
(which often leads to depression) – which are attributes that lead to
relationship breakdowns - are often not red pill. If men cannot stay in
marriages, children tend to be raised without fathers, and such children are
statistically likely to end up delinquent.

It Reduces Fatherless Homes

CDC statistics indicate that 85% of all children with behaviour disorders
come from fatherless homes . This is twenty times the average. The Texas
department of corrections indicates that 85% of all youths in prison come
from fatherless homes. This is twenty times the average.

The numbers in terms of how lack of a father in the home impacts the
likelihood of child abuse, teenage pregnancy, adolescent delinquency, drug
abuse, rape, and school dropouts are very similar across the board.

Most incels (involuntary celibate men) grew up fatherless. Incels suffer an

inability to connect with women and fail to secure mating prospects. Incels
are often unable to understand or accept female nature.

It Saves Lives

Statistics indicate that about 80% of mass shooters, who also happen to be
incels, are young men from fatherless homes. This shows how the lack of a
masculine role model and a lack of understanding of game and knowledge of
intersexual dynamics impact young men. Of course, this problem is
exacerbated in a femicentric society because such male role models are also
absent in the media.

In 2015, Chris Harper Mercer, a 26-year-old man, fatally shot eight students
and a professor in Roseburg, Oregon. His parents were divorced. He was an
incel.

In 2014, Elliot Rodger, a 20-year-old man, killed six people and injured
fourteen others by stabbing, shooting, and vehicleramming them in Isla
Vista, California. His parents were divorced. He was an incel.
In 1989, Marc Lepine, a 25-year-old Canadian, killed fourteen women and
injured an equal number at a Polytechnic in Montreal, Canada. His parents
were divorced. He was an incel.

Dozens of similar cases abound. These shooters often express their deep
frustration with women and anger towards women as a root cause of their
violent acts.

We are looking at men who, because they lacked game (‘game’ is just social
skills – more on this later), felt that their biological need to breed had been
taken away, and they saw no purpose to continue existing.

Labeling is easy, but misogyny is not the cause of this violence. People who
lack awareness say that these acts of violence were fueled by misogyny.
Ignorance causes confusion which leads to frustration and rage. Lack of
capacity to navigate the world and handle female nature is the cause of this
rage.

Red pill-aware men cannot engage in mass killings of innocent people. Red
pill dispels anger toward women and fosters an understanding of female
nature.

In April 2019, Ivy Wangeci, a sixth-year medicine student, was attacked by

her boyfriend using a hand axe outside the Moi University School of
Medicine wing in Eldoret, Kenya. She later died. This man claimed that she
had been cheating on him. The red pill would have saved both that young
man and Wangeci. Blue pill conditioning leads to suicide, murder, mass
murder, and miserable lives.

Today, the red pill is nothing short of essential for men. Society has changed.
But female nature has fundamentally not changed. Female nature, just like
that of men, evolved over hundreds of thousands of years and will not
change anytime soon.
If men are to live happily with women, they must peel back the scales that
society tries to place on their eyes and appreciate life for what it truly is, not
what it is advertised to be. We must open our eyes and learn from the fallen
men.
23

TRENDS AND STATISTICS

The statistics I will share here will mainly be from publications in the US
and about the American communities, emphasizing the black community in
the US.

This is because statistics in other places are not very clear. Furthermore, the
“westernized world” that we live in largely follows the trends in the US.

Through acts of neocolonialism, the Americans and Europeans usually

promote their lifestyles to Africans through films and targeted funding of
NGOs (Non-Governmental Organizations).

This is how gay rights, democracy, and other western ideologies have found
their way into African society.
So, these trends in the US are a pointer to things to come if we continue
aping the western lifestyles. Rural-urban migration has sent many people to
urban areas in developing countries. The urbanites tend to follow trends and
the living standards in developed countries. So, as much as the stats I cite are
not specific to particular countries, they are mostly reflective of the human
experience of people in most big cities in developed countries.
Compared to the Latinos, White, Chinese, and other races, the black
community in America has been the most affected by feminist ideology.
Hence our focus.
In the big cities in Africa, marriage trends, the worldviews espoused, and
intergender relationships are heavily influenced by western media. If the
citizens are aping the West, what is happening in the west will likely be
replicated among the communities aping them. To illustrate, musicians like
Cardi B and Nicki Minaj are former strippers, yet they have heavily
influenced fashion among black women in the West and Africa.
Among young black women in big cities, hideously long acrylic nails, fake
eyelashes, and butt lifts are the norm. You find this even among professional
African women. So the trends among the black community in America are
very relevant when examining the subject. You don’t see professional white
women sticking fake things on their faces and copying white strippers.
As single mothers increase in the black community in America, they have
also done the same in Africa.
When Beyonce released her song, Single Ladies, it was enjoyed by black ladies
in Africa just as much as in the West. In Africa, educated young women have
also strived to fit the “independent woman” model, albeit with deleterious
effects. Single mothers, co-parenting arrangements, and increased divorce
rates have also been witnessed in Africa.
The chart below shows the declining trend of marriage rates per 1000 people
from the 1900s from the National Center for Health Statistics to the modern-
day.
Figure 1: Marriage Rates in the last Century
Women Dying Alone

One out of four black women in America is married in their lifetime.

This means three out of four will die alone.
Of course, we are all born alone and die alone. The point here is about dying
after living for an extended period without a lifelong partner. It basically
means living a lonely life until death.
This is against female nature and is not a desirable situation in any form or
fashion. The statistics on mental health issues afflicting single women
indicate how stressful this is to women.
Kevin Samuels has gained notoriety because he tells single women unwilling
to “settle” that they will “die alone.” He often ends the back-and-forth
discussions with such women “then buy a dog and die alone.”
He points out to them, “great, now you are comfortable with the money you
get from your job, but let me ask you this, how will you finance your
lifestyle between 60 years and 80 years? Will you have saved enough to fund
your lifestyle?” most women have no plans that reach that far, nor do they
have savings that are that farreaching.
Kevin Samuels encourages men and women to get married and combine
their resources so that they can have a cushy nest egg for their twilight years.
Some women push back and say, “men will also die alone!”
But men have always died alone. That’s the difference.
Men can actually survive without women and only need women for
reproduction and sex.
But women need men for survival. This is how it is among many social
animals.
We can always look at nature to learn about states of being. Let us consider
the big cats. Lions often die alone after injuries obtained when younger lions
take over a pride. On the other hand, Lionesses stick in the pride until they
die. You see something similar among buffaloes. When the old bulls can no
longer compete with the young ones, they separate from the herd and die
alone. The core of the herd is the cows.
Likewise, you will always sight homeless men wandering around alone. But
homeless women will often be in a pack and will rarely be alone.
In many communities in Africa, there is the practice of wife inheritance.
There was the recognition that when a married woman was widowed, a man
needed to step up and play the husband’s role. Society had structures to
address that.
But today, thanks to feminism, many women die alone with their freedom.

Single, Childless Men

As we have seen, marriage rates are declining across all races and in most
countries worldwide.
But the black communities are the hardest hit.
Before 1980, eighty percent of adult black persons were married, even
during the height of Jim Crowe laws.
The United States Census Bureau indicates that in 2019, fiftyone percent of
black men were single and childless.
Most of these men, sixty-four percent of who are earning an average of fifty
thousand dollars a year, want to be married.
Yet, black women say there are no men to marry.
The black women can’t see these black men because they look for “high-
value men” and overlook the average Joe.
The majority of modern women, particularly educated women, want men
earning six figures and who can provide for their lavish lifestyles.
Family expert Isabel Sawhill in a 2015 article titled, Is There

a Shortage of Marriageable Men?12 says that whereas weakening earnings among

less-educated men is a factor in the decline of marriage, its role is only
modest.

She says that “shifts in male behaviour, and the increased economic
independence of women, appear to be more significant factors. Marriage has
changed. It is time to change our ideas of marriageability, too.”

She concludes that “independent women, not unmarriageable men,” is the

reason for the decline in society. There is more on independent women later
in this book.

Marriage trends now follow the Pareto principle: 80% of women want to
marry 20% of the top men in society.
The other 80% of men remain single and childless.

Obesity Among Women

CDC statistics available at the United States Department of Health and

Human Services Office of Minority Health website indicate that eighty
percent of black women are overweight, and eighty percent of those are
obese. About 4 out of 5 African American women are overweight or obese,
with African American women having the highest rates of obesity
worldwide.

This means that most of these women are larger than men at the same height.
This is not natural. Biologically, men are supposed to be taller, more
muscular, and larger than women. Most men prefer to marry women who are
fit and smaller than themselves in size.
Other than increasing the risk of heart disease, stroke, and diabetes, obesity
reduces the marriageability of black women.
Rather than deal with this as a problem, black women do not want this to be
pointed out. They accuse anyone pointing this out of “body shaming” and
misogyny. The Cosmopolitan magazine, keen on pandering to black women,
had an obese woman as their cover model in their 2022 edition.
Dating coach Kevin Samuels has been told that by holding women
accountable and challenging them to be fit, feminine, and friendly, he is
“Shi*ting on women.”
Modern women prefer to insulate themselves with inane concepts like “body
positivity,” which worsens the problem because it shields them from
accountability about their diet choice and leading inactive lifestyles.
To put this in context, Aaron Clarey says in The Book of Numbers that “60% of
women between 18-35 are fat...and physically unattractive. And
discomforting as it may be, physical attraction is vital to the survival of the
human race, and 6 out of 10 women don’t have it. And though, admittedly,
men are no better (being equally obese to women), at least they’re not
delusional enough to celebrate it.13”
Yes, some fellows will argue that some men love their BBB (Big, Beautiful
Women). Yes, some men like obese women, but they are not the majority,
and they are certainly not high-value men.
We do not give weight to outliers when looking at statistics. And if being
obese was so great, they would make it to the centerfolds of magazines.
Feminists argue that beauty is a social construct and try shaming men into
overriding their hard-wired biological programming to prefer fit, attractive
women. This is counterproductive in the long run because the women do not
end up pairing with men they prefer. They are forced to settle for their less-
than-ideal men because they were misled by the media and fellow women
that being overweight is a great thing.
In his book, Summa Theologica, Thomas Aquinas identified the addiction to
pleasure, like food – as the kind of effeminacy that leads to obesity.

Female DUDES

Most parents, particularly mothers today, do not raise their daughters to be

wives. Modern education teaches women to be workers, not wives. Career
women, particularly successful ones, get ahead in their careers based on their
ability to bring forth their masculine energy and suppress their feminine side.

As a result, most successful career women tend to be disagreeable and not

cooperative, which are characteristics that are not suitable for sustaining a
marriage. They are prone to be assertive and not submissive. They are
predisposed to value themselves and their aspirations more than support the
vision of a man they are married to. In the words of Kevin Samuels, they are
not fit for marriage.

Time and time again, modern women will say they want an equal partner.
Yet, when you probe further, you will find that they still want the man to
carry the lion’s share of the bills and responsibility, yet they are themselves
unwilling to play the traditional role of a wife.

The traditional role of a wife here is childbearing, nurturing children, being a

homemaker, supporting the man’s vision and helping him build a legacy.

Even where the man is willing to be a partner in the marriage, the women are
unwilling to partner: they do not want equal responsibility.

Men have never changed and do not mind dating down. This is because men
have always been willing to carry the heavier load. But women are unwilling
to marry down. The result is that a woman’s dating pool dwindles rather than
attract more men as she ascends her career ladder. Even so, because of her
solipsism, she is incapable of discerning her situation, judging her sexual
marketplace value, and settling for a man of her value. She keeps her
standards high as her looks decline, and her frustration rises as she holds
onto delusional expectations.

This conflict keeps many modern women single and makes most of them
unmarriageable. While being heavily in their masculine serves the modern
woman in her professional life, in their personal life, it does not.
Professional competence doesn’t translate to relationship competence. Often,
it is quite the reverse.

In the Book of Numbers, Aaron Clarey states that “Most modern women are not
capable of a traditional or happy marriage, more or less being completely
indoctrinated and programmed to love their careers, educations, and
themselves more than any other human being.14”

After interviewing several men and women, Kevin Samuels concluded that
most modern women are DUDES. This stands for Delusional Ungrateful in
Denial Entitled and Selfish. This is why seventy percent of modern women
are leaving marriages or relationships.

Most modern women think marriage is a party, like a wedding. Modern

women do not see marriage as something to build and an institution
requiring duty, honour, and sacrifice. They regard men as something to
exploit and extract benefit from
– a mere utility.

They will leave marriages because they are “not happy,” even though they
know this will hurt the children. As Kevin Samuels points out, happiness is
not part of the vows in the marriage vows. It is “for better or for worse. In
sickness and in health, till death do us part.” Nothing about happiness.

Educated women will leave their marriages with little regard for how it will
affect their children and with little consideration for their own long-term
survival chances.

They will make decisions to fit in, look cool in the eyes of their peers and
comply with the feminine imperative at the time.
Several women in popular culture (in talk shows and in commentaries) have
criticized Beyonce for not leaving Jay Z for allegedly cheating, portraying
her like some sort of traitor. Yet, at the same time, women encourage fellow
women to cheat – including married women. We saw this when it became
public that Jada Pinkett had cheated on Will Smith with a much younger
man. Rather than condemn Jada for her infidelity, most women defended her
and instead indirectly blamed Will Smith for it, arguing, “something must
have driven her to cheat.”
That’s the modern woman.
April Lynn Mason15 and Rebecca Lynn Pope16, popular dating coaches in
America, quit helping black women get men because women have
unrealistic expectations and never want to take responsibility for their
choices.
Single Mothers

Men generally do not pride themselves on being single. Since the sexual
liberation, women have increasingly prided themselves on being single
parents or “independent women.”

How do single mothers fare in society? Is it all it is made up to be? A 2016

research by Rahshida Atkins titled, Coping with Depression in Single Black
Mothers indicated that eighty-seven percent of single black mothers have never
been married17 . This figure far exceeds that of other groups: 17% of Asians,
29% of Whites, and 53% of Hispanics.

Black women particularly tend to get in and out of relationships without

marrying. Or, they remain single and date. For life.
In addition, about forty percent of single black women are single mothers.
Black women prioritize getting babies over getting in a stable long-term
commitment, aka marriage. They would rather be baby mamas than be a
wife.
32% of African American Women represent single-femaleheaded parent
households in the U.S., with sixteen percent often as the primary caretakers
of their children.
This means that three out of ten men will be raised by a female without the
influence of a father figure.
As we shall see in subsequent chapters, this affects masculinity today and
pushes up the number of delinquent boys.
In the Book of Numbers, Aaron Clarey says, “Out of all the single women out
there, four in ten already have some other guy’s kid. And what’s worse is
they don’t see a problem with that. Worse than that, society and certainly
single moms themselves celebrate single motherhood.18”
Here, again, we find women misleading fellow women. Beyonce Knowles
sang her song “All the single ladies” and released it in 2008 when she was already
married to Jay Z.
In a scene played out in a nightclub, the DJ shouts, “how many single ladies
are in the house?” The majority of women scream and throw their hands up.
Then the DJ asks, “how many of you are happy?”
The Discotheque goes as quiet as a tomb. You can hear crickets chirping.
This depicts the situation and contradiction behind the single mothers’ hype.
If being single was so great, the older, married women that say this should
get divorced and join the single women.
Research conducted by David R Williams et al. titled Marital

Status and Psychiatric Disorders Among Blacks and Whites found that,
compared to married people, divorced, or single people are 6-10 times more
likely to use inpatient psychiatric facilities and 4-5 times to be patients in
outpatient clinics19.
J Breslau et al. published the findings of their study in a paper titled, A
Multinational Study of Mental Disorders, Marriage, And Divorce. Their
research paper says that “Mental disorders are

significantly associated with divorce,” including substance abuse,

dependence, impulse disorders, mood disorders, and anxiety disorders” 20.

The 1991 U. S. Bureau of Census found that 67% of Black births are to
single mothers compared to 11% of Asian Americans, 20% of White, 37% of
Hispanics. Blacks are also more likely than whites to be single, divorced or
separated and are less likely to remarry after dissolution.

Other studies indicate that unmarried black women are under severe
financial stress, a known risk factor for mental problems.
Recent research by Velma McBride Murry et al., published in

African American Single Mothers and Children in Context: A Review of Studies

21
on Risk and Resilience , shows that a growing number of black populations are at
risk of suffering psychiatric disorders. In her research paper, Outcomes of
Depression in Black Single Mothers, Rahshida L. Atkins points out that several
studies indicate

that 70% of Black single mothers report depressive symptoms consistent

with a mild to a moderate clinical depression diagnosis22. Clinical
Psychiatrist Zauszniewski, who has written a related paper dealing with
depression in adults, says that depression creates a spectrum of feelings.
These include powerlessness, helplessness, purposelessness, worthlessness,
loneliness, hopelessness,
emptiness, and meaninglessness.
How do single black mothers deal with stress? In her research paper, Coping
with Depression in Single Black Mothers, Rahshida Atkins reports that most
women (63%) use the Escape-Avoidance

category. This is followed by Seeking Social Support (18%), Positive

Reappraisal (12%), which refers to prayer, church attendance, and so on,
then Planful Problem Solving, Distancing, and finally, SelfControlling23.

From the responses, the women do not use the Confrontive Coping or
Accepting responsibility categories of coping. More importantly, none of the
responses indicated that the women sought professional help, a coping
approach Kevin Samuels keeps harping on women to take up.

What is the upshot of this?

Single motherhood is not all it is cracked out to be. Many young women
willingly choose the path of single motherhood, not knowing the personal
challenges that come with it, leave alone its deleterious effects on the kids
raised by single mothers.

Home-Wrecking Women

Women today wreck their own homes. About 80% of the divorces today are
filed by women. A 2015 research study conducted by the American
Sociological Association (ASA) suggests that twothirds of all divorces are
initiated by women. Nearly 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women.
Among college-educated women, this number jumps up to 90%24 .

Women will end their marriages for countless reasons. Michael Rosenfeld,
the researcher in the cited study, says that he found that “some women
experience heterosexual marriage as oppressive or uncomfortable.”

When probed further, he said that “I think that marriage as an institution has
been a little bit slow to catch up with expectations for gender equality,”
Rosenfeld said. “Wives still take their husbands’ surnames and are
sometimes pressured to do so. Husbands still expect their wives to do the
bulk of the housework and the bulk of the childcare. On the other hand, I
think that nonmarital relationships lack the historical baggage and
expectations of marriage, which makes the non-marital relationships more
flexible and therefore more adaptable to modern expectations, including
women’s expectations for more gender equality.”

2019 CDC research on divorce indicates that the number one cause of
divorce, which accounts for 73% of divorces, is lack of commitment. Lack
of commitment basically means people walking into a marriage expecting it
to be easy, and then realizing it requires hard work, they quit. As Kevin
Samuels says, women expect a marriage to be a wedding.

Some commentators have blamed the baby boomers, particularly the

mothers, for sharing their marital tribulations with their daughters and
negatively influencing their marriage views. Such exponents argue that,
given such negative perceptions towards marriage, modern women approach
marriage with a sense of dread and low expectations. They will treat their
husbands with suspicion, snoop on their phones, nag them and make
mountains out of molehills.

On a permanent reactionary footing, several modern women quit their

marriages, thinking their parents put up with abuse, infidelity, manipulation,
and mistreatment in marriages. Such women believe they are breaking the
pattern of abuse and playing their part in a new era of marriage dynamic.

Many black women in the US have been influenced by Color Purple, a novel by
Alice Walker. The novel won the 1983 Pulitzer Prize for Fiction and was
adapted to a film and a musical. In The Color Purple, the black man is portrayed
as violent, abusive, and oppressive towards the black woman, and this
portrait has pervaded the black community.

One of the manosphere’s leading figures, Kevin Samuels, pointed out that
The Colour Purple was propaganda, a fictional narrative. It influenced black
people and popular culture among the black people in the west like a factual
account would. Many women, particularly, treated it as fact.

Alongside other negative stereotypes of the black man as violent and

abusive, the movie and novel shaped the attitudes and mindsets of generation
X women towards marriage and have contributed to the high divorce rates
among black people.
Some family scholars have attributed low marriage rates and high divorce
rates among black people to high incarceration rates, racial differences in the
ratio of men’s to women’s wages, and differences in education levels.

But this does not paint the complete picture because, as we pointed out
earlier, the United States Census Bureau indicated in 2019 that fifty-one
percent of black men are single and childless. Most of these men, sixty-four
percent of who earn an average of fifty thousand dollars a year, want to be
married.

In 2018, the National Center for Family & Marriage Research (NCFMR)
published an analysis of the divorce patterns in the American Community.
Their survey showed that black people are almost twice as likely to get
divorced than white, Hispanic, and other races. Black people are also less
likely to be married than other races. Black women would rather have
children out of wedlock, and those who get married are quick to get
divorced25.

Independent Black Women & Divorce Porn

The phenomenon of single black women sticks out like a sore thumb. In his book
titled
Is marriage for White people?: How the African American Marriage
Dcline Affects Everyone, Ralph Richard Banks says that 7 out of 10 Black
women are unmarried, and 3 out of 10 may never marry26.

A survey of existing literature indicates that the disproportionate number of

single black women is well-documented. Tera R. Hurt et al. note in their
research paper titled, Married Black Men’s

Opinions as to Why Black Women Are Disproportionately Single: A Qualitative

27
Study , that the issue of black single women has received considerable
attention from popular media, including CNN in a documentary titled, “Black
in America;” ABC News Nightline special titled, “Why Can’t a Successful Black
Woman Find a Man?” 28.

Tera R. Hurt et al. say that barriers to marriage for black women relate to
economic instabilities.
The study also cites challenges to long-term relationship success (e.g.,
difficulty trusting, current relationship problems, pain from past
relationships, inequities in human capital between partners, fears of divorce)
and concerns about readiness for marriage (e.g., lack of skills and
preparedness for marriage).
Behind black people’s high divorce rates and low marriage rates is the
“independent woman” ideology chiefly espoused by black women. It is an
ideology that celebrates women who don’t need men and are able and
willing to stick it out by themselves. It is a distorted form of feminism that
appears to be espoused only by black women.
Feminism blamed the patriarchy for subjugating women. Granted. But white
women and black women have handled the issue very differently.
White women do not like patriarchy but value their men.
Black women feel they don’t need men. “Men ain’t sh*t” is a phrase you’re
likely to hear among black women.
Among black people, there is rap music that denigrates women. Granted. But
black men treat rap music as entertainment and regard it as part of gangster
culture largely incubated in prison cells or the hoods. They don’t live by it
and do not consider it as inspiring.
Black women, on the other hand, including educated ones, seem to believe
that black men are either violent no-good people or are only useful as
wallets. To them, black men are either something to be feared or exploited.
That’s the perspective many black women espouse.
Where did this idea come from?
In the 40s through to the 60s, 80% of black women were married. Earlier
suggestions were that mass incarceration of black men was behind this
problem. Others also argued that collegeeducated black women
outnumbered college-educated black men and black women were unwilling
to “marry down.”
In the earlier cited work, RR Banks refers to Harvard Sociologist Orlando
Patterson as attributing this low marriage gap to the destructive effect of
slavery, which, Patterson says, scarred intergender relations in ways that are
yet to be undone. This is in line with the sentiment of American scholar
W.E.B. Du Bois who argued that slavery disintegrated the negro home. RR
Banks, like myself, find these explanations inadequate.
We shall see here that the real reasons behind the prevalence of unmarried
black women are quite different and are fuelled mainly by popular culture.
One reason that has been cited by both RR Banks and Kevin Samuels is the
diminished importance of the black man in the life of a black woman. This
has come about through the government stepping in and playing roles
traditionally performed by black men.
Government welfare programs reduce the American black woman’s
incentive to marry because they make women able to live without the
financial support of their husbands. In the past, men protected women.
However, the police do that today, which reduces the black woman’s
incentive to marry. Charles Murray best handled this argument in his book,
29
Losing Ground: American Social Policy, 1950-1980 . Murray argues that government
welfare programs undermine the family because it facilitates women to live
without men.
As a part of the “settlement” from the civil rights movement and the
affirmative action from the feminist struggle, black women were placed in
positions of power and integrated into corporate America. Some argue that
this was done strategically to weaken black families.
Many of these women, finding themselves in positions of power, turned on
the black men, particularly in the 90s. They went for themselves and
disdained their black men. Successful black women emerged in society at
the time, and most of them remained single or got divorced. Influenced by
ideas from feminism and tainted by notions from popular books and movies
like The Colour Purple and others I mention below, the idea of an “independent
woman” emerged as an icon in black society. This was exemplified by the
likes of Oprah Winfrey and Vivica Fox.
Ask any independent black woman, “what exactly are you independent
from?”
It is independence from black men – who they view as tyrannical and
restraining. Movies like Waiting to Exhale further propagated the idea of a black
man as confused, unreliable, and abusive. Waiting to Exhale advertised being
single as the better option.
Destiny’s Child’s 1999 song, Independent Women, celebrated this ideology. You
get the picture if you add Beyonce’s Single Ladies to it. The delusion that
women can live their best years as single and find blissful companionship
later in life was further sold by movies like How Stella Got Her Groove Back.
Magazines like Cosmopolitan further misled women to stay single. Material
like these; that glorifies divorce and singlehood is nowadays referred to
collectively as divorce porn.
Is this kind of “independence” something women should celebrate? Is
independence sustainable? Is it even natural?
If you look at other mammals, females need males for survival. The
lionesses, for example, hunt in packs, but their survival is threatened by
hyenas who can take away food from them. When a lion shows up, the
hyenas take off. An adult female living alone without a male is not in her
natural state.
As I have argued earlier, through examples like the song “single ladies,”
women tend to mislead each other. Schadenfreude, the pleasure derived from
seeing others suffer, mainly manifests in women toward fellow women. That
is why “best friends” tend to go after a man already in a relationship with
their friends. The idea of “frenemies” is essentially a female dynamic.
While they celebrate being single in popular culture, as you see in songs and
movies like Sex and the City, most modern single women have been
unhappy in the past thirty years (aka “the wall”). This state of frustration is
best exhibited by Tomi Lahren, who expresses her frustrations in getting a
man in her famous “Men Are Trash” video available on YouTube.
Single women in their early twenties (party years aka rock star years) are
happy, as they should be – because they are at the peak of their sexual
agency and have high sexual marketplace value.
But this is in no way comparable to single women in their thirties, forties,
and fifties. This is the point that many women miss.
Studies show that even high-earning career women prefer to have a man
carry the lion’s share of the financial burden in marriage. It is the nature of
females to like to be kept and taken care of. As red pillers say, “A woman’s
options are handed to her, yet a man’s options are earned.”
Most women are comfortable under the care and protection of a man and to
celebrate “independence” is wrongheaded and often results in regrets and
premium tears later in life.
In a paper in the
Journal of Health and Social Behaviour, Pearlin et al. argue that
unmarried black women are under severe financial stress, a known risk
factor for mental problems . Single black women contribute to a growing
number of black populations at risk of suffering psychiatric disorders. In the
40s and 50s, 80% of black families had both parents. In 1992, 47% of black
families were headed by women, and over half of them were poor.
Kevin Samuels argues that marriage is not an option for women: it’s a
necessity.
Survival without a man in the modern world is rife with stress because it
forces women out of their natural state to survive.
They are forced to get into their masculine selves, and even then, unless they
earn more than a hundred thousand dollars a year, they may not be able to
live to the end of their lives because they cannot earn enough to save for
their old age.
Many single career women stay happy in their twenties and thirties. But it’s
particularly in their forties and beyond that, reality dawns on women who
never built families when they could.
Lastly, women tend to thrive on relationships. When they are older,
calibrating their success using masculine metrics like money made, property
acquired, or career achievements no longer become tenable.
2Jacob Aliet: UNPLUGGED 4
THE NEW SOCIAL ORDER
Patriarchy and the Failure of Men

Throughout history, in most societies, the system of leadership within the

family and the society was patriarchal. In patriarchal societies, men held
positions of power to the exclusion of women. There were a few matriarchal
societies and queendoms, but far and wide, men are the ones who led
societies worldwide.

In families, the father was the leader, the mother followed, then the children.
In general, inheritance followed male bloodlines from the father.

The men had the duty of providing for their families and protecting them.
Men went to war to protect their communities, and they died in war or while
out seeking food for their families or trying to conquer other communities to
get resources. Over time, Nation-states emerged. Social contracts, an
agreement between the ruled and the rulers, were developed, and politics
became important in society.

The idea of voting emerged to select people into positions of power. Because
men were in positions of power, they excluded women from voting and
decision-making for a while. Men made laws that favored them. They
assigned themselves more rights and privileges under the law than women.

Within the households, some men were violent and mistreated their wives.
But there were also good men; just as there are good leaders and bad leaders,
there are bound to be people who do not exercise power fairly or
responsibly.

Today in the west, marriage has been weaponized against men. The same
way democracy and homosexuality were institutionalized in the west first
before coming to Africa is how our marriage laws will change on our land in
the next few decades.

All young men who understand marriage as it is currently set up in the west
either choose never to get married or if they do, they go in with an ironclad
prenup drafted by a competent lawyer.

But laws are reactionary. Laws are often put in place to address
commonplace occurrences. Over time, men demonstrated a proclivity to
abuse women, abandon their offspring and depart from their marriages,
leaving their wives in terrible situations that the men often contributed to.
Men could leave women with no income, with kids to take care of, and walk
away. And so, the lawmakers, driven by actual cases and liberal feminism,
developed laws to address these cases.

Weak men, dusty ass fellows who could not take care of their business,
moved government institutions to create these laws to protect the rights of
women and children.

Of course, hypergamy will not waste any time exploiting this to the fullest,
and now we have no-fault divorce and people making laws to stop ugly
broke men from saying hi to women.

As much as there was negative programming by movies like Waiting to

Exhale and The Colour Purple that tarnished the image of men, men also failed.
Particularly the baby boomer generation.

Mothers spoke to their daughters. The girls listened as their mothers spoke
about their experiences. Some of the girls saw the treatment their mothers
underwent in the hands of their fathers. This is happening even now, and
several ladies have sent me direct messages about how their fathers treat
their mothers. Today. Still, some women have experienced first-hand what
men can dish out when you give them the opportunity.

This cauldron of plain and shattered dreams is what birthed modern women.
The modern woman who is a careerist worker and not a wife; the modern
woman who values independence and is in her masculine; the modern
woman who sees men as a utility and not a leader; the modern woman who
would rather be a side chick or baby mama, than be married to an average
Joe, and who thinks submission will bring her harm, was created by men
who dropped the ball.

Heck, it is because of the failures of men that feminism was started. Our
generation, and our children, must find a solution.
Feminism

In the 19th century, women started championing equal rights with men. In
1848, three hundred men and women rallied to the cause of equality for
women at the Seneca Falls Convention. The Seneca Falls Declaration was drafted.
It outlined the new movement’s ideology and political strategies.
What did the women want? They wanted the right to live free from violence
and discrimination. They wanted to enjoy the highest attainable standard of
physical and mental health. They wanted to be educated. They wanted to
own property. They wanted to vote. They wanted to earn an equal wage.

This was the beginning of the fight for women’s rights. It later came to be
known as the first wave of feminism.
This book can hardly cover even a fraction of the history of the feminist
movement. We will just mention the waves in passing to appreciate how
feminism evolved over time to what it is today. For a fuller treatment of
feminism, thousands of books handle that, and experts in gender studies can
undoubtedly articulate the issues better. We will just look at the highlights.

The First Wave of Feminism

From the preceding segment, the first wave of feminism started in 1848 and
was about political equality of women, equal wage, the right to own
property, and proper representation.

The Second Wave of Feminism

The second wave of Feminism began post World War II and primarily took
place in the west. It properly gathered storm in the 60s. Betty Friedan’s
book, The Feminine Mystique, published in 1963, is credited for triggering it in the
US. In the book, Friedan challenged the notion that “fulfilment as a woman
had only one definition for American women after 1949—the
housewifemother.” Friedan championed the idea of women finding personal
fulfilment outside of their traditional roles31. As a book that articulated the
unhappiness that women were experiencing in the ’50s and ’60s, it quickly
became a centrepiece of the women’s liberation movement. Friedan wrote
that “We can no longer ignore that voice within women that says: ‘I want
something more than my husband and my children and my home.’”

This second wave of feminism occurred alongside the Civil Rights

movement and resulted in some key legislations in the US, including the
equal pay act and Roe vs Wade. Roe vs Wade was a 1973 Supreme Court ruling that
granted a pregnant woman the liberty to choose an abortion. The right to use
contraceptives was also passed. Several organizations, gender departments,
and chapters were founded, including The National Abortion Reproductive
Rights Action League.

Effectively, the second wave birthed what would be later known as the
sexual revolution.
The Sexual Revolution

The sexual revolution swept through the developed world from the 60s to the
80s. Backed by the works of psychoanalysts like Sigmund Freud and
Wilhelm Reich and writers like DH Lawrence, who argued that sexual
repression was detrimental, regulations on sexuality were stripped off.

The sexual revolution involved a rejection of the traditional codes of

behaviour related to sexuality and interpersonal relationships. Sex outside
marriage, contraception, masturbation, public nudity, pornography,
prostitution, and homosexuality gained acceptance in many places in the
world.

The Third Wave of Feminism

The third wave of feminism swept the globe from the 1990s to the 2010s. It
was not very cohesive, and much can be said about it. For our purposes, one
of the things we shall note is that it involved a post-structuralist take on
gender and sexuality. This means that, among other things, the proponents
argued that gender identities like male and female were made-up, artificial
binary identities with the goal of maintaining male dominance. Postmodern
feminism sought to destabilize what they regarded as patriarchal norms.

Two, there was the idea of individualizing feminism and giving more voice
to every woman’s experience of oppression and discrimination on account of
gender. The term intersectionality was coined to describe the idea that there
are layers of expression of different women’s experiences, depending on
social class and political identity.

Third-wave proponents argued that the second wave of feminism was elitist
and focused only on mainstream, white women. They accused the second
wave of ignoring women of colour, transgender women, and middle-class
women.
Hence the third wave claimed more sexual freedom, transfeminism, and
postmodern feminism – which has brought forth LGBTQO.

The Fourth Wave of Feminism

This started in the 2010s and leveraged the internet and social media to fight
for female empowerment. What started as broaching the subject of gender
violence on radio, newspapers, and TV was eclipsed by digital feminism.
They leveraged more on the internet to champion greater female
empowerment. In places like Spain, joking about women being hit by their
partners was unacceptable on television or radio.

The fourth wave was also characterized by “calls to action” and birthed the
#metoo movement and #blacklivesmatter, which targeted female
exploitation. These calls to action yielded the Bill Cosby sexual assault case,
R Kelly sexual assault case, Harvey Weinstein allegations, among other
cases that held powerful men accused of sexual assault to account.

Adapting to the trends in social media and the notion of subscriber numbers
(on YouTube) and numbers of followers on Instagram, Facebook and
Twitter, fourth-wave feminism also used the cancel culture to battle what
they saw as going against the feminist interests. Cancel culture involves a
collective of people who unsubscribe or unfollow a targeted influencer to
weaken their influence and cut off their social media income.

OTHER CATEGORIES OF FEMINISM

Liberal Feminism

Liberal feminism is also known as mainstream feminism and uses political

means, institutions, and legal reform to tackle the feminist agenda, chiefly
through enacting laws. These laws have addressed the availability of
contraceptives, legalization of abortion, equal pay act, acceptance of marital
rape.

Liberal feminism seeks to integrate women more thoroughly into the power
structure and give women equal access to positions men traditionally
dominated. Ideas like no-fault divorce are the efforts of liberal feminism.

Marxist feminism
Marxist feminism concerns itself with economic issues and the exploitation
of women. They focus on issues like the gender pay gap, feminization of the
workplace, exploitation of female labour by capitalism. They also target the
underrepresentation of females in positions of power and women’s place in
the workforce.

Marxist feminists argue that men benefit from the subordination of women,
and the nuclear family is ideological conditioning. They argue that the
nuclear family is a capitalist construct that makes women work for free
while doing domestic work, offering childcare, and supporting the husband
who works and gets paid.

Radical Feminism

Radical Feminism maintains that patriarchy is alive and well in all sectors of
society and any changes are superficial. They maintain that women are still
controlled and exploited by men. It is broken down into female separatism
and female supremacy.

25
FEMINISM SPIN-OFFS
Feminism was a well-intended, well-meaning movement that brought about
a great deal of good in all spheres of life. The emergence of women in the
workplace, the invention of the contraceptive, and gender identity as a field
of study brought about several benefits that cannot be comprehensively
articulated in this book.

However, like other ideologies, feminism was taken too far by others and
had unintended and unforeseen after-effects. In this segment, we look at
some of these outcomes that may have not been part of the initial thinking of
feminism.

Blank Slate Equalism

Early Feminists argued for equal opportunity and protection under the law,
but they did accept that men and women were different biologically and
psychologically.

Blank slate feminists, on the other hand, argue that men and women are
equal and the same. Gender emerges from social construction, not biological
or genetic construction, they maintain. Their position is that we are born
with a blank slate, and everything that we ascribe to gender difference is the
result of nurture, not nature.
Blank Slate Equalism is articulated by neuroscientist Lise Eliot
in her book
Pink Brain, Blue Brain: How Small Differences Grow Into
Troublesome Gaps -- And What We Can Do About It 32. Eliot argues that
biology does not influence how men and

women think. She says that boys and girls have the same brains and are born
with blank slates: it is the society that trains them to think differently along
gender lines.

As the feminist movement picked up steam and evolved, technology also

changed what it meant to be a wife and a mother.
In the early 1900s, cooking took an average of six hours. By the year 2000,
because of technology, cooking took an average time of one hour and, in
many families, it was being done by men. This affected how we looked at
traditional gender roles.
Regarding the impact of technology and gender roles, Stephen
Pinker writes in
The Blank Slate- The Modern Denial of Human Nature:
“…the technological and economic progress that made it

possible for couples to have sex and raise children without a pitiless division
of labour in which a mother had to devote every waking moment to keep the
children alive. Clean water, sanitation, and modern medicine lowered infant
mortality and reduced the desire for large broods of children. Baby bottles
and pasteurized cow’s milk, and then breast pumps and freezers, made it
possible to feed babies without their mothers being chained to them around
the clock. Mass production made it cheaper to buy things than to make them
by hand, and plumbing, electricity, and appliances reduced the domestic
workload even more.33”

These technological advances led to the questioning of traditional gender

roles and contributed to some feminists embracing blank-slate equalism.

But as technology advanced, our biology largely remained the same.

Consider this: men biologically generate between ten to twenty times more
testosterone than women; hence tend to be larger, more physically
aggressive, and have increased muscle mass and libido.
Men’s brains are ten percent larger than that of women. They have a larger
inferior-parietal lobule, which has been associated with time and speed
estimation and solving mathematical problems. This may explain why the
best female chess player, Judith Polgar, is ranked 100 points lower than the
best male player, Magnus Carlsen. World chess champion Garry Kasparov
said in 1989, “Men are hardwired to be better chess players than women.34”

Stephen Pinker’s book and a plethora of research papers indicate that men
tend to be interested in things while women are more interested in people.
This is why men tend to be Engineers, and more women gravitate towards
nursing and the social sciences, and this is why, in general, women are better
communicators.

Women also talk more while men obtain a lot of satisfaction from doing
things. Another gender difference in how men and women communicate:
women have nuances and sub communications while men are more overt.
Women are more verbose and use many words to express their feelings. It is
their natural proclivity. Women prefer to communicate context rather than
communicate content. That’s why a sulking woman, when asked “what’s
wrong?” by their boyfriend, will say, “Nothing.” Yet something is clearly
wrong. She wants him to get the context.

We also have a gender variance when you look at the goals of

communication or talking. Men are interested in the information, while
women are interested in the feelings and connections with the person they
are speaking to. In other words, women tend to prioritize the context while
men prioritize the content.

Whereas both men and women have degrees of aggression, men tend to be
more aggressive while women tend to be less aggressive and more
agreeable. Therefore, as Jordan Peterson argues, both genders attempt
suicide, but suicide attempts by men tend to be fatal compared to those by
females.

The genders also manifest aggression differently. Men fight physically while
women fight psychologically and use indirect aggression like gossip, passive
aggressiveness and group exclusion. Women also tend to have different
temperaments, experience more anxiety and pain than men and are more
compassionate.

Despite these differences, we still have blank slate equalists arguing that
men and women were born with the same minds and that these gender
differences are taught. Weird as it is, blankslate equalism is like an altar boy
who doesn’t push the envelope far enough.

Female supremacy is the chief priest.

Female Supremacy and Misandry

In 1970, biologist Ronald Ericsson found a way to separate the X

chromosome from the Y chromosome, which produces males. He realized
that the Y chromosome has a larger head and is slow, compared to the X
chromosome that is leaner and faster.

It is only later that this would be used to argue that the female has other
superior genetic traits.
Proponents of female superiority argue that men are simply defective
females. They propose that if masculine traits can be minimized, the world
would be a better place, and everyone would be happy. Drawing from the
mating habits of the black widow spider, the octopus, and other animals that
kill the males after sex, Melvin Konner argues in his book, Women After All: Sex,
Evolution, and the End of Male Supremacy, that men are not necessary for the survival
of our species.
Male domination, Konner argues, is an anomaly of human history, not a
natural state for the human species. In any case, he maintains, the genetic
fluke that resulted in the male gender brings more aggression, a higher
mortality rate, shorter life span, hair loss, hypersexuality, short attention
spans, and other defects in the male gender35.
Melvin makes several arguments, drawing from neuroscience, sociology,
biology, and history, to make his case. He cites, for example, that brain scans
show that the amygdala, the part of the brain that produces violent impulses,
is larger in men than in women and points out that the part that regulates the
impulses from the amygdala, the frontal cortex, is more active in women. He
interprets this to mean that women are more rational and can control their
violent impulses than men.
It has become fashionable to shame any man who pushes back against blank-
slate equalism as exhibiting “toxic masculinity.” This is done even by people
who do not espouse blank-slate equalism. However, by rejecting only certain
kinds of masculinity, such persons unwittingly propagate the idea that
masculine traits are inherently toxic.
In 2019, the American Psychological Association (APA) issued guidelines to
help clinicians improve the health of boys and men, declaring aspects of
“traditional masculinity” “harmful.”
The APA defines traditional masculinity as “a particular constellation of
standards that have held sway over large segments of the population,
including anti-femininity, achievement, eschewal of the appearance of
weakness, and adventure, risk, and violence.36”
The guidelines, highlighted in the January issue of the APA’s Monitor on
Psychology magazine, say the pressure boys and men feel to conform to
certain aspects of traditional masculinity can lead to poor health outcomes,
including higher rates of suicide and substance abuse violence and early
death.
This is basically the feminization of boys.
It is common today to hear people say that men should display more emotion
and allow themselves to be vulnerable. These persons, wittingly or
unwittingly, promote fem-centric perspectives while at the same time
rejecting masculine traits. The basic premise is that the female way of
experiencing life is correct and the masculine one is wrong.
Plus, post-modern feminists don’t want masculinity broken into categories.
When they say “toxic masculinity,” they mean masculinity is inherently
toxic and should be weeded from all spheres. They are not referring to
certain kinds of masculinities.
Another point to note, which makes this clearer, is that toxic masculinity has
no feminine counterpart – there is no toxic masculinity – why?. Toxic
masculinity is never distinguished from masculinity in general.
It doesn’t stop there, though.
Female supremacy opens the door to femocracy and misandry. Femocracy,
like gynarchy, means the rule by the feminine.
Some groups meet regularly to promote the ideals of femocracy and believe
men are evil or inferior and should therefore be removed from positions of
power.
Misandry, which means the hate of men, is acceptable today in the western
world, which is undeniably gynocentric, and I illustrate this below.
In the previous chapters, I cited the example of Kenyan men who were fired
from their jobs because they told women on the radio to be more careful
before going on dates with strangers.
Let us now compare that to a past case on live television in the United
States, which involved a show hosted by women.
The Talk is an American TV talk show owned by CBS, a television and radio
network. It typically hosts a group of five women who chat about the news
headlines and other current human-interest stories before a live audience.
In 2011, seeing that his marriage could not work, a man filed for divorce in
California. As the divorce was getting processed, he continued sharing a
condominium with his wife. His wife, Catherine Kieu, a Southern
Californian woman, laced his food with a drug one day, tied him to a bed,
cut off his penis and threw it in the garbage.
The female hosts in The Talk narrated this story amidst giggles. “I don’t
know the circumstances,” host Sharon Osbourne said. “However, I do think
it’s quite fabulous.37”
Think about it.
The female audience giggled and laughed at this man’s suffering, and the
hosts celebrated the woman, Catherine Kieu. Kieu was sentenced in 2013 to
life in prison.
These female hosts in The Talk did not get threatened, reprimanded or
warned. This act of violence against a man was all grist of the mill in a
gynocentric society. The pain, suffering, and abuse of men can only be found
to be entertaining for misandrists. If you doubted its existence, go online and
see for yourself.

The Modern Woman

As women were fighting for equal opportunity and feminism gathered

steam, the factory owners and capitalist countries saw an opportunity for
cheaper labour entering the workforce and producing more.

The entrance of women into the workplace was supported by capitalist

economies. Women brought cheap labour into the workplace, women’s
reliance on men for survival declined, and consumerism shot up. Several
products lines were created for this new demographic – handbags, shoes,
makeup, work clothes, etc.
School curriculums were made to ensure education churns out workers for
businesses to grow and produce more.
Today, women shun and denigrate traditional roles as wives, mothers,
nurturers, and homemakers. Many modern women grow up not thinking of
being wives and mothers but being career women. Schoolgirls are taught to
aspire to fit into various roles in different careers, not to be wives.
Magazines like Cosmopolitan guided women about how to fully maximize
their newfound freedom. With the invention of contraceptives and hormonal
birth control, which gave women control of the reproductive process,
marriage was no longer a top priority for most women, and they could have
sex without getting pregnant.
With sexual liberation came freedom. But rules were not codified for
managing this sexual emancipation, and with it came confusion, single
mothers, AIDS, and sexual assault cases increased. Many women in the baby
boomer generation and generation X regarded men as things to be avoided
(oppressors, exploiters, and tyrants) or as utilities (providing resources and
pleasure). This mindset has contributed to many divorces, increased the
number of single mothers, and resulted in millions of women dying alone
and unmarried.
To achieve success in the workplace, the modern woman often has to rely on
her masculine side. This, together with feminist notions about submission,
has made the modern woman less feminine, which has compromised her
ability to pair-bond with a man. Furthermore, the more she succeeds in her
career, the more her pool of dateable men shrinks, leaving her frustrated and
unable to find a suitable mate. Because their feminine traits have been
eroded, men find that most educated, modern women, are good for dating
but not for marriage – because they are not cooperative and unwilling to
submit to the authority of a man.
Modern women also feel that because they make a lot of money, they should
also get high-value men as suitors. Unfortunately, the high-value men want
beautiful, feminine, cooperative women, which most modern women are not.
Modern women also want marriage as a partnership.
This cannot work with high-value men because men work hard to become
high-value men, and once they have risen to that level in society, they do not
want to put up with people questioning their decisions and plans as modern,
educated women tend to do.
High-value men want feminine women ready to get on their program and are
willing to cooperate and submit to them, not fight for control in the
marriage.
Cooperation and submission is something modern women struggle with, and
hence they end up alone and embittered most of the time. The frustration of
modern career women is captured most famously in Tomi Lahren’s “Men
Are Trash” video available on YouTube38.
Based on his counselling experience, one of the most famous dating coaches
and advisors on relationships today, Kevin Samuels, said modern women are
DUDEs. This acronym stands for Delusional Ungrateful in-Denial Entitled
Selfish. His YouTube channel has a plethora of interviews with women
illustrating exactly how modern women are DUDEs.
Because of the influence of feminism and competition with men at the
workplace, modern women have come to view men differently and have
developed a victimhood narrative.
In The Book of Numbers, Aaron Clarey says that victimhood politics has led many
young women to view men as “competitors at best, enemies at worst.” The
antagonistic attitude that victimhood politics breeds make several women
completely unmarriageable39.
Other than turning men and women against each other, feminism has given
women a whole new value system from which to derive purpose and
meaning in life.
Traditionally, a loving husband and children gave women purpose. Love
from other human beings is what made life worth living. However, one of
the key principles of feminism is to not rely on men. And while this
predominantly meant financially, it also meant spiritually. Ultimately many
women understood feminism to imply that they cannot rely on men for
anything, including their happiness, purpose, or meaning in life.
Doing so would be tantamount to being defined by men.
You toss in a dose of victimhood politics, and you can see that feminism has
been tremendously successful in removing men from the number one
position in women’s lives, replacing them with the values feminism told
women to have instead: careers, money, pets and many times, battery-
powered dildos.
It is difficult to imagine any other movement that has wandered so far from
its original path.
Once women entered the workplace and feminism continued adding more
and more rights to women, the modern woman emerged. The modern
woman competes with the man at the workplace and is forced to rely on her
masculine side to get ahead. More laws have been created that have ended
up incentivizing divorce. We now have “no-fault” divorce laws that make it
okay to get divorced even if the other partner has done nothing wrong.
Popular culture has also encouraged women to behave poorly. As Iyanla
Vanzant40 and Sharazad Ali41 have said – women are given attention when
they misbehave. Modern women have popularized the phrase, “my money is
mine, his money is ours”, so the modern woman cares only for herself.
Despite knowing that children raised by single parents do not fare well,
women still file 70% of the divorces. Hence the modern woman is selfish.
Men do not stay in the marriage because they are happy, but they endure for
the children. Modern women do not have room for that. They quit. They do
not know how to cook or make a house into a home. In the same way, they
have outsourced their husbands (policemen for protection and their
employers for resources), hired domestic servants, and said they don’t need a
man.
This is what feminism has made the modern woman.

The Destruction Of Marriage

By casting the nuclear family as an institution that was forged to make

women provide free labour and as a patriarchal apparatus meant to further
the domination of men, feminism influenced women to shun marriage and
made them view it as a threat to their freedom. As mentioned earlier, this
was made worse by The Color Purple, a novel by Alice Walker which was later
adapted to a film and a musical. It was a fictional narrative, yet it influenced
black people and popular culture among the black people in the west like a
factual account. It portrayed black men as violent and abusive, and that’s the
image many black women had of their men.

According to the CDC, in 1970, about 86% of adults were married in the
US. In 2020, the number had declined to 30%. Divorce rates have also
dropped with the reducing marriage rates. As of 2021, about 50 percent of all
marriages in the United States will end in divorce or separation.

Through the efforts of liberal feminism, divorce laws have been changed to
incentivize divorces for women (particularly marital property rules, alimony,
and child support in family law) and, right on cue, women file for divorce
75% of the time. Several states have also passed the no-fault divorce
legislation, which opens the door for wives to leave their husbands even if
they have done nothing wrong.

Andrea B. Caroll states in Incentivising Divorce, “Specifically, a non-debtor

spouse will have substantially more protection from the creditors of the
debtor spouse if the marriage is terminated than he would have if the
marriage remained intact. This bizarre incentive to divorce results from the
existence of marital property rules in some jurisdictions that insulate the
non-debtor spouse’s property only after divorce-for debts incurred by the
other spouse.42”

Other than reduced marriage rates, another factor that has resulted in a
decline in divorce rates is the drop in marriage rates in low-income
populations. In the low-income populations, people marry at much lower
rates, and single motherhood has become a trend, creating a phenomenon
called a “marriage divide.” Census data indicates that the College-educated
persons’ marriage rate is at 64% compared to the less educated, who score at
24%.

To add to this, feminism has elevated single motherhood, and in popular

media today, single mothers are treated as superwomen to be exalted and
lionized rather than shunned or questioned. After suffering a few failed
relationships, it is increasingly acceptable for today’s woman to get pregnant
out of wedlock and raise a child alone. This was not the case in the past.

This continues even though research indicates that children raised in single-
parent households do not fare well in school and later in life than children
raised by both parents.

Divorce rates are much lower in countries like Japan and the Middle East,
maintaining traditional family structures. The entrance of women into the
workforce (which increased extramarital affairs and financial independence
from men) and liberal divorce laws have been blamed for the high divorce
rates in countries like Russia and the Maldives, which have the highest
divorce rates globally.

Equality of Outcome
The main goal of feminism was for females to have equal opportunities as
males to pursue whatever interests they chose and have the same
opportunities in life and advancement at the workplace. For various reasons,
be they biology, structural inequalities, culture, and so on, as much as
women were provided with equal opportunities, the outcomes were not equal
across the two genders. To resolve this, the idea of equality of outcome was
developed. As we shall see below, it is a strange idea that can produce
distortions in the marketplace and kill the incentive to work.

Equality of outcome overlooks competence and awards people positions and

compensates them not based on their competence or talent but their gender.

The idea of “quotas” and “gender parity” was developed in distributing

positions at the workplace and in government. In the army and fire
departments, different fitness tests were developed for women to join those
careers because they couldn’t handle the tests given to men.

Many commentators say that Equality of opportunity ensures that we all start
at the same time in the race of life. On the other hand, Equality of outcome
seeks to ensure that everyone finishes at the same time. This problem is that
it sweeps aside meritocracy and disincentivizes hard work. Why should I
work hard if we will all win? Can we have a progressive society if we all
become slackers? The answer is no.

Under equality of outcome, gender, particularly the female gender, becomes

a sort of competence itself: something to be rewarded - even where it has no
relation to the performance of the work associated with a particular position.

Initially, affirmative action required governments and other institutions to

put in place race and gender-conscious measures that ensure that women and
minorities have equal opportunities. But later, it quickly morphed into the
idea of ensuring equal results. Usually, demand and supply market forces
ensure that the cream rises to the top as far as talent and competence are
concerned. Whereas talent distribution is arbitrary, it is generally believed
that if you remove barriers of race and social class, through hard work and
determination, with equal opportunities presented, anyone can rise to the top.
Talent and hard work make us produce value. Markets reward value.
Rewarding people who produce value makes everyone better off in society,
which is why many people embrace meritocracy.

Why should we innovate if value realization is not rewarded? David Strauss says
in
The Illusory Distinction between Equality of Opportunity and Equality of
Result: “If a game is well designed and its rules are enforced, each of the competitors
can be said to have

an equal opportunity to win even though some will have more of the
requisite abilities. To insist that the results be equalized to compensate for
differences in ability among the competitors would be inconsistent with the
whole idea of playing the game.43”

Anyone who is a student of life realizes that success in life is not just
determined by having baseline equal opportunities as feminists believed. Our
experiences, actions, and mindsets are significant determinants of success.
This is why, for two siblings brought up in the same family, one can end up
successful and another end up as a failure.

Attributes like persistence, conscientiousness, character, mindset, IQ, and

emotional intelligence soar above equal opportunities as determinants of
success. These are factors that feminists never thought about very well when
fighting for equal opportunities. There is also career choice, which is
influenced greatly by gender. Men and women pick different careers, and
different careers pay differently.

Scandinavian countries that have removed gender barriers in schools and

institutions have demonstrated this. In Men and Things, Women and People: A
Meta-Analysis of Sex Differences in

Rong Su et al. conducted research that demonstrated that differences

Interests,
in vocational interests were caused by the variability of sex44.Their research
showed that, just like in the Scandinavian countries, men are interested in
working with things and women are interested in working with people. Men
tend to have realistic interests while women tend to have artistic interests.
This also means men tended to be interested in STEM (Science, Technology,
Engineering, and Mathematics) subjects, which pay more.

Equality of outcome is unnatural. As Steve Glaveski says in Why Equality of

Outcome Is A Bad Idea, “Human beings didn’t artificially create hierarchies
- they are in fact, a feature of nature common to all mammals, birds, fish,
and insects. Known as dominance hierarchies, such social pecking orders
occur naturally when living groups compete for access to limited resources
and mating opportunities, as it is preferable to fighting to the death on a
daily basis.45 ”

By all means, governments must ensure equal opportunities for everyone.

However, nobody should reap where they did not sow.
Unhappy Modern Women

In 2008, Public policy and economics Professors Betsey Stevenson and

Justin Wolfers published a research paper titled The Paradox of Declining Female
Happiness. Their research focused on women in the US and Europe. In this
paper, the research indicated that the subjective wellbeing of modern
women, aka happiness, had declined compared to the happiness that women
in the 70s reported46.

This was a paradox because women had achieved almost everything that
they wanted to achieve from the feminism movement. In their 2007 paper,
The Gender Pay Gap, Blau, and Kahn had reported that the wage gap had
decreased. Their report also indicated that more women were educated and
almost surpassing men, technological advancements had freed women from
the drudgery of domestic chores, and contraceptives had increased sexual
freedoms47. Yet the same women enjoying these benefits of feminism in the
west, particularly Europe and the US, were still unhappy. On the other hand,
men did not register any significant changes in their happiness.

Why?
The scholars could not pinpoint a particular reason for this decline in
happiness among women. From their research, it was not because women
had more work by being moms and employees at the same time – because
the level of happiness declined across all women, even those who were past
child-bearing age. It was also not because women had expanded their scale
for measuring happiness to include happiness at work in addition to
happiness at home. Because the declining happiness of females does not
make sense in light of increased wages, sexual freedoms, and general
liberation in all facets of life, it is regarded as a paradox.
Kevin Samuels has suggested that the pressure of upholding a career and
handling a marriage is too much for women. They simply don’t have the
energy and are burning out. And this is one of the reasons why women
wreck their marriages (i.e., file for divorce). “Pressure was made for
shoulders, not for hips,” he keeps saying
Evolutionary psychology could probably explain this increase in
unhappiness among modern women.

A Note on Our Evolutionary Psychology

Women tend to be about relationships, connecting, nurturing, and

homemaking. Perhaps turning them away from these roles, disconnecting
them from their communities, and thrusting them into a corporate,
impersonal environment where success is measured using different metrics
could be a factor.

Is it possible that making women play traditionally masculine roles like

providing for their families, taking risks and bearing the burden of
performance at the workplace and in the community could be stressing them
and causing this unhappiness?

According to evolutionary psychology, human psychological traits are

adaptations that evolved over time. It explains human social behaviour and
attitudes like how people perceive beauty, practices like infanticide,
marriage patterns, promiscuity, and bride price.

When we talk about human origins, we begin with prehistoric man, who
existed before recorded history. Prehistoric man is described using a three-
age system that identifies a man’s technology. Hence we speak of stone age
man, iron age man, and bronze age man. Stone age lasted about six thousand
years (from 9500BCE to 3500BCE). Then bronze age lasted about two
thousand years, and the iron age lasted another five hundred years, ending at
about 100CE.
Of course, these dates will vary depending on the civilization you are
looking at, whether Africa, Ancient Near East, Asia or Europe. Significant
discoveries that impacted history included glass, steel, aluminium, and
plastic in 1907CE. But there are more outstanding advances that shifted the
history of mankind, which we call revolutions.
Figure 2: Timeline of Modern and
Traditional man

The agricultural revolution started around 10,000BCE. As our tools

improved, so did our food production. The industrial revolution was between
1700 and 1900 and was characterized by the invention of engines,
developments in transport and communication, electricity, petroleum,
textiles, and food processing. Then we have the digital revolution, which
started in 1947 when the transistor was developed. The internet was invented
in 1969, and in the 1970s, when the home computer was introduced, the
modern woman emerged.

What is the point of all this?

For the last ten thousand years, history has been about what man has been
doing. Historical epochs are about the tools and technologies he uses to
multiply resources, move, harness materials, and improve his quality of life.
All this time, nothing is said about the woman, whose role across the
revolutions and epochs has been a nurturer and homemaker.
Until the modern woman emerged in the 1970s.
Is it possible that she has been thrust into a role that doesn’t fit her evolved
firmware? Looking at our evolutionary past, women have adapted to derive
happiness from connecting to their families and community. Their success
and happiness have historically been based on their relationships, the
families they raise, and friendships.
But a modern woman was taught by feminism that she can be more than a
nurturer and a homemaker. So she stopped cooking, raising her children, and
supporting her husband. She got a job, hired a domestic manager, and
dropped her child in daycare as she went to work for men who had more
money than her husband (in the form of corporations).
She demanded equal partnership in the marriage and started calibrating her
success based on masculine standards like the degrees earned and the
amount of money or property she had accumulated.
Because men continued to be traditional, the result of this is an increase in
unmarried women who end up dying alone and childless. The modern
woman is alienated from her man and is exiled from the role she has evolved
to play, and that, I suggest, is why the modern woman is increasingly
unhappy.
The next table highlights the differences between the modern westernized
woman and the traditional man. The modern man and the traditional man
have mainly remained the same regarding their roles and disposition.

Figure 3:

Traditional vs Modern Westernised Woman

26
FATHERS DID NOT TEACH US THE THINGS THAT OUR

This book is not about blaming our fathers for any sins of omission; far from
it. The world has changed drastically in the last thirty years, and our fathers
could not have anticipated all the changes that have been brought about by
technology, third-wave feminism, and popular media.

This expression just means that our upbringing left knowledge gaps critical
for survival. Most men learned about kissing, romance, love, sex, women,
dating, seduction, marriage, money, masculinity, and success from books,
Disney movies, and popular mainstream media, not our fathers.

And most of what we learned was wrong, damaging, and misleading.

Many men have died or led miserable lives because society fed them the
wrong information, and there was nobody to teach them the correct thing.
This book is my effort at righting the wrongs that we were taught.
We learned about intergender relationships as we grew up. The content we
were exposed to was influenced by feminism in a gynocentric world. Most
of it is inaccurate as far as intersexual dynamics go, and it does not work
with most modern women, most of whom are westernized.
Men who have failed to realize this and make adjustments have ended up
dead, divorced, or are miserable in their relationships.
A lot of what I present here is in the form of what is called redpill content.
The red pill is about living and acting with a clear awareness of female
nature – which has not been well understood for centuries. The red pill is
about awareness of how the world works, what moves politics, religion,
relationships, marriage, sexual desire, the economy, etc. But our focus in this
book will be on relationships, dating, and marriage.
We were taught that girls are different from boys as we grew up. Boys don’t
cry—girls like crying. We later learned that they have their menses and these
exciting things on their chests called boobs and what’s between their legs.
We later noticed their hindquarters and looked at their eyes and lips
differently as we matured sexually.
Other than being emotional and biologically different, we generally believe
that women see things the way men do. We believe that women want similar
things as men, use words the way men do, love like men, and even choose
like men.
All these were utterly wrong. We must unlearn these and orient ourselves
correctly to be competent men.
We will start by taking a deep dive into female nature.

Female Nature

For a long time, female nature was not understood. Most of our fathers did
not understand female nature. Women were often dependent on their men for
provisioning and protection, and so they kept their nature concealed from
their men. The mechanism most of our fathers used to enforce compliance or
submission was the withdrawal of provisionings, violence or abandonment.

Sometimes, these worked sometimes, they didn’t. But our fathers never
really popped open the hood of female nature to examine what made it tick.

It was actually accepted that women are unknowable. On the other hand,
women perpetuated this myth that they are unknowable, and they held up the
idea of “female mystique” as we got into the modern era. Operating under
this shroud of mystery was very beneficial to women because whenever a
man observed a chink in their armour, perhaps a red flag, he would be
comfortably dismissed as “you don’t understand women.” Rather than stay
on it and investigate, he would instead doubt himself. And this is how many
men got cuckolded and cheated on.
Because women are emotional, good at sub-communication, and often
dealing in the psychological, many men found female mental processes
unfathomable. The Greek philosophers and artists equated the feminine
quality with chaos, and the goddess Pandora represented femininity.

The poets characterized female nature as tempestuous. In books, oracles,

astrologers, and seers were primarily women – entities with mysterious
powers inaccessible and esoteric to men. The image of the witch, flying on a
broom or not, consolidated this idea of women as unreadable, powerful,
unpredictable, and unfuckwithable beings.

In societies where women were seen as bogeymen, responsible for the

sufferings of others in the society, witch trials were conducted. Witches were
burnt at the stake, drowned, and generally killed horribly as men often do to
things they are afraid of. In Kenya, Kisii tribesmen routinely burn old
women publicly to kill “witches.”

Women are unpredictable in many ways, and frequently, women don’t

understand themselves. But a man doesn’t need to understand a woman to be
effective with her.

What a man needs to do most is to understand female nature. We now have

the blueprint of how women function. This is knowledge consolidated from
endocrinology, psychology, evolution, neurology, and discussions from
millions of men who have dated and lived with women. That is where we
will start.
Most women conform to a particular template. They tend to have certain
behaviours and move in a certain way. These behaviours, tendencies, and
mindsets are what we call female nature.

Hypergamy

The first aspect of female nature, which is profound, natural, evolved,

insidious, and tyrannical, is hypergamy. It is the organizing principle behind
female sexual selection. I use hypergamy as defined by Rollo Tomassi in his
book series, The Rational Male.
Hypergamy has been used in sociology to mean the tendency of women to
want to marry men who have higher status than themselves, especially in the
caste systems in India. That is the traditional understanding.

But we now know that women, in general, are also hypergamous and date or
marry people of a higher status than themselves. This status can be in the
form of the man’s income or resources, status in society, looks, and
generally, the attributes that influence a man’s sexual market value (SMV).

Hypergamy is not just about selecting who to marry. Hypergamy influences

who a woman will want to sleep with, whether she should have a baby when
pregnant, whether she should stay married to her husband so on.

Hypergamy is a dualistic mating strategy. It has two sides: women seek

short-term alphas to have sex with; they also seek beta males for long-term
provisioning and parental investment.

Because men rarely are both, women seek these two ideals through a
dualistic strategy, as we shall see.
Hypergamy leads a woman with an SMV of 6 to want to date an SMV 7 or
above man. Only under exceptional circumstances will a woman with an
SMV of 6 will go for a man of SMV of 6 or lower.
Now, let us remember at this point that there will always be outliers. There
are certainly women who marry down. The point is, if all factors are held
constant, most women are hypergamous.
As we shall see, hypergamy in the modern woman goes way more profound,
and its ambitions are fathomless.
Hypergamy is one of the strongest influences in intersexual dynamics today
and more so because of the influence of social media, which provide access,
at the click of a mouse, to thousands and hundreds of members of the
opposite sex, who, often, are quick to enter into the private chats and start a
concealed communication with women.
This was not possible in the past.
Social media platforms have amplified the situation obtained when women
entered the workplace. By entering the workplace, women could access
more men and had several arenas for interacting with men. The result of this
was an increase in extramarital affairs and declining marriage rates, as we
have seen. While marriage rates dwindled and childbirth outside marriages
increased, among married couples, divorce rates increased.
The main force behind the increasing divorce rates and declining marriage
rates is hypergamy on overdrive: women had access to more men.
Modern women are presented with so many options that they are confused
about what man to pick. They pick poorly because they don’t allow their
fathers to vet their chosen men.
Many women leave their husbands because they see so many men (through
social media) who approach them in their DMs and make passes at them.
Attention is the currency in the women’s realm, and social media has
delivered attention to women in dizzying quantities.
Unfortunately, women often cannot distinguish attention that they can keep
(leading to marriage) from the attention they can get (from men who want
sex). For example, any woman posting provocative photos on IG or
Facebook will get several likes and DMs. That’s the attention you can get.
Easy as pie. Right? And we all know how much women place a premium on
attention. Fair enough.
But, how many of those men just want to smash it and keep it moving? And
how many are husband material? How can you tell? That’s where women get
confused. This is not necessarily because women lack intelligence but
because the ego wants to believe that despite their situation (typically baby
mama situations), they can still get a man who can marry them. And this is
often delusional.
Hypergamy is the force that makes a woman keep asking herself, “Is he the
best I can get, or can I get better for myself?” and this doubt causes
instability. This doubt makes a woman in her midthirties end up with four
kids from four different men.
Tyler Perry, at one time, released a movie titled I Can do Bad All by Myself. Black
women feel they are doing poorly in relationships and would instead do bad
by themselves; this attitude promotes being single and becoming baby
mamas as good lifestyles.
Add social media where men with a higher value than her husband are
sliding in her DM every day propositioning to her. Many women will leave
their marriages for the flimsiest reason because they believe they can do
better.
So what have women done with the power and freedom they got from
feminism? The answer to this question reveals the true nature of women. The
main goal of feminism, it turns out, is to facilitate hypergamy. First, despite
having contraceptives, women wanted to abort fetuses they got from men
they didn’t want – where the fetuses were seen as barriers to the men they
wanted.
Abortion was introduced as a fail-safe for failed hypergamy.
Secondly, liberal feminism created laws that incentivized divorce – women
were rewarded through alimony, default child custody, child support, and
having the men forced out of their homes during divorce proceedings,
among other things. They have also introduced the “no-fault” divorce in the
US, where you can seek divorce even if your partner has done nothing
wrong.
The intense focus on facilitating abortion and divorce means that failed
hypergamy poses an existential fear for women, and this has been a top
priority since women were empowered.
Thirdly, still in pursuit of hypergamic imperatives, women have sought to
make it illegal for suboptimal men to approach them or look at them. They
introduce sexual harassment laws to further secure them from mating with
the wrong man. In effect, men are supposed to police themselves: if you are
ugly and broke, do not approach a woman – you could be sued for sexual
harassment. If you are good-looking and rich?
“Oh. Hi Chad. How are you doing?”
From the current trends, most men know that if they lose their jobs, become
an inconvenience, or grow fat, their wives could divorce them. Those who
don’t know this live to tell, and many men have been zeroed out by women
they loved – being zeroed out is having everything you have worked for,
everything you have, taken away from you.
As men say, you are only in the marriage because she finds you useful. In
certain states in the US, the law requires you to pay her divorce lawyer even
though she is the one that filed for divorce, and she can choose the most
expensive lawyer in town. Divorce and separation laws can have the man
thrown out of their house if their wives say they don’t feel safe around their
husbands – this is before the divorce is finalized. Thus, a man can be
rendered homeless with just that claim as the divorce continues. Women are
also automatically given custody of the kids, even though it’s increasingly
evident that fathers make better parents.
If the wife is uncomfortable about the husband’s ability to parent the
children, an attorney ad litem, a children’s lawyer is brought in. The man is
supposed to pay for his services, and he will see to it that her concerns are
addressed. And oh, she also takes half of everything you have made in your
lifetime and goes with it to start a new life with another man.
Rollo Tomassi says that the marriage contract in its current form in America
is unconscionable, and no sane man can sign it.
What is the result of this? Chaos. Men are terrified of getting married in the
US and westernized worlds. It is just too risky for men from every part of the
globe.
Single mothers have quadrupled, and women continue filing for divorce at
dizzying magnitudes.
When you look at it, it makes you ask yourself, is this why the Greeks
regarded female nature as chaotic?
Some people have argued that nature is called “mother nature” because it has
to be subjugated and harnessed, or else it becomes destructive. Is this what
female nature is? Hypergamy hates structure, it wants its own, and it will not
be contained or stopped.
So, what can men do in the face of pervasive hypergamy?
First, women are not evil, and hypergamy is not bad. Hypergamy is a
survival mechanism that has given our species survival advantages because,
through it, women breed with men with the best genes – the most competent
males. This advances our society by maintaining superior genomes in the
gene pool. By mating with men who have what Rollo Tomassi calls the 3Ps;
men who are providers, who have parental investment, and who can protect
them, women can raise children well.
However, hypergamy also makes women cold. It makes women do things to
men that can be considered heartless.
Now, how does a man navigate hypergamy?
To keep a woman’s interest in the long term, a man must have a purpose. He
must always work towards increasing his value in her eyes. This is where the
concept of high-value men came from. If a woman feels that her man is
working towards achieving high value, that may keep her attracted to him
because she innately wants to be part of the success he is reaching for.
But if women feel their men have reached the pinnacle and are no longer
striving to get better than they are, they have nothing to excite them about
their future prospects.
That can be a recipe for divorce right there. Especially when it comes to
modern career women with IG accounts who feel they can still go back to
the sexual marketplace and pick a better man.
If divorce does not happen, the risk of cuckoldry is very high if the man
doesn’t seem to be making his prospects in life better. The marriage
generally deteriorates because the woman loses respect for the man and
resents him for being comfortable as she gets mad at herself for choosing
him. She will nag him and cause drama as she tries to shake the cage and
make him level up.
As we noted elsewhere, most paternity test labs report that about thirty
percent of the paternity tests have a ‘negative’ result. And these are just
highlights of cases of women who not only cheated but also got pregnant.
So, the fact that a woman stays doesn’t mean that the marriage is working;
you could be raising kids that aren’t yours, which is why men must
understand intersexual dynamics.
‘Alpa F*cks beta bucks’ applies all the time. Women will seek alpha seeds
and get beta males to raise the children.
During this COVID 19 pandemic, I know three of my friends whose wives
left, and one filed for divorce. One of them had lost his job due to the
pandemic. Two of them were nice men who had let their bodies go and did
not have clear purposes driving them even though they were financially
stable. Being nice, unknown to most men, is a sign of having low value. It
lowers attraction in women, and it is something we will discuss in
subsequent chapters. Kids don’t stop modern women from leaving a
marriage. You can have a good job and kids with her, but she can still leave
if she is not excited about the future prospects with you.
Men married to modern women must know that modern women are
subliminally driven by hypergamy in ways that, unknown to the women
themselves, can hurt them in the long run.
A man must be self-aware and continually work on himself. He must
understand female nature to manage his relationships in a manner that will
benefit him.
Our fathers did not teach us this.

Female Sexual Selection Strategies

The male sexual selection strategy is straightforward. Its unlimited access to

unlimited sexuality. This is why men are the biggest consumers of porn.
Now both men and women are naturally promiscuous. But those in the west
particularly choose to be monogamous by choice. Even as we choose
monogamy in the western world, the female and male sexual dynamics have
not changed. Men remain big on pornography; there is the side chick
phenomenon, escorts, prostitution, and so on.

The female sexual strategies have remained hidden from scrutiny under the
feminine mystique for centuries. Under patriarchy, the consequences of
sexual indiscretion were harsh for females in most societies. So women
observed discretion and secrecy as key to their survival, which is why they
are good at subcommunication and thrive on secrets and gossip.

With better technology used in research, men sharing their experiences with
women through the manosphere, and consolidating the knowledge from
pick-up artists, the female sexual selection strategies are now relatively well
understood.

In the next segment, we will dissect female sexual selection strategies.

Strategic Pluralism

Conventionally, strategic pluralism is a theory in evolutionary biology that

holds that women have evolved to select men based on two categories:
whether the men are good long-term providers or whether they have good
genes.

Rollo Tomassi, the author of The Rational Male book series, defines strategic
pluralism as follows: it is the tendency of men, particularly beta males, to
invest all their resources in one woman in the hope that the woman will, in
return, give themselves to the man based on the amount of investment they
have made on that woman, including sexual exclusivity. We shall come to
this later. The meaning I use here is the one used in evolutionary biology.
The men with good genes are typically described as “Tall, dark,

and handsome,” aka alpha genes. Alphas are sexually attractive men. They
often have strong jawlines, broad faces, v tapers, and beards – all features
that show high testosterone levels – aka good genes.

The thing about alphas is that they are also associated with offspring
abandonment. Because several women find them attractive, they tend to
sleep around a lot and have children with different women. They also tend to
be self-centred and value their freedom rather than devotion to one mate. In
general, it is said that 80% of women want to sleep with the top ten percent
of men. The men who go for paternity tests find that the kids are not theirs?

Typically, the alphas are the ones who father those kids. Many women get
pregnant in their twenties (the party years) and later expect other men to be
stepdads to their children. Typically, the absentee fathers are alpha males.

We will be examining some of the dynamics that yield these many failed
paternity tests. The long-term provisioners who provide parental investment
are also called beta males.

Beta males tend to be good listeners, have round faces, and sometimes
emotional tampons. They are phone friends that women call when they have
been upset by their alphas – or even their bosses at work.

Beta males often provide resources to women and negotiate with women to
have sex. As Rollo Tomassi says, genuine desire cannot be negotiated. Beta
males engage in chore play (like dishwashing) or give their women
something to get sex. Women have no genuine burning desire for them, and
typically, beta males draw women by providing resources and simping.

Simping means doing nice things to a woman and deferring to her thoughts
and emotions to get their approval. Simps basically do everything to please
the women they desire, including running errands for them and defending
them from others, even when she is in the wrong, believing that this will
make them have sex with him. We handle simp behaviour in detail in
subsequent chapters.

Alphas, from the foregoing, are very different from betas. But each have
their strengths.
Very few men have both alpha and beta qualities. Yet women want both
qualities in a man. How do women deal with this dilemma? Women have
evolved a mating strategy that Rollo Tomassi calls strategic pluralism.
Strategic pluralism is a dual mating strategy in which women seek alphas
when they are at the ovulation phase and seek betas after their ovulation.
Women also seek alphas in their twenties and start seeking beta males in
their thirties, at which point their sexual agency starts declining.
This is also referred to as Alpha F*cks, beta bucks.
The Female Ovulatory Cycle

This brings us to the female reproductive cycle, aka the ovulatory cycle. The
thing about the ovulatory cycle of humans is that it is concealed from the
eyes. In other animals, it is called the oestrus cycle. Conventionally, the
female ovulatory cycle is generally understood purely as a biological
phenomenon and examined in terms of hormones, the uterine wall, the
pituitary gland, and pregnancy. Nothing is mentioned in biology textbooks
about the behaviour of the female during various phases of the menstrual
cycle, particularly their mental state and sexual selection patterns.
Figure 4: The Menstrual Cycle

A female behaviour pattern that evolves around and is influenced by their

menstrual cycle has remained indiscernible for a long time. Add to it the
feminine mystique, cast like a veil around female behaviour, and one can see
why it took a while to understand this.

The image above shows the phases of the menstrual cycle. The female 28-
day ovulatory cycle is divided into two phases: the follicular phase, which is
day one to day 14, and the luteal phase, which is day 14 to day 28.
The follicular phase starts with her menses, covering the first five days when
oestrogen is low. Day 7 to day 14 is called the proliferative phase. In this
phase, hormones like oestrogen, estradiol, luteinizing hormone (LH), and
follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH) increases gradually.
They peak around day fourteen when she ovulates. At this point, the
oestrogen will reach the hypothalamus and affects how her mind works.
These hormonal changes create significant changes in most women’s
behaviour, mood, and attitude.
The hormonal trends directly impact their mating behaviour, even though the
women themselves may be unaware of this. Many people will dismiss these
attitude alterations as “mood swings,” but the behaviour patterns are far from
random. They are geared towards optimizing their strategic pluralism.
The follicular phase is also called the alpha phase by some people. This is
because the woman subconsciously seeks the alpha seed during this phase,
particularly from day seven to fourteen.
She is highly aroused, and that is why this is called the arousal phase by some
scholars. Female mice at this stage exhibit restlessness and agitation as they
seem to want to wander around.
At this stage, women are more likely to wear short, colourful dresses and
will want to go out more. Their sense of smell is heightened, and they are
aroused by the smell of sweat or masculine odors. She may modify her walk,
adopt an expansive posture, do altruistic things for attractive men, look
directly at men, and smile suggestively. Feeling adventurous, they will want
to wear push-up bras, expose their cleavage and wear big earrings that make
them stand out. If they are not happy in their relationships, this is the point
most women are likely to cheat on their significant others. They will
enhance their sex appeal, wear red dresses, and will be flirty with men at
opportune times.
Most men instinctively pick up these changes and may engage in mate-
guarding at this stage. Her boyfriend, brothers, and father may disapprove of
her dressing as too suggestive at this point.
The second phase is called the luteal or secretory phase, and lasts from day
14 to 28. Its also called the beta phase or the attraction phase. It involves a
gradual increase in progesterone, which builds up the uterine wall and
creates a mucous barrier to stop the egg from implanting itself.
From day 14 to 21, the woman is emotional and often wants to share her
frustration with the alpha. She could seek the beta male at this stage who
will act like her emotional tampon to cuddle and make her feel alright. This
is when she will give the blue pill, romantic guys a chance. This phase
makes a woman attracted to a man who could be fat and unattractive. What
she wants at this stage is someone who can be there for her.
In a nutshell, she wants a beta male, who she basically sees as a stuffed
animal to cuddle for comfort when she is in low fertility.
When she is in the high fertility phase, she wants an alpha male to have sex
with so she can pass his genes. This is more grist for the “alpha f*cks beta
bucks” mill.
From day 22 to 28, her mood changes as progesterone declines in her body.
She becomes bitchy and throws out the beta comforter. This is called
premenstrual syndrome (PMS). In the 1950s, PMS was diagnosed and
named as a medical condition by British physician Katharina Dalton.
During this phase, a woman will be irritable, aggressive, and volatile. She
may even quarrel with her girlfriends at this point. She is subconsciously
removing potential cock blockers in preparation for the next alpha phase.
She wants to ensure that no one can control her or hold her back in the next
stage as she seeks out the alpha.
This is how the dualistic mating strategy plays out in women across their
menstrual cycles. Of course, hormonal fluctuations have varying impacts on
the behaviour of different women, so some women will say, “that doesn’t
happen to me.” and that’s ok. The behaviour patterns explained above are
well established by endocrinologists and fertility experts.
Many men go into marriage unaware of the shifts in behaviour, sexual
attitudes, and psychological patterns in their women in every cycle. They are
also unaware of the opportunistic nature of the female sexual selection
strategy known as hypergamy.
Most men assume that the female sexual needs remain relatively stable
throughout, and because of this, they drop their guard, become negligent,
and end up cuckolded.
So many men are unknowingly raising the kids fathered by other men
because they assume that women’s sexuality is stable. This blissful
ignorance is why so many paternity tests result in premium tears. Our fathers
did not teach us this.

Maturation and Sexual Selection

When women become sexually mature, their biological clock starts ticking
as they approach menopause. As they go through various stages of maturity,
their sexual selection priorities will keep changing. Their sexual selection
strategies also change, which we will examine in this segment.

The age ranges used here are only indicative and not exact. Also, different
people use different age ranges that tend to overlap. For example, Kevin
Samuels uses slightly different age ranges from Rollo Tomassi and different
terminologies though the original template and framework was developed by
Rollo.
The graph shows three aspects of intersexual dynamics. First, it shows the
different female sexual selection strategies over time. Secondly, it illustrates
how the sexual marketplace value (SMV) of men and women fluctuates over
time, and lastly, it depicts how female priorities and existential concerns
change over time.

This segment will discuss male and female sexual marketplace values, which
confuses people.
How Male and Female SMV Fluctuate Over Time

The sexual marketplace is any space in the society – social media, hang-out
joints, singles ministries, and so on, that allows men and women to interact
with a view to date, start relationships, have sex, and marry.

Women with high sexual marketplace value are quickly wifed up by the top-
shelf men and taken off the market.
Women with low SMV have to settle for what they can get or settle for
surrogates like dogs. Some even say they are married to Jesus. At any rate,
those who can’t calibrate their expectations to market dictates become
careers daters or Philosophers.
Men with low SMV engage in transactional sex, cool their heels on the
friend zone, or scavenge for low-hanging fruits like single mothers and
trouble women (addicts, BPD women, hoodrats, and so on).
Some women will say, “Ooh I am beautiful, and I have my money and a
good career. Who are you men to tell us what our SMV is?”
Self-esteem is not the same as sexual marketplace value. There are women
with three kids from three different men who think they are beautiful and
have high value, and that’s okay.
That is what we call self-esteem. As far as that, anyone can rate their value
as high as they want.
Nobody really cares.
Secondly, men’s and women’s sexual marketplace value is not rated the
same way. What influences this value perception is embedded in our mental
firmware, resulting from our evolution. As we shall see, feminism,
education, industrialization, and social norms have not yet altered this aspect
of human nature.
In his book, The Liberated Man, Professor Farrell Warren wrote that men mould
themselves into objects that women desire and women also mould
themselves into objects that men desire. Through this mechanism, men are
regarded as success objects, and women are beauty objects .
Women look for successful or competent men, while men look for beautiful
women. Beauty is linked to reproductive ability (which is limited by age),
good genes, and femininity. Women know this. That is why they spend a lot
of money on things like botox, makeup, plastic surgery and are fixated on
cosmetic products and regimes that can make them look youthful and
beautiful.
Beauty decays, and it decays fast. A biological clock that determines
reproductive ability is ticking very fast in all women. This is why the beauty
industry is so vibrant and enormous.
On the other hand, men know that they must be successful to get sexual
access. Women want to pair bond with men who can protect them and
provide for them and their offspring. Protection is an aspect of good genes
and competency. That is why women want muscular men who are taller than
them, men who are strong and brave – even though we have the police for
protection.
Men hit their physical peak in their twenties. Their testosterone levels start
declining slowly in their thirties and continue diminishing slowly throughout
their lifetime. But, unlike women, men are born with no value. They must
work hard and become success objects. Women choose men based on their
success and their looks. Men in their twenties are mostly broke and are busy
either getting an education or still lack the experience to be high earners, and
because of this, their sexual marketplace value is low.
Men generally hit their peak sexual marketplace value
(money+status+looks) between thirty-two and thirty-seven. Men reach their
financial peak in their 40s and 50s. Because they are success objects, they
can maintain a high sexual marketplace value for an extended period. Also,
biologically, men have no biological clock impacting their reproductive
ability. This is why Charles Njonjo, Kenya’s first Attorney General, got
married in his fifties and still lived to see his grandchildren.
On the other hand, women experience their peak sexual agency between
eighteen and twenty-seven. After this stage, if they are still unmarried, they
experience a sort of panic because they can no longer compete in the sexual
marketplace with the ravishing twenty-two-year-olds. This is when most
women start saying how men are trash and complain that men are
commitment-phobic.
At the age of 35, according to CDC, women enter the advanced maternal age
(AMA) and are at risk of having geriatric pregnancy.
Of course, most healthy women who get pregnant after age 35 and even into
their 40s have healthy babies.
There are pregnancy risks that increase when women reach thirty-five. These
include high blood pressure, which can lead to preeclampsia (dangerously
high blood pressure and organ damage), Gestational diabetes, Miscarriage or
stillbirth, Labor problems that require you to have a C-section, Premature
birth, Low birthweight, and Chromosome disorders in the baby, like Down
syndrome. Educated women who are high-income earners are outraged when
men choose younger women, who are probably less educated and less
“refined,” over them. They say men are shallow and afraid of a challenge.
Bla bla bla.
Well, first of all, men don’t want a challenge from a woman. Chasing
success is enough of a challenge. Men want cooperative feminine women
when they go home, not a combative partner.
Two, women have evolved to expect the man to provide. Most men married
to career women do not necessarily fare better than their counterparts who
are married to housewives because most women are still reluctant to take a
significant load out of the overall family expenses. Most women, including
high-earning CEOs, prefer to take up between 15% and 10% of the
household expenditure, which is essentially a tip. In Kenya, many career
women say, “my money is mine, and his money is ours.”
Third, as mentioned earlier, the biological imperative for men when
selecting women is beauty and reproductive access, not education level or
career success. This is why any average 22-yearold will beat any group of
beautiful, high-earning, educated 45-year-olds in the sexual marketplace –
no makeup!
Because of the foregoing, women’s SMV declines quite rapidly after twenty-
nine, and unfortunately, there is often no comeback. This is why movies like
How Stella Got Her Groove Back are popular among female audiences. This
is why young men need to realize that as much as they are broke in their
twenties and being dumped by the girls for older, more established men, it is
they, the men, who will have the last laugh.

Female Sexual Selection Strategies as They Age

The terminology I use here is borrowed mainly from Rollo Tomassi’s The
Rational Male series, podcasts, and website. I, therefore, credit him and Kevin
Samuels, who has also adjusted and enriched it. These age ranges are merely
estimates and vary according to culture and the particular society a woman
finds themselves in. In Asia, for example, girls tend to get married much
earlier than girls in the West.

In their mid-teens and formative years, girls select boys purely based on
looks influenced by the tales of Cinderella and young adult romance novels
that they have been reading. But once they hit eighteen, which Rollo calls
the break, they break up with their childhood sweethearts and want to
explore their expanding worlds.

1. Party Years (18-27 years)

Some call this stage the hoe phase. During party years, women are at their
peak sexual agency. At this stage, they are highly sexual and highly sought
after by men of all ages, and they know it. Here, girls begin to realize that
status, money, and charisma also matter, and they become more selective.
They explore their options at this stage, realizing that their sexual agency is
at its peak. This is where high school sweethearts tend to get dumped for
better-established men.

The girls party a lot and enjoy life at this stage. They mainly prioritize looks
when selecting men and are not concerned about losing their beauty. They
are seeking alpha seeds and tend to sleep with bad boys at this stage. Many
women get knocked up at this stage, and most baby mamas emerge from the
heady activities of this stage. Later on, when you ask them why they got a
child with a man they barely knew, women often look back and say, “I was
young and dumb.”
2. Epiphany Phase/ Danger Zone (28-30 years)

At this stage, the woman notices that her body is changing. Rollo

At this stage, the woman notices that her body is changing. Rollo 35 years
the danger zone because the woman realizes she is in danger. She realizes
that she is not as taut as she was in her early twenties, and more importantly,
there are new entrants in the sexual marketplace: the twenty-two-year-olds,
who are getting more attention.

She realizes that she cannot keep up with the competition. This is when she
decides to get a man committed to her before her looks decline further. This
is the point women are likely to ask, “where is this relationship going?”
Women at this age are prone to sound entitled because they want a man to
propose to them and are no longer interested in just relationships for fun.
They can withhold sex and become manipulative.

She also starts prioritizing beta provisioners, not just the alphas. She now has
beta needs. This is the stage most women are likely to be found complaining
about how men are commitment-phobic and so on. It is about the same age
that Toni Lahren made her famous Men are Trash video. The woman is filled
with panic and anger at this stage. She stops prioritizing looks and now is
more interested in committed men who can provide for and protect her.
Unfortunately, if she hasn’t scaled up, the men she is dealing with may not
be interested in being tied down, hence the frustration towards men.

3. Transitory Phase (29-31)

Women go through a transitory phase between the ages of twentynine to

thirty. They get anxious about their future prospects and may opt to become
single mothers if nobody can put a ring on it. At this stage, it is clear that
their options are dwindling.

They are likely to complain about men not dating women their age. They
will say things like “real men date single mothers,” and so on.

4. Security Phase (31-35 years)

At this stage, if she has not yet got a man, she is in full panic. The pressure
to get married is at its peak, and this by itself can turn off men because the
women may come off as entitled and desperate. She may be overwrought,
and at this stage, some women even give up on dating if they get a series of
disappointments. She knows that her sexual marketplace value drops
significantly past this stage.
Her looks are declining further, and she will settle with any beta male
willing to commit to her. Looks have now been set aside as a requirement at
this stage. Rollo Tomassi calls this the security phase. All she wants is
provisioning and security, aka beta needs. Some women try entrapment at
this stage by getting themselves pregnant if they get a beta male who doesn’t
understand female nature. Some also become baby mamas, believing that a
man will come and play stepdad later on.

At thirty-five years, she is at the phase of geriatric pregnancy and what CDC
calls advanced maternal age (AMA). This is because women over thirty-five
are more likely to have certain birth-related complications, including
miscarriage and having babies with birth defects. Because of this, most men
who want to start families do not go for women of this age. Modern women
at this stage tend to get saved, start quoting bible verses, talk a lot about
“positivity,” peace, self-love, and so on, in a bid to reinvent themselves and
erase a riotous past. This is the point women tend to become deeply religious
and philosophical about life.
5. No Mans Land (past 36 years)

Kevin Samuels calls 36 to 60 no man’s land because, at this stage, very few
men are willing to claim the women this age. No man’s land is territory that
nobody claims to be theirs. It is left unoccupied due to fear or uncertainty.
Often, it is contested land is used as a dumping ground by the surrounding
population.

Most women settle for side-chick status at this age and may buy a dog or get
some sort of surrogate for men, who are at this point highly unavailable
because they are mostly married, and those who aren’t are bums or have
some underlying problems. Women at this stage may still get men to smash,
but who may not necessarily want to wife them up.

6. Redevelopment Phase (41- 54)

Between forty-one to her early fifties, her interest in the alpha reemerges.
This is the stage where she is likely to become a cougar and may engage in
some sort of whoring and flings. Rollo Tomassi calls this stage the
redevelopment phase.
She still wants security, but she wants to have fun with the alphas while
realizing that her sexual agency is completely depleted.
7. Past 55 years

Past fifty-five, they stop being noticed. Their time in the sexual marketplace
is over. She has run the gamut of her sexual agency and slides out of view
like a setting sun.

Now, feminism teaches that a woman should prioritize her education and
career over getting locked down with a man in marriage, which is seen as
restraining. Feminism teaches that you can still get educated, build a great
career, and later, get a man to marry. You can have it all, sister! They say.

In essence, feminists teach women that their sexual agency is evergreen.

This is false, as we have seen.Many women have followed this ideology
only to end up in their forties in no man’s land. Often, they end up alone,
with an inflated sense of their sexual market value, and unable to get a man.
This is one reason many modern women are unhappy.

They realize too late that they were lied to.

Preselection

Preselection refers to the tendency of women to be attracted to men who

other women find attractive. Preselection is behind many women finding
married men more attractive than single men.

Preselection basically signals to a woman, “he has been vetted,” making

them develop an attraction towards the man in question. This is why most
women are quick to tell their girlfriends once they meet a man: their opinion
is crucial in confirming that she made the right choice. This is why a
girlfriend sleeping with her man hurts so bad: her girlfriend is supposed to
be an extension of her senses and is like her compass.

Even little girls know the importance of having girlfriends. You will find
them telling each other, “you are not my friend,” and this triggers an
existential fear in her friend. Men don’t cling to friendships in a similar
fashion.
Women don’t have to conduct an opinion poll to know what their girlfriends
think about their men.
They have advanced sub-communication abilities and are better at reading
body language and non-verbal cues to read how others feel towards their
men. And coffee dates help in filling any gaps as they live vicariously.
Preselection evolved as a buttressing mechanism to secure hypergamy. Over
time, women realized that they could pick the wrong men, so they learned to
rely on each other to “vet” men through this mechanism.
Preselection is a mating strategy that has always been a feature of the female
dynamic. When men were out hunting or fighting battles, women gathered
together and learned to be each other’s eyes. This is the same reason women
are better at working as collectives. That’s why chamas, girls’ dates, and other
female gatherings are an integral feature of any society.
Many marriages get destabilized when the women feel that no other women
are attracted to their men. “Passive dread” works in maintaining attachment
in women because preselection is tied to competition anxiety. Remember,
value is caused by demand. What people want is valuable. What nobody
wants lacks value.
Passive dread is the fear of losing a man to another woman, and it’s the
reason very few competent men are left because of cheating. By another
woman appearing interested in a man, she is telling the main chick, “if you
don’t want him, let me have him.” This confuses the woman, and she cannot
walk out knowing another woman is waiting to take her place.
Many of our fathers were advised that the way to deal with a difficult wife is
to marry another wife, and this is one reason many men became
polygamous. Bringing another woman in the picture is a statement that her
fellow woman thinks you are valuable.
Conversely, a boring man that no other woman is interested in is a candidate
for being left. This happens all the time, and it’s the reason some women say,
“I left him because he is too perfect,” The female mind says, “if no other
woman finds you attractive or appealing, there must be something wrong
with you.”
Many modern women walk away from their marriages when married to
“nice men.” Nice, faithful men typically lack preselection, and such women
walk away confident that no other women will come for them.
Rollo Tomassi sums it this way in The Rational Male, “Women want to be
with Men who other women want to bang, and other men want to be.”
It is why many women choose to sleep with men they already know are
sleeping with other women. The women think, “if they like him, I should
like him too.”
Hugh Hefner of Playboy magazine slept with over a thousand women and
always had many young beautiful women trooping to his harem. This shows
how strong preselection is a powerful female dynamic.
A man with many female options doesn’t act necessitously towards his
woman because he can always have others.
Such a man doesn’t pedestalize a woman and doesn’t supplicate her. This is
a strong feature of preselected men, and women are wired to be attracted to
such confident men who are a challenge.
Such men are not needy, and they don’t give a f.
And when you do this, she senses that she has lower SMV than you and will
submit to you. She will offer to do things for you and start sending you
choosing signals because she wants to please you and be noticed by you.
However, if you pursue her and supplicate her, she will quickly put you in
the friend zone as she seeks high-value men.
Always show zero f*cks.
Doing this is also only possible if you have an abundance mindset. You can
only have this abundance mindset if you have (seen) results in your life.
That’s why men are encouraged to date a lot before going exclusive. A man
who has not dated many women before will think it is challenging to replace
his current woman and be a beta male.
This abundance mindset is fostered by deriving your core value from a life
purpose. This is why you must have a purpose you are always chasing. Your
purpose should always come first. She should then complement your life,
not be the focus of it.
Your purpose should always be the focus. Treating a woman as a necessity
will naturally end when you have a purpose. As you do this, remember that
women are attracted by ambition, but only results make them stay.
This means you cant have a BS purpose like playing computer games or
being a professor when you cant read if your life depends on it. Your purpose
must be congruent with your abilities and must be productive. Gain mastery
in your field and obtain status and respect from other men.
A beta male will spend his time swearing his loyalty, love, and faithfulness
to a woman and telling her he cannot live without her. But if you do this, you
are no challenge (i.e., you are needy and not preselected); you will not make
her get wet.
The winning strategy for a man is to conduct himself with supreme
confidence towards his woman as if he has other women waiting to have
him. This is very important; even when a man has nothing going for him, he
should always be confident, even arrogant. It will give you better results than
acting humble and subdued.
This is why simps will always be left and why an hour of alpha is worth five
years of beta.
This is why nice guys finish last or in the shower. They don’t project value
or confidence in their abilities to get options. They also lack preselection,
like a product that nobody wants in the market.
Nobody cares about the nice guy.

Social Proof

When someone has many friends or people who like and respect them, it
signals to women that many people think they are good or desirable. It
means they have high status.

This is what celebrities and entertainment stars have. It’s called social proof.
Many women develop an attraction towards men based on social proof. It
means many people value your time.

This is why Diamond Platinums is impregnating beautiful girls from

different countries, and they keep coming.
Social proof is the force that makes men attractive because of having status,
fame, and celebrity status.

Mental Point Of Origin

Kamau is an IT Manager in a local bank in his late thirties, raking in about

450K gross. He lives with his wife and three kids in a rental house in Nyayo
Estate, Nairobi, for which he pays 45K per month. Their kids wake up at 5
AM and are picked by the school bus by 5:45 AM to their “group of
schools” somewhere in upmarket Nairobi.

He regularly puts aside some money every year and tops up on his bonus to
fly his family to Dubai, South Africa, Mombasa, and so on for holidays.
Every weekend, they eat out as a family. They visit Spurs, ArtCafee, and so
on for sumptuous meals. When they are indoors, they order from KFC, Pizza
in, and other take-out joints. They splash lavish birthdays for themselves and
their kids. They go to Church, and they pay tithe. There have been murmurs
that the Pastor withdrew a huge amount from the church account to build his
mother a mansion back in Kerugoya and the Church committee had a
meeting about it that almost led to a fallout.

Kamau wanted to investigate the matter when he got wind of it, but his wife
told him not to bother because their faith is between them and their God –
God will deal with those other guys. His family is happy.

One day, Kamau meets Harry, his former schoolmate. While catching up at
Habesha Hurlingham, Harry openly admires Kamau’s Mercedes and tells
him he must be doing fine because he has seen his birthday and Christmas
photos on Facebook and this sleek Merc is the shit. Kamau smiles and
mentions he hasn’t finished paying for it. Do you still live in Kitengela?
Kamau asks as they lean on Harry’s white Premio at the parking lot. Harry
tells him he moved and now lives in his house in Kileleshwa, and he is going
for a meeting with an app developer. He wants an app for managing the
rental houses he has.

Kamau learns that Harry is a real estate developer as they catch up. He has
twenty rental units in Langata, bringing in 700k a month. He also has
another ten in Kileleshwa that are incomplete, and he has four shops he has
bought in a mall in Westlands that bring him 400k.

“How do you manage all this with your marketing job?” he asks

Harry.
“I quit,” Harry says as he walks to a table.
“Come over. Let me tell you everything.”
After a lengthy discussion, Kamau realizes that he is spending

lavishly. The schools they are taking their kids to, the holidays, their
lifestyles are all driven by conspicuous consumption and keeping up with the
Joneses, not their future financial security. In his late 30s, he has a happy
family but no safety net and zero investments. He goes home to his wife and
tells her they must cut back on their spending and be smart with their money.

His wife has a circle of friends to celebrate birthdays and upload glitzy
photos on Instagram. She has about 2500 followers and is friends with some
slay queens and Instagram models – people trading in success porn. She tells
Kamau that they must get a balance and cannot live as poor people. He tells
her they have to think about the future and invest in something for
themselves and their kids, involving sacrifices.

She thinks about her friends whispering how she is “down” and “dusty”
when she has no holiday photos to send. She thinks of her friends laughing
at her and losing respect when she starts missing out in the bashes. Things
get heated. She clams up and storms off, leaving Kamau still trying to
convince her.

That night, she pushes his hand away when he reaches out for her in bed.
Her rejection stings. In his chest, something crumbles to dust as a knot
tightens in his stomach. Kamau doesn’t know what to do. What he knows is
that he is not ready for a long-drawnout fight with his wife.

Next door, George, his neighbour, is also lying wide awake in bed. George
weighs 120 kilos and has high blood pressure. His BMI is 30. He is a
supervisor in Carrefour and has tried repeatedly to attend the gym in the
evenings, but his work schedule, traffic, and so on don’t allow it. He realizes
that if he is to cut weight, he has to work out early in the morning before
going to work.

When his wife told her friends about George’s plan to start jogging in the
morning, one of them said, “Eh, George, the way he is good looking? If he
cuts weight, utapata compe vibaya!” The wife mulled over this. Someone also
added that they hear when men start working out; maybe they are seeing
someone.

On the scheduled day, George gets up, and as he puts off the alarm, the wife
asks him why he is up early. He says he is going for a jog. She tells him no,
it’s too dangerous. What if he meets thugs or gets run over by a car? No,
come back to bed, she says. Nowadays, people don’t have to work out to
lose weight. There are weight loss drugs you can use. George knows those
drugs don’t work in the long term, but it’s 5:30 AM, and he doesn’t want to
start an argument with his wife.

George sits on the bed for a while, listening to the morning sounds. He then
sighs and gets under the covers. George snuggles next to his wife in bed as
she pulls one of his arms around her protectively. He is wide awake, thinking
of what he will do to lose this weight and reduce his risk of getting heart
disease.

Many men find themselves in similar positions like Kamau and George.
Numerous men, having been brought up to be gentlemen, nice guys, and so
on, give up on their ideals, comply with the “happy wife, happy life” slogan
and die early or die poor.

This brings us to the main topic; cementing yourself as your mental point of
Origin for your major decisions.
Putting yourself first is the foundation. But making yourself your mental
point of Origin is about enlightened self-interest, which is a foundation of
leadership. The concept of mental point of origin was posited by Rollo
Tomassi. It is about an individual considering the impact of an idea on
themselves first before making a decision.
Growing up, as young men, we are taught not to think about ourselves. We
are taught to be gentlemen. A gentleman is basically someone who puts
others, particularly women, above and before themselves.
They open doors for them, pull out chairs, and consult before doing
anything. They are basically “nice.” Friendly people do not do things that
others disapprove of, even at the cost of their interests. In the movie Titanic,
Jack freezes to death in the icy water as he holds Rose afloat on a doorframe
while he stays in the water. We are taught that whatever makes our wives
happy is the right decision. Throughout history, men are the disposable sex -
in wars, women and children are spared. Men are killed.
As part of the protector dynamic in our firmware, we reflexively put others
before us.
But as competent males, we must unlearn this and make ourselves the
primary focus in our lives. You cannot lead people you want to be nice to.
Nice people make good minions, not good leaders.
When you are making a decision, what is the first consideration that comes
into your mind? If it is your mother, father, the Church, wife or kids, then
your mental point of Origin is not you.
You cannot build your empire if you spend your resources catering to others.
Put yourself first if you want to secure your happiness and your future. Care
for others but put yourself first.
You cannot give others the best version of yourself if you always abandon
yourself. Nine out of ten times, men retire poor because they were never
their mental point of origin during their productive days.
To lead successful and fulfilling lives, as men, we must put ourselves first
before others. Even when you are in a flight, when they give you safety
instructions, you are constantly reminded to secure yourself first before you
try to secure others.
Putting yourself first does not mean being selfish. It just means your actions
should be guided first and foremost by your interests, then those of others.
This is one reason why men are encouraged not to marry early. You should
marry once you have demonstrated that you can handle your business and
have your life set up, then a woman comes in to complement it. If you marry
too early, you can lose your identity and may end up unable to provide
leadership.
This is a lesson encoded in the Bible rather starkly for those who are
Christians. A man is expected to be the leader and use himself as his mental
point of Origin. After eating the forbidden apple, Adam’s first punishment
was for listening to Eve rather than providing leadership. Genesis 3:17 says,
To Adam, he said, “Because you listened to your wife….”
Recall that when Superman is chasing bad dudes and kicking ass, Loise
Lane falls in love with him. She loves him because he is on his purpose,
doing what he thinks needs to be done. Later, they start a relationship, and
she asks him why he has to keep going after criminals and leaving her alone.
He listens to her and becomes Clark Kent. She later leaves him for Batman
because he is domesticated, compliant, available, and no longer exciting.
Women innately love men who are going after their own interests. That is
why they love bad boys. Nice guys finish last because nobody cares about
them. Bad boys are selfish and do not put others above themselves. They
pose a challenge to women, which makes them exciting.
The reason beauty loves the beast is that the beast is only concerned for
himself and not her. He is untamed and therefore poses a challenge. That
fuels her attraction towards him.
As men, your goal is supposed to be your mission. A woman should not be
your goal. If she loves you, she will support you in pursuing your purpose.
Move with conviction. Do not seek approval once you are sure you are
making the right decision. What do you think would have happened if
Abraham told Sarah he was on his way to slaughter her only son?
Kamau up there may retire a poor man if he waits for approval from his
wife, who has other immediate and rather frivolous concerns. His neighbour,
George, may also have a heart attack because of his inability to be his own
mental point of origin.
Their life would be much easier if they made themselves their mental point
of Origin. And what’s ironic is that their wives will also be happy if they do
so.
Many people will want to assert their interests and concerns above our own
concerns and expect us to facilitate those concerns at the expense of our own
concerns.
These people can be our bosses, spouses, buddies, family, Church,
mainstream media, neighbours, and our kids. If we do not know how to be
our own mental point of Origin, we stand to be exploited and live to make
others happy. And this is the guaranteed way to live unhappy, purposeless
lives.
Our fathers did not teach us this.

Open Hypergamy

For a long time, men did not understand female nature. Women reveled in
this ignorance about their nature and even exploited it. They promoted the
feminine mystique and propagated the idea that female nature was
unassailable, particularly to men as a subject of study.

This benefited women because they could pursue feminine imperatives

under the shroud of this confusion. Women continued to play men like
fiddles. For example, among the aristocrats, as their men slept after a day of
hard work, palace women often tiptoed stealthily across the castle under the
moonlight to the servants’ quarters. Once there, they would sleep with
strong, muscular, and youthful manservants in what became known as
courtly love in Victorian times. Mexican soaps like Esperanza were deeply
steeped in this female romantic ideal.
Chivalry was a code of honour among men and comprised maxims like
never attacking a man when his back is turned and so on. European women
bastardized chivalry, adulterating it with courtly love. This is how they
smuggled notions like pulling a seat for a woman, opening a door for a
woman, and so on into chivalry, whose original meaning had nothing to do
with women.

The feminine mystique resulted in many women being portrayed as Oracles

and seers in many folklore and epics. You will note that among mystical
cultures, women are the ones who read tarot cards, palms, and crystal balls.

But this ignorance about female nature also had its drawbacks. The Greeks
portrayed female nature as chaos, the goddess pandora. Men who did not
understand calamities and could not explain certain outcomes could blame
women. Women became scapegoats. Many men who succumbed to female
seduction did not fare very well, which only bolstered this scapegoating. In
our folklore, we have the story of Lwanda Magere among the Luo who
trusted a woman and met his demise.

In the Bible, Eve is blamed for making Adam eat the fruit. Samson fell under
Delilah’s betrayal. Jezebel ruined King Ahab’s leadership. Babylon, a nation
that subjugated jews, is portrayed as a harlot. Adulterous women are stoned
but not men. Men attributed a “spirit” to this feminine behaviour. Some
people call it the “Jezebel spirit.” This is why women were portrayed as
witches in literature and folklore. Hundreds of women have been burnt in
Kisii in Kenya as witches, as recent as 2021. Salem witch trials were
conducted in the US, and many women lost their lives.

Capitalistic interests joined as the first, second, and third-wave feminism

became established and promulgated their ideologies. Together, they
promoted false ideas that furthered the beta bucks interests of hypergamy
while concealing the alpha f*cks side of it.

They also promoted ideas like oneitis, which undermined male sexual
strategies, true love, and later on, ideas like blank-slate equalism that
undermined male authority without increasing or equalizing the
responsibilities between the genders.
Professionals in sociology, psychology, anthropology, evolution,
endocrinology, and so on, folded their hands as blue pill ideologies
permeated mainstream media, popular culture, our books, and the world
became gynocentric.

That was until men developed the manosphere in the early 2000s and
embarked on developing a blueprint of female nature. The work is now
almost complete.

This brings me to our subject.

The Haves and The Have Nots

There are two kinds of women when you are looking at this subject. The
have nots are women who need or want beta male provisioning men but can
only get them if they remain ignorant about female nature. Such women are
reliant upon secretive hypergamy and easily get triggered when a shrouded
component of female nature is placed in the spotlight. The haves, on the
other hand, some women feel that they can get men whenever they want and
don’t need to hide their hypergamy.

Rollo Tomassi says, “The more necessitous a woman finds herself in the
sexual marketplace, the more likely she is to deny the mechanics of her own
hypergamy.”

He adds, “A woman less confident in consolidating on her future long-term

security (and/or cooperative parental investment) has a much more personal
investment in keeping the truths of hypergamy a secret from men. As such,
these women will be more predisposed to misdirecting the men becoming
more aware of this truth and relying more on the selling model of Beta
provisioning.”

Women who have what they want, and are not afraid of losing it, or feel they
can easily replace it, are not bothered by men understanding female sexuality
(recall that the female’s primary agency is their sexuality).

Open Hypergamy
Among the women who are open about hypergamy is Sheryl Sandberg, the
former CEO of Google. She is an American business executive, billionaire,
and philanthropist. Sandberg is the chief operating officer (COO) of Meta
Platforms and the founder of LeanIn.Org.
It is commonly accepted that the success of one gender’s sexual strategy
relies on the ignorance of the other gender about that sexual strategy. And
some women, even today, still misdirect men about female nature and deny
the opportunistic nature of love from women. Traditionally, across cultures,
women used their advanced sub communication skills, love for gossip, and
sisterhood to keep men ignorant about what they were doing. Gossip was
like an information superhighway exclusive to women. This is why the bible
discourages gossip in strong terms.
In her book
Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead, Sheryl

Sandberg has openly advocated for women to sleep around and enjoy
different men. She says women should F*ck alphas and marry beta male
providers.

“When looking for a life partner, my advice to women is to date all of them:
the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitmentphobic boys, the crazy boys.
But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make
them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who
wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart,
opinionated, and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or,
even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist, and, trust
me, over time, nothing is sexier.”

In essence, Sheryl is saying openly that the things that make the bad boys
sexy do not make them good husbands.
This is why nice men fail paternity tests. A top-level woman has admitted it:
being nice is not sexy.

The Pitfall of Open Hypergamy

The only problem is that most women are not at the apex like her –
following her advice leaves one susceptible to the apex fallacy. If a woman
spends her youth on her career and sleeping around, when she is finally
done, she will not find that beta male provisioner when she is finally ready
to settle.
Successful men also want something. What they want are young, feminine,
cooperative and beautiful women. That won’t be a successful career woman
in her late 30s who has dated so many bad boys, who is sassy, masculine and
weighed down by baggage from all those relationships. However, a
successful but relatively old woman can get a homeless man or a broke
young man, a struggling musician (I won’t name our local example), give
him a warm home, buy him clothes, provide for him, and have him marry
her. Then advertise this as “love wins.”

In other words, she, the woman whose sexual agency has decayed, will have
to man up to compensate for her low SMV.
She will have to pay to have a low-quality man who has not maximized his
potential. She will find herself occupying the role of the beta male
provisioner in the relationship as she settles with a suboptimal man.

The Myth Of Eternal Happiness

Helen is a professional, sassy 34-year-old marketer. She has three adorable
children, Brenda, 11, Ike, 7, and Andy, 4.

She is married to Charles, 42. Charles met Helen when she was 25 with
Brenda from a previous relationship. They live in an apartment in Ngara.

Hellen left her first man because he was a loser who didn’t truly love her.
When she met Charles, he was ambitious, caring, and willing to support her
in raising her son. They quickly fell in love and started a family.

Seven years later, and with two more kids, Helen feels that Charles spends
too much time in the office. She has told him to get a balance, but he hasn’t.
She is not happy in the marriage.

She also saw a text message from a strange woman on Charles’ phone. Her
girlfriends keep telling her marriage isn’t worth it if you’re not happy.

On the other hand, Charles finds his wife to be a nagging, demanding energy
vampire, and he’d rather stay late in the office or be out with his buddies
than deal with her.

Helen doesn’t believe Charles is her true love anymore. She knows she
deserves to be happy. Charles is not interested in making her happy, she
concludes. She will not allow a man to treat her like trash, I am a very
beautiful woman, and I am a good person, she tells herself.

She meets Mike one evening when she’s out with her friends at Mercury
Lounge. A tall, broad-shouldered ex-sprinter turned banker.

Mike is deputy banking director in a microfinance company. He is married

with five kids. His wife works in Kigali and flies in every fortnight. They
strike a conversation like each other. He dresses well, has a hard body, and
wears fitting clothes, unlike Charles, who is overweight and boring.

“Are you really 48?” she asks, “you look so young!” She tilts her head and
looks at him sensually.
When he smiles, he has these sweet dimples. He places one

hand softly on her thigh when he talks, and she realizes she likes it. They
speak until dawn, and they carry on the conversations in his massive black
Totota V8 with leather seats and powerful music.

Mike sends her expensive gifts on her birthday and plays emotional tampon
to her, listening to her complaining about her boss, husband, and girlfriends.

She tells him how terrible Charles is to her. He tells her she shouldn’t put up
with Charles. He says Charles sounds like a weak man who suffered some
trauma growing up, and she is not his mother to put up with his BS.

One of the things he can do for her, Mike tells her, is that he can get her a
better job. She can sort herself and her kids and not have to deal with that
punk ass Charles.

Back home, she gets rude to Charles when they’re talking about the kids
sleeping late. She tells him he is giving her a raw deal and will no longer put
up with him cheating. What? The accusation knocks him back. Harsh words
are exchanged.

She gets into his face and tells him to do something if he is a real man.
Charles gets triggered. He shoves her away from him. She twists her wrist as
she falls. She runs out crying. When Charles runs after her, she drives off.
She calls Mike blabbering like she is being scalded by boiling water. Mike
runs out in his jammies to go rescue her. It is late, and his wife and the DM
are away.

He brings her to his DSQ and massages her wrist with hot water and
ointment as she narrates her ordeal and tells him how she has suffered in her
marriage. Later, he disrobes her and enjoys her sweet watery guts that night.
He blows out her back proper. He has been waiting for months for that night.

The next day, he helps her get an apartment in Kileleshwa and pays her
deposit. The landlady is a friend. He helped her secure financing for the
property, he points out nonchalantly.

Hellen feigns gratitude and cries at his generosity and kindness. He tells her
not to worry. It’s nothing. So long as you’re safe from that beast, he says. He
promises to help her get nearby schools for her kids. She goes home with her
friend Frida. Frida is a combative baby mama who prides herself on being
gangsta and a ball breaker. She sports long acrylic nails, long eyelashes, an
unruly, garish pink wig, heavy makeup, and tight clothes.

With high drama and Frida acting as a bodyguard, Helen packs her stuff as
Charles apologizes and begs her. She is crying loudly with the kids as she
packs. The neighbours try asking her not to leave, but she is adamant. Frida
tells the neighbours they don’t know what that violent man has taken her
friend through.

They soon leave.

A devastated Charles is left in a half-empty house, asking himself, “What
have I done?”

As they drive to her new place, and oh, by the way, paid Movers to pick her
stuff, Hellen asks Frida if she thinks Charles is really sorry.

Frida tells her Mike is such a gentleman, and that’s the man she deserves. A
good-looking guy who is loaded and doing well.
He is your true love. Frida declares. I know he will leave that witch he is
married to for you.
Hellen doesn’t ask her why she is saying that.
She thinks about it as she blinks her tears away.
She has always been a strong woman, Hellen tells herself.
I am making a Choice. I choose me. I deserve to be happy. I deserve true
love. These are actually catchphrases she picked up from divorce porn,
propagated through films like How Stella Got Her Groove Back.
That day, Hellen decided to leave the second father of her children. She
would tell Mike to stop using a condom in a few days because she is not a
prostitute. Mike would, of course, not object. The love triangle would soon
produce a baby, rent struggles, heartache, disappointments, and premium
tears will soon follow. And Hellen will make a choice. Her cult of happiness
friends will support her next choice.
So long as you’re choosing happiness, girlfriend, you go, girl!
Choice too can be an addiction, just like drugs.
The notion that we are all entitled to experience true love is one of the most
destructive ideologies in our generation. It is the one that masks short-
sighted, selfish, vain, and destructive tendencies and has destroyed many
marriages. It also gives us an excuse for not examining ourselves because it
invites us to point fingers and not take responsibility for our outcomes.
Another terrible idea is that our relationships should deliver us a mythical
thing called happiness. This expectation is a major contributor to high
divorce rates in the west because people chase this elusive romantic ideal.
Where did this idea come from?
Most fairy tales culminated in the handsome prince and beautiful princess
getting together and kissing. The tales often ended with the words, “and they
lived happily ever after.”
These stories left an indelible mark on us and shaped the relationship ideal
for most of us. One of the most misleading and destructive notions we pick
from mainstream media and romance novels is that men, especially, can
make women happy. This hurts women more, and research shows that
women’s unhappiness index is increasing over the last few decades.
Disney also fabricated true love, which they attached to this transient state.
We look at glitzy celebrities wearing plastic smiles on red carpets as they
hang on the arms of their men and the reporters tell us they asked them if
they’re happy with their new man, and they said yes. This is a ritual and an
imposed expectation. The way a pregnancy brings forth a baby is the same
way a relationship is supposed to bring forth happiness.
That’s the idea. They continue perpetuating this notion and pushing the
burden of making a woman happy onto the man.
Guys, men are not built for this.
Men have high testosterone levels and muscle mass to protect and provide
for their families. Men are interested in things to build a world for their
families. Men are competitive because competence is what gets them,
women. Women, on the other hand, want men who are strong and
competent.
Women are nurturing because they’re meant to watch over the family and
inspire men. If they complement each other, they lead fulfilling, balanced
lives. This is how it’s supposed to be.
But you find men abandoning their burden of provisioning and protection
and adopting this wrongheaded burden of making women happy. You find
weak beta men taking dick pills rather than getting strong, simping rather
than being assertive and competent, taking loans to pay for expensive
holidays and buying diamond rings to make women happy. The Disney-
influenced impostor lifestyles are often unsustainable and end in premium
tears.
Many women are also seeking an artificial, Disney-contrived standard of
Happiness. They think happiness is an end game. They think happiness can
be given to them by men. They talk a lot of game about how they have
discovered self-love bla bla bla.
But watch how they move. They talk about finding soulmates, happiness, Mr
right etc.
One of our media slay queens, who hastily divorced her husband to get with
Mombasa governor, who later dumped her, dealt with several shadowy men
before the bearded fellow is once again back in the streets after the bearded
fellow found that the juice is not worth the squeeze.
She now has a higher notch count, she is older and larger. I am sure she
believes that she will one day meet a man who will make her happy.
Let’s get it right.
Happiness evolved as a feature of the human condition to reward us for
engaging in activities that increased our survival advantages or fitness.
Happiness, therefore, is a proximate means to an end and was never meant to
be a goal. Those who expect happiness to be a permanent phenomenon are
mistaken.
Indeed, unhappiness, like anxiety, is an affective state that pushes us toward
doing things that create happiness.
Most human achievements arose from dissatisfaction. Eternally satisfied
people cannot do anything because there’s no stimulus for action. Do you
think happiness is behind Elon Musk’s success? On the contrary. He sets
himself goals and makes himself unhappy for not meeting those goals. Then
he becomes happy when he meets the goals. He then sets for himself new
goals.
What kind of activities make us happy?

• Sex
• Eating
• Hanging out with friends
• Task completion

See the pattern? All these activities increase our survival and reproductive
advantages.
To be happy, embrace doing what you like and understand that happiness is
not an end goal.
Happiness is not a state you can sustain.
It is a feeling you experience after doing the right thing. It is not something
you suck from another human, like a vampire.
Relationships don’t make people happy. Happy people come together to
make a happy relationship. In the same way that fear protects you from
danger, use unhappiness as a signal to do things that you enjoy doing. And if
there’s nothing you enjoy doing, you suck as a human being.
Our fathers did not teach us this.

If She Loves You, She Is Yours

Growing up, we were taught that love can make a woman stay with you
forever despite your flaws and failures. We read Shakespeare’s romance
play, Romeo and Juliet, and learned about how Romeo and Juliet loved each
other so fiercely that they decided to kill themselves rather than live apart
from each other.

1 Corinthians 13 says love is patient, kind, and not self-seeking. We grew up

believing that once a woman truly loves you, once you discover your true
love, she is yours.
Forever.
But we learn that women, like men, evolved to survive, though in different
ways. Because women are biologically burdened with child-rearing. Women
carry the pregnancy for nine months and later have to give birth and be tied
down with nursing the child. They have to depend on the man to help them
take care of the infants for a considerable period. Women have evolved to
love men who can protect them, provide for them, and have superior genes.
Female adaptation is critical because it ensures our species’ survival, so we
should understand how women came to be and why, rather than just be angry
that they don’t love us how we want to be loved. The love of a woman is
survivalist in nature. Women love opportunistically, not idealistically the
way men do.
Men, being creators and idealists, have always had the proclivity to idealize
the love of a woman and elevate it to lofty heights. We have written romance
novels, fantasized about being loved despite our deficiencies, and envisioned
women as able to love for the sake of love. And some women can actually
do that.
But it is not female nature to love idealistically.
From our evolutionary past, women have lost their men when they go
hunting and never come back; they lost men in wars and so on. They were
often captured as spoils of war and used to extend the bloodlines of the
victors. So, women adapted to move from one man to another, as we see in
the war bride dynamic, and this is why women are adept at monkey-
branching. This dynamic also explains why widows tend to live much longer
after their husbands have died, while men don’t live for long after their
wives die.
It is also why women keep men in the friend zone: they are spare tyres in
case the main man bolts or becomes unavailable for whatever reason.
Women always have a plan B.
For the most part, men have come to realize that, even though a woman can
love you, no woman can love you the way you want to be loved. Women
love you for what you are, not who you are. Who you are is auxiliary, and
only appears as a secondary subject. This is why most marriages break down
when the man can no longer provide or if the woman’s status goes higher
than her man’s.
Most women will love you so long as you are helpful and contribute to her
survival and comfort. When you stop being useful, they are wired to discard
or abandon you. That is what happened to Quan, my friend whose story I
narrated earlier, and many other men. Janet Jackson sang in her 1986 song,
What have you done for me lately? For many women, love has a utility function.
Even when beauty loves the beast, it’s because the beast is strong and
dominating in his own way; he is not entirely useless.
Of course, some women will still stick to you even when you become
penniless. The reasons for this are many and may not be idealistic as men
imagine – and there are often extenuating circumstances. Such women are
not the majority, and certainly, among modern women, they are rare.
Men must understand and accept this basic idea when getting into a
relationship with a woman: she is there primarily because of the value you
bring to her life, not because of a romantic ideal.
The corollary of this is that a woman loves a man because of how he makes
her feel. If she feels that she is playing a man’s role in the relationship, this
often kills her respect and desire. Once you stop making her feel secure,
loved, desired, and provided for, she loses respect for you.
And women are wired to only love men that they respect.
For most of the decade, Jeff Bezos and Bill Gates were the richest men on
the planet. But they were divorced by their wives because they were no
longer deemed valuable. Women get bored very quickly, and when
empowered, they easily opt out of monogamous unions. That is why 80% of
divorces are initiated by them. Women only stay in relationships because it is
necessary for their survival. As Rollo Tomassi puts it, women love
necessitously. They love opportunistically – because of the opportunity the
relationship brings. Most modern women will file for divorce once they can
survive without you (you are no longer deemed useful).
Many men who meet girls they love go into their marriages believing that
love is forever. They later find themselves alone and wonder what happened.
Hypergamy requires that a man constantly demonstrates his value to a
woman. If he doesn’t demonstrate his value and better future prospects, she
often leaves, kids notwithstanding.
Our fathers did not teach us this.

Marry Someone That You Love

People do fall in love, and it’s something I have experienced. Being in love
is a beautiful feeling.
Growing up, it was hammered in us to marry people we loved. We picked
this from books, newspapers, popular media, movies, and the church. When
they saw love’s impact on people, capitalists who sell holiday destinations,
jewellery, and other products saw an opportunity. They romanticized and
exaggerated love, tied it with marriage, and created notions like “love is
forever” – to justify a big budget.

Disney and popular media have sold this notion that love is somehow a
foundation for a happy marriage. They have even smuggled the notion of
“happiness” into marriage and locked it in there, with rather deleterious
effects.

We picked up these notions from television and read about them in books.
We soaked them all up and weren’t told any better. And I see my agemates
pay the price every day.

We now know that love has nothing to do with the success of a marriage.
Successful marriages can exist without love, and love can exist without
marriage.

It is a scam to tie the two together. But it doesn’t stop there. Popular media
ties marriage to other commodified auxiliaries like honeymoons,
engagements, diamond rings, valentines, cakes, expensive gowns, romantic
dinners, weddings, and so on so that they can reap profit from this notion
that love is such a valuable thing.
Today, many young people do not believe you can have a marriage without
these artificial attachments like gold rings, honeymoons, and weddings.
They have been acculturated to believe that these commercial arrangements
must be entertained for things to be done the “proper” way.
I have seen couples scrape up their little savings and, rather than invest in
something profitable, squander it on a lavish one-day affair called a
“wedding.” Some have ended up getting divorced shortly thereafter.
One has to be very intentional and clear about why they are doing a wedding
and soberly assess where it ranks in terms of their priorities depending on
where they are in life.
To be clear, people can have successful marriages after having weddings.
But the marriages are not successful because of the weddings.
Capitalistic forces tend to find ways of extracting profit from every
opportunity. Engagements were created to sell diamonds, cards, rings,
honeymoons to sell hotel destinations and rooms.
Before the 1930s, there was no dating. Courtship used to be a private affair -
and it was done without diamonds. Courtship is now called “going out” and
involves a lot of conspicuous expenditure and premarital sex. Today,
especially in the wake of feminism, the sexual liberation of women, and the
diminishing of the father’s role in the family (the father would traditionally
help his daughter to vet a suitable man), young women sleep with several
men in the name of “looking for the right man.” Modern women typically
get married as alpha widows with high notch counts. This is itself a subject
of a full discussion that we will delve into later.
We are beginning to appreciate that the reason virginity was appreciated
went more profound than we thought. Commitment used to be demonstrated
by meeting her parents and declaring your intentions. Nowadays, it is a
cheap ring on her finger.
Many modern girls, because they do not use their fathers to help them vet
their “suitors,” and because they use their feelings to make their decisions,
still pick the wrong men to marry based on fleeting emotions like love.
The result is rising divorce rates, increasing numbers of baby mamas, and
lonely women bemoaning the absence of good men.
Today’s wedding industry is a full-blown, thriving industry with nothing to
do with marriage itself. It is all about vanity and furthering the current
consumer culture.
We were advised that because marriage is full of challenges, we should
marry someone that loves us because love will help us endure the difficult
moments and make us endure.
This is the Disney notion that somehow, “true love” remains unblemished
despite couples’ travails. That love has a functional value – that it is a glue
that holds you together and somehow opens possibilities where there seems
to be none.
Love doesn’t cure indiscipline, selfishness, personality disorders, rage,
immaturity, financial intelligence, emotional intelligence, loyalty, and
respect. These are more significant determinants of the stability of long-term
relationships and have a more significant bearing on the length of marriage
than love. Love is like a drug. It blocks bad things and amplifies the good
things. But it doesn’t make the bad things go away, and over time, it wears
off, leaving grim reality exposed.
Indeed, arranged marriages have been demonstrated to be more stable and
happier than marriages founded on love. Love, sweet and beautiful as it is,
withers off and cannot protect marriage. It is not strong enough to act as a
foundation for a lifelong project like marriage. Ironically, belief in romantic
love has destroyed modern marriages because many people, particularly
women, who marry based on love, also marry expecting to be “magically”
happy.
They expect love to make things alright. When they are not happy, rather
than work on the marriage or hold themselves accountable, they question the
sincerity of the love and quit, hoping to get “true love” next time.
This is one reason why modern women file for divorce 80 percent of the
time and wreck their own marriages.
Many modern women end their marriages because they are “not happy.”
Marriage is about respect, sacrifice, and commitment. It is about duty to
your partner, yourself, and your community.
As Kevin Samuels puts it,
marriage has nothing to do with happiness as modern
women expect. Marriage vows say nothing about happiness. For better or
worse, in sickness and health, till death do us

part. That’s what is in marriage vows.

Nothing about happiness.

Indeed, marriage is a business contract. It involves a signed document and

entails sharing of property. This is the way to view marriage. And this is the
way many rich people view marriage: they seek to keep wealth within the
family. Because a poor choice of a spouse can wipe out generational wealth.

Couples who view marriage as empire-building and legacy establishment

look up to higher ideals and are not caught up in their feelings and selfish
concerns. That is why Hillary Clinton did not leave Bill Clinton, and
Beyonce made Lemonade instead of leaving Jay Z.

They understand that there is something bigger at stake than their own
feelings when it comes to marriage. Feelings are selfindulgent and chaotic.
To base a marriage on a feeling is reckless.
When we talk about love in marriage, it is not a feeling as Disney advertises
it. It is a discipline. It is a choice. Arranged marriages work more than love-
based marriages because they tend to be grounded on stronger fundamentals
and because you can learn to love anybody so long as they are healthy and
normal.

Our fathers did not teach us this.

Treat Her Like a Queen

Disney teaches us that if you respect and honour your significant other, if
you treat her like a queen, she will, in turn, treat you like a King. This notion
has led several well-meaning men to pedestalize their women and put them
ahead of themselves.

And this often backfires, ending in premium tears.

The relationship dynamic is such that if you elevate a woman, she loses
respect for you. When you treat a woman like a star, she treats you like a fan.
A woman can only love someone she sees as having a higher value than
herself. When you pedestalize her and defer to her, you make her feel more
valuable than you, which lowers her attraction. In fact, it makes her question
herself for selecting you.
Men treat women like queens by telling them how beautiful they look and
treating them like special creatures. But when you keep telling them how
beautiful they are, you kill the mystery, and they lose the incentive to please
you – because you are already pleased. You are no challenge, no mystery;
you are not dark. You are easy and even cheap.
She wants to chase your validation. When you give it away so easily, it
makes her feel there is no challenge. The dynamic here is fundamental
human nature, where people value the things they fight to get more than the
things they obtain easily.
From supply and demand theories, we also know that if something is in
ample supply, its value goes down.
Many women will say they want to be treated like queens. But that’s not
something they can handle. They are wired to be attracted to men who carry
themselves as if they are of higher status to them.
If you keep validating her and giving her your attention, you show her that
she has a higher value than you. Validation is seen by women as deferring to
them. Soon, she starts getting irritated by your validation. She will do things
to push you away from her, which often includes disrespectful behaviour.
This is why many men disrespected by their wives are often advised to
disappear for several hours or even days without warning.
It always works because scarcity is what creates value.
So, rather than tell a woman that she is beautiful and keep complimenting
her, hold back on the compliments. Do not keep appreciating her every other
time.
Only servants appease their masters.
Will Smith made this cardinal mistake by treating Jada Pinkett like a queen.
In return, she kept embarrassing him and got into extramarital affairs she
confessed publicly. This is what you get for pedestalizing a woman. Let her
chase your validation. This is what will create attraction. This is what will
make her interested in you and in pleasing you. Rollo Tomassi’s 2/3 rd rule
says that if she compliments you three times, compliment her twice. If she
calls three times, call her back twice. Always have that imbalance. Tension is
what creates attraction.
Plus, no man in history has complimented a woman until she loved him. You
can do away with dishing compliments altogether; you won’t lose anything.
The moment this idea of not complimenting her fills you with dread is the
moment you should realize you have been betadized in your relationship.
A woman’s attraction is lowered by a man who keeps wanting to please her.
When you are trying to please your woman, you are being submissive to her.
That is the role she wants to play.
She will resent you for taking that role away from her. Not only that, she will
feel more respect and attraction toward a man who doesn’t want to please
her.
When you treat her like a queen, when you are being nice and putting her
needs above yours, it means you put her comfort above yours and are
therefore of lower status than her. This is seen as a form of supplication. This
is why women go after bad boys; bad boys pose a challenge because they put
themselves first and don’t pay much attention to them.
Nice guys finish last because they don’t make women wet. Never make that
mistake. Let her be submissive to you. Let her want to please you. Do not
put her on a pedestal.
Our fathers did not teach us this.
Women are The Prize
When we were growing up, we read the story of Snow White and the Seven
Dwarfs.
Snow White was so beautiful that a huntsman sent to kill her could not carry
out his mission and instead warned her about the Queen’s intentions.

As she ran away to save her life, she came across the untidy house belonging
to the seven dwarfs, which she cleaned up. They were mesmerized by her
pristine beauty and unthinkingly committed themselves to catering to her
and protecting her from harm.

As little boys, stories like these made us think of girls as these beautiful,
precious creatures worth seeking and dying for: beautiful girls were rare, and
beauty had a premium.

Girls were the prize. We held them in awe.

The seven dwarfs, animalistic, untidy, and rather destitute, looked up to the
taller, ethereal, and breathtakingly beautiful snow-white and were enthralled.
When Snow White died after eating a poisoned apple, rather than bury her in
the ground, the dwarfs kept her in a glass coffin, which they placed in the
open, where they could watch her. In essence, they had moved from
supplicating to her to almost worshipping her, even in death.
They could not bear to stop looking at her. Together with the forest animals,
the dwarfs looked at the sleeping beauty and marveled at her pristine beauty,
which was immune to decay. The beauty of a girl, apparently, transcended
the forces of nature.
As little boys, we identified with the dwarfs, huntsman, and the prince –
doing everything for the beautiful girl, and the girls were snow white.
The notion of women being the prize is also cemented in the Biblical idea
that whoever gets a wife gets a good thing. This phrase is repeated on
several occasions, even though not all wives are good. The implication is
that all women have intrinsic value.
Jacob worked for seven years to get Leah’s hand in marriage in the Bible.
That is how valuable her hand in marriage was to him. The story portrays the
idea that men willingly toil, for years, to access the women that they desire.
In Africa, the man gives dowry to his in-laws to get a girl’s hand in marriage.
This is done whether the woman is educated or not. That is how to get a
wife. There’s a transaction, and there’s the value received. What do men get
in exchange for dowry? The woman’s value is her womb, beauty,
discernment, and comforting quality.
The woman’s value is giving the man an avenue to create a legacy, expand
his community and create a tribe.
In the old days mentioned in the Bible, unmarried women were virgins. In
Numbers 31: 17, God orders the killing of men, boys, and women but
instructs Israelites to keep the virgins for themselves.
This conveys the idea that a premium is placed on virgins.
We know, and women know, that their primary value is their sexual agency.
This is why women prioritize their looks and use make-up to better their
appearance and idealize themselves. Beautiful women are more attractive
and appealing. This means they have greater sexual agency than other
women. Women know that their prospects in life, and with men, are better if
they are seen as beautiful.
In his book, The Myth of Male Power, Professor Warren Farrel says that women
are beauty objects and men are success objects.
This has always been the case, and it is well accepted that women are born
with value, but men must become valuable.
The childhood stories of princesses are often stories of beautiful girls in
distress. And the princes must fight the witches and overcome curses to
rescue the princesses. The girls just are - beautiful.
However, it is not enough for the prince to be handsome: he must also
perform. He must be competent to get the girl. He must have a castle to take
the girl to. He must be brave and treat the beautiful girl as the prize to risk
his life for.
When the prince hears Rapunzel singing while trapped in a tower, he must
devise a way to enter the tower surrounded by thorns and access her.
Jesus must suffer, be crucified, and die to become Christ. The hero’s story is
that he must suffer and overcome challenges before becoming a hero. No
pain, no gain, men say.
Women don’t have to face adversity to achieve success – and this is what
affirmative action facilitates. This notion found its way to the movie theatres.
If you look at Wonderwoman, she isn’t muscular. She doesn’t need muscles
to be strong like superman and hulk. All she needs is long hair and lipstick,
and she destroys powerful enemies – just because she is female. In other
words, she just needs to be beautiful, and everything comes to her.
As we grew up, we knew that a beautiful girl who would love us forever
would be among the prizes we would get if we succeeded in life.
This girl was so important that even if you were on a mission, you would
leave it for her – Paulo Coehlo’s The Alchemist emphasizes why you should
never leave your mission because you have met a woman and fallen in love.
As we grew up, we listened to Celine Dione’s Love Doesn’t Ask Why, and
the provincial status of love was drilled into our brains. Love is everything;
we were told in top R n B songs like Brandy’s Nothing. We read
Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, and in that play, we learnt that love for a
woman was this emotion so powerful that you could kill yourself if you
couldn’t get her.
Most stories we read from Disney always ended with, “and they lived
happily ever after.” Most of us were indoctrinated into the cult of love and
women. We grew up thinking men and women love the same way, which
was patently false. And we thought men and women love for the same
reasons, another dangerous idea that has destroyed lives. I discuss these
elsewhere.
Moving on, Superman’s mission is to stop bad guys from harming people.
He is busy doing this when he meets beautiful Lois Lane. He falls in love
with her, abandons his mission, and becomes Clark Kent so that he can have
her on his arm. Of course, she later gets attracted to Batman because Batman
is more focused on his mission and doesn’t pay attention to her.
As boys who aspired to become heroes, our stories ended with women on
our side. They were like a culmination of success.
As such, women were among the prizes we were to seek.
This is one of the most destructive ideas we picked as young boys growing
up. It has destroyed the lives of men and continues to create ongoing
problems in the lives of men today.
After teaching us that the girl was the prize, one of the worst things that we
learnt from Disney was that the way to get a girl was by supplicating to her.
Disney taught us that a man should propose to a girl when he is on one knee
like he is begging and she is superior to him.
We learnt that it was proper to open the car door for her when you were
going somewhere with a woman as if you were her servant. This is called
chivalry. When you’re entering a building, rush ahead of her and open the
door for her. When you are at a table, pull the seat out for her to sit before
sitting down. When ordering food, let her order first. “Ladies first!” we were
reminded everywhere we went.
These ideas fail spectacularly, and men who implement them get terrible
results. This is especially so when the men deal with the modern, educated,
career woman. This has been demonstrated time and time again. But we
were taught that these feminine-first ideas that teach men that they are
beholden to women and should cater to them and be subservient to them
were the ideas to pick up and implement.
Are women the prize?
First of all, in a state of nature, with civilization stripped away, women need
men to survive. Women need men to protect them from animals and other
men. Women also need men to provide for them because they are poor
hunters and are poor at marshaling nature. Men are faster, stronger, and have
better eyehand coordination. Men have a proclivity for throwing objects,
aiming, and manipulating objects. Men only need women for reproduction.
Sex is not required every day, but you need shelter, food, and security, every
day. A man can live alone, and you see homeless men all over the place. On
the other hand, women cannot live alone for long periods without men.
Homeless women are usually found among homeless families and do not
hang out alone. A woman is in danger of attack from all sources, even fellow
humans, including rapists and rowdy youth. Left by herself, a woman
attracts danger. She is not strong, lacks aggression, and is generally not
brave when threatened.
Baboons and monkeys, which are intelligent primates, don’t respect women.
We see how women cannot effectively chase them in Africa, where they
destroy crops. Baboons actually attack women just for fun. In the same way,
hyenas chase lionesses from carcasses, even multiple lionesses. But if they
see one lion coming, they leave the carcass and take off. Reality TV
productions like The Island with Bear Grylls and movies like The Walking Dead do
an excellent job of demonstrating how highly handicapped women are when
they are left to survive independently. Men have innate survival skills that
women lack. Women need men for survival, and therefore, in this sense, men
are the prize.
Secondly, as much as women are born with value, their value is attached to a
ticking clock. Their primary agency is their sexuality which peaks between
18 and 28 years. On the other hand, men mature late and hit their peak value
in their late 30s and 40s and maximize their potential in their late 50s. From
the age of 35, women start having the risk of geriatric pregnancy while men
can father healthy kids into their 80s.
Because their value is not tied to their sexuality or beauty, men have greater
flexibility in making themselves valuable and remaining valuable for a long
time. This means their value has greater longevity, and they are therefore, the
prize. What lasts longer has greater value than what decays quickly.
Third, the population of men is less than that of women, so the demand for
men is higher than that of women. This means men are the prize.
Fourth, because men have more extended playtime, they are under less
pressure to nail down a woman. On the other hand, women don’t have time
to waste and have a greater urgency to settle down because of their ticking
biological clocks. This, therefore, makes getting a man committed a priority
for most women. Men, therefore, are the prize.
Fifth, by bringing parental investment, provisioning, and protection, men
bring more in a relationship and therefore are the prize.
In reality, men and women play complementary roles to each other. None is
greater than the other and what’s essential for fruitful relationships is to
embrace these complementary roles.
Sixth, most of today’s women are not virgins at the time of marriage.
Another man, often a ratchet, dusty ass fellow, got for free what the groom is
getting at a premium. In black America, out of every ten single, never-
married women, 4 are baby mamas.
So how is she the prize with all that baggage and depreciated value?
Seventh, today’s modern woman isn’t guaranteed to stay with you till death
parts you. Statistics show that 8 out of 10 divorces are initiated by women.
Most of these are done for selfish reasons (i.e., I wasn’t happy or
irreconcilable differences). Not because of infidelity or abuse. Even money
can’t keep her in marriage. Men today say that if you’re married now, it is
only because you are still useful to her. Bill Gates and Jeff Bezos at some
point became redundant and were divorced. Our parents weren’t in perfect
marriages, but they stayed together. How is the modern woman the prize if
she keeps wrecking her own marriage?
Eighth, the modern woman is trained to be a worker, not a wife. Most can’t
cook and cannot clean. Today, many men are married to masculine women
who are unwilling to submit because they compete with men in the
workplace.
Feminine energy has a comforting quality and inspires a man. Many men
today get married thinking they will get a feminine partner when they get
married. But instead of cooperation, they get sassiness and disagreeableness.
Instead of gentleness, they get combativeness and entitlement. Is this the
prize we learned about as kids?
Leaving aside provisioning and leadership, men should know that a man’s
presence creates comfort, status, and security in a woman’s life. By bringing
their masculinity into a woman’s life, a man brings a lot to her.
But because men have been devalued and reduced to utilities, many men no
longer know their value; they tolerate being treated poorly in relationships
because they do not understand their value. Relationships have been
commodified, and men are brainwashed into thinking that they are less
valuable than they are.
Men must conduct themselves like valuable people and not tolerate
disrespect. Bad behaviour must be checked.
We must remember that all women want to be with someone better than
them. When you simp and pedestalize a woman, you’re showing her that you
are less than her, which lowers her respect and attraction towards you.
You must first build yourself, your empire, your character, your world. Do
this before seeking a woman. Then let her get into your world. Don’t get in
her world and treat her like a queen. Don’t act like you feel lucky to be with
her. That makes her question her choice.
Men do not need to kneel before women, and men ought to be driven by
purpose and should not prioritize looking for a woman and pledging their
allegiance to her on one knee. Kneeling is a gesture of submission. How are
you to lead someone to who you have submitted? How does she respect you
after you have lowered yourself before her like that?
Hold your masculine frame and do not supplicate to her. A woman will
always find you if you are on your purpose and maximizing your potential.
Our fathers did not teach us this.

Men Do Not Conquer Women

We grew up being taught that men who slept with many women suffered
some kind of defect –a feeling of emptiness. We thought of it as some form
of shameful affliction. It was like they were haunted with some gnawing
loneliness that could only be relieved by sleeping with many women.

According to this theory, these men compensated for that defect by

“conquering” women. Such men felt that if they slept with many women,
every different woman represented “conquest”, which thrilled them. Every
time they slept with a woman, they would feel satisfaction from the
conquest, only to feel empty again. They fit into the “cursed hero” template
we read about in fairy tales. And so they continued in this endless
womanizing campaign, trying to feel like a conqueror. Conquering more and
more women, pathetic. Right?

We thought that one woman could not satisfy them because they weren’t
normal. A miaow is a miaow. I mean, you don’t need to be a brain surgeon to
figure that out. Why keep changing women like clothes? We asked
ourselves. Such men had a problem, we concluded, feeling good about
ourselves. People like Jordan Peterson have called such people Psychotic –
focused on shortterm satisfaction at the expense of long-term goals.

Anyway, such guys, so went the popular myth, weren’t like the rest of us
regular guys who identified ourselves proudly as “onewoman man.” Like
idiots, we soaked up all this and believed we were the cool dudes.

What a bunch of BS.

Okay, let’s back up.
First of all, it is now well established that sexual selection

conforms to the Pareto principle. 80% of women want to sleep with the top
20% of men. That is one.

Two, and more importantly, Dataclysm statistics from the dating app Tinder
show that women, these women you see here on social media, the ones
reading this article, think that 80% of you men reading this have below-
average looks.

Not average looks. Below, average.

Now think about that for a moment.
Reddit says what the women are saying, and I quote, “Men,

you’re ugly” end of quote. This is one reason why single mothers are
becoming the norm. Women would rather become baby mamas for the
alphas they can’t nail down and keep hoping to get someone from the top
20% of guys than put up with your ugly behind. It is another reason why
paternity tests are failing at alarming rates. The women marry beta males for
provision – the regular smart guy with an 8-5 job with a mortgage, a car, and
a clean look – but they step aside and sleep with the dark alpha and bear his
child.

Anyway, back to men conquering.

Whereas men control access to marriage, women control access to sex.
Women choose the men they want to sleep with. So right there, we can see
that it is wrong to claim men conquer women. “Conquering” transfers the
power to the man and casts him as a fiendish agent doing something evil to
the women. It is a cockblocking strategy that betas want to use to make the
women spurn the alphas. Alpha’s see it as just sex, nothing devious or
sinister, and the women line up for it.
Research has shown time and time again that men are not very selective.
That is why even the ugliest woman will get a husband, regardless of her
shape. So long as she has what all women have, she is in the game.
On the other hand, ugly, fat, broke men easily end up as celibate. Many men
reach the age of 30 while virgins. Men pay for sex, women are paid for sex.
Have you ever thought about it?
So when it comes to sex, women decide who to have it with, whether it is
transactional sex, validation sex, duty sex, genuine burning desire, or
whatever.
Feminists jumped on this narrative because it serves hypergamy very well -
the beta bucks side. Since women only want the alpha males, and since alpha
males are few, the beta males, the 80% of males who, of course, are in
regular jobs and control the mainstream conversations, came up with this
idea that the alpha males, the men who easily get women, are somehow sick.
So men who slept with many women were shamed and portrayed as
antifamily. Monogamy was the way.
The reality is most men face rejection from women. Getting a woman to bed
is not easy. Pick-up artists say that a regular guy will be rejected by 8 women
out of every ten approaches he makes. And those are guys who dare to be
rejected. Beta males are so thirsty for women that they entrenched the
ultimate beta male fantasy of getting 72 virgins when they go to heaven in
Islam. Yet these same betas would want you to believe that alphas bed many
women because they are defective and have a need to conquer.
Faced with these challenges in getting reproductive access, beta males, most
men, employ a strategy that Rollo Tomassi calls strategic pluralism to get
sex. In this approach, men invest all their time and resources romancing or
“courting” the woman until she gives in to have sex with him and marry
him. That is why they spend their resources on dates, taking her here, taking
her there, buying her this, buying her that, cracking jokes, being her
emotional tampon, and listening to her endless chatter on the phone for
hours just to get her into the sack. They even pedestalize her and simp. They
will do anything to get it.
Alpha males, who constitute between 3-7% of the population, don’t do this.
They don’t even know how to do it. They do not follow the rules betas
follow. That is why they are called bad boys.
The women desire the alphas, so the alphas don’t need to spend a lot of time
or effort to get consent. Many women want the alphas. The alpha
consequently sleeps with them one after the other because they are lining up
to have a piece of him. He is not discarding them, and he is not struggling to
get them the way betas do. They are just many, and he can optimize the male
sexual strategy, which is unlimited access to unlimited sexuality.
He doesn’t need to profess his love and loyalty to one woman. There is no
need to. She will give it up anyway because she wants him. That is why it is
said that high-value men don’t cheat: they exercise options. The women he
sleeps with are just one of his many options. He is not cheating because they
know they are not the only ones. Beta males cheat because loyalty is
expected from them, and they pledge exclusivity in exchange for sexual
access.
Bill Gates, for example, did not cheat. The wife married him, knowing the
arrangement very well. The concept of “cheating” as reprobation is forged
from a scarcity beta male mindset. This mindset holds that the only way to
get a woman to sleep with you is by investing heavily in her, including
offering sexual exclusivity (aka monogamy) in exchange for sex – the
strategic pluralism we mentioned earlier.
Alpha males don’t need to do that.
We also know that women set rules for betas and break them for alphas.
Women will demand loyalty from beta males, yet they will not ask the
alphas to be loyal. They go in knowing they will not enjoy sexual exclusivity
and accept that.
Cardi B’s baby daddy, Offset, is the father of five children by four different
women. And he is not stopping anytime soon. Look at Tanzanian musician
Diamond Platinumz. Do you think he is out to “conquer”? Fela Kuti, Hugh
Hefner, and others come to mind. Genghis Khan, the fearsome Mongolian
warrior of the 13th century, had fathered so many children that geneticists
say that 0.5 percent of the male population in the world, or roughly 16
million descendants living today, have his DNA. That is an example of an
alpha man.
Women choose the men they sleep with. There is no conquest involved in
sleeping with many women. Neither do alphas have a need to “conquer.”
This is a myth that beta males fabricated to one-up the alphas and shame
them into complying with societyenforced monogamy.
Our fathers did not teach us this.

Money Does Not Get You Genuine Desire

Many men have been taught that money can make everything better. This is
not true for intergender relationships, even though money can smoothen out
creases in life.

Jeff Bezos and Bill Gates, the two richest men on the planet, divorced
recently, leaving many people surprised. This means that their monies and
vast wealth could not save their marriages.

This brings us to Rollo Tomassi’s maxim that says you cannot negotiate genuine
desire. If a woman has no genuine desire for you, you can do nothing about it.
And this is one reason a man should approach but never pursue a woman.

When a woman has a genuine desire for you, you will not need to pursue her
or pester her to get into a relationship with you. She will send you choosing
signals and may even pursue you. And genuine desire is not created using
money.

When a man pays a prostitute for sex, that is transactional sex – most men
call the disinterested, dispassionate sex from a prostitute “starfish sex” –
which is why most men prefer to pick up girls in clubs based on a desire for
each other: that way, there is at least a component of validational sex, which
is genuine desire.

When you attract women using money, what that gets you is transactional
sex. That is what we call negotiated desire. It is not genuine and not burning:
it’s underpinned by a transaction. Marriages that are transactional break
down when the men are no longer productive. That is why you must always
seek genuine desire from women – this doesn’t take away from the fact that
women will still love you opportunistically. But with genuine burning desire,
at least you may have a fighting chance.

Many men believe that money can make women attracted to them. Money
can make you access women, but it will not make them desire you. When
you use the money to attract women, that’s a form of negotiation, and it will
never give one genuine burning desire. Many men, married or otherwise,
have never experienced genuine burning desire from a woman.

Genuine burning desire is a form of attraction that entails a woman wanting

to have relations with a man without regard to his social status, possessions,
or station in life. It’s what some people call true love - or lust. It is what will
make a woman fall in love with a prisoner. It is what makes a woman leave
the comforts of her parent’s house and come to sleep with you on a mattress
placed on the floor in a hovel. This is also called validation sex because it
satisfies a woman in a very primal sense and hits the very seat of her
womanhood.

Because women are hypergamous and tend to choose men who have
resources, men have always used the money to attract women. This strategy
can work when one is mainly interested in getting sex but may not be the
best strategy for attracting partners for long-term relationships.

Negotiated desire only leads to obligated compliance, and this is why many
men in monogamous marriages are plough horses: they have an imperative
to perform for them to get sex. Their wives just make demands, and they
scramble to comply. These demands never end. This dynamic creates such
an empty, slavish, meaningless life for so many men that some men wake up
one day and blow their brains out without knowing why.

Within marriages, there is duty sex, that is, sex performed out of duty while
there is no sexual attraction between the couple. Money can buy that kind of
sex, and it gets stale pretty quickly in a long-term relationship. Remember
the Titanic story? The rich guy who facilitates the lady’s lifestyle never gets
her love as the poor young man does. That’s how genuine desire works.
It cannot be bought. It cannot be negotiated.
Red pill aware men know that it is not enough to have money. Money only
takes care of the beta bucks side of hypergamy. But hypergamy is a dualistic
mating strategy. And as woke men, we also want to access the alpha f*cks
side, which is more lasting and allows a man to be alpha.
How do we do this?
We must score on looks, money, status, game, and captivation. Captivation
refers to the things that you can talk about during conversations. They will
constitute the masculine frame that a woman enters into. Captivation is about
being interesting. You get it from your hobbies and the exciting activities
that you do for fun. If you have no passions and no hobbies, you will be
boring. A masculine frame should be exciting and captivating.
We grew up thinking we needed to be rich and successful to have fulfilling
relationships.
But you need more. Relying on money, or transactional sex alone – which is
only the beta bucks side of hypergamy, betadizes you.
Our fathers did not teach us this.

Women Only Cheat For Emotional Reasons

While growing up, we often heard cases of men being caught cheating. We
learned that men cheated because they had the need to conquer and were not
biologically wired to be monogamous.

We also learned that women rarely cheat and that a woman needs to have an
emotional connection with a man before having sex with him. We were also
taught that a woman can only love one man at a time and, therefore would
not easily cheat.

According to this narrative, for a woman to cheat, she would need some sort
of trauma, usually some nasty deed by her man, to push her into cheating.
This trauma would be what would push her out of her normal state of
monogamous commitment into sleeping with another man.

As young men, we were under pressure to prove to the ladies we were in

relationships with that we were different. That we were good guys. This
notion, we came to experience, would cost us heavily later on in life. I only
learned as an adult that it was not necessarily the case that women were
more faithful than men.

Statistics from a survey done between 2010-2016 by the Institute for Family
Studies in the US, for example, showed that men tend to cheat more as they
grow older. Between the age of 18 to 25 years, women tend to cheat more, or
just as much, as men49.

Recent statistics indicate that the cheating gap between the genders is
closing, with men being only slightly ahead of women. Men tend to cheat
more compared to women after the age of 30. This cheating gap widens
towards eighty – because women’s SMV drops faster than men’s.

What is undeniable is that both men and women cheat. Secondly, drawing
from a history where cheating had severe consequences, women adapted to
be very good at hiding infidelity. Having fewer cheating cases among
women does not necessarily mean that women cheat less than men.
After the entrance of women in the workplace, women had equal
opportunities as men to engage in extramarital sex; this quickly closed the
infidelity gap between men and women. Statistics from the Institute of
Family Studies indicate that men today cheat at 28% while women cheat at
24%.
This is a statistical dead heat. Technology has also helped peel back the veil
of the female mystique. We have increasing cases of failed paternity tests in
society today. Most paternity test labs report that about thirty percent of the
paternity tests have a ‘negative’ result. These, mark you, are just highlights
of cases of women who not only cheated but also got pregnant.
What about those that cheated but were careful not to get pregnant? What
about those in relationships with men who lack discernment or are too beta
to raise a finger? Mainstream media report that 50% of men raise kids they
did not father.
Fatherhood is accepted as a social and not necessarily a biological role in
several countries. This is because society recognizes that only the child’s
mother knows who the father is.
Indeed, in several reported cases, some women do not even know who the
fathers of their children are. It gets that bad.
Today, with social media platforms that provide easy access to persons of the
opposite sex at the touch of a button, cheating by women has gone up
dramatically.
Whereas women cheat for attention, resources, and validation
– and sometimes sex, men cheat primarily for sex. Because men have to
spend money (travel, hotel accommodation, etc.) to facilitate cheating, fewer
men can engage in cheating.
The majority of men who could cheat are often just beta orbiters being kept
on the wings by women for free non-sexual attention as they wait for them
the day they can hit it.
On the other hand, women, because they value attention, will solicit free
non-sexual attention from men on social media by posting provocative
photos to keep thirsty men sliding into their DMs. This is a form of cheating
because they should be getting this attention from their partner. Someone
likened social media’s effect on women to thrusting a child into a candy
store where they can have all the sweets they want.
The addiction and dopamine release women get from attention addiction are
similar to what men get from pornography. Many men hold, relatively
reasonably, that a woman who tells her man to quit porn should also be
willing to leave social media and close her Instagram account.
Today, many men believe that if their wife or girlfriend has an Instagram
account and she is not selling a product, then the product she is selling is
herself.
A woman in a relationship posting provocative photos on IG is like someone
posting a “for sale” sign on a sold vehicle and publishing it.
But even before social media, women often had backup plans, especially
from their twenties to their thirties when their sexual agency is at its peak.
These plan B’s were to facilitate monkeybranching if the primary
relationship failed. Today’s backup plans are the hordes of men in the friend
zone waiting on the wings for the leading man to make a mistake. These beta
orbiters keep their fingers crossed and cool their feet in the DMs, sending
fare, saloon cash, uber cash, and waiting.
Social media has just enabled women to cast the net wider. This has also
contributed to increased divorce rates because married women have all these
men lined up, validating them every time they post a photo of themselves.
This creates a buffer numbing them to the risk of losing their marriages.
This itself would be harmless. But it is significant because most women
often cannot distinguish between men who want to smash from men who
want to marry them. In other words, most women cannot differentiate
between the attention they can get from the attention they can actually keep.
While almost any woman can get the attention of men (for example, by
dressing provocatively), not every woman can keep their attention and get
married.
The result?
Increased divorces and frustrated baby mamas saying, “men are dogs.”
But men are not dogs. Most women just lack discernment.
The ground today has shifted, and many men who have been sleeping
comfortably assuming that their wives can’t cheat because they are female
have ended up being cuckolded.
As a cuckolded man, you spend your resources raising another man’s child
while you can have your own child, or you raise another man’s child at the
expense of your own children.
No man wants to be tricked into being a foster parent.
The term cuckoldry is derived from the cuckoo bird that is notorious for
evading parental duty by hiding her eggs in the nests of other brooding birds.
Because of women’s shifting ovulatory cycle and the pressure from society
to stick to monogamous relationships, women have evolved a dualistic
mating strategy that allows them to bang the alphas while maintaining the
betas for providing resources as they raise children. Hence the term “alpha
f*cks, beta bucks.”
Discerning men are aware of this and navigate life from the point of
knowledge, not assumptions. Stopping your wife or girlfriend from having
an Instagram or Facebook account is not the solution. Snooping around is
not a solution either. MGTOW and becoming an incel are not a solution
either.
As we will see in the subsequent chapters, the solution lies in understanding
female nature and navigating it the right way.
Our fathers did not teach us this.

How Deep Is Your Love

Disney, Holywood and popular media advertise love as this altruistic

emotion that makes us overlook each other’s flaws and sacrifice a lot for
them.

The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 13 says that love is patient, kind, and not
self-seeking.
This is a very idealizing notion of love, especially considering that
selfishness which is basically self-preservation, is an instinct embedded in
our firmware to confer survival advantages. But I digress. It is okay to aspire
love to be all that, but we know that love, an emotion, is not the same as the
character, which tends to be stable over the long term.
Those who have been in love know that love does not make impatient people
patient. Love does not make unkind people kind. Sure, people can act or
pretend for a while when around their beloved, but their character does not
change. They may act kindly to get something in return from their object of
desire, but their character does not change.
That is why you should observe how someone you are in a relationship with
treats waiters, cleaners, watchmen, and other people they deem subordinate
to them: they will one day treat you the same way.
If love was all those things, lovers wouldn’t kill each other, abuse each other,
divorce or end up as sworn enemies. But we are not talking about human
love in Corinthians. We are talking about idealistic or so-called romantic
love. More on this below and why people fabricated it.
The thing is, we as humans are too flawed and complex as entities to be
transformed entirely by a single emotion, however, ennobled. Emotions
make us do things, but they don’t change us. Emotions are also fleeting.
People who sell holiday destinations, jewellery, and other products
romanticized and overblew love, tied it to marriage, and created notions like
“love is forever” – to justify a significant expenditure for weddings and
honeymoons. Love, the emotion, has essentially been commodified and
exploited.
Disney and popular media have sold this notion that love is somehow a
foundation for a happy marriage. To sweeten it, they smuggled the notion of
“happiness” into marriage and locked it in there, with somewhat deleterious
effects.
Western culture has perpetuated this belief that people marry or should
marry because they love each other. They sell the idea that love is the
foundation for a happy marriage.
But we know this is not necessarily true because in several places in the
world – particularly in India, the Middle East, China, and Japan, marriages
are arranged by families, others are guided by astrology, and so on, and they
are functional marriages.
In fact, statistics show that arranged marriages are ten times more successful
than marriages based on love. The divorce rate for love-based marriages
stands between forty and fifty percent, while it is at about four percent for
arranged marriages.
So, love is not necessary as a foundation for a successful marriage. In fact,
love has been behind so many divorces because several people walk into
marriage thinking that because they are in love, they will be happy in the
marriage.
These are the ones that are quick to divorce due to “irreconcilable
differences” or “I just wasn’t happy.”
But marriage is not about happiness.
Marriage is about duty and commitment. Even in marriage vows newlyweds
exchange, there is nothing about happiness. “For better, for worse” is what is
expected.
Responsible people know that it is not the duty of other people to make them
happy. In fact, expecting happiness from another person is very entitled and
self-limiting. If you think loving yourself is such a great thing, why don’t
you love yourself? Why expect someone else to do it?
It is now a generally accepted notion that marriage is a business contract.
Woke people see it as an opportunity to build empires, not just exchange
body fluids and breed. That is why people ask today, “what do you bring to
the table?” Prenups are becoming the norm because it is well established that
many people marry for ulterior motives, and the prenups protect the parties
in case of divorce.
Statistics on divorce rates also indicate that the divorce rate is higher among
poor and lower-middle-class people. Baby mamas are also the norm in low-
income populations. Rich people divorce much less. Hillary Clinton did not
divorce Bill Clinton despite the Monica Lewinsky saga because there was
more at stake than just her feelings. Beyonce made lemonade when she
caught wind of Jay-Zs indiscretions. These people realize that they are better
off together than apart and know not to give their emotions a provincial
status when governing their union. This is one reason rich people don’t want
to marry people from low-income populations: the latter often don’t
understand the sacrifice required for empirebuilding.
Emotions are chaos – you cannot allow them to rule your life.
Men and women love differently, which is one of the longstanding
differences between the two genders. Men expect to be loved idealistically
the way they love women. Survival needs have pushed women to love men
practically, not idealistically.
The firmware that guides female sexual selection is what we call hypergamy
today. It is what led Denno’s wife to leave him for better prospects.
Let’s first appreciate our shared evolutionary background before dissecting
our differences.
We lived as hunter-gatherer communities for about 200,000 years before
discovering agriculture. The Agrarian revolution lasted nearly ten thousand
years then paved the way for the industrial revolution, which lasted for about
two thousand years. Then came the digital revolution, which started about
1970 to 2000. We are now in what some call the social revolution, which
started in 2000 with the advent of social media. That is the lizard brain that
controls our sexual urges. It is what makes men turn round to watch ladies
when they pass, and it’s what makes cleavage and miniskirts have relevance.
This means that, for the most part, our firmware is that of the hunter-gatherer
homo sapiens.
As hunters, men organized themselves in hierarchies in the order of
competence. This is why men hardly quarrel with each other. If there is a
disagreement, it is addressed quickly through a fight or a competence test,
and order is maintained. You establish your strength in a group and are
assigned the lead role. This is why all social formations by men adopt a
hierarchical structure. The military is a good example.
Women, unlike men, evolved to rely on each other as gatherers. They needed
to rely on each other when their men were away hunting or at war. And this
developed a sense of sisterhood. There is even sisterhood uberalis today,
which we shall talk about later. The sisterhood has no race, no religion, no
education level. So long as you have a womb and the other thing, you are a
member.
Jada Pinkett cheated on Will Smith and humiliated him on her red table talk
platform. Did you see how most women came to her defense? That is the
sisterhood – especially when it comes to anything that challenges
hypergamy. If hypergamy is on the stand, women tend to rally together and
put up a united front. That is why abortion laws went through, and laws like
“no-fault” divorce have been passed.
Did you see the response of the sisterhood? Rather than being challenged,
DJ Mfalme and Shaffie Weru were fired for voicing an opinion that was not
compliant with hypergamy. Women want the unfettered pursuit of their
hypergamic imperatives – even if it means walking naked and blindfolded.
This unhinged stance exposes them to terrible men and grievous harm. If
you urge caution, you are shamed, silenced, and zeroed out if possible.
Now, as problem solvers, men are idealists, which is why they respect
competence. Men desire the ideal, and when you show them you are better,
they defer to you automatically and lower themselves.
This idealism is what becomes romanticism when it comes to relationships.
This idealism is what makes men blue pill men. This is why heartbroken
men can become doomers and commit suicide. MGTOW (Men Going Their
Own Way) guys are just men who are hurt that women have not lived to their
own ideals of what women ought to be.
This idealism is both a strength and a weakness. It is a weakness because it
makes it possible to exploit men by mimicking the ideal
- and this is why Rollo Tomassi tells men there is no such thing as a “quality
woman”. Idealism also makes men do crazy things when their ideal is
violated or unmet.
Idealism is also a strength because hanging to it makes men stay even in
difficult marriages. Men believe is you say for better for worse, you stick to
it while the women are leaving the marriages, it’s not because the men are
happy. It’s because they are still hanging onto the ideal – they hang onto the
hope that it will be realized one day.
In this sense, men are the true romantics.
On the other hand, women evolved to prioritize their survival, not the ideal,
in relationships.
Because women were often widowed from their men dying in wars or from
unfortunate hunting trips or other adventures while seeking food for their
families, their love is more practical and survivalist in nature.
The Stockholm syndrome, whereby a kidnapping victim begins to identify
with the kidnapper, is often exhibited in women. The war bride dynamic is
also a female thing. War brides are women who become brides of military
men occupying their land or who have come to wage war on their
communities. To put it bluntly, these women love people who have come to
kill their men.
More than 20,000 German war brides emigrated to the United States after
falling in love with American servicemen in the second world war. Eight
thousand Vietnamese women went to the United States as war brides for the
Vietnam War between 1964 and 1975. This is replicated everywhere where
there is a military occupation. Women simply accept the more competent
males and continue with life. And this is why many men die shortly after
their wives die while many widows survive years after losing their men.
Men love: women survive.
In other words, men love idealistically while women love necessitously.
It is still hypergamy.
The net effect is survival of our species and providing sexual access to the
most dominant males, so it is not necessarily bad.
Now, when lions take over a pride, they kill all the cubs that are one year and
below. This sets the lionesses into oestrus, and they quickly mate with the
new lions marking the start of a new bloodline. This is life.
Women also tend to love bad boys, even criminals. Many times, bad boys
also have great genes and are dominant in one way or another. In
psychology, we refer to this tendency as Hybristophilia or Bonnie and Clyde
syndrome. Rough men with the capacity for violence, or who are toughened
by survival, light up the female mind the way the smell of a man’s sweat
does. This may explain the dynamic between the couple above.
We have so many failed paternities because women “love” necessitously –
this means they will even marry men they have no sexual desire for. A
woman can marry you for so many reasons, and love is not always one of
them.
The famous actress Whoopi Goldberg, who married three men and divorced
all of them, said in a CNN interview with Piers Morgan in 2011 (available
online) that she never loved the men she married. None of them. When Piers
pressed why she married those men, she said she did it to “feel normal.”
Think about that.
A woman can marry you because you have status or money, then she will
sleep with the man she has a genuine desire for. Hence the increase in failed
paternities.
That is why hypergamy is regarded as a dualistic mating strategy: the beta
males provide the 3Ps – provisioning, paternity, and parental investment
while the alpha males provide the alpha seeds.
That is how hypergamy provides the best of both worlds. And this is why
hypergamy will be defended at all costs.
What you are learning here is not new. Remember the popular 80’s song,
“No romance without finance”, and Destiny’s Child’s song, “Bills, Bills,
Bills”? Women have repeatedly told men that they have to pay a cost to get
sexual access. It started from prostitution to relationships (dating) and has
now invaded marriages.
I have seen friends fall in love when they join banks or organizations as
graduate trainees. They proceed to get married and start families. Women
often get promoted faster because of things like gender parity in interviews. I
know many cases where such couples get divorced when the now senior and
better-paid wife cannot respect her husband anymore.
This is the same dynamic at play when you stop taking care of yourself as a
man, when you stop being ambitious, when you become soft and when you
lack purpose. It will likely rock your marriage if you have a young wife
exposed to all those men at the workplace.
I have been counseling so many men whose marriages run aground when
COVID messed up their businesses, and their wives started creating chaos,
wanting to leave with the kids.
For women, love has to be functional. If it doesn’t serve their purposes, they
tend to become disruptive. Hypergamy does not allow women to settle. If
you settle, they swipe left.
Some men now say that you are not divorced because you are still valuable
to your wife. What did Jeff Bezo’s wife do when he was no longer useful to
her? She took her billions, left him with his, and moved on to a
schoolteacher.
Men and women don’t share the same concept of love. Men love
idealistically. Men, being problem solvers and idealists, came up with the
notion of perfect love because of this mental schema.
Even the virtuous woman in the book of Proverbs is an enunciation of the
fantastical masculine ideal of a woman. As Rollo Tomassi says, a woman
fundamentally lacks the capacity to love a man the way he believes he
should be loved. Women love men. But not the same way men imagine that
they should be loved. Women are practical and will only overlook your flaws
the way you want if there is a payoff. The popular joke, “you can’t be poor
and ugly at the same time,” conveys this fundamental truth.
Beta males deny this and think this is bad because they are still plugged into
the blue pill mindset that tells them women can love you even if you are
poor and ugly.
Men who are aware understand why, accept it and do the work needed to
foster successful relationships.
Women have evolved to love the best men available to them, depending on
their circumstances.
Rather than whine, deny and complain, work every day on being the best
version of yourself.
Our fathers did not teach us this.

Saved For Someone Else

My friend Mike had a very beautiful Catholic girlfriend when I was on

campus. We used to call her Brenda. Short, light-skinned girl with luscious
lips, emerald eyes, perky, and with a smile that stops your heart.

Brenda was the classic heart-throb girl.

She was easily the yardstick of what a good girl ought to be. At least for us.
We told Mike he was lucky to have her, and we meant it. We saw them as
sweet lovebirds and admired their love. They always held hands as they
walked along the pathways in the University grounds, squinting at the
sunset, eating lunch together in the mess etc.
My pal was a nice guy with a muscular build and a loud laugh. He played
scrum-half in the rugby team and, like us, loved listening to Boys II Men,
Joe Thomas, Seal and other R&B singers that made us blue-pill to the core
and drilled oneitis into our bones. Those days, we used to love the song titled
Saved For Someone Else by Az Yet. But there was one interesting factoid.
As much as they could pet heavily and all that, Brenda was adamant that
they could only have sex after marriage.
Mike was okay with that. He could wait. He was a nice guy. After all, they
were both Catholics, and abstinence was a thing. They attended mass
together and took the sacrament.
After campus, he met her folks, who liked him. We used to meet them in
Imax, in raves, and so on. Dating and having fun. We imagined them having
kids. They started looking like each other. She later got a job in Egypt as he
worked in Nai. With the long-distance, their relationship got strained. Mike
wanted to settle down. Her parents told her men could wait. They broke up.
They had dated for six years.
Brenda was heavily pregnant with a guy she met in Egypt a year later. From
what we gathered from her friends, we learned that Brenda would bring the
father to meet her parents and plan a wedding after the baby was born.
When this news reached Mike, first, he was shocked. A thick vein
materialized on his temple. Then we could see the agony torching through
him and destroying his insides.
He gasped for air, stifled a cry, and we just hugged him as pain coursed
through him.
As he struggled with the news, his eyes became shattered marbles. Tears
welled in them. Mucus materialized in his nostrils as the tears waterfalled
down his cheeks.
You see, Brenda was the love of his life.
My pal wasn’t even over her, G!
We held him as he wept freely; his eyes instantly became bloodshot. Unable
to hold back, I wiped away tears myself.
It hurt to see him so broken.
At the time, we didn’t know hypergamy and whatnot. We thought she
probably found a rich guy or whatever.
Now,
Women with genuine burning desire often say things like, “I usually don’t
give it up this fast.”
Typically, they say this just before the critical moment.
Or they can say something like, “my previous boyfriend waited for five
months. I must have a soft spot for you.”
This is usually a lie. Caaaaap!
But it’s a good lie.
It means she wants you to think she is treating you as better than other men.
It means she wants you not to think she is loose. It means she wants you to
think she is good enough for you.
It means she wants you to think the best of her because she regards you as
having a higher SMV than her.
She is qualifying herself when she says this.
Oftentimes, qualifying actions include deleting photos of other guys in her
social media accounts. They are actions that show that she wants to keep
you. They can be things like saying no to her friends so that she can be
available for you, fitting into your program, and being eager to please you,
which we call submission.
This is how genuine desire is expressed.
Even masculine, ball-breaking women switch their behaviour suddenly when
they’re in the presence of an alpha. They become all submissive.
Relationships that start with genuine desire tend to last longer.
On the other hand, if she makes you wait for it, gives you conditions, and
makes you work for it, it means she sees you as beta and has no genuine
burning desire for you.
Women make rules for betas and break them for alphas.
Rollo Tomassi’s iron rule number three says, “Any woman who makes you
wait for sex, or by her actions implies she is making you wait for sex; the
sex is NEVER worth the wait.”
Our fathers did not teach us this.

You Have To Pay To Be The Boss

In 1 Corinthians 11:3-10, the Bible says the man is the head of the woman.
In Genesis, Eve was created to be a helper of Adam. The Quran also uses
this. What is a woman supposed to help the man with? She is to help him
achieve his vision. He should be leading, and she should be following.

Along with this leadership role, the man is responsible for providing
protection and sustenance for women.
I cite the Bible because it influenced Western culture – not because this is a
religious matter or a religious subject. I am just using it to frame the
discussion from the familiar ground for most people. People generally defer
to the Bible or their faith for guidance when difficulties start gathering in
their marriages and relationships - at least in theory. Plus, most weddings are
held in Church, so the Bible is a reasonable frame of reference when
discussing marriage.
If you put religion aside, biologically, because of having ten times more
testosterone than women, the man is generally larger, stronger, and more
aggressive. Because of these traits, he has naturally and traditionally been
the provider and the protector. When thugs come knocking, it’s the man who
should face them and protect his family. Clearly, he is better suited as a
protector compared to the woman. But does that mean he also has to lead?
Leadership requires a degree of abnegation or self-denial, which is a more
masculine capacity. It requires detachment from the self. And that is why
men are discouraged from emotionalism (boys don’t cry)—leading from
emotion results in tyranny and dictatorship. This is because emotion is all
about self-preservation rather than the interests of others or the group.
The more emotional you are, the more fearful or hasty you will be. A fearful
person cannot be a good leader. People who fold under pressure are basically
emotional. Unguarded, easily expressed emotion is an evolved feminine
trait. Beta men, conditioned for so long to be emotionally available, struggle
to turn their emotions off.
Civilizations rose by conquest. Conquest means killing people and taking
over their land – unless they yield. Therefore, domination and conquest
require the capacity to act contrary to what our emotions incline us towards.
In Africa, circumcision is a ritual that teaches boys to ignore their pain,
ignore themselves. This is to prepare them for leadership and more
challenging tasks ahead.
Leadership requires one to make decisions and act in the face of fear. How
many men went to raid livestock from other communities and never came
back? How many died in the hunting trips involving going after dangerous
animals? Several. Leadership requires sacrificing oneself and ignoring one’s
feelings to achieve the bigger goal.
When God wanted a sacrifice, he asked Abraham, and not his wife, to
sacrifice Isaac. What would the outcome have been if Sarah had been asked
to sacrifice Isaac? What would have happened if Abraham told his wife that
he was on his way to sacrifice her only son?
In Genesis 3:17, God tells Adam that his first mistake was listening to his
wife. Why? What did he expect Adam to do?
Men died in wars to protect their communities. The men freeze to death in
the sea water in the movie Titanic as they cart the women and children to
lifeboats.
Being a man is therefore associated with sacrifice for the betterment of
society. Sometimes, a man has to give himself up to protect his progeny or
establish his legacy. Discipline, by definition, is giving up your short-term or
individual comfort for the greater good. Someone who yields to their
emotions cannot be disciplined because our emotions are hard-wired for self-
preservation. Yet, the higher ideals require that we sacrifice ourselves, our
comforts.
To offer provisioning and protection requires self-denial, and it is also tied to
leadership. Humans have evolved to respect people who can provide. Having
resources enables an individual to exercise power. That is why a man must
acquire resources. In Africa, we joke that even a dog does not respect you if
you are poor.
In modern society, women are told that men can disappoint them if they
depend on them. The way to insure yourself against being trashed by a man,
this thinking goes, is by making sure you are educated and earning your own
money.
This teaching started being passed by the baby boomers and is behind the
“independent woman” phenomenon we see today.
Because of this, many modern women, especially in major towns, have jobs
and careers. They lead men in the workplaces and can provide for
themselves.
As a result, the man’s role as the provider has been weakened. Men have
become redundant in the eyes of many career women.
In cities, the police provide protection from criminals, and the government,
in general, oversees security. In the US, women who leave their men and
cannot cater to themselves are given welfare assistance. Again, this means
that the man’s role as a protector is watered down or made irrelevant. This
factor contributes to high divorce rates among poor black people and the
increasing number of single mothers among the poor.
All those muscles and testosterone men have are therefore rendered almost
useless. Of course, women are still sexually attracted by the six-packs and
six-foot-tall dudes. Not to forget the six-figure income to complete the 666.
This is because women’s firmware still attracts them to the strong alpha guy
who can protect and provide. Even so, brains, not brawn, are more valued
today.
The ability of women to sustain themselves has reduced their need for men.
This has contributed to the increase in single-parent families and the baby
mama phenomenon. In addition, working women can provide for their
families even in marriages.
This has introduced a new dynamic in marriage, and that is our subject here.
From our hunter-gatherer days, women evolved to value men who could
provide. Even today, earning women still expect their men to earn more than
them. Even if the women can provide for themselves everything that they
need.
Research indicates that, in general, women expect men to earn what they
(the women) earn, plus 58%, for the man to be suitable for marriage.
Can a man lead his wife if she is earning more than him?
Through Disney and popular media, society tells us that love is everything.
They tell us that if you find a woman who loves you, your money doesn’t
matter so long as you are ambitious and hardworking. Love wins, they say.
In reality, it doesn’t work like that. I have witnessed marriages crumble
because the wife got a promotion and brought home more than the husband.
Most affected men say that their wives’ disrespect towards them was
unbearable. Many such women make the home a hostile environment such
that the man just has to leave for the sake of peace.
Women have evolved to lower respect and attraction for a man when he
cannot provide. This quality probably has a role in sexual selection.
However, even in marriage, the dynamic still applies.
Wanting a high earner is not necessarily a bad thing because it’s a trait that
ensures the survival of our species. Breeding with weak men who cannot
protect them and provide for their offspring would have resulted in the
suffering and death of women and their children. And this is one reason why
the love of a woman is opportunistic in nature: she has evolved to prioritize
her survival.
By default, women tend to respect and value high earners who are confident,
ambitious, and strong. This was well captured in the popular 80’s song by
Gwen Guthrie titled Ain’t Nothing Going On But The Rent, whose refrain
“No romance without finance” became so popular. And then there is
Destiny’s Child’s song, “Bills, Bills, Bills.”
So, the first thing is to accept that a man must pay the cost to be the boss.
This means you must pay the bills.
As a man, you must accept the burden of performance without any qualms.
You must provide for your family and deal with the pressure that comes with
that.
Pressure was made for shoulders, not hips, quips Kevin Samuels.
What happens when you cannot provide for your family or if she is earning
more than you? Some women can still respect their husbands and live
peacefully with them when they can no longer provide. But this is certainly
not the majority of modern women.
Hypergamy makes a woman seek a man of higher value than herself.
Because of hypergamy, it will be challenging for a man to hold frame with a
financially stronger woman.
If she earns more than you, and your wife is the masculinized, modern
woman, there will be a tussle over the leadership in that marriage. She will
want to emasculate you. Some marriages work because the men acquiesce
and play along – they play chauffeur, take up domestic responsibilities, and
even become househusbands. Some marriages just break down when the
wives become unruly and the man refuses to be treated poorly.
In a few marriages, the woman still allows the man to lead while she is the
breadwinner. Usually, there are extenuating circumstances – like the woman
having a low SMV or being heavily acculturated into believing that she
should always respect her husband.
I once had an older colleague who was twenty years my senior. He told me
that he was once suspected of corruption and was fired. Knowing he could
not continue paying rent and taking care of the bills as he used to, he rented
a small shack, went home, packed his things, and left, starting a charcoal-
selling business as he nurtured a fledgling music career.
His wife told him to come back home, and he refused. He only returned
home when he was doing well as a musician and a businessman. He later got
his job back.
I was shocked at the time. I thought it was extreme and believed it was a
Kikuyu thing. Now that I understand what the masculine frame means, I can
see why my friend did what he did, even though some aspects of it still strike
me as extreme.
He either understood his wife or female nature. Would it have been better for
him to stay at home and risk disrespect and humiliation from his wife? What
do you think?
I also know of a case of a Luhya man whose wife was much younger and
still working when he retired.
This guy packed his things and traveled to the village to start a new life,
leaving his wife protesting weakly about him leaving. He felt he did not need
to wait to witness the aftermath. I guess he knew his wife and was
psychologically prepared to handle the situation as he did. Women can play
the role of the provider, and many do. But the majority of those who provide
for their men become resentful. Resentment quickly evolves into disrespect.
The women in such situations feel that they are getting a raw deal because
they have been programmed to receive and not give. Many marriages break
down when the wives are thrust into the role of the breadwinner. They
become bitter, angry and lose respect for their men. Again, I repeat. Not all
women but the majority of them.
Many blame men for being insecure in such situations, but that is often not
the case. This is also another reason equal partnerships don’t work well.
Women say with their mouths that they want equal partnerships, but they
want the man to take the lion’s share when the bills come. If you do 50/50,
resentment starts setting in, and they become disrespectful and angry.
In most “partnerships,” the women are masculine, sassy, and quick to anger.
But provisioning and earning more, even though essential, is not enough.
Scottie Pippen’s wife cheated on him, yet he was a good provider. The wives
of Jeff Bezos and Bill Gates left them despite them being billionaires.
To maintain attraction, a man also must understand game. You cannot afford
to sit around and become a square of a man who doesn’t work out or clean
up. You must build muscle, be assertive and confident, learn things like
passive dread, and use preselection and social proof to maintain the bond.
Also, a man must understand leverage and how it works. Given enough
leverage, most women will leave their marriages. They are not necessarily
tired of the marriage, but just because they can.
The important thing here is to understand that leadership, like respect, is not
given.
It is earned.
And you don’t earn it once. You earn it every day until you die. You will be
sh*t tested, and your position of power will be challenged every other day
(remember chaos?). You must keep passing the tests. That is why we talk
about holding a masculine frame.
Our fathers did not teach us this.

Why Women Love Drama

Drama is an exciting, emotional, or unexpected event or circumstance. In

relationships, drama is emotional intensity. It is the opposite of boring.
Indignation is a form of drama presented as anger or annoyance provoked by
what is perceived as unfair treatment. Drama and indignation are two sides
of the same coin, as we shall see.

Fifty Shades of Grey is

one of the highest-grossing films of all time, thanks to the
patronage of women and the rush it gave them, particularly traditional
conservative (Tradcon) women, whose needs for high sexual drama are
tightly closeted.

Over the last several decades, Romance Novels have always been among the
top, highest selling genres of fiction, thanks to the predominantly female
readership.

It is well known that men go to buy things, but women love shopping.
Shopping gives women emotional highs, and business strategies are today
formed to exploit this female dynamic because women outspend men by far
– they spend money to feel the spike of excitement. Companies like
Facebook and Google hire psychologists to advise how their sites can
generate a dopamine hit in women to make them more addicted to their sites.

We know that sex sells for guys. That is why businesses use scantily dressed
models to sell cars and announce rounds in fights; guys get that rush when
they see these beautiful, scantily dressed girls. Drama does something
similar to women. It is why shows like Real Housewives of X, the Tyra
Banks Show, Oprah and Keeping up with the Kardashians, Big Brother
Africa, and other similar shows were popular with women: drama was
packed in them.

It has been well known that women love to feel intense feelings. Men in
committed relationships create romantic situations in relationships (which
are essentially moments of intensity) to whet the female appetite for drama
through dinner dates, holidays, etc. People who sell engagement rings and
honeymoon packages have exploited this female dynamic to dizzying
heights.

So anyway, having accepted this deep female need, men spend their
resources and skills to advertise themselves as romantic. That is how men
put off fires before they start. Because if you don’t take the initiative and
provide the emotional intensity, she can create it, and you may not like how
she does it because there will be intensity one way or the other.

If you’re in a relationship with a woman, you will deal with drama and
indignation at some point. If you are not the source, she may go and get it
from somewhere else. She can manufacture drama, get it from social media,
a romance novel, her friends, and so on.

Romance novels focus on the relationship between two or more people,

often featuring a heavy dose of desire and sensual tension. The plot in
Romantic Drama usually centres around an obstacle that is preventing love
between two people. In Wuthering Heights, the vulnerability that Catherine and
Heathcliff’s love creates leads to such intense emotional violence that it
transcends generations. Now, that’s the kind of drama that titillates women’s
taste buds for drama.
How do you think a woman feels when her friend calls her crying that she
caught her boyfriend cheating? The rush of endorphins is unbelievable. It is
like a shot of cocaine. This is the reason a woman can take an Uber in the
middle of the night to be with her distressed friend. They will even cry with
her, by the way, call the boyfriend and cuss him out. It is serious business.

Women also obtain this endorphin rush vicariously through their girlfriends.
That is why they have a girl’s night out, where they catch up on the drama in
each other’s lives and feel relief. Talking a lot also creates an emotional high
because there is an exchange of emotional energy. Women usually
communicate to exchange feelings, while men communicate to exchange
information. That’s why women can meet for coffee dates just to talk. Men
meet to do something: either watch a match, address an issue, or do
something together. “Catching up” is just the preliminary but never the goal.
For women, catching up is a very good goal.

As men, a good relationship with a straightforward routine, good sex, and no

drama is what many think is ideal. But gentlemen, to most ladies, perfect is
boring. Women need the rush, something to trigger the cocktail of emotions
that makes them feel alive. That is why she leaves the accountant beta with
the children at home and goes out to a smoke-filled dungeon to seek the sly
and dangerous alpha. That is why she fabricates indignation when she finds
an SMS in her husband’s phone and acts as if the world has come to an end.
The title “drama queen” is an appellation attached to women because high
drama is in the spectrum of female nature.

Faced with passive-aggressive, rude, or nagging wives, many of our fathers

who lacked either finesse or resources to give their wives emotional highs
resorted to beating them up. Of course, violence also causes an emotional
high, albeit a painful one. But note that endorphins act to increase feelings of
pleasure and wellbeing and also to reduce pain and discomfort. Endorphins
will be released either way. Furthermore, we also know several women
speak highly about the sweetness of make-up sex.

Thirty years ago, absent the current legislations and societal standards, it was
normal, although misguided, for older men to advise younger men with
difficult wives that the wives were difficult because the men were not
beating them. Weak men who needed to feel dominant and women with a
high appetite for drama made their marriages battlegrounds and never
separated until the men went too far. Those days, dysfunction played out in
the open, and it was accepted.

Any man who has been in a marriage has experienced cases where their
wives complain about their friends, family members, colleagues, or even the
house girl. The well-meaning husbands, after dutifully listening to their
wives’ troubles, often suggest practical, logical solutions, only to be
reprimanded and told, “you are not getting it!”

They would suddenly have the guns turned on them as they wonder in
confusion, “what did I do?”
They repeatedly tell us that “women don’t want solutions! They just want
you to listen!”
It is the same dynamic behind “my dress my choice,” where women behave
poorly and insist on getting good results. And this is the reason women have
orchestrated one-way aggression in the cover of “No real man lays his hands
on a woman.” Indignation can make women feel aroused, sad, angry, and so
on. So long as it’s delivering the suitable emotional intensity.
Women will create scenarios to demonstrate indignation to experience a
cocktail of emotions. This is the reason some women make poor parents.
Structure creates a predictable framework and eliminates chaos and
opportunities for intense emotion.
If women dressed well like they were being told, there would be no drama
and no need to push back. But they want that tension to stay firmly in place
because it is like a live wire. This outrage toward cooperative college is an
excellent example of fabricated indignation. Women know that men are
visual and will look at them when they dress in revealing fashion. If dressing
in sexy clothes didn’t draw male attention and aroused sexual tension in
men, women wouldn’t be wearing sexy clothes in the workplaces and social
places. They want to dress sexy but, don’t even think about it, you savages!
Creeps!
Rapist enablers! Which other insult have I left out? Add it.
That is drama! Dress decently? Not a solution! My dress my choice! You
creep! And on and on.
The entitlement for a perfect life, demand for unearned respect (you don’t
respect women!), and so on, come from living in indignation. Movies Like I
 capture this dynamic.
Can Do Bad All By Myself
Women need problems so that they can feel indignation.
Past wrongs are a fertile source for drama and a chemical rush: they must be
carefully preserved. Victimhood, a female dynamic, also serves this need for
a chemical rush, and it’s one reason many women stay in dysfunctional
relationships and refuse to be held accountable when things go south in their
lives. This is also a reason why women never forgive and forget.
Why do women love drama? What purpose does it serve in their lives? We
can trace the roots in our evolutionary psychology. First, let’s note that men
need to be strong to protect and attract females. To stay fit, men engage in
sports and competitions, which have been acculturated in us.
Because women are not as strong as men, they have evolved to fight
psychologically, not physically.
Drama, especially psychological drama, is a kind of sport for them. Flirting,
wearing revealing clothes, engaging in subcommunication, intentionally
miscommunicating, having sex with each other’s men, and so on are
activities that involve drama and emotional tension.
More importantly, women have an existential fear of being lied to and
impregnated by suboptimal men. Therefore, they spend time imagining
scenarios and playing them out in their minds. The more success they have
at seeing their predictions become a reality, the better their ability to select
the right life partner. Furthermore, the better they can create accurate
scenarios, the more competent they become at picking a suitable mate.
Women think in terms of scenarios and imagine a lot rather than stay in the
present. They wander a lot into the past, present and get stimulated through
expectations (imagination process). This is why most women suffer from
anxiety and borderline disorders, and depression compared to men.
The second reason women create drama is aligned to their ovulatory cycle.
From day 22 to 28, the woman’s mood changes as progesterone declines in
her body. She becomes bitchy and throws out the beta comforter. This is
called premenstrual syndrome (PMS). The British physician Katharina
Dalton diagnosed and named PMS as a medical condition in the 1950s.
During this phase, a woman will be irritable, aggressive, and volatile. She
may even quarrel with her girlfriends at this point. She is subconsciously
removing potential cock blockers in preparation for the next alpha phase.
She wants to ensure that no one can control her or hold her back in the next
stage as she seeks out the alpha.
Of course, hormonal fluctuations have varying impacts on the behaviour of
women. Endocrinologists and fertility experts have well-established the
behaviour patterns explained here. And this is the reason post-menopausal
women are calmer, steady, and more logical.
The third reason could be to ensure they have a fit mate. Women don’t want
men who cheat. But they want a man who can cheat (i.e., a man other
women want to bang). A man that other women want, who has some degree
of unpredictability, is the kind of man that will fulfill their chemical need to
feel the excitement. Also, that man will deliver the social proof that assures
her that she made the right choice.
The reason women easily break up with men and move on (monkey
branching) compared to men is due to the chemical rush that comes with
entering new relationships. The hordes of beta orbiters packed in the friend
zone are secondary sources of attention and the much-needed chemical
stimulation.
Our fathers did not teach us this.

Mind Your Own Business

In the pursuit of the natural need for sexual access, many men believe that
there are things that they can do to keep a woman attached to them. Such
men believe that treating women like queens, flattering them, giving them
attention, and whatnot, will keep them attached. Some even engage in mate-
guarding: they watch the movements of their wives, keep trackers on their
cars, snoop on their phones, monitor their body language for cues of
infidelity, and so on and so forth.

This is understandable from a biological perspective because securing

paternity and avoiding cuckoldry is a hard-wired masculine imperative in us.

However, human experience shows us that these strategies do not work, and,
as competent men, we have to proceed from the point of knowledge.

Let us recall that women control access to sex while men control access to
marriage. I earlier refuted the notion that men conquer women earlier to
disabuse us of some false conceptions around men who sleep with many
women, and that can be an appropriate starting point to this topic.
From a population of men, be they sailors, pilots, surgeons, bouncers, DJs,
thugs, athletes, trainers, barbers, policemen, pump attendants, politicians,
drug dealers, preachers, YouTubers, etc., women will pick men they want to
sleep with.

A man can be loud, dress flamboyantly, wear gold teeth, offer her flowers
and whatnot, but the woman will apply her hypergamic filter to pick the man
she wants to sleep with.

It is totally up to her.
Musa Juma, the famous Luo benga musician, sang in a famous hit song,
“Jawuoi makare ema sero nyiri bila pesa”, which translates to, “a real man
seduces a lady without using money.” Yes, you can

impress her by driving rented cars, borrowing clothes, and living an

impostor lifestyle to attract her, but your game is up once she knows the real
you.

What Musa Juma was talking about is what alpha males do. His critique was
against transactional sex and the tendency of some men to lead with their
wallets.

Many men invest all their time and resources romancing or “courting” the
woman until she gives in to have sex with him and marry him. In most cases,
these men are just following social conventions of “courtship” or dating and
frequently, the girls, as part of social proof, play along in this “romance.”
This is all fine as a social experiment.

But if a lady has not picked you as someone she will have sex with, no
amount of flowers will get her to bed with you. As political pundits would
say, it’s not the flowers, stupid. The flowers just garnish the underlying
chemistry. If the chemistry is not there, it’s not there. Women can tell you
this.

Rollo Tomassi says in his iron rules that genuine burning desire cannot be
negotiated. This means you cannot beg for it, purchase it or even cajole it.
And this is the reason men are told not to use their wallets to try to get a
woman.
Many men spend so much time and resources trying to impress women, only
to end up with premium tears.
This includes married men in cases where the marriage was based on a
sandy foundation, and the men are not competent.
Pressurizing a woman to marry you does not create attachment and respect if
it is not there, to begin with. Sure, due to financial or social pressure, she can
succumb to your wishes.
But in the westernised world we live in, if you are married to a woman with
no genuine burning desire for you, there is no going around that. The
dynamic around arranged marriages may, however, be different.
There was a viral video of a Mercedes Benz-driving lawyer who was
weeping outside a Naivasha hotel as his girlfriend was getting banged by a
fellow driving Suzuki Alto.
He lamented how much it hurt him that she was cheating on him and said he
would let her finish and wait for her outside.
“It’s okay,” he kept repeating helplessly. “It’s okay.”
It was a pitiful sight. You could see how emasculated the man was. You
could tell that he was a man who was committed and respectful to his wife,
and what he was getting in return was deplorable treatment.
Why?
Men make the mistake of thinking that pleasing a woman and complying
with her wishes is what will keep her invested in him. This is what the media
and Disney teach us.
But it doesn’t work like that.
Consider this scenario:
A single woman spots a promising young man in society. Maybe it is in
Church, in the neighborhood or at an event. He picks her choosing signals,
approaches her, and they have a conversation over a drink and exchange
numbers. His looks will be a factor: his dressing, confidence, charisma, how
he interacts with others, how he carries himself, and, very importantly, his
business.
They soon become “an item.” “What does he do?” will be the first question
she will be asked about him by her friends, her parents and so on. And
because we know women are big on social proof and preselection, his
business is crucial. She has to wait for him on Saturday afternoon dates
because he is working in the mornings. Some Sundays, he is unavailable
until evening because of work. He is attending evening classes and is trying
to move forward in his career. Her hypergamic filter tells her he is a good
catch: he is focused and ambitious, and has a future with him.
Now, fast forward, they get married. The man, reasoning that he is now
married and should spend more time with his wife, stops hanging out with
his friends. As an untrained man, he doesn’t know that scarcity creates value.
He stops working on Saturday, and once he clears the course he is doing, he
stops taking any other course because his wife once complained that he is
too busy for her. He stops engaging in activities that resonated with him like
hiking, traveling, watching movies, theatre, and just hangs around the home.
They watch movies together and are seen in the estate walking together to
the shops and back.
His world shrinks, and she becomes the centre of his universe. He piles on
weight and develops a potbelly. At first, she loves this because women love
attention, and she knows her territory is secure. Later, she gets bored and
wants some breathing space. Not understanding herself (often linked to the
ovulatory cycle), she pushes him away through disrespect and nagging. They
quarrel. Harsh words are spoken. He is frustrated, thinks he is losing her, and
tries harder. She pushes back harder.
He lacks purpose; he develops new habits like alcohol or hanging out with
loser friends. He just comes home to sleep. She goes with the kids to Church
on Sunday as he is left at home nursing a hangover. He abandons himself,
snores loudly at night and discards clothes around the house. He spends the
weekend with his head buried in the newspaper the whole day over his dry,
ashen feet. He doesn’t clean up well and is often zoned out. They grow
distant, and an affair creeps in.
What I have narrated replays every day in our lives. It is even in marvel
comics on the big screen.
So Superman is busy kicking ass. He is the strongest dude around. He
neutralizes bad guys and saves the innocent and the weak. The bad guys are
upset. Because criminals are relentless, Superman is very busy. They keep
coming up with new and ingenious ways of committing crimes and beating
Superman.
Superman meets Lois Lane. A wonderful, intelligent, and gentlewoman.
They get to know each other. He loves her – or rather, he falls in love with
her. She admires him and is powerfully drawn to him. They start dating, and
he moves in with her. They love each other. He is sometimes forced to get
out of bed in the middle of the night to go save the world, leaving her cold.
But he continues saving the world. Some nights, we see her standing alone at
the bedroom window in a silk nightdress, the cold wind blowing her as she
moves strands of hair from her face. Her luscious body is voluptuous as she
watches him fly towards his next mission.
Soon, she tells him to stay in bed with her for once. She tells him one night
that he is not the saviour of the world. Is he so insecure that he has to keep
fighting bad guys to prove himself? She asks. She says something about
toxic masculinity – in the language of suburban women. They have an
argument. He is sad. She is sad.
He thinks about it. He loves this woman so much and doesn’t like to see her
sad.
He decides to stop being Superman. He burns his costume and becomes
Clark Kent.
He gets a job, wears spectacles even though he has laser vision, and starts
being available for Lois. He is now an ordinary dude. He hangs around
watching TV, opening the fridge door in boxers, and eating popcorn and
greasy shit. For a while, Lois enjoys his company.
As sure as day follows night, she gets bored being with Clark. She notices a
rugged, focused guy called Bruce, who is strong, muscular, and has no time
of day for her– aka Batman. But he is now just an ordinary man. Bruce is
also strong and follows his purpose – Clark is making dinner and serving
her, treating her like a queen. Her curiosity is aroused by this dark,
mysterious man who is always busy and unavailable.
She soon falls for Bruce. She breaks down crying one day. She says she
can’t see a future with Clark. The relationship, she laments, is going
nowhere. Clark Kent is left devastated.
What is the lesson here?
Mind your business. It is part of what made you attractive in the first place.
Do not stop what you are doing; being available will not make you more
attractive to her. Women will want one thing now and hate it the next
moment. Sure, if you are working a job that makes your relationship a long-
distance relationship, that may not work. But if she found you working a
particular job and she was attracted to you, keep doing that job.
Do not make long-term decisions to facilitate your relationship unless you
are the mental point of origin for such a decision. If she is leaving, she will
leave. It is not up to you, so don’t perform any gymnastics or bend over
backwards.
Just mind your own business. Your business is what keeps you mysterious
and exciting. It’s what makes her want you. Your masculinity is manifest
when you are in the thick of action, when you are winning, not when you are
bumming around.
Look at Jeff Bezos. Despite him being the richest man on the planet, the wife
left, and she went for a schoolteacher.
And we now turn to another lesson which I learned from The Lead Attorney:
no matter what you do in your relationship or marriage, no matter who you
are in society, realize that your wife thinks she is the star in the marriage. All
wives do. Even if she is just a housewife and you are a CEO of a blue-chip
company, she believes that she is the star in the marriage. You will think
about how you have given her a lavish lifestyle and whatnot and even delude
yourself that your efforts keep your wife in the marriage.
She believes otherwise and given the right audience, she can present a list of
the sacrifices she has made to make the marriage what it is and how she puts
up with your weaknesses and bad habits. Heck, she can even say how she
picked you from an abysmal state and made you who you are today. She can
articulate how her attention to certain aspects in your household is what has
kept the kids how they are and how she has steered you from walking down
destructive paths and making wrong career choices.
She will always be the star. Nothing you can do can usurp that position.
Even if you kill beasts and bring her the moon.
So just mind your own business. Stay on your purpose and continually work
towards being the best version of yourself. Stay focused. Never waver from
the pursuit of your goals. It doesn’t mean you neglect her or become
unavailable. Just don’t leave your purpose thinking it will make her yours.
A woman will never settle for a suboptimal man because of how he treats
her. If she has picked you as her mate, continue working. She will stick with
you. You are the prize because of it.
You may think you are a nice, kind gentleman and whatnot. But who you are
is secondary. What you are, what you do, your business is more provincial.
A woman falls in love with what you are. Who you are is ancillary and only
becomes important once she is invested in you.

Is She Cheating?

Many men have told me that if you suspect your wife of cheating, you
should check her phone because failing to do so is weak. This is not the right
move, guys.
First of all, if she is cheating and you are sure, send her on her way or walk
away. Do not confront her or convince her to change her ways; desire cannot
be negotiated. Let her go get a man she can respect.
Do not harm her either. Take your L like a man. There is plenty of fish in the
sea.
Secondly, you cannot keep a woman. A woman stays with you because she
has chosen you. Not because you are the CIA. If she is for the streets, she is
for the streets. You can’t tame a wild cat, and it’s a waste of your mental
bandwidth keeping track of a woman. There’s no ROI for that kind of spy
work.
Use that time to work on your goals. Let someone else handle her BS and
top up on your semen retention. Remember, once the barn burns down, you
can see the moon. Good riddance.
Third, the moment you are worried about losing her to another man, you are
operating from a scarcity mindset. That means you are mentally weak and
fear abandonment. Cultivate an abundance mindset and understand that if
she leaves, the world will deliver someone better, or you will be able to
enjoy your freedom.
Fourth, mate-guarding is a sign of being necessitous. This is because you
harbor false beliefs like oneitis or believe in blue pill ideas about love. This
means you still need to work on yourself and upgrade your belief systems.
When you level up, you have options. A man with options is not necessitous
– and being able to enjoy your own company or hobbies is having options.
Options make you secure. Scarcity makes you fearful. Attachment is a
weakness, and it’s a turn-off for women because it creates insecurity and
jealousy exhibited by weak men. You have to detach.
Pursue your purpose. Be a better version of yourself every day.
Fifth and once again, mind your own business. Learn about game, passive
dread, success, and masculinity. A woman will never leave a man who is
working on himself. Women only walk away from lost causes. If your future
seems to have prospects, she will stay and keep the other guys in the
friendzone. Like they say, you can never lose women chasing money, but
you can lose money chasing women. Dedicate yourself 100% to your
purpose, and remember that your scarcity will make you valuable, not your
neediness and petty jealousy.
Sixth, women love playing psychological games. In the section about why
women love drama, you will understand that these mental games are their
forte. A woman will pretend she is receiving a call from a man just to get a
rise out of you. They can even spend a fortune just to play mind games. Do
not fall for it. High-value men stay on their purpose and leave them playing
their dusty games.
Consider this. In a desperate attempt to make her ex-boyfriend jealous, a
woman in Germany faked an elaborate wedding to get revenge on an old
flame. A TikTok video of her envy-inducing antics has gone viral, with more
than 1.8 million views and thousands of gobsmacked comments.
Sarah Vilard, 24, showed pictures of herself holding hands with a groom-for-
hire, wearing a long white dress. Vilard, who lives in Frankfurt, Germany,
split from her former beau in 2019 and hatched an envy-inducing plan
shortly after.
She rented out Frankfurt’s Villa Kennedy and rounded up her friends to play
the roles of bridesmaids. She posted the pictures to her Instagram, which her
ex would see.
The ex found out through Instagram and texted her the next day, freaking out
because he thought she was cheating on him while they were together.
“That, of course, wasn’t the case. But he came to my house and wanted to
talk to me afterward. I wasn’t interested.” She said.
She then blocked and deleted him from her social media and her life. See
what you get from playing these stupid games?
Mind your own business, guys.
It’s a free world.
If she wants to walk, let her walk.

Love Me As I Am
I was taking tea one morning and decided to flip through the day’s paper. As
I did so, I saw a photo of a car wreckage.

A vehicle had been driven off the cliff in Mai Mahiu. It lay mangled in the
bushes down below. I was about to turn the page when I read the number
plate.

Something snapped open in my brain, like a door flung open in a winter

storm, sending a chill down my spine and pouring ice into my veins.

My hands shook.
I slowly placed the cup of tea on the nearest table and felt myself break up in
a sweat.
I knew that car. The owner was my friend.
I called his number. It rang and rang.
A cold hand wrapped around my heart and squeezed.
G was not picking up my call. I sat down slowly, legs quaking, crushed by
the weight of what it implied.
G, short for Geoffrey, was a friend of mine.
He was an IT Network Admin for BAT, where I interned for a few months.
He was five nine, a rotund, friendly guy with fault lines on his forehead.
Like most guys from Migori, his hometown, he didn’t shield his eyes with
his hand from the sun: he just squinted.
This habit sort of folded his facial muscles and made him look like he was
perpetually smelling something unpleasant or flinching from an oncoming
blow.
G sported a struggling goatee and was rather shy when stonecold sober.
However, he could strike quite the conversation after the spirits were in him.
G had a doting mother who occasionally called to check if he had eaten
before sleeping and whether he had oiled his feet after showering. She was a
wealthy lady who split her time traveling between the US and Nairobi,
visiting her kids. His dad was a retired teacher who just wanted to read
newspapers, chill under a tree and watch the sun go up and down.
G hooked up with Eve, a single mother from Busia. Eve was a bit of a narc,
with a rough background of abuse and sheer poverty that left her borderline.
She had a quick temper, a sharp tongue, was a trash talker, and was very
physical when it came to conflict resolution.
She was the quintessential attention addict: doing everything grandiose for
likes on IG, including using skin lighteners and butt lifts. She had giant hips
that she always wrapped tight and made a production of swaying them
seductively whenever she walked while picking up the glances from men in
the vicinity.
And G was an ass guy, naïve and horny as f. As most men do when they are
young, horny, and dumb, he shoved the red flags aside.
He wanted to dig out her watery guts.
“Will you manage me?” She would ask early in the relationship, especially
when he was about to nut. He would nod rapidly, gasping with desire.
She would turn and look deeply into his eyes like a hypnotist and push him
to get his full attention.
“Will you love me as I am?” She would ask, his tip quivering at her moist
lips.
“Yes, absolutely,” he would swear feverishly, consumed with burning desire.
“Kabisa?”
He would gasp.“Kabisa.”

Then she would throw her head back, spread it wide open, and pull him in.
“Take me. Take me,” Eve would urge him on urgently with feral desire.
After a while, they moved in together with Eve’s pre-teen daughter in an
apartment on South C, making them a trio. They had the usual fights couples
have, though, because G couldn’t handle conflict and was p*ssy whipped,
Eve generally had her way. She ran the household with an iron fist, a sharp
tongue, and an explosive temper.
Whenever they quarrelled, she would seethe in rage for days threatening to
harm herself and getting her alarmed friends to come home to calm her
down and beg her to let it go. Often, she would be found clutching a knife,
stone drunk, or clutching a glass of rat poison, tears streaming down her
face, a labelled poison wrapper nearby.
She looked possessed: she shook with rage, threw things against the wall,
and snapped at the terrified kids. She scared even her friends. They
frequently replaced their television and other breakable accessories from her
fits of rage, further stressing them, or rather, stressing G financially. She had
no qualms quarrelling him on the phone as neighbours watched and
overheard. And she flirted with philandering men as her friends heard,
showing them how much she was a desired woman.
She made a big deal if he was on the phone with someone she didn’t know,
judged his friends as bums and womanizers, and ended up largely isolating
him from all his support systems. He would spend the weekends at home
watching football reruns and recovering from hangovers. At least, that way,
when she called the housegirl to ask if he was in, he wouldn’t get a severe
tonguelashing. If he was at home bumming on the sofa watching garbage,
she knew she was safe from competition. So, basically, he was isolated, out
of shape, and restricted. A prisoner in his own home.
She often thanked and praised him during birthday parties for being the only
man who could handle her. Like a complete sucker, he would beam proudly,
ear to ear, when this accolade was thrown his way.
G hoped that Eve would change. But can be a cruel mistress. It can crush
your heart like a plastic cup and throw it in the trash can.
Five years and two kids later, G had enough character development. He grew
some stones and started challenging Eve. It often got physical. Most of their
matches, which lacked a referee, ended with Eve nursing bruises and G
nursing stinging shame because Eve ensured she lashed him with her tongue
before the kids and, sometimes, the neighbours. The usual BS: declaring to
neighbours that he was a broke ass man who couldn’t take care of his family,
a one-minute man with a toothpick bla bla bla.
Seeing his financial issues and time-wasting habits, I told him several times
that he needed to develop several income streams outside his 8-5 job, find a
purpose, develop options, and get his money in order. He just nodded and
procrastinated and asked for more beer to numb himself, numbing thoughts,
ideas, and his pain. My voice became a distant echo.
G was a Man U supporter and loved his drink. He wore an illfitting green
Man U T-shirt with black jeans and open shoes on his best days. If you were
on the side the wind blew, you could tell the brother had soaked his cells in
alcohol. His potbelly hung out prominently, he nursed ghastly razor bumps,
and you could see that he didn’t prioritize his looks as he belched alcohol
fumes and nyam chom gas into a closed fist.
Man, I just looked at him and shook my head. You really can’t save
everyone.
Eve told her girlfriends that she deliberately added more fat in his food so
that he could grow fatter and be unappealing to other girls.

“Sitaki anisumbue na mambo ya wanawake!” she would retort, looking on

proudly.
“What if he gets a heart attack?” they would cry.

“I don’t care!”
“Haki wewe Eve!”
They would end the conversation and move on to talking about weaves,
virginity soaps, who Joho was currently dating, and other mindless garbage.

Anyway, Eve kept him on his toes with incessant demands and ensured that
his bank account was empty. She also believed that if a man has money, he
will spend it on other women and advised her friends never to blunder and
ignore this tried-and-tested wisdom.

She demanded a big ass wedding, a car, a business, Chama membership, a

house in shaggs...G was always broke and deep in debt.

He reluctantly delivered all these, and every time he delivered, the

withdrawn conjugal rights would be gifted to him for compliance.

Borrowing and Borrowing, he maxed out his credit card and even knew
which shylocks were good and which ones were bad.
Happy wife, happy life, right? Wrong. Bloody effing wrong.
At home, what waited for him were fights, accusations of infidelity, and
soul-destroying arguments. He was still in his mid-30s. She was three years
his elder. The dreaded four-oh was snapping at her heels.
Looking back, I now realize she wanted to cash in on her sexual agency
before it had decayed completely.
Back to our man G; his frustrations turned to anger, and he drank some
more, became more physical and brutish. The faultlines on his face sunk
deeper; he developed suitcases under his eyes, slurred when he spoke and
was often in a drunken stupor.
Someone told Mother-in-law that her son was going down the toilet like a
piece of shyte. She came one day to save her son from the clutches of
destruction, swooping in like a mother hen.
The two women went at it, the older one with a mink coat attacking, the
hippy younger one defending fiercely. They came close to exchanging
blows, er, scratches. Each woman sported acrylic talons and a razor-sharp
tongue that could churn out 100 words per second. Harsh words were
spoken.
The pansy-ass son chose his wife, er, his family. Tyres screeching, Mother-
in-law drove off mad as hell, saying she gave birth to a wimp and he was not
her son.
At some point, she suggested that they had had such a tumultuous
relationship and because the neighbourhood knew about them and was
interfering in their relationship, they needed to move out and get a fresh start
elsewhere.
After unleashing a meaty belch, G said he didn’t have money to move.
Eve was an Instagram thot with several wababas thirsting over her and sending
her fare by this time. She was quick to tell everyone willing to listen how she
was the breadwinner in her marriage and was the one wearing the pants.
The marriage was standing in the way of potential cash flows from her
thotting. She crowd-sourced funds from her beta orbiters, rented a flat in
Westlands, and waited to monkey branch.
She quietly watched him come and go, often rushing to the window to see
him drive off. Like a predator, she would rise at night and quietly watch at
him snore at night, his belly spilling like a frozen waterfall on the bed,
observed his ashen, dry feet, and contemplated her next move. She would
seethe with revulsion, her disgust twisting like a knife in her heart.
After deciding that this fat, listless guy was trash, she woke up one day,
packed, and left with the kids to her new apartment, leaving him scratching
his head and drinking the day away with some pub pals. “Atarudi tu!” they
chorused as they held court with him as he squatted in the wreckage of what
was once his home.
After rooting like a scavenger through what remained in his house, he
decided to go after her. She blocked his number. He had friends in Safcom
who traced her new handset, and he could locate her and his kids.
They quickly got into a slugfest which ended with him crying in the car for
his kids, for his life. He just lay his head on the dashboard and bawled
loudly, his pride gone, his devastation absolute. He was inconsolable.
The askaris told him that his presence was disturbing the residents and he
needed to leave.
It was too much. One of his drinking buddies called me, and I rushed there.
He was a sad sight. Pitiful and pathetic. This was a guy who could take his
life.
It gutted me to see him so broken.
I went to speak to Eve. As I approached her, I overheard her on the phone,
telling someone that she was teaching him a lesson. She heard me, and when
she turned to look at me, her eyes shone with pleasure.
What I saw in her eyes knocked me a few steps back.
Her face closed like a metal gate when she saw me, but it was too late. I had
seen it. This is messed up, I thought as she tried to shift her form to that of a
distressed damsel and adjust her tone to the whiny, victim ass mode.
Then I remembered a word I read in Silas Nyanchwani’s book, Sexorcised.
Schadenfreude! I gasped.
Now, schadenfreude is the experience of pleasure, joy, or selfsatisfaction that
comes from learning of or witnessing the troubles, failures, or humiliation of
another. It comes from two German words, Schaden, “damage/ harm,” and
Freude, “joy.”
Schadenfreude can be based on justice, aggression, or rivalry. It is a common
feature in the female dynamic. It is why Beyonce was singing “All the
Single Ladies” when she was married to Jay Z. It is why single women keep
women single by misleading them and seeing their relationships destroyed.
It is also why women are quick to comfort their friends when they have
fought with their boyfriends and slow to attend the same friends’ graduation
parties. They get a rush from beholding that drama, that outpouring of grief,
close up.
Eve felt that she was restoring fairness for a previously unpunished wrong
by wrecking her own and this young man’s marriage!
The abiding injustice she felt probably had nothing to do with G’s reactive
abuse.
Guys, broken people break people.
When you find someone telling you garbage like, “I want a man who accepts
me as I am,” or, “a real man is not afraid of a strong woman,” that is
someone who knows they are full of BS and damage. Often, they don’t heal
themselves because they feel good when they are inflicting pain and are too
self-indulgent to take responsibility and get help.
An invitation to “love me as I am” is an invitation to a life of pain and
suffering. Treat it as a red flag and do not accept it. Love should be
reciprocal. Nobody should love damaged goods.
A good man should love a good woman. Period.

Sisi ndio tuko my ass.

A man shouldn’t have to suffer you. You are not inevitable like death or
inexorable like the seasons. Quit being so self-absorbed.

If you are not okay, you shouldn’t be out here looking for a man to be on the
receiving end of your BS.
Nobody’s son has worked hard their entire life, built a life for themselves
only to love you as you are, with your trauma and BS.
Get help and heal yourself first.
If you want to be loved as you are, why don’t you do that yourself?
Women’s Blue Pill
A former supermodel was in the news in early 2022, and her story reminded
me of an old friend whose story I narrate below.

Now, Czech-born supermodel Paulina Porizkova shot to supermodel status

in the 1980s with back-to-back covers of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit
issue and a record-breaking $6 million contract with Estée Lauder. She
married a rock star, and together, they led a glitzy life and split up much
later. Her husband died in 2017 and wrote her off his will.

In a recent interview with The Times, Paulina confessed that she was
‘booted off’ dating app Hinge for claiming to be who she wasn’t.

She said, “I started looking around; I realized I was invisible to the

population at large. It made me feel really terrible about myself.”

Wanting to stop ageism, Paulina said she would not stop sharing racy snaps,
including nudes online, despite some criticism. “I look good,” she said with
confidence.

Porizkova, who is now 56, may sound delusional. The reality is that she is
just a victim of social programming that we call the blue pill.

Her self-image has frozen in her twenties even as she has aged and become
invisible in the sexual marketplace.
Paulina’s story reminded me of my forty-something-year-old friend with two
kids called Bri, short for Briana.
Good looking chick; nice skin, a little on the heavy side, clear brown eyes,
okay dresser, a bit of a control freak and dominatrix, struggling business
lady.
Bri had taken good care of herself for her age and looked better than many
ladies in their twenties. She keeps pointing this out, even nowadays.
Sometimes I can’t resist the side-eye when she does this.
Anyways, some years back, Bri overcame her pride and asked me to help her
get someone. When I asked her about the kind of man she wanted, I could
see straight away that we were going to have a problem.
First, Bri wanted a man who was going to love her kids because they are part
of the “package.” Then she wanted a man who would love her and pay her
bills. She also wanted a man with class who was financially stable. She
further said she doesn’t mind a widower with kids with whom they can build
a blended family, but a single guy is preferable. Was she willing to be a
second wife? Hell no, she roared, her eyes shining with outrage. “I can’t
share a man!” She added emphatically. Weh! I raised my hands in surrender.
Well, it is not like I am a miracle worker or whatever. I told Bri that I would
try. But I didn’t find her the guy she wanted. Most of the people I could get
her fell short. She dismissed them based on looks and dressing.
Look, ladies, at that age, the pickings are rather slim – you will get smelly
wababas with pot bellies, warts on their faces, misshapen suits, worn shoes,
scaly, ashen feet, and stained teeth. Most of these are superficial things that
can be sorted, though.
Fine, you can wear make-up, pull up a miniskirt, and perch yourself on a
stool in Ole Sereni or Mawimbi bar sipping wine and wait for the
adventurous white men seeking primitive sex or the philandering politicians.
But the 23-year-olds are already doing that, and some are even getting wifed
up.
You, with cellulite bumps on your thighs, large sagging arms, birds’ feet at
the corners of your eyes, and tyres around your waist perched on a thin bar
stool, your outsized hips spilling out of the seat, will look ridiculous at best.
Most of those girls are there to make a quick buck: you are looking for a
stepfather for your kids. And by the way, desperation emanates from women
like fumes.
Anyway, I left Bri to her own devices.
She kept getting bums and players. They kept smashing, lying to her, and
moving on when she got tired of having her back blown out and getting
nothing in exchange. She was getting tired and desperate as these
journeymen kept digging her viscous insides one after another. Bri is now in
her forties. No prospects. Bums and smelly men are blowing up her DM,
wanting to dig her guts out. She wants to weep.
Soon, airbags will appear under her eyes and grow into suitcases as she is
still waiting for Mr Right.
She still believes there’s a tall, nice, handsome guy out there with a good
job, a six-pack, who will look past her age, past her two kids, past her weight
and love her for who she is. This is the hope that keeps her alive as she takes
care of her two kids. Everyone has someone special for them, she believes.
She never even pauses to ask herself why someone would pick her over the
single ladies out there and what the man would get in return. Why would he
pick her? How is she making up for her low SMV? Does she have money?
What special skills does she have? What does she bring to the table? She
doesn’t consider these.
Her focus is on what she wants. She was told she could have it.
Bri is blue pill conditioned.
The blue pill is what we learn from popular fiction, Disney, media, the
church, and folklore about intersexual dynamics. It’s a socially constructed
reality that is comforting and is propagated by capitalism, ideology, and
sometimes, plain ignorance.
Blue pill beliefs have destroyed men, made them kill women, and commit
suicide. Examples of blue pill beliefs that men are programmed to believe
include oneitis (aka the soul mate myth), equal partnership, true love (aka
unconditional love), being responsible for making women happy, and
communicating with women the way you communicate with men and so on.
Fortunately, men are problem solvers.
Through the internet, men have shared their experiences and developed a
blueprint of female nature. To counter false, comforting beliefs that the blue
pill is, men have developed the red pill, which is about accepting reality as it
is.
The red pill is awareness about reality. The blue pill is a conditioned belief.
Men are slowly but steadily peeling back the mask from the false narrative
they were fed in the last three decades, and it’s getting clearer by the day.
The matrix references; the blue and red pill refer to the comforting lies
society teaches us and the cold, hard reality, respectively.
The blue pill for women teaches women that they are equal to men. It
teaches them that they can build a career first, like men, then gets married
later. It teaches them that their sexuality is evergreen: it never decays.
It teaches them that having a good education and career increases your
sexual marketplace value. It teaches them that what you are on the inside is
what matters (in the sexual marketplace). It teaches them that you can stop,
reverse, or slow down aging (this is the kind of garbage Deepak Chopra was
selling women on Oprah’s shows), your looks don’t matter, your notch count
doesn’t matter and so on. Women even get sold the idea that there are anti-
aging serums and ambrosia, and they spend fortunes on that garbage.
They are many, and I can’t present an exhaustive list. For our purposes, I
will address a few of these comforting lies fed to women. Men are supposed
to maximize their potential in their 20s and early 30s because they have
almost zero sexual marketplace value without it. Secondly, men easily give
up their ambitions for p*ssy once they start getting it in steady supply. That’s
why men are advised against marrying early, and that is why women are
sometimes called dream killers: they can make men stop pursuing their
dreams. After a man has maximized his potential, his status in society and
earnings steadily increase with their SMV into their 40s and 50s. The same
does not apply to women.
Women are at their peak sexual agency between 18 and 30. They are better
off getting a man to settle down by their midtwenties because they are in the
best position to pick the best man available at that time. Female SMV
decreases fast with age. Degrees and nice careers cannot make up for the
decayed sexual agency.
But blue pill thinking will tell them that their sexual agency is evergreen.
That they can hold off marriage like men and still farewell. That at 38, they
still have the same SMV as they did when they were 26. This is simply false.
Biology came up with something called menopause, geriatric pregnancy, and
ageing. Furthermore, successful men, unfortunately, pick women based on
their looks and age, not their careers and degrees.
At my workplace, I have been invited to several weddings of male
colleagues. Most of the ladies start doing well, and you see no wedding
invitation forthcoming. We see a shift from a Toyota to a C class Mercedes,
and later we hear they have become side chicks to married sperm donors. It
is becoming a trend. An unsustainable luxury lifestyle of intrigue is
apparently preferable to getting married to a young man with an ordinary
job.
Anyways, back to our topic. Blue pill conditioning has made several women
remain frozen in their past image even as they age. This is the problem my
friend and Paulina are suffering from.
I came short of telling my friend Bri, “You are no longer 25!” but you know
women. I would never be forgiven.
As Prof Warren said, men are success objects, and women are beauty
objects48.
A man without success is not worth much in the sexual marketplace, just like
a woman without beauty.
However, a woman without beauty can use her wealth/success to get a low-
value man.
To bring it home to Nairobi, Esther, 52, being a realist, was able to get
Guardian Angel, 32, because she used her money to make up for her low
SMV. She also picked a young man who is a struggling musician with no
status and who had not yet maximized his potential. Wambui Otieno did the
same with Mbugua.
Now, imagine if Esther insisted on getting a wealthy, educated man in his
40s who has a great career and who has status.
Such a man will be looking for a beautiful young woman, not a grandma.
Her goals would be at odds with reality, and she would end up frustrated.
Look at Jason Momoa. He also married a woman 11 years his senior. Now at
43, he is at his prime. 23-yearolds are grovelling at his feet for attention. As
sure as day follows night, he has divorced her.
Esther is using the same template many older women like Erykah Badu are
using today. A broke, struggling musician who young girls are rejecting can
easily “love” a 52-year-old moneyed woman in the cougar phase. There is a
clear transaction taking place there.
Many women supported the union not because they believed “love wins” but
because Esther was vicariously living their own private fantasies of their
blue pill romantic ideal.
What they don’t realize is that Esther paid for it. She is not entitled to it the
way they are.
It is just as important for women to discard blue pill beliefs if they want
success in their relationships and life. Social construction cannot trump
reality.
We cannot change biology.

Listen And Apologize

Someone DMd me about meeting an older man who advised him not to
listen to his wife if he wants a peaceful marriage. He asked me what the old
man meant.

Did his advice have any merit?

Obviously, you have to talk and agree on many things in any marriage. You
must listen to each other and cooperate to achieve a vision.
But as a man, you must be wise in how you listen to her. It would be best if
you were more discerning in your communication. Your wife is not a man.
Don’t treat her like a man. Don’t listen to her as you would listen to a man.
This is what the old man meant.
I will explain in full detail why.
There are times you should listen, and there are times you shouldn’t listen.
When a woman is truly in her feminine, she doesn’t mind following your
lead, and you will not need to listen to her – she will be happy to follow your
lead. Consider when she visits your rural home for the first time; she does
what you tell her. She will not tell you what to do because she believes you
have mastered the environment.
She trusts your leadership. When you change the tyre and tell her to hand
you something, she will do so without asking. Because she believes you are
competent.
Here is why there are moments that you shouldn’t listen to her as you would
listen to a man.
Since most of you are believers, I will start by quoting a verse from the
Bible. In Genesis 3, when God is punishing Adam, he explains why he is
punishing him.
Genesis 3:7 says, To Adam, he said, “Because you listened to your wife….”
Why did God say this? It was because, by listening to Eve, Adam was
copping out from the leadership God had given him. He was abdicating his
responsibility.
In the course of your relationship, one day, she will hug you tightly and tell
you that you are a wonderful man. The best she has ever known. Maybe you
will have just had sex, and dopamine is doing whatever dopamine does. Or
you just had a wonderful dinner, or you gifted her something she has always
wanted. She will tell you all these nice things.
If you listen to her, allow your chest to fill with pride, and let this get into
your head, you have unwittingly given her power to move you off-centre.
Women are emotional. One day, in the heat of the moment, when you are
having a severe disagreement, she will tell you, “You are the most useless
man I have ever met. Idiot!” She will not say it because she means it.
She will say it because she is mad.
This will cut you so deep, my brother. If you listened to her the first time,
this insult would pose an existential threat to your integrity. You will see red
and get very angry if you take it to heart. You may react without thinking
and do irreversible damage.
This is how people end up committing homicide.
The way to prevent that? Don’t listen to her. Hear what she says but know
who you are.
Women say what they feel, not necessarily, what is true. Men tend to convey
information when they speak, not feelings. Do not hang onto her words as
affirmations, confidence boosters, compliments, or comforting words. If you
do, you give her your power.
Do not be upset by her insults either. Giving an emotional person your power
is like giving a child a loaded gun. Remember, manipulation and gaslighting
can only take place if you’re listening. Be your frame of reference.
On an ordinary day, she will tell you, “Your beard is unkempt. I’m not too
fond of it. I think you should shave it.” Or, “why do you like wearing those
loafers? They make you look like a mubaba. Lose them.”
It could be a test - what is known as competency tests or shit tests. Or it
could be a genuine sentiment. Regardless, don’t listen to her. If you want the
beard, keep the beard. Be your mental point of origin. Steer your ship. A
captain does not listen to what the crew thinks is the right direction unless he
is an incompetent captain. Did you tell your father where to buy your school
uniform?
If you shave the beard 90% of the time, that will not be the end of it. You
will have failed a competency test and entered her frame. Next, she will tell
you to stop listening to certain music. Then she will tell you to stop talking a
certain way, stop drinking a particular drink, and so on. She will soon be
running your life. You will be her b*tch.
Now, several things could be happening when she tells you to do something
contrary to what you are expressly doing.
One, most of the time, she is just saying what she feels. And what she feels
will change from day to day. It is not necessarily logical or well thought out,
and she probably doesn’t need to verbalize it. But women like talking. If you
decide to go down to the brass tacks and question why she is saying what
she is saying, you will find that it is grounded on nothing solid, and she
probably hasn’t thought much about it. You do not have to do what she says
unless it is grounded in fact, not feelings.
The best move is, don’t listen to her. You can probably say why you are
doing what you are doing, so long as it doesn’t elicit a debate. Do what you
think is best from your mental point of origin.
Two, and more importantly, doing what she tells you will make her think
you have low confidence. Women want confident men. If you show low
confidence, you move to the feminine.
Feminine men make women masculine. Capitulating means you have
stepped away from the leadership role – you are now listening to her the way
soldiers listen to their commanders.
Women will always take power when they sense a power vacuum. If you do
what she says, you’re telling her to be the alpha in the relationship. She will
grab the reins and ride you so hard. You will weep.
Three, once she becomes the alpha, many women start the program of
making you her b*tch. Women derive a unique pleasure from seeing others
suffer. It is called schadenfreude (mucene is just schadenfreude). That is why
many women will rush to be with their friends when they call crying about
being dumped or cheated on by their men – while the same women may not
show up at the graduation parties for the same friends.
She will send you on errands and enjoy watching you squirm and become a
b*tch, basically enjoying twisting the blade and the rush of power.
When she realizes you’re not a leader and have low confidence, her
attraction lowers, and she loses respect for you. That is how you lose your
conjugal rights or get cuckolded. You can’t make her wet when you are
weak, and any sex you get from there is either transactional or obligatory.
No genuine burning desire. Genuine burning desire will be for men she
respects, not bitches like you.
Listen to yourself. Be the leader. Trust in yourself. And when you make
mistakes, correct yourself. Do not apologize either.
Remember, women are emotional, and every interaction is an exchange of
energies, not facts. Women see apologies as a form of supplication.
Apologizing for a mistake and explaining your errors will lower her respect
for you. When you are apologizing, you are occupying a subaltern position:
you are like a subordinate trying to remain in the good graces of his superior.
Admitting you f*cked up may be noble among men. Among women, not
very much, especially a woman you’re trying to lead.
As they say, when you speak, you remove all doubt. Let her wonder whether
you were actually wrong.
It is better to be known as unable to accept your mistakes than apologizing
like a weak man who has no idea what he is doing. If you feel a strong need
to apologize, you may copy Bill Clinton and say, “mistakes happened” or “I
realize this has hurt you.”
Do not defend yourself either. You are not perfect. Don’t protect. Correct
yourself and move on without supplicating to her.
Correction of your mistakes is a personal issue and should not be part of an
agenda to win her over. Just clean up your mess the same way you wipe your
behind: you don’t need to explain to anyone why you are doing it. You know
you have to do it. Get it done. Period. Her friends will be posting photos
cruising in Dubai. She will tell you that life is about memories, not just
paying bills and living a boring life. She will tell you to take a loan to go for
a holiday and buy a nice car. You take the loan, go for a holiday that you
enjoy immensely, and buy the car, making people think you are winning in
life.
When you lose your job and they repossess the car, and you have no safety
net to protect your family from the financial mess, who do you think she will
blame?
Do you think she will take responsibility for being the one who suggested
you get into debt?
No. Therefore, hear her out, but make yourself your mental point of origin in
all significant decisions.
Our fathers did not teach us this.

When Women Kill Their Own Babies

When we were growing up, our mums were the best. They always made sure
we bathed, wore clean, nice clothes, and ate warm, delicious food. Whenever
daddy punished us, mummy would comfort us. We would hold onto her skirt
and empty buckets of tears on it as she soothed us. She even wiped our
mucus with her own skirt. Mummy is the one that begged us to eat when we
were sick. Over time, we realized mummy really felt our pain. Our mother
becomes the best chef and miracle worker.

Mum can make a delicious meal out of almost nothing. In Swahili, we were taught
that
mapenzi ya mama hayana mwisho. We would sing “Naskia Sauti, sauti ya
mama…” at lunchtime in

school. Our voices would make the windows rattle when we sang out loud
about mum. Mummy is fantastic. We grew up associating our mothers only
with good things. Heck, Arianda Grande went ahead and sang God is a Woman.
Later on, we heard grown men praising their mothers for influencing them to
be who they were, further entrenching our impression about the power of a
mother. Out in the streets, we would see how women, moved by compassion,
would beg bloodthirsty mobs of men to spare the life of a bloodied thief.
Most times, the mobs proceeded to mete out the justice as the distressed
women wailed or kept away from the terrible scene. And we thought women
were so full of compassion and could do anything to preserve or spare the
life of a human being. We read about Florence Nightingale helping injured
men and Mother Theresa of Calcutta being the icon of love and compassion.

In Kings, a story is recounted of two mothers living in the same house, each
the mother of an infant son, who came to Solomon. One of the babies had
been smothered, and each claimed the remaining boy as her own. It was a
great dispute which was brought to Solomon.

Calling for a sword, Solomon declared his judgment: the baby would be cut
in two, each woman to receive half. According to the story, the baby’s real
mother said, “Please don’t kill my son,” the baby’s mother screamed. “Your
Majesty, I love him very much but give him to her. Just don’t kill him.”

And we thought, wow. Nothing beats mother’s love. But I wondered in my

youth, was King Solomon serious about cutting the baby in half? What if
none of the women objected?

In my second year at the university, I came across a baby thrown in a rubbish

heap. I was crossing to a neighbouring estate when I saw a crowd gathered at
a rubbish dump. I pushed my way to see what was so fascinating. I saw a
baby curled in a fetal position wrapped in blood-caked paper. It was so
small. The head was bulbous, and he looked pale. I saw his stomach rise and
fall as he breathed.

It was alive! I gasped.

A dog, it was said, had eaten some of his fingers. The baby was later taken
away by police. This stayed with me for a long time. It was like a knot in the
pit of my stomach. Why would someone throw away a living child after
carrying them for nine months? Why throw them in the rubbish? Why not
abandon them on a bus or a bus stage? What would move a woman to do
this? I struggled with these questions but got no answers.
As I came of age, I realized that girls who got children very early often left
them with their parents to go out and get an education or get married. In
Luo’s cultural beliefs, it was said that Children born out of wedlock stole the
blessings of the other kids. For this reason, infanticides were orchestrated for
such children. They were discreetly drowned in wells; they developed
strange illnesses or whatever. In any event, one way or another, they ended
up dead.
Anyway, I later heard about debates about legalizing abortion. I remember
arguing with female colleagues about first trimester abortions the importance
of avoiding coat-hanger abortions in the alleys to save young girls. Most of
us wasted time splitting hairs about when life begins and saving the mother’s
life. Looking back, I can only sympathize with myself.
It was only much later that I realized abortion has nothing to do with ethics,
morals, or life. Abortion is just a fail-safe for failed hypergamy. In places
where records are kept (abortion records are often not kept), 93 to 96 percent
of abortions are elective. Only about 3% of abortions are performed to save
the mother’s life. Legalizing abortion and marital rape go hand in hand with
nofault divorce: they address failed hypergamy.
Having the child of a suboptimal man poses an existential crisis for women.
For many women, not all women, once they realize that they chose the
wrong man, the drive to correct that bad reproductive choice is so primal that
even if it means killing another human being, they will do it. That is why
women have pushed so hard for the legalization of abortion.
When Lions take over a pride, the first thing they do is kill all the cubs
brutally. As much as Lionesses are very strong, people say they don’t defend
the cubs because Lions are way too strong. Really? Anyway, the lionesses
quickly go into oestrus. They mate with the lions multiple times for close to
twenty hours straight to ensure the paternity of the forthcoming cubs is
unknown. Do they go into oestrus because they sense that more competent
lions have taken over the pride or because their cubs are dead? I have always
wondered.
This brings us to what Rollo Tomassi calls kill to party.
Kill to party is a term used by Rollo Tomassi to describe the female dynamic
that has always been there but was first witnessed publicly in Orlando,
Florida. Here is the story.
On June 16, 2008, a two-year-old girl, Caylee, was reported missing in
Orlando, Florida. Her mother, Casey Anthony, was arrested and charged with
child neglect the next day. She claimed that the babysitter had disappeared
with her baby. Six months later, skeletal remains that were later determined
to be Caylee’s were found in a wooded area.
The Florida Department of Children and Families concluded that Anthony
was responsible for her daughter’s death because her “actions or the lack of
actions ... ultimately resulted or contributed in the death of the child.” The
prosecution found Anthony to be a liar, and she was convicted of four counts
of lying to police.
However, the government failed to establish how Caylee died. They couldn’t
find her mother’s DNA on the duct tape they said was used to suffocate her.
After a trial of a month and a half, the jury took less than 11 hours to find
Anthony not guilty of firstdegree murder, aggravated manslaughter, and
aggravated child abuse. Anthony served about three years in prison while
awaiting trial and was later released after this highly publicized case.
Now, Anthony’s case is just one well-documented one. Throughout my life, I
have read dozens of reported cases of babies abandoned in hospitals, babies
found thrown in garbage heaps, and I personally witnessed a few babies
retrieved from latrines, sometimes alive, sometimes dead. The knee-jerk
reaction by the witnesses is to judge the woman as demented, evil, or
bewitched. I later learned that this is rarely the case. The pathology of
mothers who do this is often the party animals driven by hedonistic pleasure
and full-frontal hypergamy – they are often women in their late teens or
twenties.
The time between twenty years and twenty-seven years in a woman’s life is
when a woman’s sexual agency is at its peak, and she parties like nonsense.
Rollo Tomassi calls them the “party years,” others call it the “hoe phase.”
Having a baby during the party years can kill the party, which can be a huge
problem for women because of FOMO. This is when many women readily
abort or give birth and throw away fetuses, which is why Rollo calls this
dynamic “kill to party.” The Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) is so intense in
women at this stage that they can kill just so that they can get back to
partying and optimizing their sexual agency. This is a notion we would never
have imagined, considering how we were raised. In Florida, we behold a
case of a mother who killed her baby so that she could go back to partying.
She admitted to lying to the police about the circumstances surrounding the
disappearance of her baby, and her baby’s remains were found. Yet was still
set free. She was not bipolar or mentally ill. She was an ordinary, healthy
young woman.
We grew up thinking a mother’s nurturing instinct is so intense and primal.
We grew up thinking that women are driven by empathy as a superseding
emotion above all else. Now grown up, we appreciate that women
sometimes prioritize getting the right man over caring for their own babies.
Women are sometimes filled with the intense existential fear of missing out
on the party scene and failing to meet the right man because of being tied
down by a baby. Because of hypergamy, nightclubs are full of mothers with
young babies left at home with no one watching over them. Women are
compassionate and nurturing. But hypergamy makes some of them cold. It
makes them go to dark places and do dark things. Hypergamy can make
some women kill their babies so as to go party.
Our fathers did not teach us this.

The Protector Dynamic

One blustery night in 2017, Mike, a marketer with a training institution,

stepped out of Carnivore Simba Salon in Nairobi and walked to the parking
area.

It was Rhumba night, and the crowd inside was swaying to the melody the
DJ was playing. Nairobi ladies could make their tails move, wah! Mike
mused as the cold night air washed across his warm cheeks.

He was feeling lightheaded and wanted some air.

The parking lot was fully occupied. Madilu’s Nzele was blaring through the
speakers. The song made him nostalgic, and he remembered his college
sweetheart Rita.
He remembered her eyes as deep as the ocean and those thick, full lips he
could never have enough of. They would often dance with her ample behind
nestled on his crotch, his long arms wrapped possessively around her waist.
The memory of their sensual dance made his heart ache.
A couple was engaged in animated conversation next to a Toyota Noah a few
meters ahead. They didn’t seem friendly; they waved their hands and
adopted defensive postures. Mike looked up.
They were arguing.
The guy spoke sharply, and the lady pushed him away from her.
He stepped back and almost lost his balance.
He lost it and struck the lady hard across the face with his open hand in a
flash.
“Paaa!” The blow rang out as flesh collided with flesh. People within earshot
flinched and turned to look at them.
The lady cried in pain, her hands flying to her cheek.
The guy raised his hand to strike her again but hands as hard as iron wrapped
around his wrist, restraining him.
He looked up.
It was Mike.
“Enough,” Mike said simply.
“And who the f*ck are you, asshole?”
“The guy who is your size,” Mike said. Mike had been a rugby player, and
he could take this kid. Easy work, he thought.
“You think you are so tough, huh?” The guy asked. He was drunk. Mike
ignored him.
“Are you okay, ma’am?” Mike asked the lady, turning away from the guy.
The man pulled something from his hip and pointed it at Mike’s chest in one
fluid motion. They say you never know how you will react until the
grenade’s pin has been pulled. Mike froze as he looked at the weapon that
gleamed before him.
Two shots rang out as the lady screamed.
Mike’s knees buckled as the shots knocked him back.
Then, he grabbed his chest and looked at the blood seeping between his
fingers in shock. He coughed, spraying blood from his mouth.
“You shot me,” he said feebly as his eyes latched on the shooter in shock.
His feet became jelly, and he struggled to stay upright.
Mike collapsed in the parking lot as the girl screamed her head off. He was
pronounced dead when they arrived at Langata hospital a mile away.
Mike, like many men, died while trying to protect a woman he didn’t even
know. This instinct to protect women, even at the risk of losing our own
lives, is called the male protector dynamic and is the dynamic behind what
we know as white nights.
It is the kind of male behaviour that makes men disposable, often at the
behest of women. Some ladies intentionally foment discord to see men start
wars over them. Some do it for their own private amusement, while others
do it as a shit test to see your masculine aggression. A woman you’re
involved with can come and tell you how someone has done something
terrible and propose that you take action as if you’re her attack dog. Often,
they exaggerate issues and fabricate indignation just to see if they can use
their sexual agency to manipulate you into action, calling you weak if you’re
reluctant, and so on. Many men, either wrapped in the saviour schema or
wanting to please, get caught up in that crap.
Many neighbours have got into fights because their wives have instigated
those fights. “Ako an madharau sana,” you will be told. “He thinks there’s no real
man in this house,” etc.
Many have lost their lives because of this instinct to come to the defence of
women. Indeed, in many clubs, bouncers flatten guys who aggressively
come into the defence of their out-of-control, bellicose girlfriends.
The Israeli army realized several missions suffered whenever women were
in the mission team. Upon investigating, they realized that the male soldiers
were so preoccupied with protecting the female soldiers that they took their
eyes off the main goal.
Guys, you’re not superman. They say that it is from the ruins of a brave
man’s house that we point at the house of a coward.
The Ole Sereni incident in 2021 that cost the twins a lot of money and
potentially destroyed lives was caused by two women who dragged the men
into their catfight. The CCTV footage showed the guys had no issue until the
women pulled them into their drama.
Women will often instigate conflict and create drama to make you react
violently.
Do not. And stay away from problematic women who like drama. You are
not anyone’s guard dog.
Beware of this dynamic and let it not be used to manipulate you to get
yourself in harm’s way. Do not die for a woman. Do not be a white night.
Most women would never die for you.
Our fathers did not teach us this.

The Saviour Schema

Fred is a father of two in Nairobi. He is trying to pick the pieces after

COVID19 swept through his life like a hurricane. He worked with an NGO
that ran aground after Donors couldn’t support them past the COVID 19
lockdowns for about five years.
After Fred’s savings ran out, his wife, Stacy, a small business owner,
accused him of messing with the house girl and kicked him out. She told
people he respected about this and made it a huge issue——when he angrily
asked the house girl if she did anything inappropriate to her, she went quiet,
and the wife told him to stop intimidating her.

Fred left home protesting his innocence but did so for his peace of mind.
Later, he realized that the wife was still staying with the same house girl.
Fred went back home, saying that by his wife still keeping the housegirl, it
was an indication that his wife knew there was nothing between him and the
house girl.

He said he was not leaving. Whoever wants to leave can leave, he declared.
Well, Stacy packed and left with the kids and the house girl. He had a semi-
empty house to himself. She went back home to her parents.
What do I do? I am losing my family, Fred asked his friends.
Stacy was two years older than him. He met her when she was broke with a
son from a previous relationship. They struck a friendship, and he
occasionally helped her out financially and treated her son lavishly during
his birthdays.
The son quickly loved this generous man who had befriended his mother.
Stacy pointed out how Fred was such a fantastic father figure and said he
was good with kids. She would playfully punch him on the shoulder and tell
him he could become a great father one day.
Fred was brought up by strict parents and learned to be on the good side by
complying with the set rules.
He was a well-spoken guy, given to laughing loudly, and was often quick to
offer to buy drinks for his friends. His claim to fitness is wearing those ill-
fitting ManU jerseys and memorizing the EPL calendar. He lifted a lot,
especially with his right hand but in the pub, not in the gym. His belly was a
testament to his lifestyle. Fred had not been very successful in his previous
relationships and had sort of “left women alone.”
That is until he met Stacy.
Stacy, of course, had a lot of frustrations with men and, being older, knew
precisely how to handle Fred——who was at the time an incel——very
horny. Fred listened to her frustrations and told her he was not like the other
guys, and for his performance, she gave him mind-blowing sex. within a
short period, he was in her spell.
It was so good that Fred decided to take Stacy off the market and make her
his wife.
In the sexual marketplace, most men look at single mothers as low-hanging
fruits. Of course, some men don’t, and many wonderful single mothers can
make great wives.
But many men regard them as such. Most men typically date single mothers
to smash it and keep it moving. Many men date single mothers but marry
single girls. Ask single mothers, and they will tell you how there are no real
men out there——because, in the sexual marketplace, guys don’t take them
seriously. But there will always be guys who can’t handle rejections from the
single girls, like Fred, or guys who lack game and just want it easy.
Most men don’t want to be playing stepdads raising someone else’s kids.
Imagine moving from a single life where you walk around the house naked
to a situation where you have to deal with a reluctant kid, her grumpy and
ill-tempered dad, and the mother. How many women want that for their sons
as their first shot at marriage? Most women will tell you they don’t want that
for their sons. Men’s biological instinct is to secure paternity and spend their
resources raising their own offspring, not another dude’s kids like a cuck.
Secondly, men also know that as much as they will be expected to cater to
stepchildren, they will have no authority over them. Often, single mothers
will always place the kids before their stepfathers, and lastly, there are
several single women out there without kids. Why would a single guy
choose a woman who is strapped with someone else’s kid?
But Fred was not aware of all these considerations.
He was getting laid, and soon a baby was on the way. Stacy moved in, and
they started a family. Fred continued living his life as usual. He thought that
because he had solved Stacy’s problem and got her off the market, she would
henceforth appreciate him and cherish him. After all, he had overlooked her
age and agreed to adopt her kid. She was no longer stranded and could now
walk out in public with her family in tow like a “proper” woman. She
proudly posted family photos on social media. He loved her and planned to
spend the rest of his life with her. She had social proof. She was sorted.
Right?
Wrong. As soon as he stopped being an asset, Stacy left him.
First of all, solving a woman’s problem and expecting intimacy, or loyalty in
exchange, is a beta male expectation. Beta males use transactions to get
women, not realizing that there is no reciprocity in relationships.
The notion that if you “save” her, she will give you sex in return is what
Rollo Tomassi calls the “saviour schema.”
This schema is what makes men instinctively stop in a storm to help a
strange woman fix her tyre. It’s what makes men help women out of
financial problems, run errands for them, and so on. (it is not to be confused
with the protector dynamic——which is similar). It is an instinct in our
firmware. And in a state of nature, it could probably work and give us
results. I saved you from a bear? You are now mine; we shall pair bond, have
sex, make a family and deal with bears together.
However, it does not work today.
It does not work is because it’s a form of negotiated desire.
You want her to have sex with you because she owes you sex, not because
she wants to have sex with you. Today’s women do not want obligated sex.
They want to have sex with men they desire— this is one of the influences
of feminism.
Over time, women have increasingly made access to their intimacy
unassailable. Many are quick to remind men that no amount of effort can
merit that intimacy. We know the meme where a woman scoffs with outrage
at a man who has been buying her food and drinks, asking him, “You think
because you have bought me a drink, I should have sex with you?”
The implication is that there is no reciprocity between whatever you do for a
woman and what she gives you in exchange – her intimacy is invaluable.
Recall the story that put Shaffie Weru in problems about a frustrated chump
who threw a woman off a balcony because she refused to have sex with him
after all the food and drinks he had bought her? That’s how badly women
resist obligatory sex.
Bro, if there is no genuine desire, you can’t bank on it, however much you
have put in.
Gentlemen, don’t be nice. Don’t save anybody and buy no free gifts for a
woman you desire.
Do not bend over backward to show that you are a good person with a
generous spirit and willing to forgive her past and overlook her flaws.
Hypergamy doesn’t care about your sacrifices.
Hypergamy doesn’t do quid pro quo.
No fair exchange applies when it comes to intersexual dynamics. Expecting
that transaction is an aspect of the saviour schema.
Desire is not rational, and that is why you should never make it your job to
convince a woman to stay with you.
Desire does not follow logical formulae.
As soon as you feel the need to articulate why you’re her best option or feel
that you have to do something nice to get her, you have already lost.
Our fathers did not teach us this.

The Disposable Sex

Growing up, our dads always had that seat nobody was allowed to sit on
except him. And when he roared, everyone went silent. He was the ndume in
the house. In the village, during mealtimes, the men were prioritized first,
and women catered for the men’s comfort. In a sense, this was a reward for
being the providers. That made sense.

But what happens during moments of crisis? What roles do men play when
the family, or the society, is facing imminent danger?
If a thug kicked down your door and came storming in, as the man, you are
expected to face them before they harm your family, even if it results in your
own death.
If you ran off to save yourself, you would be called a spineless coward. In
Islam, when their communities are threatened by enemies, male martyrs are
promised 72 virgin maidens in paradise as a reward for their sacrifice.
Martyrdom is the ultimate expression of faith, even in Christianity. Jesus
died on the cross for our sins.
Men leave their families and go to wars to defend their territories and
ideologies. Many do not come back home. In massacres, often, men are
slaughtered, and women and children are preserved. In the movie Titanic,
Jack freezes to death in the icy water as he holds Rose afloat on a doorframe
while he stays in the water. The men drowned in the ship as they surrendered
the lifeboats to women and children.
In divorce cases, kids automatically are given to the mother, and the guy
loses at least half of his stuff.
Today, in the US, there is no-fault divorce in some states. This means your
wife can leave you without any reason. “You ain’t shit” is now codified in
law.
In the war bride dynamic, which is seen in all major wars involving military
occupation like the Korean War, Vietnam war, and the second world war,
women marry the men that came to kill their husbands and brothers.
A recent survey indicated that, given a scenario where a terrorist forced a
woman to choose who to kill between their husbands or children, most
women would choose the husband to be killed over their children.
Men who marry single mothers face the challenge of coming last. The
women’s priorities and allegiance often lie with the child. It’s referred to as
“responsibility without authority.” This means they will expect you to pay
school fees and cater to the kids’ needs, but you cannot discipline them when
they misbehave. “You’re not my father!” will be defiantly thrown at you,
and you won’t do jack shit. “My kids come first!” most single mothers are
quick to declare.
The Stockholm Syndrome shows that women more readily abandon
emotional investments than men. This is one reason why widows tend to live
far longer after the demise of their husbands than widowers do.
In Nigeria, Boko Haram terrorists routinely kidnapped boys as toy soldiers
to recruit into their army and fight alongside them. But when they kidnapped
girls from Chibok, Michelle Obama came out with a long face holding the
placard “Bring Back our Girls.”
Women drive the world economy today, yet men earn more than women.
Married men earn more than single men. But it’s because the wives push
their husbands with mounting demands. The dynamic that drives this is
female hypo agency.
From time immemorial, men risked their lives to hunt dangerous animals to
feed their families. So, even today, men still work hard, and their wives
spend the money the men earn. This is why women have become so
powerful. All major media houses pander to them. Shaffie Weru and DJ
Mfalme had to be fired because the women now control what is put out in
the mainstream media. If you say anything women don’t like, you have to
go.
Many men die poor because they spent their entire lives catering to their
wives and kids and had no room for creating a safety net for themselves on
retirement.
As men, we attach virtues like honour and duty to our disposability, and we
call men who choose self-preservation over disposability cowards. We say
they are selfish. In terms of our evolutionary psychology, women have
evolved to expect us to sacrifice ourselves for them and for the family,
including our lives.
In turn, as we see in the war bride dynamic, women have also equipped
themselves to readily disconnect from their men to survive.
This means that the only permanent thing is hypergamy.
Our fathers did not teach us this.

Briffault’s Law & Men’s Diminishing Returns

I narrated Denno’s story earlier. To recap, Denno, a Nakuru banker, got a

bare-footed form two drop-out girl from a poor family wasting away in the
village in Karachuonyo with a bleak future yawning ahead of her.

He married her, gave her a good life, sorted her parents built them a house,
had kids with her, and took her to a Teacher’s Training college. She was a
brilliant girl who did well in college. As soon as she cleared teaching
practice, she left him and later zeroed him out, taking off with all household
goods when he had just lost his job with KCB. This desertion drove Denno
to the brink of insanity.

Then there is Fred’s story which I narrated under the Saviour Schema. Fred
married Stacy, a bartender who was a stranded single mother. She later
dumped him when her business, which he helped her start, was doing well,
and he had lost his job.

As soon as he stopped being an asset, that is, as soon as he lost his cushy
NGO job, Stacy left him.
When Melinda Gates saw no more purpose in staying with Bill Gates, she
divorced him. The same thing happened to Jeff Bezos and millions of other
men. This has led men to coin this expression that if you are a married man,
it is only because your wife still finds you useful.
This brings us to Briffault’s law.
This law was formulated by Robert Briffault (1876-1948), an English
surgeon, anthropologist, and author. In sociology, many experts treat it as a
scientific law.
Briffault’s law says that “The female, not the male, determines all the
conditions of the animal family. Where the female can derive no benefit
from association with the male, no such association takes place.”
This law also implies the following (also called Corollaries):
1. Past benefits provided by the male do not provide for continued or future
association.

2. Any agreement where the male provides a current benefit in return for a
promise of future association is null and void as soon as the male has
provided the benefit (see corollary 1).

3. A promise of future benefit has limited influence on current/future

association, with the influence inversely proportionate to the length of time
until the benefit will be given and directly proportionate to the degree to
which the female trusts the male.

In economic terms, Briffault’s law means that the male within a relationship
is subject to the law of diminishing returns. Meaning he continually has to
offer something. Benefits in the past are rendered void, and his promise to
do so is worthless if he fails to provide future benefits in time.

That benefit can be various things: companionship, status, money, good

genes for offspring, protection, and so on. Briffault’s law holds true for
whatever kind of relationship: a long-lasting marriage, or one that ends in
divorce, or a one-night stand, or seeing a prostitute (the transactional
relationship ends as soon as the paid-for act is done).

Briffault’s law highlights both female hypergamy and the nonreciprocal

nature of most relationships.
Our fathers did not teach us this.

Women Who Play Hard To Get

In Urban cities today, it is becoming a trend in marriages for career women

to leave their husbands. As we know, when a woman has her own money,
she no longer needs a man for money. And when a woman has her money
and kids, many times, she starts looking at the man as a sperm donor whose
work is done and is now just a nuisance to be kicked to the kerb.

This is more so if the guy is out of shape, is weak financially, is beta, lacks
drive, lacks ambition, and generally lacks any exciting long-term prospects
that she can foresee.
If the man exhibits the above attributes, she no longer views him as an asset
and instead sees him as someone that is blocking her from exploiting her
options in the sexual marketplace, particularly if she feels her SMV is still
decent. Of course, this is a challenge that will be faced by men who have
wives that feel they still have sexual agency.

Women in no man’s land and beyond don’t bother their partners much. Most
women with active social media accounts, below 40 and have taken good
care of themselves generally feel their SMV is decent. If they feel the beta
orbiters in their DMs can commit, they will be willing to kick out their
husbands and get a stepdad with more money and/or muscle to ride out the
rest of the journey with.

In most cases, other than red flags like daddy issues, high notch counts, BPD
issues, and other dysfunctions, you can trace these breaking marriages to a
feature we find at the inception of many relationships.

It is the belief in the lie that women play hard to get. One of the worst advice
young men get out here is that women play hard to get. Men are told that
women like men who don’t give up easily. This foul advice is particularly
dished out by women.
So what do young men do? They see a woman they are interested in, and
they start pursuing her.
The woman shows no interest, no choosing signals, the woman even tells
him no.
You think he listens? He doesn’t listen.
He continues pursuing her.
He is locked in. His messages are ignored. She flakes his dates. She even
disrespects him.
He thinks that’s all part of her playing hard to get.
In reality, she doesn’t regard him as her best option. She sees him as a beta
male. She knows she can do better, and she has her sights elsewhere. As she
continues treating this horny numbnut as crap, she is busy sending choosing
signals to her alpha and trying to make herself available to him.
For most of these women, if the competition takes the alpha away and they
feel their SMV is declining rapidly, they decide to settle for the beta male
who has been pursuing them.
This is why, after a long pursuit, we suddenly find a woman who used to
reject us, making herself available and even willing to settle down.
We are thrilled!
We consider ourselves lucky! Our efforts paid off!. Persistence works! We
think.
In reality, the lady, because of her biological clock, FOMO (Fear Of Missing
Out), and the pain of losing her alpha, decides to settle down. She is doing so
because she has resigned herself to her fate.
This means she is actually going against her hypergamic imperatives
because circumstances have conspired to make her do this.
These are the women who ride their men hard, demanding an expensive
marriage, becoming drama queens in the relationship, and basically
extending the crappy behavior that the slob has been tolerating from day
one.
The guy, operating from the point of scarcity, and seeing himself as lucky to
have her, doesn’t want to screw things up.
So he plays along. He doesn’t say what he wants and she makes him his
bitch. He doesn’t want to rock the boat. He pedestalizes her and ignores her
bad behavior. These are the guys who go with the “happy wife, happy life”
crap. They are the self-deprecating guys who say at parties and family
gatherings, “I don’t know why she ever settled for a dumb guy like me.”
So the relationship starts off from this wrong foot.
This woman resents this guy because he doesn’t measure up to her alpha.
She lacks a genuine burning desire for him and roughs him up with
gaslighting, endless shit tests, emotional and psychological abuse. The sex
with him is transactional, and he is the type of guy that is routinely denied
sex if he doesn’t comply to her demands. These are the guys who engage in
chore play and become emotional tampons.
Because she wants to be validated, she is the kind of woman who will post
provocative thirst-trap photos on her wall as she continues seeking her alpha.
She will party hard into the marriage as she prowls the world for her alpha.
And it is just a matter of time before she finds him.
Soon, she is cheating. The guy discovers, gets hurt, and walks away crying.
She is surprised that the guy has some nuts. How dare he walk away from
me? She asks. Was she wrong about him? She doubts herself.
This is where guys make the biggest blunder. Stay close.
She asks him to come back to her. “The kids miss you,” she tells him.
Being beta as F, he wipes away his tears and sniffles like a big ass puppy. “I
love you,” she says to break him. He breaks. They hug and have some cheap
ass make-up sex.
Then he goes back home like a pansy-ass who can’t stay in the cold. After
two days, she realizes this guy is beta as f. She was right about him all
along! How could I be so stupid? She kicks herself. She goes back to
cheating.
He gets mad. She provokes him to do something. He probably hits her,
becomes a hopeless alcoholic or sleeps with the house girl. They can no
longer coordinate things.
The marriage is dysfunctional and comes to a grinding halt. Everybody
agrees this is the best for everyone. “Irreconcilable differences” is what we
are told because there are gaping wounds from both sides at this point.
She runs into the arms of her alpha.
Guys, a woman who sees you as her best option will never play hard to get.
Get rid of that idea.
A woman who wants you will choose you. She will make herself available
for you. She will qualify herself for you. She will break rules for you and
will leave no doubt in your mind that she wants you. She will never flake,
ask you to put a ring on it first and so on.
If a woman plays hard to get, please, please let her be.
Remember, the fact that one woman sees you as beta doesn’t mean all
women will see you as beta.
There are women out there who will have genuine burning desire for you so
don’t get butt hurt if one woman rejects you.
Be patient, keep chasing excellence, put yourself out there and you will find
her. Guaranteed. Normalizing playing hard to get is often at the root of the
marital trainwrecks you see today.
Do not tolerate it.
Ever.

Manhood and Sacrifice

Tim, 36, is at his local car wash feeling crushed. His Adam’s apple bobs up
and down as dark emotions stir in him. Bile rises up his throat, but he
swallows it back in. He hangs his head low, looking at his cell phone.

But his mind is not there. An hour earlier, he just had a nasty fight with his
wife, Nyaboke.
She wanted him to send money to her mother in Nyamira to buy stock for
her shop. Tim had always advised Nyaboke to tell her mother to hire
someone to assist her with the accounting because he could see how poorly
she was managing the shop, but they would have none of it. The shop was
now being run aground, and they expected him to throw more cash at it.
“I am doing so much here, baby; I have no cash to spare,” Tim had told
Nyaboke.
“What? You have no cash to spare?” She looked at him as if he had just
dropped out of a dog’s behind.
“Can’t you see I am already doing a lot?” Tim asked her plaintively.
“What do you do for me?” Nyaboke yelled, her anger exploding. Her voice
was like a thunderclap.
Things always escalated quickly with Nyaboke. Alarmed, Tim turned and
looked around to ensure the kids weren’t around. He closed the door and
turned to face her.
“I pay the rent, the school fees for the kids, I shop for everything, buy the
food, pay for gas, I fuel the cars, pay our insurance, our car insurance, our
farmhand in shaggs, internet, DSTV, the kids’ clothes….”
“Tatatatata!” Nyaboke hissed dismissively, waving him away like a swarm
of flies. Tim stopped and looked at her.
“Don’t tell me about your responsibilities. You are a man! I asked, W-h-a-t
h-a-v-e y-o-u d-o-n-e f-o-r ME?” She hissed, drawing out the words, her
finger jabbing his chest.
She was in his face, and he could smell her breath. He felt his temper begin
to rise like a tide.
Tim was dumbfounded.
Nyaboke earned about 130k gross as a security manager, while Tim earned
250k gross as a PR professional. Nyaboke had refused to take insurance for
herself and insisted that Tim does it. Tim grudgingly obliged. His father told
him that a man must be ready to take the burden of performance and see his
wife and kids as his responsibility.
He had no savings and thought his wife would help him since she worked
and earned good money. She spent her money on shoes, clothes, the salon,
and her chama. He could never understand how she was comfortable with
that.
“Huh? What have you done for me?” She yelled, drawing him back to
reality. His mind snapped back. His eyes clamped on her as his hands
formed fists, and adrenaline poured into his veins.
He felt his anger well up. He could slap this b*tch into the afterlife. He
looked down at her. He had about one and a half feet above her. He took a
deep breath and walked to the bedroom to cool off.
“Where are you going? Answer me!” She barked, following him.
Tim knew he needed to get out before things went to shit. Ignoring her, he
took the car keys, then remembered he had already washed his car and put
them back in a mug. He rummaged in it, took her car keys, and walked out.
“Yes, ran away like a coward!” She said as he closed the door behind him.
Now he was at the car wash contemplating his life. The midday sun was
warm on his skin. But he felt no warmth. A block of ice sat in the pit of his
stomach. Tim was a good-looking guy, 6 ‘1 tall, and worked with EABL in
Communications and PR. He had a master’s in journalism and was thinking
of opening his own PR company.
He ran his hand across his stomach and felt his pouch. He used to play
basketball regularly at the Kenya Railways club in Community until he met
Nyaboke, then a beautiful girl who would come to cheer her brother, also a
basketballer. Tim had two girlfriends at the time. One was in Mombasa, and
the other was in Nairobi. They weren’t very serious relationships, and he
also had other girls in his DM that he would meet up with in clubs and had
some one-nighters. He wasn’t ready for anything serious. But Nyaboke was
different. She was well endowed, especially from behind, struck him as
ambitious, and had eyes that bewitched him.
They struck a friendship, fell in love, and started a relationship. Nyaboke
quickly found out about the other girls in Tim’s life. She made a big deal
about them, cried buckets, and said they had to go or she would leave him.
He cut them off. He decided to settle down. Every time Tim wanted to go to
basketball practice, Nyaboke would discourage him, telling him to spend
more time with her. He started slacking on his fitness and spent more time
with her. She soon moved in with him, they got married and started a family.
Tim thought about what he had given up to be with Nyaboke, what he was
still sacrificing to be her husband. His dreams, his attractiveness, all the sexy
women he was turning down to be a good husband, all the girlfriends who
called asking why he had to break up with them...and now he couldn’t save
because he was spending everything he earned in his dead-end job.
He realized she was killing his dreams. As he stood there in the shade of a
Jacaranda tree at the car wash, looking at his wife’s car being sprayed with
foam, he realized that, regardless of the sacrifices he made, Nyaboke would
never appreciate what he sacrificed.
This brings us to our topic.
The sharp end of hypergamy was pointed at Tim’s throat.
In a rather brutal fashion, he was learning that hypergamy doesn’t care about
Relational Equity. Was getting pussy in exchange for a lifelong, expected,
entitled commitment worth it? Was the lemon worth the squeeze? He asked
himself.
Tim was learning about women’s inability to appreciate men’s sacrifices.
There is solipsism, but entitlement and being acculturated in a fem-centric
world to view men as a utility add a new dimension to the parasitic attitude.
That’s why when a girl tells her friends that she has met someone new, the
first thing they ask is, “what does he do for a living?”
His occupation is supposed to facilitate a lifestyle for her.
As Rollo Tomassi says, even the most enlightened, appreciative woman you
know still operates in a feminine-centric reality. Women expect men to make
the personal sacrifices necessary to honour, respect, and love them. You’re
supposed to do those things. Did you sacrifice your ambitions and potential
to provide her with a better life? You were supposed to. You resisted
temptation and didn’t cheat on your wife with the hot secretary who was
DTF and ready to go? You were supposed to. Nobody cares.
When a woman says, man up! Manning up generally means sacrificing
yourself or your interests for a feminine imperative.
In Kenya, ladies say his money is ours, my money is mine. And some men
say, happy wife, happy life. Happy wife means bowing to all the dictates of
the wife, even to their own detriment. And this is why some people accuse
women of being dream killers.
Most men, like Tim above, are forced to put off their lifelong dreams just to
meet the immediate, short-term demands of their wives. Tim cant save to
start his own PR company because he is spending everything he is earning to
facilitate Nyaboke’s lifestyle. This is why men must make themselves their
mental point of origin in everything they do.
Why, for example, doesn’t Nyaboke take life insurance for herself? Because
she doesn’t care what happens to her husband and kids if she is out of the
picture. She wouldn’t want him chewing that money with another woman
and would rather not take insurance.
But Tim wants to make sure that his family will be fine in case of his
untimely demise, so he takes insurance. She sees him as an appliance to be
used. Nothing more.
Recall that Briffault’s law states that “the female, not the male, determines
all the conditions of the animal family. Where the female can derive no
benefit from association with the male, no such association takes place.”
The sacrifice expected of married men is the reason many men retire
penniless. Recall that everything a man does has diminishing returns, and
with every new day, it’s forgotten, and he has to do something else. And
what’s more, when men are out there toiling and trying to meet the unending
demands at home, the mothers bond with the kids whose expensive
education he is financing.
Some even manipulate the kids by telling them about the fights they have
had with their father. They tell the kids about the other women their father
has slept with. They lament to them about how he has betrayed her and
abused her. Then when the kids grow up, they ignore dad and only send
money to mum. You find mum traveling to visit the kids abroad as dad is left
in shaggs with bleating goats and cows for company.
Why is sacrifice expected of men? If armed thugs kick down your door, why
are you, the man, supposed to face them and die even though you are out
armed and outnumbered?
In the war bride dynamic, we see how men are sent out to defend the
Community when an invading army attacks a territory.
When they get killed, do you know what their wives do after the men have
sacrificed their lives?
They marry the enemy.
Among the largest and best-documented examples of this were the marriages
between American servicemen and German women, which took place after
World War II. By 1949, over 20,000 German war brides had emigrated to the
United States.
Forty years later, Tim sits in a threadbare, oversized sweater at the veranda
in the village. Nyaboke has flown to Germany to visit their daughter Eileen
who is working as a neurosurgeon and has just got her second child. He
looks at the sunset as the crickets chirp and nightfall approaches. His feet are
ashen, his nails long, and his expression is bleak.
He hasn’t eaten since morning. But he isn’t hungry. His phone never rings.

How Women Communicate

Nick brushed his teeth thoughtfully and looked at his reflection in the mirror.
As he spat the toothpaste foam, he almost missed the sink that was right in
front of him.

He was distracted. He paused, placed his hands on the sink, and

contemplated. From the time they came from their friend Kayla’s birthday,
Anne, his wife, had acted distant. She did not talk to him all the way home,
and they drove in silence after Nick got tired of talking to himself.

He ignored her and put on the car stereo. She turned away and stared out
through the car window, cutting a forlorn look.
“Baby, is there something bothering you?’ Nick asked, his voice crackling
with impatience.
“Nope. Why would you ask me that?” She asked with a smirk, feigning a
puzzled look and rolling her eyes.
“You look a little withdrawn,” he said, not liking how she was acting.
After brushing his teeth, he later joined her in bed. She was in her full war
attire: jumpers, tights, socks, and a bonnet – and she lay facing the wall and
did not turn to cuddle.
He gently touched her shoulder, and she shrugged it away.
She was in her full war attire: hoodie, tights, socks, and a bonnet. Tonight
it’s Nil by mouth, he noted.
“Baby, what’s wrong?” he pleaded.
“Nothing,” she said without looking at him.
He searched in his mind for what he could have done wrong to upset her. He
replayed the entire party in his mind. Did he hug someone he shouldn’t
have? Did she see him smile with someone? Did his eye linger for too long
on another woman’s butt or cleavage? Did he say something wrong?
She wouldn’t tell him. She wanted him to figure it out, confess it and ask for
forgiveness.
He remembered his girlfriend on campus, Nimo, who was very angry at him
one morning after they had spent an entire evening in his room watching a
movie. At the time, they were not yet an item. They had watched movies late
into the night in his room. She had sat on his lap laughing, wrapped an arm
around him playfully, and even brushed her breasts against him as they
moved about. But he was just focusing on the movie and trying to be a
gentleman.
When the movie ended at about 1am, he asked her if she wanted to spend the
night in his room, and she said No. He escorted her to her room, realizing
she had grown cold and distant.
After spending four hours the following day asking her why she was mad
and painfully crowbarring answers from her drip by drip, he realized she was
mad at him because she felt he was slow.
She wanted him to kiss her and go the distance with her. She wanted to
spend the night with him, and she felt she had thrown herself at him, and he
rejected her. She didn’t want him to ask because that spoilt the mystery and
killed the romance. She just wanted him to get it. She was being coquettish.
Now, twelve years later, his wife wanted him to get it.
This brings me to the point.
Anti-rape advocates yell that No means No. They know that many women
say No when they mean yes. Women will tell you they are fine when not
because they want you to get it. They don’t use words to communicate
content; they expect you to derive meaning from the context they are
conveying. Women are often not interested in communicating or conveying
meaning: they just want to express their feelings.
A woman will tell you, “You know, I was telling Ruth she shouldn’t open a
wine-and-spirits business….”
You pause, lift a thoughtful finger and ask her, “which, Ruth?”
“What do you mean which, Ruth? How many Ruths do you know that could
be opening a wines and spirits business?” she asks like you’re an idiot. Like,
duh, even babies know which Ruth.
“Well, there is Ruth, your aunt, then there’s your former schoolmate, Ruth,
your cousin, and then Ruth, our neighbour… and the Ruth who was selling
her Kitengela house….”
“Ah, forget it. Wacha hiyo story iishe. You don’t get it.” She will wave you away
and clam up.
This is a shit test, but also, she just wants to talk. She doesn’t want a
conversation. She would rather keep quiet. Forcing her to articulate coherent
content is draining for her.
A woman will grab your hand, clutching her pearls and tell you with her
hand covering her mouth in shock, “she gave me the look!”
And you will be asking, “What look, Irene? We just got here. Can we enjoy
the party?”
“I don’t like her. Let’s go elsewhere,” she will say.
A large part of female communication is about exchanging feelings and
energies. It is about contexts, not passing content. They also engage in sub-
communication that most men don’t even recognize.
Men communicate overtly.
Women tend to communicate covertly.
You, as a man, is supposed to get it.
What you need to do as a man is to ignore these games. Do not ask what is
wrong. Let her grow up and learn to express herself like an adult.
Women also like playing the same game in long-term relationships when it
comes to sex. They will withdraw intimacy without any apparent cause.
When this happens, rather than ask what the problem is or supplicate, you
should also pull back.
They will also pretend to be flirting with other men on the phone or post
photos showing they have other men around them. These are often
psychological games to test your insecurity. Do not react. Ignore completely.
Always conduct yourself as if you are her best option and understand that if
you weren’t, she wouldn’t waste any time staying with you.
Our fathers did not teach us this.

Jacob Aliet: UNPLUGGED

27
SOME PILLARS OF SUCCESS FOR MEN

Guard The Gates To Your Garden

James Allen, in his seminal book, As a Man Thinketh, likened the human brain to
a garden50. This is one of the best ways of looking at your mind if you want
to be your best version.

Consider the time of the year when it is dry and dusty.

If you stay a few days without cleaning and dusting during a time like that,
your furniture will be covered in dust.
After a few months of no cleaning, you will have cobwebs, lizards, and rats
skittering around. And maybe snakes will come after them because they are
food for snakes.
In other words, they will soon take over if the place is not kept occupied. If
you do not keep the garbage and the dust away, it will come in. Any
unoccupied space soon gets occupied. You have to guard your space. In the
same way, if you don’t keep off garbage from your mind and feed yourself
quality stuff, the garbage sleeping outside your door will wake up, stretch,
yawn, walk purposefully towards you, and settle in your mind.
The garbage here is the friends you keep, the things you do, and the content
you feed your mind.
Stay away from mean-spirited, negative-minded complainants. Shun content
like porn and material that does not make you a better person.
As they say, eternal vigilance is the price for liberty.
If you leave your garden untended, weeds will grow on it. We know that we
have to brush our teeth every day or risk getting cavities and bad breath.
There is always something trying to crash in, a consequence trying to
manifest itself, results of certain acts of omission or commission. If you have
a poor diet and do not exercise, your weight will blow up. If you sleep a lot
and do not improve yourself, you will miss opportunities in life. If you keep
scamming people, the law will catch up with you. There is always something
happening, even if you choose to do nothing.
Life is the management of tension.
Different forces are constantly pulling at you, and you must have your true
north; your priorities – or you will be used up and have nothing left.
There is an unhappy customer that needs to be managed. Your pastor wants
your tithe; your car needs servicing, your kids need clothes, and your parents
need you to call them. Your boss wants you to complete an assignment.
Time is passing, and you are growing older each moment. Is what you are
doing making you better? Are you improving your position every day?
Remember, if you are not growing, you are dying.
The day, week, month, the year will soon come to an end.
How have you spent your time?
Have you improved your position, or are you at the same place you were a
year ago? Have you learnt anything? Have you grown, or are you merely
growing older? Are you spending more or earning more? Are you getting
fitter, or are you getting unfit? Adding or losing weight? Happier or less
happy? Are you getting into debt or out of it?
Are you spending a lot of time watching football and reading the newspaper?
Is your friend taking advantage of you? Is your outlook positive or negative?
Are you kinder or meaner to people? Are you grateful, or are you gloomy
and pessimistic?
Are you taking care of your parents? Your kids? Do you deserve a promotion
at work?
Why? Why do you deserve this promotion?
Do you outwork everyone? What new course have you taken lately? Do you
hand in all your assignments on time? Or are you just entitled? Get rid of
everything that does not align with your goals, be it friends or habits.
Ed Mylett, a great life coach, reminds us that, that which you do not hate,
you will eventually tolerate and welcome it as part of your life51. If you
think it is okay to be pudgy, you will soon be overweight. If you leave your
bed unmade, when you get up, very soon, your bedroom floor will have
trash, and your stuff will lie in disarray.
If you think it is okay to earn a little and hold a dead-end, lowpaying job,
that’s what you will have. If you think it is okay to be treated like shit by
someone because they are upset, very soon, you will be treated like shit even
when they are not upset.
What you allow to flourish in the garden that is your mind will manifest
itself in your actual life.
If you think life is hard and there is no money to be made, life will be hard,
and you will make no money.
Your thoughts manifest themselves in your life.
You are, on average, what you think you are worth.
The quality of your life is the sum total of what you have allowed to come
into your life. It is what you have allowed yourself to become. It is what you
have settled for. It is what you think you are worth.
Where you are is a reflection of what you believe are your capabilities.
Are you the best version of yourself?
Is the way you have lived your life a good account of your potential?
If it is not, what are you doing about it?
Our parents taught us to work hard. They taught us to chase dreams. They
taught us about the importance of being determined and focused.
But they did not teach us that our minds are like gardens. They did not teach
us that our inner garments create our outer garments.
They did not teach us that we are what we think.
Thoughts matter because they make us act. You are the aggregate of what
you think about every day.
Be very careful what you allow yourself to think. And what you think is
influenced by what you read, hear and see.
You are the average of the five people you spend most of your time with.
That is why you’re encouraged to stop spending time with losers if you want
to be a success, and that is why they say, if you’re the smartest person in the
room, you are in the wrong room.
Make your mind vibrant. Make a point of setting aside at least thirty minutes
each day to read a good book. Constantly be feeding your mind new ideas
and improving yourself. A vibrant mind creates a vibrant, successful life full
of possibilities.

Pursue Real Pleasure

Many of us men are pleasure seekers.

We get pleasure from having fun, doing drugs, engaging in
hobbies, and for many, from entertainment.
Pleasure is relaxing and healthy and is essential in keeping us
well adjusted as individuals.
But pleasure can also sedate us and steer us from our purpose
and from leading intentional lives.
Pleasure has cut short promising lives. Pleasure destroys lives
when it’s the wrong kind of pleasure pursued the wrong way.
Pleasure has destroyed many great men.
St. Thomas Aquinas said that Nations are born stoic and die
epicurean. Epicurean basically means pleasure-loving. Many conquering
nations were vanquished when they got
comfortable. Their warriors/ soldiers spent a lot of time on saunas
and grew fat and lazy as they pleasured themselves with women. During
difficult times, to stop people from thinking of revolt,
Roman emperors organized gladiators to fight in the arena for
people to watch for their pleasure. Pleasure sedates, becalms, and
blunts our hunger for results.
Many men derive a lot of pleasure from women.
But real pleasure does not come from women.
Real pleasure cannot come from women.
Indeed, many men familiar with post-nut clarity know how
short-lived sexual pleasure can be.
Simps are basically men who have surrendered their self-worth
and purpose to obtaining pleasure and validation from women. Real pleasure
comes from the fulfilment of visualizing goals,
working towards them, and seeing them come to fruition. Many men are
stuck in miserable lives. They don’t get energized
in the morning and look forward to the day ahead.
They do not know how to get fulfilment from the opportunities
presented by having a full day ahead. It is because they are not
living actualized lives. They lack purpose. This is why they cannot
understand why now is called the present.
Many think that the pleasure they seek will be delivered by a
woman. Many men expend considerable resources trying to get
this woman, who they idealize and make their object of desire.
They even kill themselves for her, never knowing that she cannot
give them real pleasure.
Real pleasure is self-derived.
Self-worth is self-derived.
Purpose is self-derived.
Fulfilment comes from what you do. It doesn’t happen
overnight, and the pleasure lasts for longer.
This is why you are reminded that nobody is responsible for
making you happy except yourself.
Be the most alpha version of yourself. Destroy goals. Make
money, get fit, learn game and kill the beta.
Stop being a pleasure seeker and be a pleasure maker.

Be The Advancing Man

If you are good at your job; you get to work on time, follow instructions, and
deliver the outputs as expected, then you are a good workman.

The man who is merely a “good” workman, filling his place to the very best
of his ability and satisfied with that, is valuable to his employer, and it is not
in the employer’s interest to promote him; he is worth more where he is.

However, the exceptional employee; the one who exceeds expectations, the
one who is larger than the job description, the one who takes on additional
responsibilities and applies himself in more ways, deserves a promotion.
That is the man that advances.
Become too big for your current circumstance or station if you want to
advance in life. Act as if you are the boss. Be the leader without a title. Don’t
wait for circumstances or incentives to be the best version of yourself.
Become that person today.

The man who is sure to advance is the one who is too big for his place and
who has a clear concept of what he wants to be; who knows that he can
become what he wants to be and who is determined to BE what he wants to
be.

Wallace D. Wattles says in The Science of Getting Rich, “You can advance only by
being larger than your present place; and no man is larger than his present
place who leaves undone any of the work pertaining to that place.52 “

Wallace says, “God cannot help helping you if you act in a Certain Way; He
must do so in order to help Himself.”
I have always encouraged my software developers to foray into business
analysis, data analytics, project management and apply themselves to the
tasks at hand. But many young people resist this. They say, “Oh, me, I just
write code. We need an analyst to do that.” Etc.
That is how you stay in one position for two decades without a promotion!
While you could feel cheated when others are getting promoted and passing
you, you could actually be underperforming!
You are not a robot! Become more than your JD. Do not be focused on only
pleasing your employer! Maximize your potential and exploit all your
capabilities, and you will advance. If you’re a physician, think of yourself as
a healer. If your job is to wrap goods, wrap them like wrapping something
precious and smile as you deliver them to the customer.
To secure advancement, something more is necessary than being too large
for your place.
Have a clear concept of what you want to be, and let that vision guide you
and shape your behaviour, and you will advance.

Ye Are Gods

One reason men fail in life and relationships is the failure to realize their
potential. I have spoken to guys frustrated in their lives by being cheated on,
divorced or denied conjugal rights.

In most cases, these are guys who have got into a relationship before they
have done the work, accepted their station in life, or abandoned themselves.
As men, most of us are guilty of getting complacent and abandoning
ourselves at some point in life.

Some of you sleep ten hours straight every day, yet your bank accounts are
empty. And you expect your fortunes to change!
Guys, without ambition, a man is nothing. Remember, unlike your sisters,
you are born with no value.
You must become valuable. Ambition is that vehicle that will move you from
a nobody that is being denied conjugal rights to someone who lives life on
his own terms. There is a reason why in the mythologies of the Greeks and
Romans, the hero must suffer. It’s called the hero’s journey. His father often
abandons him, and someone tries to kill him as a baby. We see this in the
story of Moses and Jesus - where Pharaoh and Herod try to kill them as
infants, respectively. The hero is betrayed; he suffers but overcomes all these
and succeeds in his quest.
So, challenges are the crucible from which a hero is molded, including
relationship challenges.
The relationship challenges are just compasses telling us that we are not
steering our lives in the right direction.
Don’t argue with the compass. They are warning signs reminding them that
they have dropped the ball. They signify that you have abandoned the
mission. Get up. Get active.
You cannot stop the journey before you have arrived at your destination.
Once you stop moving, once you stop doing the work, your story is over.
Women, with hypergamy as the filter, are excellent detectors of abandoned
projects.
You can’t win if you’re not in the fight. Women want to pair with winners,
not guys who have quit. Stay in the fight. Don’t go to sleep. Don’t abandon
yourself.
You abandon yourself when you stop working out. You abandon yourself
when you stop taking care of your looks. You abandon yourself when you
allow yourself to become obese. You abandon yourself when you have
settled on that job that only affords you to live in a one-roomed hovel and
accept that as your life and your future. You abandon yourself when you
become nice. You abandon yourself when you do what society expects you
to do. You abandon yourself when you are sleeping for eight hours a day, yet
your bank account is empty. You abandon yourself when you smell like a
pig. Every time you reach for that bottle, and you are an alcoholic. You are
abandoning yourself by numbing your thoughts and feelings. You abandon
yourself when you live a life without purpose. A mediocre life is an
abandoned life. You abandon yourself when you are not 100% committed to
the achievement of your purpose.
Nobody is coming to save you, bro. As a man, this is a fundamental tenet.
No daddy or mummy is going to come and tell you, “Here is what we will
do.”
Nope. It will not happen. The burden of performance is 100% squarely on
you alone. Your shoulders are broad so that you can take the pressure.
Testosterone is your fuel. You were built for performance. Your entire
constitution is of a performance machine—nothing else.
That is why you are born with nothing but potential. You must realize this
potential. That is why you are a creator. You are the raw wood that must be
fashioned into furniture.
By you.
If you do nothing, you remain nothing.
Nobody will even know you existed outside your family.
You have to get yourself out of there and improve your position in life.
To be victorious in life, we must master both the alpha and the omega in our
lives for us to succeed.
In the Bible, In Revelation 22:13, it is written, “I am the Alpha and the
Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end.”
Many people read this and appreciate the timelessness of God and think that
they have got the message.
They don’t connect this to an essential passage, which is Psalm
82:6 says,
“ Ye are gods.”
Plain and simple. You are Gods. But people are obtuse. Even when it’s plain
and simple, they will still complicate things and want to remain stuck in the
mud like tadpoles.

We see this in John 10:34, in which Jesus asks people who want to stone him
for claiming he is the son of God, “Isn’t it written in your law, ‘I said, you are gods?’”
He is challenging the whackjobs: why don’t you believe what is written in
your own books?

Your alpha is your subconscious, and your omega is the conscious.

In other words, your subconscious is the teacher, the coach. The visionary
that crafts your dreams and your future. The subconscious is the part of your
firmware that never sleeps, that is capable of seeing past what your eyes can
behold. It works even when you are not aware. Those who have mastered
how to deploy it are billionaires and masters-of-the-universe type
influencers. The average man cannot even grasp this unfathomable faculty.
Your conscious is the executor: he wakes up early and follows the plan. He
is the student. Recall that when the student is ready, the teacher will emerge.
The student focuses on what needs to be done today to move you close to the
vision. He is the one that does the work. He is the one that needs discipline
and daily habits that will ensure that the vision is realized.
Start by identifying what you are good at. We all have talents. And there is
no talent whose mastery cannot make you rich.
Craft a grand vision for yourself. After identifying what you are good at,
resolve to achieve world-class mastery in it. Identify the incremental
activities required to reach the peak in that field and then do one thing every
day to move you towards it.
Regularly check whether your activities align with that vision and improve
your position. Every day.
That is how you align your alpha and your omega.
You are gods. Whatever you dream, you can achieve.
Believe it.

Integrate Your Shadow

With his high testosterone levels, high muscle mass, and aggression, the
entire constitution of man is that of a beast. He is capable of cruelty and
breathtaking savagery.

But men have been taught that masculinity is toxic and that their aggression
is the cause of wars and global turmoil.
Men have been told they should emote like women and embrace their
feminine side because the female way of experiencing the world is best.
We have more boys wanting to be girls than girls claiming they were born in
the wrong body. Rather than chop wood, wrestle and hunt, men now curl on
sofas, chocolate in hand, and listen to podcasts like it’s hard work.
Men are dying out.
Testosterone levels and sperm counts are dropping. The average grip
strength of men in the 1970s and 2000s has dropped in significant orders of
magnitude. Men have become soft, weak, emotional, and spineless. Many
men today have soft bodies that are similar to those of women. Many have
never done anything more physically demanding than shouting at television
screens while watching a football match.
Men today flee from roaches, are incapable of violence, and cannot defend
themselves, leave alone protect their loved ones. They cannot handle
adversity and are fragile and emotional.
Like they say, someone who has never faced a threat cannot be said to be
brave.
A man who is not capable of violence cannot be said to be gentle. You must
be capable of cruelty, of going to the dark side, before you can claim you are
peaceful.
Martial artists are first trained to attack and defend, then taught to choose
peace unless necessary.
True power is restraint. But what are you restraining? The presumption is
that you’re restraining yourself from allowing your aggressive impulses and
unleashing your latent destructive power.
If you are not a beast, you’re just a pussycat, and a pussycat doesn’t need
restraining, and nobody needs to worry about a pussycat getting mad. When
you see your destructive power, then you see the importance of restraining
your dark side. Someone who has never seen a grenade explode can pull the
pin in a crowded room as he is cracking a joke.
Without a dark side, you will be someone else’s victim. You will be
exploited, and tyrannical forces will use you because you are afraid of
conflict. Nobody needs to worry about you because you ain’t shit.
Your dark side will help you assert yourself and reject being nice as a
survival strategy. As a man, you must learn to harness it and embrace it.
Have you ever seen a cornered cat?
That’s how ferociously you should move when your bank account is empty.
Nice people are used because they can’t say no and can’t say what they need
to say. Over time, they develop high blood pressure from the bottled-up
conflict and stress hormones from their inner turmoil and gathering
resentment. They don’t know how to integrate their dark side to protect
themselves and channel their aggression.
Embrace your dark side and use its ferocity as fuel as you pursue your
mission. The killer instinct, the competitive spirit, anger, and aggression are
the fuel that will help you stand up for yourself and execute as you embrace
the burden of performance.
Harness that beast in you. If it’s the gym, destroy those weights; if it is your
work, singularly apply yourself and deliver results. In your relationship,
stand up for yourself and maintain a masculine frame.

The Burden Of Performance

Nature has it that men biologically generate between ten to twenty times
more testosterone than women. Because of this, men tend to be larger, faster,
more physically aggressive, and have increased muscle mass and libido.

This is how we have evolved. The females have the wombs to multiply the
tribe and nurture the young, and the men protect and provide for the tribe. To
be useful to the tribe, men need to be strong, courageous, industrious,
innovative, and creative in their roles. And this worked quite well for
thousands of years.

Then feminism was put forth. Women wanted equal rights. They were given
equal rights. Then they wanted equal opportunities, and they were welcome
in the workplace. But men outcompeted them in the workplace, and they
realized equal opportunities do not necessarily yield equal outcomes.
Through affirmative actions, ideas like gender parity were introduced to
ensure equal outcomes, and gender-based discrimination is today illegal in
most countries.

Today, more women are enrolled in universities in the west than men, and
Fortune 500 indicates that 87% of global businesses have one woman in a
management position.

As this was going on, women’s hypergamous filter was never shut down.
Women continued picking the best men the society had to offer. Roughly
80% of the women today only want about 20% of the men in the society.
Men have to compete to get sexual access and face a lot of rejection before
getting some. You will easily find 30-year-old men who are virgins. But
show me a thirtyyear-old woman who is a virgin. She will make the news.

When a woman says she has met a man, the first question her friends ask her
is, “what does he do for a living?” When a man says he has met a woman, he
is asked, “how does she look like?” This dynamic has stuck with us: while
women look for resources, men look for beauty. Men chase championships;
women chase champions. Men remain success objects while women remain
beauty objects.

Women will complain about being objectified as sex objects while

objectifying men as success objects. Of course, I am aware that we have
females who are champions and leaders in different spheres – the point here
is the mating strategy, in most cases, is influenced by beauty and success as
polar opposites.

Today, the police and guards provide women with security. Women work
and have their own resources and money. The traditional roles of a man have
effectively been taken away. Many modern women just want a “sperm
donor” and f*ck boys and keep it moving.

Because of his weakened role in a woman’s life, the man is more disposable.
Women are quick to divorce men for flimsy reasons simply because they feel
they can do without a man. Men are divorced for text messages, low income,
snoring, being fat, and so on.

Sex has become transactional in today’s society. This position has been
articulated in the songs Bills, Bills, Bills by Destiny’s Child and Gwen Guthrie’s
1986 song, Ain’t Nothing Going on But The Rent. While sex is the primary agency for
women, men are born with nothing. Men must make themselves something.

You will die a virgin if you are a man and have no money, status, social
skills, or prospects.
Guaranteed.
Women nowadays have no problem asking for “fare” and challenging you,
“what can you do for me?”
If you are a married man and your wife is working and exposed to all these
competent men in the workplace while you are struggling to pay the bills, it
will be stormy up ahead.
I have seen men whose wives sleep around because they have allowed
themselves to fall apart, are obese, disheveled, and have zero game.
Incompetent men.
In other words, they have given up and buried their heads in the sand.
Because they are non-performing, they literally are raising other men’s
children.
So, what is a man to do?
Men must first realize that they are not born with value. A beautiful woman
with the IQ of a monkey will live a relatively good life in today’s society.
The reverse cannot apply to a man.
Men must become valuable and continue being valuable until they die.
This is what is called the burden of performance.
We must embrace this burden as the stronger gender because nature has
bequeathed it upon us. As much as we can and should have leisure and
pleasure, overindulgence in them destroys a man.
As Thomas Aquinas said in Summa Theologiae (which means “A summation of
theological knowledge”), “nations are built stoic, but they die epicurean.”
When you focus and work hard, you build things.
Testosterone is not for playing video games, watching TV, and growing
obese. You weren’t built for that: you’re supposed to be a beast. Lifting
heavy shit, destroying goals, traveling across galaxies, and achieving the
impossible.
Testosterone is for working and performing. You can think of it as a curse –
the way it is presented in Genesis.
But it is what being a man entails.
When you are obese, you have not embraced the burden of performance,
which entails exercise and eating clean. When you are not competing to be
the best in your work or studies, you have not embraced the burden of
performance. When you are floundering around purposelessly, chasing
women, chasing addictions, and living in a bubble, you have not accepted
the burden of performance. When you are mediocre and complacent and
setting easy goals, you have not embraced this burden. If you are sitting
around moaning about how hard life is and are able-bodied and healthy, you
are dropping the ball. Pick it up. Embrace the burden of performance.
Embracing this burden helps us realize our potential, and performing comes
with rewards. Do not do it because you want a woman: a woman is part of
the rewards. Remember the story of Superman? He falls in love with Loise
Lane, becomes Clark Kent, and abandons the burden of performance. Loise
Lane later loses attraction for him as a result. Superman did not know that
when you start living for a woman, you lose your frame and identity and
become like her.
And a woman doesn’t want someone like her: she wants a hero, a performer
– someone chasing his purpose.
You have to remember that the woman should complement your life, not be
its focus.
Focus on your purpose, and as you do so, you will attract the right woman
into your orbit.
Women’s hypergamic filters have been fine-tuned to filter out the non-
performing men. Women wait at the finish line and pick the winners. They
don’t care about your struggles.
They are genetically repulsed by non-performers.
But performing is not just making money. Money creates comfort, not
desire.
A man must learn game and female nature.
That is why even if she is married to you, a non-performer, she will still
sleep with a performer and cuckold you. As many women do today, she may
even divorce you – hypergamy applies even in marriage. Women’s minds are
constantly firing up the hypergamic doubt – is he the best man I can get?
This is why, in many cases, when women get promoted faster than their
husbands, their marriages suffer.
The King can get a barmaid and elevate her to become a queen. But if you
are an ordinary man and you marry the queen? You become the queen’s
husband - not the King.
She should desire to marry a King, not you desire to marry a queen. You
have to be the prize at all times, not just while you’re single. When you
embrace the burden of performance, you become the prize.
You become the object of women’s pursuit when you embrace this burden.
This is why men are advised not to live in a house where the woman pays
the rent: you will have passed the performance burden to her. Pressure is
made for shoulders, not hips, and that’s why most women in such positions
quickly become difficult: they are not in their natural roles.
When you build, women will come. When you chase success, women will
chase you. Become then women will come.
Don’t chase women: become the man that women will pursue.
Embrace the burden of performance.

What Can We Learn From Lions?

The lion is not the king of the jungle because he is the strongest; the tiger is
bigger and stronger than the lion. The cheetah is the fastest. The hyena
operates under a matriarchy and scavenges for food. The leopard, like the
tiger, is solitary and stays clear of the lion.

Why, then, is the lion the king of the jungle?

The lion is the king because he hunts and fights in a pack. He also runs his
family based on competence and merit and

decides who gets to pass their genes and who doesn’t.

When we observe closely, we find an order that lions follow, and

maintaining it often requires brutality and, often, death.
What can we learn from Lions?
1. Have Standards
Lions don’t hunt rabbits and squirrels. They don’t scavenge either (unless
there is a drought).
They bring down wildebeest and buffaloes. They risk their lives and expend
tremendous energy to bring food for the whole pride, not scraps. They accept
the burden of performance and stalk dangerous game without flinching, even
at the risk of death.
In the same way, high-value men have standards of performance. And they
hold themselves to those standards. You judge people by the size of their
goals, dreams, and the tasks they choose. Lions don’t major in minors. Don’t
go for low-hanging fruits in life, like problematic, washed-up women. Don’t
allow yourself to get out of shape and ignore your looks. Do not settle for
mediocre jobs that pay peanuts.

2. Enforce Boundaries
Lions defend their territory and game fiercely. Hyenas, leopards, and other
cats know this. Lions enforce boundaries brutally and have no time for
warnings for violators. High-value people don’t tolerate disrespect or allow
others to run their lives. They steer their ships and do not allow interference.
3. Teamwork
Lions work in teams. They work in coalitions. This is why they are the king
of the jungles, yet cats like tigers are bigger and stronger. They band
together as competent, well-coordinated, dominant males. High achievers
don’t hang around with bums and losers, making excuses for their poor
outcomes in life. Success is about results, not stories.
4. Decisive and Strategic
Lions know that life is a high-stakes game. They know that if they lose their
territory, or if another pride takes over, all their children die brutally, and
they become homeless. Because of this, they are at high alert and cannot
afford to slack or become lazy. They perpetually watch the landscape and
observe the movement of both prey and predators. Then they make
adjustments and take strategic positions. A competent man must understand
his environment, the competition, and the networks and strategize
accordingly, factoring in his SWOT analysis. Lions can also accurately
assess whether to ignore a buffalo or giraffe and cannot risk injury just
because a fat buffalo is grazing nearby. They know when to close ranks and
zero in on prey. Competent men don’t take stupid risks that endanger their
families or their lives. And once they make a decision, they act with
conviction.

5. Meritocracy is Key
Lions competitively get a pride. They have to fight off the previous lions to
take over a pride. This is a fierce, life-threatening life, and often, the lions
incur lethal injuries to prove their competence. Successful men embrace
competition and understand that to get ahead, they must outperform the
competition.

6. Legacy-Building Requires Cooperation

Lions kill all the cubs as soon as they take over a pride to ensure they spend
their energy on their offspring.

Lionesses know that lions don’t like to be stepdads, and so, to confuse the
lions about the paternity, they mate with all of them, so they are all invested
in raising the cubs. Lionesses breed with competent lions.

The lions that lose the fight take off and surrender their pride to the winning
coalition. Men who separate themselves from the pack do not expend their
energy trying to get reluctant people to get into their program or expend their
resources furthering other people’s genes.

The Lionesses don’t stop the Lions from killing the cubs. They submit to the
lions, recognizing how hard they had to fight to take over and trusting them
to act in the pride’s best interest.

Lions don’t breed with lady tigers because they defend their cubs and do not
submit, even to male tigers. High achieving men do not struggle with
masculine, independent women who are unwilling to cooperate with them.
They get inspirational, feminine women who can support them as they strive
for high ideals.

7. Adversity Builds Competence

The male lions get kicked out of the pride at the age of two. This is normally
done by the males. The females do not intervene. Men who have come of
age and completed their education should step out of their parent’s homes if
they are to build their own empires. If they don’t, the fathers should set them
on their way as quickly as humanely possible so that they can cut their teeth
and become men of the future.

If they continue staying at home, their maturity as men is retarded, and adult
dependency sets in. Women typically don’t appreciate the suffering a hero
must go through and tend to convert their sons to husband sons rather than
push them to go out and face the world. This retards the maturity and growth
of men.

8. Leadership Requires Supportive Partners

The Lionesses follow the lions. The lionesses don’t doubt the competence of
the lions. They move as a pack. The cubs follow the lionesses without any
doubt. If they are told to hide, they hide. Successful women don’t breed with
incompetent men that they don’t respect to lead them. They pick men they
can submit to and raise a family. Women who help men succeed understand
the importance of order and act as linebackers for their men while watching
the children. They follow successful men and don’t fight them for control.

The lionesses also hunt, especially when the big game is scarce. And when
they do, the lions still come and eat first, recognizing the hierarchy in the
pack. Successful men seek women who are willing to play supportive roles
and are willing to bring something to the table. Lionesses don’t play the “his
money is ours, and my money is mine” game. They understand that the
entire pack will benefit from their role and are not selfish.

Don’t Do This

1. Apply Pressure
Growing up, we were told that women like persistent men. According to this
narrative, a man who doesn’t give up quickly is a man who can pursue a goal
and succeed. We were told that women really get turned on by this.

The goal here was the woman, the object of your desire. The way to show
persistence was to keep up the pursuit even if she said no or avoided you.
This is what we were told, never say die.

This is one of the worst pieces of advice you can get. Doggedly pursuing one
woman makes you look needy and pathetic. Doing this will make you one of
her beta male simps; continuously validating her and massaging her ego. In
fact, doing that in this age of social media is like holding up a huge banner
written, “Please Friend Zone me too.”
Women get turned off by men who apply pressure. Double texting a woman
annoys her and makes her think you have no other options, which lowers
attraction and makes her think you are a low-value man with nothing
important to do.
A woman cannot fully submit to a man who has no options. A man who has
nothing going on in his life, a man who is no mystery, is an attraction killer.
It also means you cannot handle rejection, which is a sign of neediness. A
strong person knows what he is worth and loves his own company: he
doesn’t seek to be completed or filled by another person.
If you need someone, you cannot truly love them. You cannot lead them
effectively because you are necessitous – it means you will do anything just
to be with them, which makes you pathetic. Men who are ass worshippers
and p*ssy beggars cannot stand up to women. Being needy makes them
weak.
Women want men who can protect and lead them. This means a man with a
backbone who can say no and walk away, not a booty whipped man
following her like a dog wanting a bone to be thrown at it.
If you stand up to her, it means you can stand up to the world.
Approach, but never pursue. Pursuit reeks of desperation and neediness.

2. Show Her What You Can Provide

Showing her your nice watch, nice car, etc., makes you look like you have
nothing to offer. It means you have low confidence and have not worked on
yourself. You are basically telling her, “without these (material things), I am
nobody.” This is the same as inviting her to Kempinsky for your first dinner
date: you’re trying too hard.

Do not show high value: demonstrate high value. You demonstrate high
value through your pursuits, through what you are, your focus on your
purpose, and your network. This is why guys who say “wako na bizna” (i.e.,
they own a business) have a hard time with women.

A man who has faced adversity and overcomes challenges is confident. A

man who knows his capabilities is self-assured. A man who knows his self-
worth does not need the approval of others, least of all, that of a woman he is
pursuing.

He does not seek to impress - he doesn’t show you. You see it. Women,
through their highly evolved hypergamous filters, can see it. True, some
women can indeed be duped through impostor lifestyles, but men of value
don’t use deception as a strategy.

Be a confident man, demonstrate that even if you lose what you have, you
can go and get it.
Never show her what you can do for her. Let her figure it out.

3. Proclaim Yourself As A Player

Do not try to show you are successful with women or that you are a
womanizer. This is cheap and shallow and only kills your attractiveness.

The way to move is to demonstrate an abundance mindset. Downplay

everything. Show that you don’t care and are not attached to the outcome of
your interaction.
People with options are not needy and overly invested in one thing. If she
wants you just to be friends, tell her, “Really? I was thinking the same thing”
Don’t start begging for her love.

Beggars get friend-zoned. Winners never beg. Women wait at the finish line
and go for the winners. They pick performers.
Non-performers brag or beg.
So, never brag. Never show how many women you can get. Never tell her
that you can replace her at the snap of a finger.
Your energy, abundance mindset, lack of neediness, and preselection show
you have options. Demonstrate, don’t explicate.

4. Win Her Over

When you watch soaps, you see men working hard to impress women: hiring
mariachis to serenade the women, singing for them love songs, buying them
vast bunches of flowers, apologizing for minutiae, and so on.

They basically disrobe their masculine frames and get to the feminine to win
the women over.
Now, this is not necessarily bad. Being romantic is not a bad thing, and Luos
have perfected this.
But it does not work long term, it does not create respect, and it betadizes
you. If you get a woman with low self-esteem who has been damaged and
thirsty for validation, this affirmation can knock her off her feet. But all it
does is give her a thrill. For a while anyway. It massages her ego and gives
her the attention that most women desire. However, ultimately, by validating
her like that, you pedestalize her. And because women get bored quickly,
you have to keep imagining new ways to please them.
It becomes an expectation then soon calcifies to an entitlement
– if you take her for dinner on her birthday, she throws a tantrum because
she expects a big gesture her friends can see. It becomes very difficult for
you as a man to snap back to being assertive if you have been treating her
like a queen. She soon takes the driver’s seat in the relationship (because you
are too busy trying to please rather than lead) and emasculates you.
Remember, the same simping Luos singing “My Jaber” (my beautiful one)
will later also sing “mano kasinde” (that’s her cousin) when the women they
simp to end up cheating on them. When they catch them in compromising
positions and ask them, who was that man?
“That was my cousin,” is the standard response; hence, “mano

kasinde.”
The unfortunate plebs who rely on this approach are the ones

who later resort to the “happy wife, happy life” mantra. They hang around in
pubs drinking until late and go home to sleep, avoiding any drama from their
wives. Remember, feminine men draw aggression from women.

Look, working hard to win a woman over shows that you are willing to do
anything for her. It feeds her ego and gives her attention, and these are both
transitory things. They do nothing to elevate your status in her eyes.
Thinking in chess terms, you are basically making a sacrifice - or a gambit.
But will you get enough compensation in the long term?

Does kneeling and bending over backward to win her show that you value
yourself?
As much as women want men to be invested in them, the unfortunate thing
is that women want more than beta male providers.
Women also want men who challenge them and who will not worship the
floor that they walk on. They want men who can lead them. Men who are
visionary and who can provide structure. Those are the alpha males, and
those are the men who are impregnating them as they live with the obese
beta male providers who pay the mortgage, take care of the kids, and pay all
the bills.
They want men that other women want.
If being a beta male provider was all women needed, we wouldn’t have so
many failed paternities. That is why we say hypergamy is a dualistic mating
strategy. Women want both alphas and beta male providers. As men, we
value paternity more than being a plough horse.
Remember alphas get f*cks, betas provide bucks. Pick your side. So the way
to go is the alpha way. Don’t simp. Do not lose your masculine frame just to
get her viscous innards because once you lose it, getting it back will take a
herculean effort.
The way to move is to put yourself first. Demonstrate commitment to your
purpose and your own goals. If she is attracted to you, she will come and fit
in your frame and follow your programme.
Our fathers did not teach us this.

Lessons From Will Smith

We learn from Will Smith that having money, good looks, status, and the
love of a woman does not necessarily mean that she will stay attracted and
attached to you.

With startling clarity, we see that even though a man may have money and
power, his mindset, how he conducts himself, and his grasp of intersexual
dynamics can significantly impact how his relationship turns out.

As they say in the manosphere, money cannot save beta. Below are nine
masculinity lessons we can learn from Will Smith.

1. It is Your Job To Make Her Happy

Will Smith said in his interviews that when he started dating Jada, his goal
was to make her happier than Tupac ever did. He said, “ I was going to
satisfy this woman sexually, or I was going to die trying.”

Guys, you cannot make a woman happy, and that’s not the goal of a union
like marriage. A woman’s happiness fluctuates based on various things going
on inside and outside of her. You are just one factor. The closest you can
move to make her happy is making her respect you. Heck, most women
cannot tell happiness from a can of paint. Who are you?

Will thought he could make Jada happy.

He tried for 20 years.
He failed spectacularly.
In an interview with Oprah Winfrey, Smith said that a low point

in their marriage was after his wife’s 40th birthday party, which he spent
three years planning. Jada disliked what he did and chastised him as selfish
for planning her such a big birthday.

He told Oprah, “We realized that it was a fantasy illusion that we could make
each other happy. We agreed that she had to make herself happy, and I had to
make myself happy.”
He continued: “Then we were going to present ourselves back to the
relationship already happy – versus demanding that the other person fill our
empty cup.” This is also a wrongheaded path, but that’s Will.

2. Pedestalize Her
Will pedestalized Jada. Women say they want to be treated like queens. But
if you treat her like a queen, you lower yourself to be her boot-licking
subject, which is not your rightful position as her man. This leaves her
thinking she made a mistake hooking up with a subject (a sub-optimal man)
instead of getting herself a king. This lowers attraction and kills her desire
for you.

Never show a woman that you are lucky to have her. This supplication
makes her suspect she settled for less. Never selfdeprecate before her and do
not simp through free validation and bending over backward. Always
conduct and present yourself as a high-value man.

Rather than worship the floor she walked on, he should have stuck to his
purpose and raised his value. Social proof and a solid masculine frame
would have made him more attractive in her eyes.

3. Share Your Vulnerabilities

Will believes in unconditional love, and he believes Jada shares that concept
of love.

He thinks that by being vulnerable and emoting like a female as we see men
do in Soap Opera’s, Jada will love him earnestly. Because of this false belief,
he shares his innermost feelings and vulnerabilities with his wife instead of
his therapist or close male friends (support system).

This is a fundamental mistake.

Women want openness, but they do not want full disclosure. Full disclosure
destroys the mystique she has built around you and erodes her fantastical
beliefs about you.
The most powerful tool for attraction is her imagination. Telling her
everything destroys this.
Love is what she imagines it to be.
Please don’t mess it up for her with your whiny sob stories.
She needs a hero, and she has picked you. Don’t deny her that with your
tears and mucus. She needs to be the victim. If you share your story of
suffering, and childhood trauma and start crying, you upstage her.
You are a man; you’re supposed to deal with it. Nobody cares.
Remember, the hero only gets the chick at the end of his struggles. Men
chase championships, women chase champions. 4. Men and Women Love
the Same Way
Will doesn’t understand how women love. He thinks women love
idealistically as men do. Women are hypergamous because their love is not
about ideals or altruism. Women love opportunistically while men love
idealistically.
A woman loves you for what you are, not who you are. Despite what Disney
tells you, who you are is auxiliary and is not the primary thing for women.
This is why women wait at the finish line and pick the winners: your
struggles are unimportant to her.
Do you have childhood trauma? She wants you to man up.
Will thought that sharing his insecurities about Tupac and showing Jada who
he really was would make her love him more: that just showed her how
broken and low-confidence he is, which killed her attraction for him.

5. Make Her the Centrepiece

He made Jada the focus of his life rather than a complement to his. You can
see that rather than share the red carpet with her, he wants the spotlight on
her, not both of them. This means he approached the relationship from the
point of scarcity rather than abundance.

He thought that by validating her and supplicating her, she would feel
appreciated.
Jada became the prize in the relationship, and he, the unworthy recipient
who must toil to deserve her and keep her happy. Will’s default approach in
the relationship was to simp. He praised her at every opportunity. This
betadized him and lowered her attraction for him.
Nothing disgusts a woman as a man supplicating to her to gain her approval.
6. You will be Gaslighted
He allowed her to gaslight him. We saw this in the red table talk about
entanglement with August where she blamed Will for not making her feel
happy. Many women will do wrong things and make it appear as if it is the
man’s fault. Why do they do this? It makes them avoid taking responsibility
and accepting the burden of working on themselves.
Once you allow manipulation, you will always be running around in circles
trying to meet shifting goalposts, trying to please her, and apologizing for
doing things you never did.

7. Wifing Up Alpha Widows

He picked the wrong woman. He picked Tupac’s alpha widow. The alpha is
the man who left his imprint on her. In the mind of an alpha widow, all other
men will always come second to her alpha. This situation means you are
chasing a standard set by another man – a standard you can never meet.

Men also find a similar problem with women with high notch counts.
Throughout his marriage, Will has been competing with a ghost. There is no
greater nightmare than this in a relationship.

Will said, “He (Tupac) triggered the perception of myself as a coward,” he

continued. “I hated that I wasn’t what he was in the world, and I suffered
raging jealousy. I wanted Jada to look at me like that.”

Not only was Jada an alpha widow: Will was insecure from the get-go and
felt like a beta option for Jada.

8. Taking a Femicentric View

He sees his relationship problems through a female lens rather than be his
mental point of origin. Women tend to complicate things and lean towards
drama and chaos (most just want to “feel” something rather than fix a
problem conclusively). Because Jada is holding the frame in the relationship,
she makes the decisions. That is why their relationship “solutions” is so
convoluted.

Are we unattracted to me sexually? Hmmm…Let us have an open

relationship and sleep with other people. Then once we are happy from
having sex with other people, we can come back, cups full, and make each
other happy. We can’t connect emotionally? Hmmm…

Let me hire a relationship expert to help me with this. It has been so long
since I felt so good? Let me get into an entanglement with August. Do we
have a bad marriage? Let us have a bad marriage for life.
50 Cent has been his only true friend through all this drama. He told Will
what Will needed to hear. But as we know, you can’t save beta. When the
student is ready, the teacher will emerge.

Look, guys, if it’s not working, it is not working.

Genuine desire cannot be negotiated. Therapy sessions, open relationships,
entanglements, counselling, and so on cannot be a substitute for this. Walk
away and get a suitable partner.
Don’t humiliate yourself like Will.

9. Be Confident, Always
Women love confident men.

She is with you because you are the best man she can get. Set aside your
insecurities and self-doubt. Conduct yourself as if you are the best man
available to her and believe it. Do not be afraid of other men; ghosts, friend-
zoned beta orbiters, rich bazengas, celebs, fare senders, emotional tampons,
and so on.

You are the man. Her man. That’s it.

Believe in the uncompromising accuracy of hypergamy and own your

position.
Never self-deprecate, never supplicate. You are the man. You are the one that
matters. Everyone else be damned.

Beliefs That Destroy Men

1. Oneitis
Oneitis is the belief that on this planet, there is one special one for each and
every one of us that God placed here for us specifically. Its also known as
the soul mate myth. This belief is also usually accompanied by an
idealization of that special “one”: she is beautiful, faultless, loves us
altruistically and so on.

Oneitis is sold through childhood fairy tales, young adult romance novels,
music, and pop culture. Because of oneitis, heartbreak creates an existential
crisis in a man.
Numerous men have committed suicide when abandoned by women they
love because of oneitis. Countless men have been gutted by heartbreak when
left by their so-called soulmates. Many men stay in horrible relationships
because of this false belief.

2. The Feminine Ideal

From time immemorial, the feminine mystique has ascribed to women some
esoteric powers over men. From patriarchal days, women were portrayed as
deep and unknowable because they gossiped and kept secrets. That is why
most cultures assign the role of a witch to women.

This “mystique” is what was later popularized as female intuition.

Popular culture then propagated this idea that women can “just know” things
magically. In the movie The Matrix, the oracle is a woman. In the movie
300, the strong warriors, bulging muscles, and all have to visit a woman to
guide them before going to the battlefield.
This “sixth sense” of women may be overhyped. Where are these special
female instincts when the bad boys knock them up and leave them holding
the baby? In fact, women do not necessarily rely on instinct. They use
preselection as a selection strategy and are good at reading body language.
On the contrary, men had to rely on instincts based on their evolutionary
origins as hunters. You could be tracking a gazelle while a lion or leopard is
stealthily stalking you. Only instincts could save you if you were walking
into an ambush by the enemy. Women stayed at home with the kids. They
didn’t need to rely on instincts as much as men did.
Modern man’s instincts have been blunted because of civilization, but they
remain embedded in our firmware, waiting to be awakened one day.
Fast for fifty hours plus, and you will be surprised how alive your senses
become.
Anyways, later on, when affirmative action became the rage, the quote “If
you educate a man, you educate an individual, but if you educate a woman,
you educate a family (nation)” was mainstreamed to promote empowerment
of women. BS. Do you know how many lives and communities Tom Mboya
saved through the airlift program?
The Bible says whoever finds a wife finds a good thing. They say that
behind every successful man is a woman. The idea here is that a woman
possesses some mystical power that can multiply a man’s fortunes, bring
happiness and success into your life, and so on. Among the Luo is the tale of
Nyamgondho. A poor fisherman reeled in an ugly woman in his fishing net
in the story. He is about to throw her back in the water when she dissuades
him and asks him to marry her. In return, she would make him wealthy. He
agreed, and he became very wealthy. But he later mistreated her, and she left
with all the wealth back into the lake.
How many successful people have had their lives ruined by a woman? Did
Potiphar get a good thing? In fact, we have the Samsons and Delilahs and
the Jezebels in the Bible to counter this notion.
Samson idealized Delilah. And he paid a steep price for it.
This idealization found its way into relationships. When a woman behaves
poorly, rather than hold her accountable, you are told not to judge her
because “you don’t know what she is going through.” If a woman cheats, it’s
because the man must have done something wrong to her. And women have
been only too happy to play the victim and maximize their hypergamic
imperatives.
Some men have created this idealization they call “quality woman.” The so-
called one-percenter. This is the analogue of the woman of virtue spoken
about in Proverbs. The problem with embracing this ideal is that it makes
believers let their guard down because rather than remain vigilant, they
resort to relying on nature.
They believe that she is not hypergamous because she is a “quality woman”,
a fantastical belief we fabricate because of our male tendency to idealize.
Many men have done this, resulting in failed paternities and divorce.
Is she a woman? Yes.
Then she is hypergamous. Period. No qualifications, no ifs, no buts.
And to be sure, hypergamy is neither good nor bad. It just is. It can build
your empire or burn it to the ground.
To recap, there is nothing mysterious or magical about women. They are just
human beings trying to survive like the rest of us.
They can be greedy, selfish, lie, steal and make mistakes like men. They
have needs like men and possess no magical powers.
There are no good or bad women. Fundamentally, women respond to the
man that you are.

3. Supplicating is Affirming
To supplicate is to lower yourself before another to elevate them or mollify
them.
We are told that women are the weaker sex, so a real man has no issue
supplicating to them to be supportive. You know the way you can play a
game with a kid and let them win to make them happy? That’s the same
thing here, except the kid is the woman, and the game is the game of life.

In many divorces, many men let their wives have everything because they
think that’s honourable. Of course, the women take everything, and the men
are left in ruins.

To supplicate here means to make oneself less to make the woman more.
This is the classic definition of simping.
When a man says during introductions at a party, “this is my beautiful wife,
Sandra. She is a wonderful mother and a great partner. I don’t know why she
chose an idiot like me for a partner. I am so lucky.” This is supplicating to
her.
Several men have done this, and cartoons like The Simpsons and the
Flintstones portray men as bumbling idiots whose existence is managed by
women who are way sharper than them. Obama says in interviews that
Michelle makes the rules, and he doesn’t want to get into trouble with her.
This is taken as a form of chivalry.
Belittling himself, dumbing himself down, and casting himself as beholden
to a woman’s authority is seen as affirming to the woman. Others claim it is
evidence of confident, secure masculinity. Being a gentleman has become
almost indistinguishable from being a foot rag. You see women splashing
wine on men at dinner tables because the man has glanced at another
woman’s butt. This is the belief that has fostered one-way violence in
relationships where women are aggressive and violent toward men, and the
men sit and take it because “no real man places his hand on a woman.”
Do not supplicate to her. Healthy relationships are based on mutual respect.
Nobody should be the rag for the other to be okay.
In any case, supplicating does not work in the long term and is one of the
fastest killers of sexual attraction in a relationship. Women want strong,
assertive, and intelligent men who can lead and take charge, not simps who
are continually supplicating to them. If she wants to be supplicated to, let her
die on a cross for you first.

Securing Your Treasures

A good number of us were born before mobile phones, and social media
were invented. Many of our mothers who weren’t housewives left work and
went straight home. Cheating by women was not as common because they
weren’t as ubiquitous in the workplaces as today.

Women relied on sub-communication and their feminine wiles to have a man

at the side without the husband knowing. It was typical for a woman
receiving a beating to ask, “unanipiga kwani mimi ni bibi yako?” meaning, “why are
you beating me yet I am not your wife?” If she was caught or became unruly,
the husband beat her up and sent her back to her parents. This is how
faithfulness and respect were enforced.

Fathers were generally the law. When dad roared, everyone went quiet.
Generally anyway. Of course, not in every household. Laws were later
introduced that curtailed the use of violence to enforce compliance. Women
became empowered. Female judges rose to the bench as some female judges
and made a career out of breaking men’s balls.

Slowly, men’s aggression was toned down. Mainstream media became all
about pandering to women. Masculinity was labeled as “toxic” and chased
out of town in a cloud of dust with his tail between his legs.

But the idea of treating wives as some kind of chattel persists, even if
subliminally. Women love it and hate it at the same time. Men pay the bride
price; women don’t. Men are expected to be providers; women are not
necessarily so. Many women still move with the idea of “his money is our
money, and my money is mine.” These ideas basically mean the woman has
a subaltern role in the marriage and go counter to the idea of partnership,
which women still want at the same time.

In war situations, women and children are spared, and men are slaughtered.
The God of the Old Testament is more savage and goes further, though. In
Numbers 31:17, he says, “kill all the boys, as well as every woman who has
had relations with a man.” For him, only the virgins should be spared. That’s
cold as f, but I digress.
Women were regarded as spoils of war and collected as prizes in those days.
It made sense, though. We know that women willingly love people who
come to kill their men, as seen in the war bride dynamic.
The female mental schema is to prioritize her own survival. Hypergamy
basically means choosing the best man for her own survival. This means she
has to mitigate the risk of losing her man
– either to other women or to death. As a result, having other men cooling
their heels in the friendzone as plan B is the norm rather than the exception.
This facilitates monkey branching, which is a feature of the female dynamic.
Social media platforms, which offer unlimited access to unlimited suitors,
has really facilitated this. Social media has basically pumped gallons of
steroids into the extended arm of hypergamy.
Recently, some guys DMd me, saying that men should regularly check their
women’s phones. Failing to do so is careless and weak, they said. A man
should not need permission to look into his wife’s phone. Your wife is like
your daughter – you have to show her the boundaries, what is acceptable and
what is not.
Many men believe this. Scottie Pippen’s wife slept with the rapper Future,
while Scottie was out there chasing the bag. Many women do this.
Cuckoldry often happens when the man is away looking for money – this is
why 30% of paternity tests fail. It is selfevident that women will tend to
explore their options with more freedom.
The question of securing paternity has preoccupied men since time
immemorial. That is why in the Ten Commandments in the Old Testament,
commandments number six and number nine are about securing paternity.
(as an aside, this just shows you how much the “word of God” is just a label
for “the word of man”). It is why the Catholic Church elevated a virgin to a
level of a deity and made her virginity perpetual - that’s the idealized
woman. Monogamy was basically instituted to keep women in line. Women
themselves hate monogamy, as you have seen from trends in the west.
The puzzle remains with us. No generation can escape from it.
So, guys, you Twitter generation, I am talking to you. How do we secure our
women from other men?
There are two views.
One, it’s your job as a man to set the rules. Women are like children, and if
you don’t give them rules to follow, they will get into trouble. As Don
Corleone says in Mario Puzo’s The Godfather, “Women and children can
afford to be careless, men can not.” In Greek mythology, the female is
represented as chaotic. In general, women are not very good at enforcing
boundaries – that is why mothers-in-law are hell (they convert their sons into
surrogate husbands).
According to this school of thought, it is your job as a man to tell her what
you will tolerate and what you will not tolerate. Set boundaries. One of them
can be no Instagram account – Instagram is for advertising yourself. You are
off the market, so what are you doing posting your pics on Instagram? I will
not tolerate you having single friends who are always partying and rioting.
They will influence you into bad behaviour. No password to your phone. I
want to know who you’re talking to. Be home by 6 PM every day. No male
friends for you. A woman cannot be platonic friends with a man. Yadda
yadda yadda.
Pros of this approach: It works well with traditional conservative women. It
is the least energy-intensive approach if the woman is compliant because
you set the rules once.
Cons: It doesn’t work with modern career women. In fact, they will cuckold
you just to feel the rush of beating your dragnet and outwit you. It can be
draining to enforce and lead to mindless quarrels and arguments. It’s fuelled
by a scarcity mindset and insecurity, which means the man treats the woman
as the prize.
Psychologically, it’s a weak position to operate from because the “security”
is false: nobody ever keeps a woman. The sex and the relationship are
transactional and enforced: not springing from genuine desire. It keeps you
beta because you secure paternity through rules, not through genuine desire.
Two, you do your thing. You’re a grown-ass woman. I am busy with my
work and purpose and will not spend my time mateguarding you. I expect
you to be responsible and to do nothing to risk this relationship/marriage.
You know why you are in this relationship, and I will not build a cage to
keep you in it.
What I attract, I will keep. What is mine is mine, and what isn’t mine, life
will take away from me and give me what I deserve.
I have built a life for myself that you can complement. You are in my life
because you know what I bring, not because I have forced you. I am a man
of value, and I am your best option. When I finally succeed, you can be there
to share the glory and the rewards with me. If you mess this up, it is your
loss, and another woman will take your place, and I will continue with my
life. Those guys on friendzone, I don’t care about them. They can feed on the
scraps I leave.
Pros: Saves everyone time and energy. Accepts reality: you can’t keep a
woman who doesn’t want you. The man operates from an abundance
mindset and enjoys the peace that comes with not being necessary (treating
someone as your alpha and omega). The best option for having a relationship
that is based on genuine desire. It’s the fastest way of losing a woman who is
for the streets.
Cons: You can lose her to other men if she has no genuine desire for you.
There is the risk of cuckoldry. She can be sleeping around with the alphas
and coming home to you to raise other men’s children. The solution to this is
learning game and female nature. Money is never enough to secure attraction
and attachment.

Dealing With Infidelity

Many guys have contacted me, faced with the problem of finding out that
their girlfriends are cheating on them. What are they supposed to do after
finding out about this? They ask.

In early 2022, Jeff Bezo’s girlfriend, Laura Mackenzie, publicly salivated

over Leonardo Di Caprio at a public event. She thrust her ample bust
towards him and looked at him lustfully – like she wanted him to take her
there and then. It was so stark that it went viral. It was caught on camera.
People couldn’t stop talking about it.

Jeff Bezos handled it very well. Like a boss. He playfully tweeted about
throwing DiCaprio off a cliff. That’s how you deal with it: rather than show
insecurity, take it in stride.

Look, there will always be taller men who have more money, higher status,
and better looks than you. Nobody gives a F about that. You do you. Be your
best version, and so long as you are doing the work, women will never be an
issue.

One philosophy of life you must embrace as a man is to accept that nothing
is ever truly yours in this world. You were born alone and will be buried
alone. This non-ownership especially applies to women. That’s why Rich
Cooper reminds us, she is not yours; it’s just your turn.
1. Drop The Scarcity Mindset
First of all, you shouldn’t be checking her phone and text messages. This
shows a scarcity mindset. Mate-guarding is what beta males do. Never show
insecurity. Insecurity will make you lose focus. You must adapt and move
with an abundance mindset. That there is plenty of fish in the sea is not just a
figure of speech: it is true. If you lose her, you will get another. Simple. And
if you have false beliefs like the soul-mate myth aka oneitis, get woke. Level
up.

2. Focus On Yourself
If you are the prize, she should be worried about losing you, not you worried
about losing her. If you are not the prize, it means you lack value. It means
you haven’t done the work. It means you have not yet embraced the burden
of performance. Perform and be valuable. You should be busy working
towards being the best version of yourself, not worrying about her. If you’re
afraid, you have already lost her – women quickly smell fear, just like they
smell confidence. Fear sends them away. Confident men keep women
around.

3. Go Non-Exclusive
If you’re not married, you shouldn’t even make it an issue. Don’t even
confront her. That’s a waste of time. Simply go non-exclusive with her. Spin
plates. A man with options is a confident man. Women feel attraction
towards men that other men want to be and men that other women want to
sleep with. Let competition anxiety and preselection do the work for you.
Don’t even stress.

The fact that no other woman wants you is itself a turn-off for most women.
In fact, it makes them question their choice. Stop looking at her as your
betrayer: look at her as practice. Lay the passive dread on her.

4. Let Social Proof Work For You

Don’t be controlling her dressing – thinking that if you keep her covered,
other men won’t see her beauty and come after her.

That’s beta male BS – you can never keep a woman – she is the one that
chooses to stay. If you feel that she is hot and is dressing in a revealing way,
that is not something to be insecure about. Don’t just worry about the men.
Women are part of the game. That is social proof, and other women are
watching. As she is getting the attention of other men, she is advertising you
to other women. Other women will be thinking, “if he got her and she is so
hawt, he must be something!”

This is why ladies go after married men: the fact that another woman is
invested in him proves he has substance – so I can also shoot my shot - that’s
what they think.

What should concern you is how she advertises herself on social media. If
she is posting provocative photos, you are not her only one. Start detaching
because there will be a trainwreck ahead.

5. She Should Complement Your Life

Spending mental bandwidth on her cheating is losing sight of your purpose.
It means you are focusing on her. She should complement your life, not be
the focus. If you are focused on getting better and winning, you will be too
busy to have time for mate-guarding.

And if she is a complement to your life, when she leaves you, your life goes
on, unperturbed.

6. Don’t Worry About Beta Orbiters

99% of the people in her DM and people texting her are not options for her.
Those friend-zoned chumps only want one thing, and women know what
they want.
Do not even honour them with your concern.
Let them waste time on the friend zone playing emotional tampons, sending
fare, and all that nonsense. They are eating your scraps – stay at the high
table and eat your food. Carry yourself like someone aware of his value.
If you’re on your game, beta orbiters are just like stuffed bears: they should
never worry you.
If you’re worried about them, it means you’re not on your game.

7. Mind Your Own Business

Every time you show insecurity, you are showing low value, which lowers
her attraction for you – it makes her realize that you believe flight is an
option for her – meaning you ain’t shit. Your insecurity will fire up her
hypergamous doubt and make her believe you are not the best she can do.

Do your thing. Mind your own business.

Let her decide. Remember, desire cannot be negotiated. It is not your job to
tell a woman why she should stay with you.

Let her figure that out and do something about it. Your job is to focus on
your purpose and become the best version of yourself. Learn the subtle art of
not giving a f*ck.

8. Genuine Desire Is Not Transactional

There is no reciprocity in relationships. Even if you donate your kidney, she
can still love someone else and leave you. As our elders say, even a leg that
you have healed can still kick you. So do not expect that you will receive
back what you put in the relationship.

It doesn’t work like that.

Accept that women have the right to change their minds at any time and be
ready for the moment. All you can do is be her best option and hope she
realizes that. If she thinks someone else is better, well, she wasn’t yours: it
was just your turn.
Accept and keep it moving.
Do not negotiate with her to stop cheating or give her what you think she
needs in the hopes that she will stop cheating. 9. Do The Work
Almost without exception, the guys with this problem are either broke or
struggling financially in one way or another. Guys, get the bag first. Get a
job or a career, be financially stable, get a house and have something a
woman can come into. That’s your masculine frame. Build a home, then a
woman can come and nest in it. We also have guys who have jobs but have
become comfortable. Either they’re obese, have abandoned their looks, lack
confidence, or are socially awkward.
Looks matter. Work out, dress well, look good, smell good, be well-spoken,
and confident.

10. Walk Away

If she is cheating openly, that is disrespectful. Disrespect only gets worse,
not better.
Walk away.
Walking away shows an abundance mindset, is a statement that you know
your value, and indicates that you have not given up on yourself. It also
gives you another chance to get it right.

Get Out Of The Friend Zone

I listened to Maina Kageni on the radio one morning on my way to work one
day. I have never liked how he exploits suffering porn, but that day, I heard
men’s voices crack with emotion as they shared their experiences, and I just
couldn’t look the other way.

Several men called lamenting how women, some married, kept them in the
friend zone interminably, chewed their money, and stayed evasive, only for
the men to later discover that these women were married or had other men
blowing their backs out.

Some of these guys are minimum wage guys who work their hands to the
bone to make a dime, and the women lied to them about having funerals and
medical emergencies to get them to send them money. Extortion of trust writ
large.

And the women felt nothing. I keep saying pigs get fat and ox get
slaughtered, and some think it is just a punchline.
I shook my head and recalled the Biblical verse that says my people suffer
because of lack of knowledge.
Women called in, telling Maina Kageni unapologetically that they didn’t
force the starved men to send them money. In any case, they must test
whether the man is a giver first before taking them seriously.
Look, guys, the first thing to understand is that if a woman does not find you
sexually desirable, she keeps you in the friend zone. In other words, you
tried to transition the relationship from a platonic one to a sexual one, and
you failed. Period.
Women keep men in the friend zone for free non-sexual attention, play
games, eat free food, get free drinks and money. Later on, they discard them
through ghosting or just block them.
A self-respecting man wouldn’t want to be done dirty like that.
Why do men get in the friend zone?
This is how it goes: a man sees a woman he desires sexually. Then he invites
her for a date. Now, for those who don’t know, inviting a woman for a date is
the socially acceptable way of telling her, “I (may) want to have sex with
you.” Honest women who have seen you and feel no desire for you will
politely say No.
Research indicates that 30% of women go on dates for free food. However, a
curious woman may also come to date to see what you look like. What is
certain is that but by the end of the first date, she will know whether or not
she wants to have sex with you – the so-called chemistry.
Some men don’t know this. They think a woman needs to be convinced to
have sex with them. They think it’s a puzzle to be solved. They think it’s like
lifting weights, so they just need to try harder.
So they keep squandering resources on the third, fourth, and tenth date until
the woman, feeling pity for the clueless numbnut, says, “let us just be
friends.” Some men then launch into a pathetic begging session, asking with
puppy eyes, “why can’t we be more than friends?” which only gets them
firmly nailed in the friend zone.
If she says, “let us just be friends,” tell her, “that is what I was also
thinking.” Better yet, tell her, “No, actually, this is our last date. Have a great
life. Bye.”
If you haven’t had sex by the second date, gentlemen, cut her loose. This is
not high school where boys and girls play pitty patter. This is real life.
Ask a woman if she can invite a man for two dates if she is the one paying
for both. No woman will accept such a deal.
Guaranteed.
So why should you continue paying for nothing? If it were her girlfriends on
the date, they would split bills. So why should you be the girlfriend that buys
her food and drinks? Mbona ubebwe

ufala hivyo?
Look, genuine burning desire cannot be negotiated. It is not for you to give a
woman reasons why she should sleep with you. Women can tell this within
the first 30 seconds of a date.

To try to convince her is just pathetic. If she desires you, she will want to
come to your place after the first date. Any extra date is a red flag.
Maximum two dates.
Women love the attention the way fat kids love chocolate: they can’t have
enough of it – even if they think you’re dusty and don’t stand a chance. All
validation has value for women, even if they don’t think highly of men. The
fact that she doesn’t spurn your attention or your cash does not mean she
desires you. Remember, the primary agency for women is sex. So every time
you are giving her free attention, it is an affirmation that she’s still got it.
And they love this, even if you’re pathetic.

That is why, if you want a woman to want you, you shouldn’t give it freely.
If you withhold free attention from her, she will feel challenged and will
think you have a higher value than her, which will, in turn, increase her
interest in you. Giving free attention is licking her boots like a dog.
Withholding it is showing her she needs to do more to get it. Her wanting to
do more is what is called desire.

Also, these women know what you want, even if you are pretending to be an
angel. So stop trying to be the United Nations. You will be chewed and spat
out like nonsense.

If the feeling is mutual, she will give it to you. She will not play games. You
won’t need to read her mind.
Many misguided men persist with the pursuit, and the women enjoy the
attention even though they feel no sexual attraction to the men. Then later,
because of the aggression and persistence of such guys, some women
surrender and accept marriage proposals out of guilt. Some accept marrying
such men to meet societal expectations, but not because they desire such
men.
The man celebrates, thinking he has won her. But these are the women who
are likely to step out when they meet men they feel a genuine burning desire
for. Making such women submit in the marriage becomes a tall order.
Now, in the age of social media, women post their photos on social media.
Some show their behinds for men to salivate over. Thirsty beta males drool
over these photos and run straight to their inboxes to shoot their shots. The
women check the profiles of such men – is he a tycoon? Can he sponsor a
trip to Dubai? Anakaa ameomoka? Can he be paying my mechanic?
These women know what you want – and they know it is between their legs.
If the men look dusty, they are ignored or blocked. If they look well put
together, they get responses and get chatting. Such thirsty betas are excited
to get the attention, and when they are asked to send cash for fuel or for
salon, rather than see this as a red flag, they take this as a challenge and send
the money. They want to prove they are men of means. “Pesa otas,” as Luo
men put it. Some men do this perpetually, for months or years, hoping to hit
it one day.
Some invite these women for dates, and they are kept in the friend zone.
Those who accept join the hordes of orbiting beta males salivating every
time she sends the occasional photo. Those likes mean a lot to her. She laps
up that non-sexual attention like a cat that has been given milk. If you like
her photos and she never likes yours, that is a sign. You are invisible to her
and are just a random thirsty beta male. Keep it moving.
These men send her money every time she says she needs some cash. Such
men hope that when she has fought with the main man one day, she will call
crying, and they will finally hit it. At best, they get a phone call. To her, you
are like a stuffed teddy bear: you can’t make her wet.
The thing, though, is that a woman who desires you will not ask for your
money frivolously unless she is broke and it’s money for traveling to come
to see you. The money will be about you, not her hair, sick mother, dad’s
funeral, or some other BS.
And she won’t eat the fare.
If she eats the fare, one fare is like two dates. That should end it. Being in a
friend zone is a punk position to be in.
It makes you her fool and keeps your attention attached to her slavishly
while you could be with other available women who desire you.
It blinds you, wastes your resources, and gives you false hope.
Remember, genuine burning desire cannot be negotiated.
If you see her post photos of her behinds, that’s a red flag. You can be sure
that dozens of thirsty beta men like you with a scarcity mindset swarming
her DM, giving her free non-sexual attention. She wastes your time and
keeps you distracted by dangling a carrot you will never bite.
The only women you should send money to are your wife, relatives, or a
woman you do not desire sexually.
Money creates comfort, not desire.
It cannot buy friendship or manufacture sexual chemistry.
If the chemistry is not there, it is not there. Don’t fool yourself.
If you are willing to pay for it, don’t come to social media; go to where it is
sold openly.
Save your time and resources and open yourself to women available for you.
Get out of the friend zone. Wacha ufala.

What Is An Alpha Man?

People are often confused about the meaning of alpha in intersexual

dynamics. Some say there is no such term as alpha men and argue that the
term cannot apply to people.

As much as the term was derived from wolves and gorillas, it has nothing to
do with foxes or gorillas or how it applies to them. It is just used as a
placeholder to denote certain characteristics that come with a mindset.

Among wolves, the alpha male and female are the only wolves that breed
and produce pups in the pack, and they also get to eat first at kills.

Mountain gorillas live in groups led by a dominant silverback (adult male),

who must lead the group’s daily travels and activities, keep the group
cohesive, and defend the group from outside intruders. The dominant
silverback mates with all females in the group as soon as they begin
ovulation.

Secondly, people have argued that different personality types are categorized
in a Socio-Sexual Hierarchy. They have classified them as alphas (Self
Confident, Outgoing & Enterprising), betas (Collaborative & Introverted),
deltas (Aloof, Resentful & Private), sigmas (are like alphas but lone wolves),
omegas (Eccentric, Kinda Nerdy & Laid Back) and gammas (Adventurous,
Fun-Loving & Restless).

Before going further, let us note that Kevin Samuels, the renowned, red-
pilled American dating coach, has defined what he calls a high-value man.
He says a high-value man has six characteristics

• He earns at least $10K monthly

• Earning of $10K Monthly over more than five years
• Acceptance from a group of other high-value men
• Access to a fraternity-like network
• An accepted prominent position by society – LinkedIn level visibility
• The ability to be of use by other high-value men

This definition focuses significantly on the beta bucks side of hypergamy

and status. At the end of this discussion, you will be able to determine its
suitability or deficiency, if any.

When it comes to intersexual dynamics, we don’t care about the above

hierarchies because women become a factor in the classification. We only
talk about alpha or beta.

What is an alpha male?

A man is an alpha based on two main things:
1. Dominance 2. Options
A subtext to the above two is resources.

1. Alpha Is a Mindset and is Contextual

First of all, being alpha is a mindset. That mindset is what creates what we
see externally. As Rollo Tomassi says, you are not alpha because of your
achievements; you have your achievements because you are alpha.

You can be born with an alpha mindset or develop it. Alpha behaviours are
manifestations of an Alpha mindset.
Girls will gravitate towards a school teacher who is a schmuck out here. But
in the classroom, he is seen as the alpha by the girls. Being alpha can
therefore be contextual. In Swahili, they say jogoo wa shamba hawiki mjini. This
means a cock in the village doesn’t crow when taken to the city.

2. An Alpha Is Dominant
To be alpha implies that you necessarily rise above a certain degree of
common mediocrity depending upon the context. Alphas prioritize their
mission, and that is how they excel and dominate. If they are athletes, they
are disciplined, outwork everyone else and become the strongest.

Now, being an alpha requires that you dominate in a specific field. Your
mastery of a skill or possession of an ability (it can be genetic) must make
you stand above the crowd, and that’s how an alpha differentiates himself.
It should be a skill or ability that makes other men respect or admire you.
When we talk about dominance, we are talking about competence
hierarchies.

You can be a very good car driver. But if there are many good car drivers,
you cannot be alpha because of that ability. What about if you are an
excellent formula one car driver like Lewis Hamilton? You become alpha
because you have taken driving to the next level. When it comes to
competence, an alpha rises above and dominates in chosen fields.

Because of this dominance in their fields, alphas often attract resources and
therefore tend to be rich.
Will Smith, for example, is an alpha in acting. Superman is alpha because he
is stronger than other men. Batman is alpha because he has resources, and he
is also strong. Captain America is alpha because he is strong. Ironman is
both strong and rich.
Now, between Captain America and Ironman, who is more alpha? Between
Ironman and Batman, who is more alpha?
This is where it gets interesting.
Throw in women into the mix.
Women in their twenties, aka the party years, will find Batman and Ironman
more attractive. Batman is a sort of a dark, bad boy. He is rich, but he sets
his own rules and is a vigilante. Similarly, when you look at Ironman, Tony
Stark is a rogue tycoon who does what he wants. He is a sort of a bad boy
because he doesn’t follow the rules.
Women find such men exciting. It’s the appeal of bad boys.
Now, consider Superman; he is strong but principled and follows the rules –
he even presents himself in court, yet he can flatten the entire courthouse.
People who follow the rules are good long-term prospects for women, and
women past their thirties prefer them as beta male provisioners. They are
good candidates for parental investment and provisioning. But they are
boring.
The same applies to Captain America. What’s rather interesting is that you
see Superman falling for Lois Lane, abandoning his mission of saving the
world, and later, Lane gets bored and wants to go for Batman.
Because of female nature, hypergamy, which is a dualistic mating strategy,
men realize that being on the alpha f*cks side of hypergamy is better than
being on the beta bucks side.
The beta male provisioner is being used as a utility, but the alpha is sexually
desired, gets to bang, and has paternity.
Securing paternity is very important for men – it is hard-wired in us. That is
why in the Bible, God deals with virgin Mary, and prostitutes are treated as
the worst kind of woman.
The virgin as the ideal woman is an anthropomorphism that the mythmakers
projected onto God.
Women say they want the three sixes: 6 feet tall, 6 pack, and 6 figure salary.
But 6 figure salary guys hardly have time to have a six-pack. So they play to
get the best of both worlds.
And that is why good men fail paternity tests.
Ultimately, men recognize that having a good income, being physically fit,
and having game (game just means social skills) are essential for
maintaining a good SMV and, very importantly, options.
If you strip away everything, an alpha imposes his will upon the world. He
doesn’t care about what others think; he just does what he decides to do.
3. An Alpha Has Options
Now, an alpha man is defined as a man other men want to be, and women
want to bang. Therefore, an alpha can easily get sexual access because many
women want him.
This is called having options. Having options makes men alpha
– it is like their bargaining chip. A man without options acts out of necessity.
An alpha doesn’t pursue: he is pursued.
The options are a fallback and mean the alpha never has to be desperate or
tolerate unpleasant situations like having a bad boss or a nasty wife. If you
have no options or lack the nuts to exercise them, you are not alpha. An
alpha can also have options if, because of his resources or mindset, he can
chart a new path in his life, shape his lifestyle whichever way he wants, and
so on. Steve Jobs, for example, started Apple, lost it after boardroom wars,
started his own startups, which were very successful, and later came back
and rescued Apple, which was on the verge of bankruptcy.
An alpha jealously guards his most precious resources; his independence and
ability to manoeuvre. In other words, his options and his ability to exercise
them. True power isn’t about controlling others but the degree to which you
control the course of your own life and your own choices.
A man should be strong so that he has the option to resort to violence if it
comes to it. Only such a man can be said to be peaceful. A weak man cannot
be said to be peaceful because he has no option anyway. He has to be
peaceful by necessity.
Most broke men are faithful by necessity in the same fashion: other women
don’t want to deal with them. Something that is done out of necessity cannot
be a virtue. This is why many women face the terrible prospect of their men
becoming unfaithful once they “get money.” Money gives men options, and
that’s why it is important to work hard and get the bag.
Because of false beliefs like oneitis and getting into bad marriage contracts,
some alphas can have options and still be unable to exercise them.
That is why most men in the west avoid marriage or sign prenups to
maintain some room for manoeuvring and avoid being zeroed out. Being
able to exercise options basically means putting yourself first. If you put
others first, you are f*d up by definition, and they can exploit you for their
own selfish interests.
For example, Will Smith, even though he is an alpha actor, is a beta male
because of his lack of understanding of female nature and lack of awareness
of his own power. He is like the elephant that is so strong and is free, but
because he thinks he is tied to a pole he is standing next to, he cannot walk
away.
Limiting beliefs can make your options inexistent because you cant exercise
them. Women don’t want a man to cheat. But they love a man who could
cheat. Women view men who could cheat as alpha. If you cannot cheat (i.e.,
other women don’t want you), you lack preselection, and her attraction is
lowered. It makes her wonder, “Is he the best man I can get?”
When it comes to his marriage, Will’s mindset is a beta male. He supplicates
to Jada and is not a leader. She does not respect him nor find him sexually
attractive. Yet, he stays in the marriage and continues doing goofy things,
hoping that she will one day love him.
Will entered her frame, thinking she would love him if he became more like
her or complied with her wishes. Beta men fail to understand that opposites
attract. They also don’t understand that you either enter her frame or she
enters yours.
An alpha covertly gives the impression that he can go nonexclusive. To
forestall this possibility, women invested in the alpha keep his stomach full,
his nuts empty, and provide him with peace.
Barrack Obama, for example, is also very blue pill, just like Will Smith. But
Michelle is a well-adjusted wife who treats him with respect such that his
blue pill mental schema doesn’t appear to be a weakness. This is what is
sometimes called the apex fallacy.
Most rich people don’t even understand why people talk about intersexual
dynamics. They don’t see the point. When you are at the apex, because of
your status or resources, often, you can live with blue pill beliefs without
ever knowing their danger because the women around you defer to you
because of your social proof.
To them, all women are submissive.
Now, Will Smith wasn’t so lucky, and Jada is doing him dirty.
Neither was Robert Kiyosaki, the author of Rich Dad Poor Dad. He was also
divorced by his wife of more than thirty years. The divorce came as a shock
to him because he had been a faithful, hard-working husband. After the
crisis, he examined his life, and he realized that he was, in his own words, “a
big fat beta.”
An alpha can exercise options if he chooses. If you cannot or have no
options, you are not alpha. This is why there is a big drive towards
entrepreneurship in the red pill community. If you are employed, you lack
financial freedom and can be fired anytime. Your boss can make you his
beech (sp). Alphas seek to be in a position to steer their own ships. They do
not want to be in a position where they blame their failure on other men.
Our fathers did not teach us this.

Are You A Simp?

A simp, short term for a simpleton, is a man who is infatuated with women.
He shows excessive attention towards them even when they do not
reciprocate, hoping that he will win them over by sacrificing his dignity and
abandoning his own needs.

To be clear, a gentleman respects himself and others. A simp doesn’t respect

himself; he only respects women. A gentleman has goals and purpose; he
knows what he wants. A simp wants whatever the lady wants. But we all
know what he wants. Right ladies? (nudge, nudge, wink, wink)

Below are 13 signs that show that you are a simp.

1. She tells you in private that you are a nice guy. This means you have no
standards and comply with whatever she desires. It means you don’t stand
up for yourself or are rudderless. She, therefore, sees you are a utility – the
way one would look at a car or even an obedient dog. “Nice guy” is
euphemism for “you don’t make me wet.”

If, on the other hand, she says you are an a*hole, good. You are being alpha
and have shown you have standards and principles. Stand your ground. That
is what she needs from a man. Relationships thrive on polarity, not slavish
compliance. Nice guys finish in the bathroom because they can’t get women
wet.

2. You send money to women you have never met in real life in the name of
compassion and helping them. You’re invisible to them, but you’re so
addicted to simping, you still believe there is a possible payoff in future for
you. You will never get any benefit from this. You will be chewed and spat
out. Then you will come here crying with dusty ideas like MGTOW and
giving your money to therapists to set you straight.

3. You are readily available to go to their rescue even when you will get
nothing in return. You do not know that it is scarcity that creates value. You
will drop everything for a female acquaintance in case of an emergency.
Even though you are in the friend zone, she can call you with a flat tyre in
the middle of the night (the sheer nerve!), and you will get out of bed and go
to get her out of a jam.

4. Constantly white-nighting, trying to defend the honour of women and

making excuses for female bad behaviour. You are willing to die for women
who don’t know you. You have made yourself a member of the goon squad
of the feminine imperative.

5. You do traditionally feminine roles in the house to access her viscous

insides. Bending over backwards to please her is trying to negotiate desire.

6. You don’t get good results with women; for example, they cheat on you,
ghost you, disrespect you, tell you off and so on. Most likely, it is because
you are simping too much. The more you simp, the more she stops seeing
you as a man. Get on your purpose and dedicate yourself to it.
7. You cannot make any decision without getting her approval first. Your
friends know this. This means that you don’t trust your leadership, and
neither does she. Simps cannot lead.

8. You comply with feminine-correct notions like “happy wife, happy life”,
“ladies first”, “respect women”, “toxic masculinity”, and so on, and are
unwilling to critically examine and challenge such tropes. Derrick Jaxn and
Steve Harvey have made a fortune out of this. Women get entertained when
they hear men say these things that pander to the feminine imperative. But,
ironically, these same women despise men that comply with them.

9. You follow women who don’t follow you back. This means you are a fan.
You follow ratchet Instagram “models” and socialites on social media,
especially women who like displaying their bodies in sexy fashion. Every
time they post something new, you get an update. This means you have a lot
of time on your hands watching garbage. You are not on your purpose. You
are a prospective member of the cult of pu**y beggars and a** worshippers.

Why Men Simp

Men who simp have three main characteristics. This is a spectrum, and a
simp can have some qualities and lack others:
1. They Haven’t Worked On Themselves:

1. Physically, they’re either obese or thin and have no muscle on them.

Simps either lack physical presence or are unattractive. They neither look
strong nor fit. Men can make up for poor physical looks, with other qualities
like charisma and the attributes I mention below. Therefore, having poor
looks is not the end. Mick Jagger was not handsome, but he became an icon
and a sex symbol.

2. Most simps don’t prioritize their looks. They could be sporting an unruly
beard, an untamed bald head, baggy clothes that hide their (abandoned)
bodies, and other telltale signs that show that they do not prioritize their
looks.

3. They could also be men who haven’t maximized their potential. They
have no jobs or careers, no noteworthy talents, no status, no value.
4. Simps are also often socially awkward. They are shy, probably fear girls,
can’t handle their side of a conversation, and are unrefined. They can’t run a
date, take charge of a situation, and are not confident, not assertive. They
have no game and don’t know what to do next. They haven’t put themselves
out there to be tested, get rejected, and get some sand in their gizzard.

5. They lack purpose. Simps lack direction and treat women as the focus of
their lives. They prioritize sex and relationships with women and treat them
as cardinal in their lives.

6. The above (1-5) is what constitutes a masculine frame. Simps lack a

masculine frame. And because they lack it, they quickly enter the female’s
frame.

2. They Are Blue Pilled

1. They think if you love a woman, that is her qualification to love you back.
So they focus on professing their love stridently and creatively by buying
expensive gifts, big demonstrations of love - remember the numbnut who
took a loan, hired a chopper, and proposed to this is Ess? That’s a good
example. Yes, women like intense emotions (romance), but that’s not what
keeps them.

2. They believe women can or should care about what and how they feel.
They really are in their feelings and act like those feelings are gold. In truth,
women don’t care.

3. They think being a good man, a nice man, is a primary quality that women
find attractive or desirable. Simps desexualize themselves and act like they
don’t want to have sex with a woman, not realizing that that sends them to
the friend zone and classifies them as beta.
4. They express themselves like women and emote like women. They
embrace female ways of looking at life, thinking that understanding the
world like a woman, seeing it through a fem-centric lens, can make them
successful with women.

5. They do not know that there is transactional sex and validation sex. Simps
pay for sex through gifts, chore play, and other offerings. They present
themselves as beta male providers thinking it’s a winning strategy. They
think that if a woman has sex with you, she likes you, even if you had to pay
for it. This is why when they are finally dumped, they are crushed.

6. They think women love for love’s sake or that a woman can love them for
who they are, not what they are.

7. They think women say what they mean and mean what they say. So they
listen to women and simply don’t get it. They are tone-deaf to sub
communication. They can’t read between the lines even when they are
flaked, ghosted, disrespected, friend-zoned, and so on. They hang in there
desperately chewing breadcrumbs thrown at them, hoping, begging, waiting.
Because they can’t get anyone wet, they end up fapping and consuming
porn.

9. They believe in blue pill, BS theories like oneitis, equal partnership, true
love, soul-mate theories, open communication and so on. They’re plugged
into the matrix and run their lives based on unexamined, gynocentric beliefs.

10. They don’t grasp intersexual dynamics, particularly elements of the

female schema. They are unaware of concepts like solipsism, sexual
marketplace value, monkey-branching, preselection, shit-testing, hypergamy,
sexual agency, and so on. They go through life thinking that women have the
same sexual agency and sexual selection strategies as men.

11. They think they are special and believe they can reclaim damaged
women. They take problem women from the streets, women with borderline
or narcissistic personality disorders, alpha widows, and so on, thinking they
can rehabilitate/ change them. Ultimately, women hate simps. They find
them weak, their cloying adulation sickening, and they do not arouse
genuine burning desire in women. With simps, women don’t feel safe and
protected.

3. They are Beta Males

One foundational characteristic of beta males is treating sex as necessitous
and having a scarcity mentality. They live under the existential fear of
upsetting or losing their women because losing them is losing sexual access.
So, rather than be themselves and man the f up, they try to be compliant with
the wishes of their women in the hope that they will accept their pansy
behinds and stay with them.

Beta males are unsure about their masculinity. Because of this, they listen to
what women tell them about what being a man is about. If they are told a
real man cooks for his woman, he cooks for his woman. They do not know
that a woman cannot teach a man how to be a man. And even if she did,
already, that’s her leading you, which is a problem that shows dysfunction.

The unfortunate thing is, oftentimes, women tell you what they have heard
other women say and have no idea what should be done.

CONCESSIONS THAT MAKE MEN BETA

In relationships, people tell each other many things. But some things require
discernment rather than being taken literally. Some of the ideas women pick
up from popular media and pass to their men can betadize men. We look at
some of them below.

Also, women often don’t say what they mean, so don’t take everything they
say seriously. We all know that if you ask a woman who is sulking, “what’s
wrong?” she will say, “nothing.” It’s because she wants you to figure it out.
The same applies in some of these cases: look past what she says.

1. I Want A Man Who Understands Me

First of all, she is supposed to support you in your mission, so it is more
important for her to understand you and your mission, not vice versa.

Secondly, remember Pandora?

Men who try to understand women end up frustrated and indecisive and will
always be asking, “What did I do this time?” They are the type of men who
will be pestering women with, “What’s bothering you? Please tell me,” when
she is just going through feelings that even she cannot understand.
You will never understand a woman, so don’t even try. Women don’t
understand themselves, so how will you understand her? A woman’s moods,
perspectives, and emotions change with her age, her friends, what you did or
didn’t do, what someone said about her looks, the stage of her ovulatory
cycle, and so on.
Trying to understand a woman makes you look needy, unsure and pathetic.
Perish the thought.
It means reading her mood or body language every time before making a
move.
A leader provides direction and doesn’t get mired in chaos and worry about
shifting sands.How will you drive if you’re always looking at your passenger
and keep taking your eyes away from the road to check if you’re compliant?
Stay steady! Don’t be distracted.
What you need to understand as a man is your purpose. Be a rock-solid man
on who she can rely on. Do not understand the storm she is going through:
be the tower she can always go to after the storm.
Put yourself first, and she will find you attractive. Do not put her on a
pedestal or defer to her emotions.
The appeal of bad boys lies in them putting themselves first and not caring
what the woman thinks or wants. Trying to understand her is putting her
ahead of you, yet she wants you to lead. This lowers your attractiveness.
Lead! Stop being a pansy-ass.

2. We Should Both Agree Before Doing Things

This is one of the worst ideas beta men pick from women. Sure, you can
consult on ideas, and you will have to decide which ones. But for the most
part, take the lead in making the important decisions.

At the root of hypergamy is a female desire to be led by a competent man.

Women want men who are taller than them and more accomplished than
them for a reason: they want men who can lead them! Not hesitant, dithering
men who will be biting their fingers when it comes to decision-making like a
numbnut.

Women want a decisive man who knows what he is doing. They want a man
who can lead them and take away the burden of decision-making from them.

A man who is always consulting shows a lack of control and frame. Such
men make women feel unsafe. A woman wants to feel safe and hates the
feeling that they need to take over decisionmaking in the relationship. Such a
woman will resent you for putting her in that position. She has a man. Why
should she worry about decision-making like a single woman?
Be dominant, display strength, and she will respect you. If she doesn’t
respect you, her attraction will tank. Don’t ask, “What, uh, do you, er, think
we should do?” tell her, “We are doing x,” Period.

It doesn’t matter if you are wrong. People learn from their mistakes.
Just freaking take the lead already.

3. I Want A Man In Touch With His Emotions

She is the emotional one, so this means going against your masculine
rationale to appeal to her emotions to mirror her or compliment her
emotional compass.

A man should be stoic with firm control over his emotions.

A man who is emotional and unable to act rationally is the very definition of
emasculated.
You are the head. Lead with your logic, not your feelings.
You must believe that, at the core, rock-solid masculinity will always be
attractive to women. If you doubt this, you have already lost. A full-stack
man moves with reason, not feelings. Prioritizing emotions and listening to
your feelings is one of the worst things you can do as a man.
To a woman, an emotional man will abandon her and run when the going
gets tough. Be stoic. Be unfazed. Be a rock-solid man.
If you’re led by emotions, it means you can be easily manipulated and can
be moved off-centre.
She will not feel safe with you.
4. I Want A Gentleman
When men hear this, they interpret this to mean the woman wants a nice guy.
A gentleman lacks an aggressive edge. He defers to others and doesn’t put
himself first. He is a man whose capacity for aggression is muted, and his
degree of agreeability is high. He smiles a lot, says yes, and doesn’t mind
burning up for others to be warm.
This kind of person makes a woman feel unsafe, and she can’t get wet for
such a pansy-ass man. A woman wants a man who makes her feel that, if it
comes to it, he can commit some strength to keep her safe and impose his
will. She wants to feel protected, and this comes from a man who can take
charge and control the frame. This is what makes her submissive.
A gentleman can be dominated by other men. He lacks the spark that
separates the winners from the losers. Don’t be gentle and timid. An arrogant
or confident man conveys that he has experienced success in the past. It
means you believe in yourself and is not afraid to step up and lead. Be proud
and conduct yourself as if you deserve to be here. Pride will make a man
walk into a room and command presence and order.
Show strength, strong will, and competence. Do not shy from showing
aggression and dominance in the relationship. Gentlemen convey the notion
that they can fold under pressure.
Remember, no woman wants a nice guy. Nice guys get friendzoned, and they
finish in the shower because they can’t get any woman wet.

How Men Remain Beta

This list is in no way definitive or comprehensive. Make of it what you will.

But first, be warned: this may hurt.
1. Not Putting themselves First
They follow the crowd and try to fit in, even if doing so does nothing of
benefit to them.

Prioritizing other people’s feelings and thoughts at the expense of their own
thoughts is what nice people do, and that’s the fundamental feature
underpinning the beta male.

Normalize saying No.

Do not be nice.
A nice guy lacks an edge. He defers to others and doesn’t put

himself first. He is a man whose capacity for aggression is low, and the
degree of agreeability is high.
This kind of person makes a woman feel unsafe.
A woman wants a man who makes her feel that, if it comes to it, he can
commit some strength to keep her safe and impose his will. She wants to feel
protected, and this comes from a man who can take charge and control the
frame. This is what makes her submissive.
Make yourself your own mental point of origin and master the subtle art of
not giving a f.
Do not let your pastor, politician, or friend set a plan for you. Have your own
agenda every day.
2. Spending Too much time on Information Media
Spending too much time reading the newspaper or watching the television,
or on FaceBook, or watching TikTok clips on Youtube is a waste of your
time.

High-value people value their time and do not engage in no ROI activities.
Television feeds you hyperreality like advertisements, what politicians are
doing, and suffering porn – accidents, homicides, disasters, etc.
Social media is 80% lies and fabricated indignation. None of these will help
you achieve your purpose.
Instead, they are likely to destabilize you emotionally and create needs that
aren’t aligned with your goals.
People who value their mental health and are on their purpose stay away
from these distractions and mind candy.

3. Watching Sports for long hours

Unless you are a sportsman, spending long hours watching other men make
a living is a complete waste of time and is rather gross. And as mentioned
earlier, competent people value their time.

There is no ROI in watching EPL reruns, G.

In fact, the prospect of grown men screaming like little girls because other
men winning while they are bumming away is a terrible image to behold.
Alcohol advertisers present that image as an ideal but sucking it up as the
way to be cool isn’t very smart.
Get on your purpose. Make a dent in the universe.

4. Alcohol Consumption and Drugs

This will hurt some, but it must be said.

Obviously, we must all have leisure activities as well-adjusted individuals.

So this segment is not against leisure.
Leisure is good. Leisure is essential for our mental health.
But we must be discerning as we engage in leisure. Also, leisure should not
be a central feature in our lives. For example, if you come home from work
at 5:30pm, grab the remote, and squander the next five hours watching
garbage on the TV, and you are an employed person paying rent, you are a
bum. That’s the time you should be working out, or on your side hustle or
networking, not catching up on the manure politicians spouted and suffering
porn.
As Saint Thomas Aquinas said, Nations are born stoic and die epicurean.
Many socially awkward or stressed guys take alcohol to boost their
confidence, loosen up, and generally numb their inner turmoil. In this sense,
alcohol keeps most people underdeveloped and projects them into a false
reality.
They are sedated rather than chase goals, and uncomfortable thoughts are
numbed away in this fake reality. Every moment you spend nursing a
hangover is time squandered when you could be doing something with ROI.
As I have mentioned before, getting drunk is a way of abandoning oneself
(instead of listening to your inner troubles and addressing them) so that
concerns to address issues that need to be resolved are drowned away and a
false sense of peace obtained.
This retards personal growth and blunts ambition. Drugs like cigarettes,
gambling, porn, and hard drugs are also used to escape reality.
Computer games do the same thing: they give you the thrill of winning. But
it is winning in a fake reality. It is an escape and therefore keeps you beta.
When people watch EPL matches, they scream and bang tables as they
watch other men perform. When the matches end, they say they won.
How have you won G, yet you were sitting on your bum the whole time,
bro? This vicarious triumph also releases endorphins and dopamine that we
should be getting from actual accomplishments. Therefore, such activities
can keep us becalmed and satisfied while we have done nothing useful. They
can blunt the sting of our hunger and diminish our personal failures.
The money you spend on alcohol could be better used on therapy or gym
membership. Grow some stones and face your demons. Damnit.
5. Operating on False Beliefs
Beta males operate on false beliefs like soul mate myth, women love the way
men do, what matters is who you are on the inside, your looks don’t matter,
if you treat her like a queen, she will treat you like a king, her body count
doesn’t matter, you are special, you only get once shot in life and so on.
These false beliefs cause them ongoing concerns, demasculinize them and
keep them beta.
Instead of clutching these comforting beliefs, examine your life, develop a
worldview from rule zero and proceed in a clearsighted fashion without
illusions handed down to you.
Beaten paths are for beaten men.

6. Lack of Purpose
Most beta males and indentured servants make women their purpose. They
move with simping beliefs like “happy wife happy life” and other
unexamined beliefs. They stumble through life, responding to any external
stimulus thrown in their direction.

They don’t direct their lives from within and prefer to have a boss. They
struggle to wake up in the morning, are unwilling to apply themselves to
anything new, have no daily habits, and are generally mediocre, achieving
easy goals and sticking in their comfort zones. They are the types that follow
politicians around like lackeys and join whatever big thing is happening
next.

Get a purpose and commit yourself to it.

Goddamnit.

7. Lack of Regular Physical Exercise

They abandon themselves, don’t prioritize their health, and think that looks
don’t matter. Because they avoid discomfort and the strain of physical
exercise, they lack mental fortitude. They tend to be fragile and can’t handle
high pressure or stressful situations.

They are often out of shape and throw on any kind of cloth regardless of
their body shape or what is in vogue.
Because of this, their SMV is low. They have no options and resort to
desperate, clingy actions like mate-guarding to protect themselves against
cuckoldry and being done dirty.
In the long run, they are still done dirty, and they fail paternity tests. A strong
body fortifies a strong mind. There is no way around that.

8. Scarcity Mindset
They are unaware of their abilities, have not maximized their potential, and
think the world is a place that favours certain kinds of people. Because they
haven’t done the work, they will date SMs and cougars while they could do
way better. They don’t expend themselves chasing goals and competing.
Instead, they grovel about their bad luck and complain about their situation
and the problem women in their lives.

Take responsibility for your station in life. You don’t get what you want: you
get what you deserve from life.
Your life is simply a reflection of your beliefs. Develop an abundance
mindset and operate from it.

9. Emoting too Much

Most Betas operate from a femicentric view and buy the idea that men
should emote like women. Furthermore, their emotions are often spiked
because they feed themselves with disruptive, hyperreal garbage from
television and social media. Such people tend to be varying between
different forms of agitation rather than stay on an even keel.

Successful men value their mental peace and understand that the mind is like
a garden: what you put in it grows. They also know that masculinity is about
being stoic and logical, not placing feels before reals. Anything that moves
you off centre should be cut out of your life.

10. Seeking Female Validation

Beta men thoughtlessly give away their free non-sexual attention. They are
quick to tell a woman, “you look smart.” They follow Instagram models and
like whatever garbage they post, hoping to be noticed one day. Women love
attention from men. But they only value the attention of men that they want.
Women know that 99% of the thirsty betas are trash, and their likes are just
for flexing to other women.

But they will be waiting for the day a one-percenter likes her photo. That’s
the guy they will respond to. That’s the guy she will answer his DM. Free
attention means looks, gifts, compliments, and communication that is not
reciprocated. When you give a woman free attention, it indicates to her that
you are a low-value man with nothing better to do. Her non-reciprocation
expresses her low level of interest in you and, sometimes, contempt towards
you.

The way to unplug yourself from this mindless activity is to unfollow such
models and start dealing with content that will improve you and help you
level up.

Facebook realized that women are addicted to male attention and made it
possible for them to get high from it without the men revealing themselves
as giving that attention to other women. So they created the story feature –
and status on WhatsApp.

Females will post anything on their status/stories just to check who has
viewed them and feel validated. They will even post jokes. Don’t view the
stories/ Status. There is no ROI. You think it is harmless; she thinks you’re
thirsty for her.

Signs That She Belongs To The Streets

She Belongs To The Streets, also known as She Is For The Streets, is a slang
expression taken from the book Niggalation: The Lost book of Ghetto Philosophers and
later popularized by the rapper Future. The phrase is typically used to refer
to sexually promiscuous women.

If a woman “belongs to the streets,” she isn’t sleeping with just one person.
But it also means she a woman who cannot sustain a marriage.

Niggalations 14:28 says:

“From the streets did she emerge, and to the streets, she will return. And I
say unto you, she is for the streets. So be not weary when she must return
from whence she came.”
Men typically assume that because a woman gives up the goods, such a
woman can make a good wife.
Later on, when locked in the midst of a rocky relationship, a nasty divorce or
a toe-curling outcome, that is when they realize that not every woman is wife
material.
Below are some red flags that can help you determine if she is worth wifing
up.
Any score above 5/20 means you should immediately abort the mission and
call for backup as you quickly evacuate to safety.

1. She takes strong cognac, like Hennesey or other strong drinks without a
chaser. This means she has been around and has nothing left. You’re dealing
with damaged goods.

2. You have a relationship, and your photos don’t make it to her active
Instagram page.
3. She goes partying and pursues her business as usual when you’re sick
rather than taking care of you.

4. She has a high notch count and can’t shut up about a guy from her past or
compares you with him. She could be an alpha widow.

5. Has multiple kids with different fathers who are alive.

6. She takes no interest in what you do. Doesn’t encourage or support you.
This is so basic. You cant chase excellence with someone like that by your
side.

7. Doesn’t know how to cook or clean. Just knows how to use Uber eats. She
isn’t tidy and doesn’t clean up or make the bed if not prompted.

8. When you ask her to do something reasonable, she complains like a little
brat rather than comply, she is likely to be a liability and not an asset. In
other words, she doesn’t want to be useful.

9. Wants a super luxury lifestyle, and yet she is average at best and has
nothing going for her: she is delusional.

10. She has no job or has a low-paying job, but her hair, nails are always
well done, and her rent paid. Usually, there are more than two guys, often
sugar daddies supporting her lifestyle.

11. Always wears revealing, provocative, sexy clothes. This means she is
advertising herself. She hasn’t settled down. She may not be interested in
98% of the men that give her attention but is seeking the attention of the 2%
who will answer her hypergamous doubt. Posting revealing photos on social
media is also advertisement.

12. Doesn’t post on public accounts on social media. Has private groups and
so on.
13. Clubs and parties a lot: like more than 2x a week. Clubs are also an
avenue for advertisement, and she hopes to run into someone better than
you. And she will. Make no mistake.

14. She comes to your place the first time without a date. This means she
doesn’t care what you think about her. She presents herself as easy and has
no reputation to protect.

15. She doesn’t ask you to put on a CD even if it’s your first time doing it.
She sleeps without cleaning up. Often smelly. This means she doesn’t
respect her body.

16. She only wants to date and freak and doesn’t want to go beyond dating
even though you know she likes you.

17. She hangs out with hoodrats, the pookies and ray rays and has a
reputation for sleeping around. It could be true or false. But that’s not your
problem.

18. If you’re out for lunch, she posts a picture of the food and not you.

19. Loves drama and seeks shows with such content. Her phone is constantly
beeping with incoming alerts and notifications, and she is constantly on her
phone following updates. Often, it’s men blowing up her DM.

20. Lastly, the one surefire way of knowing whether she belongs to the
streets is stealing her phone and texting her friend, “girl, I’m pregnant.”

If her friend texts back, “by who?” she belongs to the streets.
Equal Partnerships

Many women today say that they would like to get together with a man with
whom they can be equal partners in the relationship. By this, they usually
mean that they do not want a man who expects them to submit to him,
essentially, a male girlfriend.

In their minds, they expect this person to see things the way they do. They
expect that such a relationship will not be rife with conflict and
disagreements if equality is the hallmark. If conflicts arise, they will resolve
them on an equal footing, without the man being dominant.

Any notion that the man should be above the woman is usually considered
either an indication of toxic masculinity or “insecurity.”
Some feminised men also believe that equal partnerships are the way to go. I
have seen many marriages break up because the woman chose someone she
cannot submit to.
You can have a good job, be handsome, tall, and all that, but there will be
considerable challenges if you get into a relationship with a woman
unwilling to submit to you.
For example, Jada Pinkett, Tupac’s alpha widow, is not willing to submit to
Will Smith, and that is why she emasculates and humiliates him at every
opportunity. The same to Gabriel Union and Dwayne Wade. If she is so
much in her masculine, she will be unwilling to submit to you. It will be
hard work to align yourselves with each other, and relationships should not
be such a struggle.
This idea of partnerships is a product of feminism and is based on a poor
understanding of intersexual dynamics.
Here are the reasons why equal partnerships hardly work and are only an
idea people toss around because it sounds good – egalitarian.
1. Hypergamy
A woman will never choose a man who has the same sexual market value as
herself because her sexual strategy is hypergamy: they always choose higher
men. She wants him to be higher to be led by him. If she wanted someone
equal, she would choose someone equal.
To sustain the relationship, a woman wants to see the man as higher, which
is why a man needs to have purpose and be ambitious. If you decline, her
attraction for you will be gone.
If she is talking to you about being in a long-term relationship, it’s because
you have a higher SMV than her. To tell you she wants an equal partnership
would, therefore, not be a fair trade: you worked to earn your spot, so why
come a few notches down?
Women do not give men with the same SMV as them the time of day. They
reach for the best that they can get. Realize your value and move from a
position of strength as a man. Do not settle for an equal partnership because
women do not want that. If they did, they wouldn’t be hypergamous in the
first place.
The risk of cuckoldry increases tenfold in these so-called partnerships. Being
“equal partners” quickly degenerates into “friendship,” and she starts seeing
you as her brother and loses sexual attraction. Her firmware will propel her
to step out and seek a dominant man, an alpha male, at some point.
As a man, as soon as a woman proposes an equal partnership, realise that she
will betadize you and will not be a good long-term partner.
The proposal itself is a confession that she does not see you as a competent
male. Any woman who sees a competent male will willingly submit to him.
Remember, femininity is conditional. Masculinity is not. Women willingly
and happily submit to men they view as dominant or alpha.
If she suggests an equal partnership, keep it moving. It means she does not
subscribe to your vision or thinks she can compete with you in the
relationship. That’s a recipe for disaster. Do not hang on. You will one day
get a woman who thinks you are man enough for her to submit to.
Equal partnerships are one reason divorce is high in the west: the women file
for divorce because they don’t feel they are losing something valuable.
For a long-term relationship, get someone who thinks you are valuable, not
someone who thinks you are equals.

2. Partnerships are Unnatural

A woman wants a man who can protect her and provide for her. You cannot
protect her if you are equal. You have to be stronger and more courageous
than her to protect her. That is not equality. In addition, as a man, women
expect you to take care of the future of both of you. That is part of
protection. And this is one reason why many women spend money
frivolously: they are not worried about the future because they expect the
man to take care of it.

For you to provide for her, which is a natural expectation that all women
have, including the rich and educated, you must have the resources required
to provide her with the lifestyle you have chosen. This is not an equal
partnership.

Research shows that even working career women expect the man to take
care of the significant bills (typically seventy-five percent or more of the
household expenditure) in the relationship. “His money is ours, and my
money is mine” is a fundamental belief most modern women still go by.
The upshot of this is that women do not want equal partnerships, even if they
say it. It is against their nature. Equal partnership is an artificial, western
concept. And we are not artificial beings. 3. Sexual Agency
If a young man in his early twenties brings home a forty-year-old woman,
specks of grey hair, birds feet at the corners of her eyes and all, and declares
to his parents that that is the woman he wants to marry, they will be
devastated.

They will not ask what the woman does for a living or whether she is rich.
They want the best for their son, and they know marrying an old woman is
not best for him.

This brings me to the point I want to make here.

The primary agency of a woman is her sexuality.
That is why chastity is valued, and it’s the same reason for a long

time, virginity was a thing. In addition, women have a biological clock that
places their sexual agency in a time frame. That is why women who do not
marry early enough struggle to get husbands later in life because their sexual
agency declines over time. As far as the sexual marketplace, they become
invisible much faster than men. Jacob worked for 7 years to get Leah’s hand
in marriage in the Bible. It is because Leah had value.

In Africa, the man gives dowry to his in-laws to get a girl’s hand in marriage.
This is done whether the woman is educated or not. That is how to get a
wife. There’s a transaction, and there’s the value received.

The woman’s value is her womb, beauty, discernment, and comforting

quality. For the man, his value is his provisioning, protection, and leadership.

Providing for a woman is a way of validating her sexual agency. Remember,

sperms are cheap while eggs are expensive. A woman can also sleep around
with many men, but she expects to get more than just the pleasure – she is
conditioned to think that by allowing a man access to her viscous innards,
she is giving him something valuable.

The expectation of getting something in return from a man for sleeping with
them is hard-wired in women, and they will be quick to call you stingy or
broke if you do not reciprocate as expected.

Hugh Hefner, the Playboy mogul, had a harem full of willing girls – for
them, sleeping with him, being a rich man, was proof that their sexual
agency was bankable.

Paying for the date means that the man understands that her sexual agency
comes at a price, and he is declaring his willingness to transact. This
willingness breaks barriers and creates sexual attraction from the beta bucks
side of hypergamy. It is the same reason women expect the man to foot the
bill on the first date.

If you are still in doubt, listen to Bills, Bills, Bills by Destiny’s Child or Gwen
Guthrie’s 1986 song, Ain’t Nothing Going on But The Rent.
Men cannot use sexual agency to get ahead in life because

sperms are cheap, and men are not natural incubators of life. Men must
become valuable and are not born valuable. So, a man must master a certain
skill or work to get provisions, and this then becomes the resources he
provides to the woman in exchange for her womb and comforting quality.

4. Genuine Burning Desire

Rollo Tomassi says that genuine desire cannot be negotiated. This means
that if a woman has no genuine desire for you, giving her money, simping,
offering equal partnership, and so on will not create that desire.

When a woman has a burning, genuine desire for you, she will not seek an
equal partnership. Genuine burning desire is what others refer to as “her
ovaries twerking” for you. Genuine burning desire will send her immediately
to her feminine, and she will be willing to submit to you.

Women with genuine burning desire are the ones that will move out of their
parent’s house and come live with you in a bachelor pad where you have a
mattress on the floor. That is what people call “true love.”

A woman who sees your value as a man will not be interested in equal
partnership. She will want you in her life because she sees more than just
what you provide materially. A woman who sees a man as more than just an
ATM, but as a source of security, comfort, leadership, support, and
companionship will not be preoccupied with power-sharing arrangements.
She will fit into your frame and you will become one unit.

Some women see having men in their lives as valuable. Then some women
see having men as valuable only based on what they provide to them. The
latter are the type that will kick you out as soon as you lose a job –
unfortunately, this number is rapidly increasing today. The former are the
ones that will continue to be with you despite being unable to be a provider.

Genuine burning desire is the foundation of a stable, long-term relationship

where the partners pair-bond and exchange energies in a natural manner.

5. Gender Differences
Equality is a female concept. Men do not believe in equality. Men believe in
winners and losers. Men respect competence and meritocracy, and that is
why most organizations set up by men have hierarchies like the military.

In the wild, bulls and lions fight, and whoever wins takes the territory – and
the females. It is all about competence in masculinity. You earn your spot in
the structure. From childhood, men are competitive, and in every situation,
men know who is the dominant male. In primary school, we had the concept
of “first body,” who was the strongest in class.

After a hunting trip, the guy who did the most to make the kill gets the stake.
There is no equality crap entertained. That is our idea of fairness. If men
believed in equality, they wouldn’t conquer other tribes, enslave, and
subjugate them. The dominant male calls the shots. That is how it is, and if
you have a problem, you challenge them to a fight. You win; you call the
shots. You lose; you take whatever is dished out to you.

By proposing an equal partnership, already the man is being thrown out of

his nature into a feminine arrangement. Women, coming from a gatherer
firmware, are at home with the idea of egalitarianism because they
congregate and share. Women operate in collectives, which rely on
egalitarianism while men function in dominance hierarchies, which operate
on competence.
In addition, women tend to be more emotional than men. The interpretive
framework for women when responding to issues is: instinct -> emotion ->
reason while that of men is instinct
->reason-> emotion.

This means that when it comes to several issues, whether it is parenting,

handling extended family, major purchases, decisions, and so on, you will
differ with her. The idea of agreeing on everything is fantastical at best. It’s
often about allowing each partner to play their role.

Now, remember, you cannot reason with emotion. If you settle for equal
partnership, you will quickly realize that decisionmaking can quickly
become agonizing hamster wheels. You will have endless debates, passive-
aggressiveness, emotional blow-ups, denial of sex, nagging, and a lot of
tension over minor things if she does not get her way.

Because men are innate problem solvers, they do not like wasting time
debating endlessly over basic things. Most men would check out of the
debates over minutiae at some point. Someone said that the best way of
controlling women is to make them think they are in control and then let
them have it.

This is why the women run the show in these so-called partnerships. From
“partnerships,” beta males coined the expression “happy wife, happy life”
because they realized that the only way to maintain peace in the home is to
let her have her way.

Therefore, proposing a partnership is just another way of her saying, “I will

be the boss.” Women who propose it tend to be in their masculine and cannot
envision submitting to a man.

Masculine women attract beta males. She already sees you as a beta male if
she proposes an equal partnership.
Walk away from the trainwreck if a woman proposes a partnership to you.
Let her get a man she can submit to. As a man, you should also seek a
woman that can submit to you. That’s the natural order of things; everyone
has someone suitable for them. Don’t force it.
The thing is, even if you accept to be the rag, women don’t want rags either.
She will discard you. In fact, women are more likely to leave weak men than
strong, masculine men.
So be that man.
Accept the burden of performance. Do more and earn your place. Get a
woman whose lifestyle you can support. Get one who has a genuine burning
desire for you and is willing to help you build the life you want for
yourselves.

Reset Your Beliefs

When we were children, we believed that God was everywhere and could
see everything we did. This kept us in check. Many people still believe this,
and that’s okay.

On the other hand, others witnessed many people dying in fires and
drowning in tsunamis. They could no longer believe that a powerful, loving
God could look on as senseless suffering and death took place.

They stopped believing in an omnipresent God (By the way, omnipresence

essentially leads to pantheism which is run aground by the problem of
identity) and became deists because deism is easier to reconcile with free
will. Deists believe that God created the universe and left; he doesn’t
interfere in the affairs of the universe. People like the Italian Renaissance
polymath Leonardo da Vinci, and Max Planck (1858–1947), the German
physicist regarded as the founder of quantum theory, believed in a deistic
God. Many religious scientists who understand how sound the theory of
evolution is are also deists.

We grew up believing that we should listen to our elders because they had
more life experience and therefore were wise. Then we learned that some of
these elders were actually ignorant, thieves, ignorant cult members, conmen,
addicts, and criminals. We learned that white hair doesn’t stop people from
making poor judgements or fostering false beliefs.

We grew up believing that the way to get a girl was to spot a pretty one and
then pursue her until she gave in because girls like persistent men who don’t
give up. We grew up believing that if you found a nice girl, the way to get
her was to convince her how pure and true your love is, and she would look
past your flaws. We grew up believing that once a woman fell in love with
you, she would always love you despite your performance.

We used to believe that the world map is as it is represented in the Atlas.

Now we know that in the world Atlas, which use all used in Geography
classes, Africa is intentionally made to look small compared to countries like
America and regions like Europe.

This was done to make Africans feel small to facilitate the colonial
exploitation imperative and impose the white man’s religion upon us to
control us. We now know that we were conditioned to believe these and
other hegemonic beliefs, which are false. The matrix that we were plugged
into from childhood is a false hyperreality that obscures us from reality and
often leads to poor outcomes.

Actually, almost everything we have believed is false. What we thought were

the rules of life were comforting lies that furthered the interests of different
people, fostered the growth of cultures foreign to us, and propagated agendas
that didn’t serve our interests.

This state, where a man realizes he has to develop his own worldview from
the ground up and start from zero rules, is called rule zero. Rule zero is a
term Rollo Tomassi uses though I am not sure we use it in the same way.

This matches with what Socrates said, which is that the only true wisdom is
in knowing that you know nothing.
Many men are at first angry when this realization, what we call red pill
awareness, hits them. This is called the red pill rage, making men want to
exile themselves from this matrix through ideas like MGTOW (Men Going
Their Own Way).
But it is critical to move past the rage and piece together your beliefs. The
red pill is about making yourself your mental point of origin. Not what you
were told growing up or what is mainstream or popular.
Socrates believed that living a life where you live under the rules of others,
in a continuous routine without examining what you actually want out of it,
is not worth living.
Examine your beliefs. Question everything. With the internet, there is no
excuse to be holding false beliefs.
Start from rule zero.

Things We Learnt From Kevin Samuels

Kevin Samuels was one of the most influential, charismatic, and influential
relationship coaches in the manosphere between 2020 and 2022. His stance
on relationships was controversial, and he stirred a simmering debate about
how black women related to black men. He was a controversial figure hated
and loved in equal measure.

However, his star did not shine for long, and he passed on in early 2022
under unclear circumstances.
Below are some of the things Kevin Samuels said in his numerous videos.
His sayings have a lot of lessons for both men and women.
I disagreed with some of his views; for example, Kevin believed that sex
was transactional, which is something Rollo Tomassi disagrees with.
Some of the expressions require supporting explanations and clarifications
but by and large, they are useful, hard-hitting, no BS lessons for men mainly.
Kevin was big on hard work, was a champion for marriage, big on men
being CIA (see below) and women being FBI (see below), and on raising the
image of the black man and consolidating the black family.
Kevin did not tolerate men who hated women because they could not access
women, and he ruthlessly roasted broke men who called saying women were
bad. He particularly went hard on men who had done no work to maximize
their potential and that were unfit.
He was way harder on men than he was on women. He refused to talk to
men working less than 60 hours a week. He was ruthless about men having
money and paying their bills. “Money comes from working,” he would say.
That is why he was called The Godfather. You will see some of his thoughts
in the expressions below.

1. The first thing a man has to value is himself.

2. Men have to earn their value. Women have to earn their place.
3. We have to stop talking about how much we earn and start talking about
profitability.
4. You don’t get rich by being a worker. You get rich by owning.
5. Develop your own philosophy of life. Know what you do and why you do
it. Because people will come and tell you what you should be doing.
Remember, if they could do it, they could do it themselves. Don’t be driven
by others.

6. Ladies need to rank themselves. Because they rank men. And men rank
them.

7. Marriage is a business transaction. The customer is the man. You ask the
customer what he wants, you don’t chastise him for what he wants.

8. When women get into power, they optimize female mating strategies.
Better divorce laws, alimony, better access to resources without doing the
hard, dangerous work (like mining, engineering, construction), abortion
laws, hypergamy is the driving imperative.

9. Kids dress for comfort. Adults dress for outcomes.

10. Men are as faithful as the options they have.

11. Men of high value have more options and are therefore more likely to
exercise them. A man who had to compete wants a woman who is
competitive.

12. When women are elevated, they elevate their expectations of their men,
and this is why men who take women to school end up being abandoned by
those women.

13. Women struggle to understand men because they keep the counsel of
women. Women keep telling women what men want rather than listening to
men.

14. Men hit the wall when their sex appeal can’t keep up with their financial
situation. As you age, you should earn more, or your SMPV will decline.
Women expect more out of you as you grow older. Your income and status
can make up for your SMPV. The same way a man’s confidence and looks
don’t matter when he is broke is the same way even if you’re old and aren’t
pretty, your Ph.D. doesn’t matter.
15. Every man should be capable of full human expression without seeking
permission.

16. Determine your direction. You have to be grounded and rely on your
mental point of origin. Follow your dream, your passion, your purpose.
Whoever wants something else to be done should do it themselves.

17. A woman with a HVM should know and accept that just the way she
wants him, several other women want him too. They should set rules and
protect each other – from disease, financial ruin, and embarrassment. It’s
foolish to expect monogamy from a HVM. If faithfulness matters so much to
a woman, she should get an average guy.

18. Men don’t care about a woman’s money, career, job, and education in the
same way women care about men’s. They add nothing to a woman’s SMPV.

19. As a part of the “settlement” from the civil rights movement, black
women were placed in positions of power but they turned on black men,
particularly in the 90s. They went for themselves and disdained their black
men. This was the birth of “independent women” and how the black family
started crumbling.

20. White women do not like patriarchy but value their men. Black women
feel they don’t need men.

21. A high-value woman is useful to men, a man must want to keep her. If
she is single, it means no man finds her to be an asset. An asset is useful. The
market for women is men. If you are not useful to the market, you have no
value.

22. What makes a woman high value? (b) She is attractive and appealing -
she is attractive (not necessarily beautiful) to the Mind, Body, and Spirit of a
man. She is fit and is not morbidly obese. (b) Has a comforting character –
to her family, her children, and her man. She is able to soothe. A woman
with masculine energy is not able to soothe. She is soft. She is her man’s
peace. She comforts his mind, body, and spirit. (c) Her character is beyond
reproach. Everyone looks up to her. (d) She is discerning and disciplined.
Without discipline, you cannot be obese. You cannot be led either. Discipline
makes her perform her duties. Makes her fit. Discerning means she has good
judgment. Her friends will tell you if she is discerning. She trusts her own
judgment. (e)Enthusiastic and Exuberant – is like a kid or a puppy in her
approach. She is openly appreciative of her man and his feats. Exuberance
and zest for life. Lightness, brightening those around you. (f) Inspirational
(g) Loyal – when she is with you, she is with you. She’s got your back.
Liberating – she frees his mind and spirit up so he can go out and win.

23. Men should be CIA - Confident, Intelligent, Assertive, Competitive

Intriguing Aggressive –
24. Women like ambitious outcomes, but they don’t like the process.
Ambitious break things.

25. High-Value Men have Options. Options are meant to keep you on your
toes. HVM are busy and have to time to hit those options. Rather than worry
about a HVM’s options, a woman should play offense: keep his balls empty,
his stomach full, and his mind at peace that he won’t look at another woman.

26. There’s a strong independent black woman but no strong independent

white woman or a strong independent Latino woman - only Black women
are separated from their men.

27. Women have conditional masculinity – when they are playing the role of
protector and provider. It is very difficult for them, however, to be happy in
their masculine state.

28. The presence of peace, of law and order, of government protection, has
made women feel they don’t need men. Yet the government, policemen,
firemen, soldiers, plumbers, carpenters, masons, are largely men.

29. Young men brought up by women are more rebellious because women
are chaotic. Men are more structured and tend to bring up disciplined kids.

30. A lot of black men are stuck in high school. Stuck up in a youthful image
of sneakers and T-shirts and resisting suits and ties.

31. HVM has always been there. Kevin merely put his skin on it.
32. HVM (High-Value Men) needs six core things. i. Money – six-figure
annual income. Around 10K a month is adjusted for the city or area.
ii. The money needs to be made for roughly five years. You must be
consistent or stable. The same happened in the NBA. One-hit wonders are
not elevated. What happens when you get knocked down?

iii. Group Acceptance – HVM is like a club. Other HVM know him and
recognize him as an HVM.

iv. Network of other HVM – they help exert influence and provide ideas and
support. This acts as a book of business – peers, coaches, and mentors. They
hold you accountable and push you to do better. Network translates to net
worth.

v. Visibility – LinkedIn-level visibility. Transparency, not a sketchy, obscure

background, which do not engender trust in the market. People should know
at a glance where you’re coming from. Not have an obscure title like
“entrepreneur”

vi. Useful – they help others. When they are gone, their absence is felt. If
you hoard your resources to benefit only yourself, then you’re not HV. You
must have utility to your community.

33. HV gives men more options and gives them more favourable outcomes
in a competitive world.
34. There was a financial incentive to tell women that they were perfect
princesses.

35. Women are born with value (they are sitting on it). Men are born to
create value. That’s why women of all looks and sizes have sex while obese,
socially awkward men are incels.

36. Delusions sold to women. Women spend money more frivolously, so

there was a financial incentive to get them to the workplace.

37. A woman who wants a faithful man who will pedestalize her and treat
her like a queen should get a low-value man who doesn’t have so many
women desiring him (who they can’t respect). 99% of women are going after
the top 10% of men so go after the 10% and be ready to deal with the
pressure.
38. If you want a high-value man, be ready for loyalty, but not necessarily
faithfulness. i.e., Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, Martin Luther King, etc.

39. You don’t get the best out of a man by restricting him. 40. Men need
women for reproduction but not for survival. Women need men for survival.

41. A man should focus on his purpose first. If men spend their time trying to
understand women, Atlas would shrug, and we would all die.

42. Modern women are overly optimistic about reality.

43. You (single mother) are not looking for a husband: you are looking for a
stepfather. A single mother is a package deal. He is a stepdad first. He is
always gonna come second to your child. What is he going to get for being
such a benevolent man? Single mothers have to do more because single
women are looking for husbands.

44. If you were to pick between your child and your husband, who would
you pick?
45. A single mother comes from a world where her word is the law

46. “Men chase championships, women chase champions” If you win in life,
women will come on their own. Don’t chase women: become the man that
women will pursue

47. Women think about marriage as a wedding day and not a lifetime
supporting and respecting their man
48. Embrace rejection; it will make you stronger

49. An invitation to a date is a man saying, in a socially acceptable manner,

that “I want to have sex with you.” If you don’t want to have sex with a man,
do not accept his date and waste his time and resources.

50. Modern women, being feisty, over-estimating their value, and entitled,
full of masculine energy (want to lead) are good for dating, partying, and
smashing. They lack the coupling competencies required for marriage. But
traditional women, who are more agreeable, feminine, and can cook, are
good for marrying.
51. High-valuable men look for young, beautiful, enthusiastic, teachable,
agreeable traditional women, not modern educated women with inflated egos
and a high notch count.

52. Men typically attain high value between 45 and 50.

53. 21-24 years is the best time for a woman to get married. 25-29 is the
danger zone for women – where they have a laser focus on the outcomes
they want in life. The wall is between 30 and 35, and it is where getting a
mate becomes urgent. 35-40 women enter high-risk pregnancy, aka geriatric
pregnancy. Over 40 is no man’s land – men start to become less of an option.

54. Most women spend more time and money on their hair than they spend
working out. They spend more time on the external and ignore what’s
happening on the inside.

55. Women have to be competitive. But using plastic surgery or excessive

enhancements and make-up is like cheating, just like using steroids in sports.

56. A woman’s professional competence or skill set doesn’t translate to her

relationship competence. Most times, it erodes away their femininity.

57. The world doesn’t owe you understanding. Nobody cares what you’ve
been through in your life. Your outcomes should speak to you.

58. Men control access to marriage. Women control access to sex.

59. Relationships are reflective.
60. Some women like the chaos because it makes them feel something. But
it’s dysfunctional coz it is negative.

61. Disnifying relationships has made women unable to understand men as

they look for mythical happiness. Marriage is about duty and responsibility,
not about love and happiness.

62. Men and women are not equal. Men create this world; women merely
live in it. In terms of physical strength, men are stronger. It’s the reason most
firemen and policemen are male. Most critical infrastructure, like power
grids, water plants, and farming, are run and managed by men, not women.
63. SIGN Shake insult guilt and the need to be right. Body positivity equals
no standards making your own rules. 64. Ladies, don’t pick a man you’re not
willing to lead you and submit to.

65. The love a woman gives you is for her survival.

66. Sex is transactional in today’s society.

67. Women’s relationship experience does not make them more valuable.
68. What have you been doing to prepare yourself for marriage? Your
relationship resume is rather thin.
69. Name a product in the market that gains value with age and use.

70. From 1915’s DW Griffith’s Birth of a Nation, in which blackness was

associated with male sexual power, violence, and with rape, the black man’s
image has been under assault, and it’s the responsibility of the black man to
recreate it and repair it. Dump the TShirts, and pull our pants up.

71. I am not a one-stop shop. I am not a clinician or a therapist. I am an

image consultant. I focus on that. For things like character and religion, you
have to ask elsewhere.

72. A woman’s place is under the leadership of a man she respects,

supporting his vision.

73. Income, education, and resources do not increase the value of a woman
to a high-value man. And career success doesn’t translate to happiness for
women because women derive more fulfillment from relationships, not
masculine attainments.

74. Only black women admire and respect strippers and prostitutes. Wearing
of nail extensions, butt extensions/raises, and eyelashes is not practiced by
successful white women. Only black women do that and think it increases
their value/sex appeal.

75. If you come from a broken background, you need to seek therapy first.
Do not expect someone to come and save you or expect men to suffer you.
Nobody cares about your trauma. Deal with it. The world does not owe you
understanding.
76. Asking a man to marry you when you are a single mother is asking him
to be a stepfather, to accept responsibility without authority, spend his
resources raising someone else’s child, put up with a crazy baby daddy and
entangle his legacy with that of someone else. You are denying him a chance
to start his own family from a clean slate. If it’s a stepdaughter, it comes with
even more risks (being accused of molesting, etc.).

77. If a man doesn’t have kids, he likely doesn’t want to have yours either.

78. Modern women attract and get a lot of attention but very little retention –
because they lack competencies for long-term relationships – like
agreeableness and submission.

79. Women select themselves out of the sexual marketplace by holding onto
unrealistic and unnecessary expectations of men. They all want the top 10%
of men and ignore the other 90% and say there are no men. Which is
unrealistic and irrational. For example, a woman who is independent and
self-sufficient does not want a man who is self-sufficient: they want men
who out-earn them so that they can hand over all the bills to them.
80. You’ll never outperform your belief systems.

81. A man should pay all his bills. Never accept free lunch or the easy way.

82. Women place expectations on men: the three sixes. But they don’t want
any standards placed on them or structure. They get fat and talk of body
positivity instead of losing weight. Rather than BMI, they say, you do you.
They shame men for being broke, yet the ugly ones say they have a good
heart, and if you point out their looks, they accuse you of being shallow.

83. The black woman has been weaponized against her own man. You can’t
build your own Wakanda if you keep insulting your man.

84. Modern women want men to play traditional roles (provider, leader,
protector), yet they cannot play traditional roles themselves (cook, nurture
babies, homemaker).

85. A woman should leave her parent’s home and head straight to her
husband’s home. Having sexual partners along the way imprints on them
sexual expectations and experiences that will confuse her when she finally
meets the right man. She risks being an alpha widow with every notch count.

86. Cosmopolitan fantasy of sexual liberation and independence creates

alpha widows who are sexual but single because they cannot be reset. They
continue controlling sex, but the qualities they need for marriage are absent.
Because men control marriage.

87. Women cannot have it all as they have been misled by Disney and
Cosmopolitan. If you choose a career over marriage thinking you will get
married later, by the time you are done, you’re past your prime and have
very slim pickings.

88. Black women are the only group that have a higher divorce rate than
marriage rate, with nearly 31 divorces per 1000 married women aged 15 and
above and only 17.3 marriages per 1000 unmarried women

89. Image has power

90. A man should not be your backup plan (when your career fails). A man
should be your first option, and you should give him your best

91. Words are used to express reality, not to create reality. Women like using
words to create reality.
92. Rather than just look at what women want from men, they should look at
who men are.
93. Either meet men where they are or get a dog and die alone. Life is about
compromises and trade-offs.

94. Men are simple: sex, sandwich, silence. The wife is a helpmate - she is
attending to you. You can’t both be the prize. Women are grateful for the
time they have with you. A woman increases her value by being well-
spoken, no cussing, agreeable, cooperative, easy to engage,

95. Men should aspire to be HV. Acquire the following:

i. Get a group – personal and professional. Successful men travel with

successful men. You ascend with a group. Stop being a lone wolf. Don’t be a
Teslar: be an Eddison.
ii. Acquire a HV Mindset – seek the hard path – get the skills required. Do
not reinvent the wheel- Get what’s working and improve on it.
iii You have to be fit. You cannot be obese and unhealthy.

iv Master fighting technique and a mindset. This will help you with
toughness and a warrior mentality. This will avoid you getting punked and
bullied. You should also be able to defend yourself and your family. It builds
your confidence and makes you a capable protector.

v Master one Skill – thoroughly. Stand out for something. Do not be average
on everything. Have one skill that you have mastered, especially in your
profession. It needs to be a valuable skill that adds value to others – not
something like Stamp Collection or a hobby. This is how you separate
yourself from a group. This is how you raise your value.

vi Affirmations – tell yourself that your present, uncomfortable situation is

temporary. Be clear about where you are and where you are going so that
even if you are waiting tables and you see people you respect coming in, you
can handle it without getting crushed. The things you have to do along the
way to success are a testament to how long you really are. The ego would f
with weak men. They could not do what they had to do. HV comes with
being able to do what you have to do to make yourself HV.

96. To baby mamas who want a man to marry. If you didn’t need to get
married to have kids, you don’t need to get married to him now.

97. By wanting to be a winner, you put yourself in rarefied air. You are
showing that you want to be higher than average, which puts you on top
already.

98. The world doesn’t require your acceptance of the truth. Whether you
believe it or not, the truth will prevail.

99. Many modern women are single because they were never taught how to
treat a man, while boys from an early age are taught how to treat a lady.
They don’t know how to be led, how to be under the authority of a man.
They think men should go out there, risk their lives, slay the dragon and still
come home and treat them like queens. Women balk at the idea of losing
weight for a man and would rather do it for themselves. They even feel they
should not smile at a man for no reason. What then, can you do for a man?
They are addicted to validation.

100. Having a child reduces a woman’s SMV by 50%

101. The truth is in the outcomes you get. Every time relationships end,
there’s causation, and responsibility must be taken by both sides

102. Weaves, nail extensions, fake eyelashes too much make-up are not real
and not a good look. If you want men to be real with you, be real too.

103. If you had children out of wedlock, you can’t expect other men to
marry you first. Men don’t like to pay more than others for the same thing.
Hence your value is lowered.

104. White women go to college to find a husband. Black women go to

college to prove they don’t need a husband.

105. Black women ramp up college debt that keeps them enslaved after
college rather than freeing them. Don’t go to college to make education your
husband.

106. The Coronavirus pandemic period is the first-time black women were
forced to look left, right and front and realize they had nothing but degrees.

107. When the majority of men have no opportunity for sexual access and
passing their legacy, then they have no incentive to work and reproduce, and
that’s how society starts to fall apart.

108. Masculine energy draws feminine men

109. The number one cause of divorce is filing for divorce

110. Men and women measure different things and expect different things.
111. If you are dating guys intimidated by your level, then you’re dating
f*ckboys.
112. I report to God. You report to me. The kids report to you. There’s a
hierarchy.

28
THE RISE OF THE SHECONOMY

We are entering what Morgan Stanley calls the SHEconomy. This is the
economy where women drive household expenditure, occupy leadership
positions in global corporations, and outstrip men in the workplace.

In areas like education, professional advancement, income growth, and

consumer power, women have caught up with men in the western world and
are surpassing men in many areas. Morgan Stanley has a website for this that
is replete with relevant statistics.

Let us have an overview of the state of play.

1. Boys in Crisis
A Millennial is anyone born between 1980 and 1995, while Gen Z is anyone
born between 1996 and the early-mid 2000s (the end date can vary
depending on the source).

1. In many western nations, particularly the US, generation Z, and many

millennials have dropped out of college and are leading lives without
purpose. This has coincided with the rise of voices like Jordan Peterson, who
have emerged to encourage them, advise them, and infuse ideas that can
make them desire to be great. This young generation feels that there is no
incentive to man up: aspirations to be a father, a husband, and a leader. There
is no authority figure in many families to steer boys to the path to manhood.
Masculinity is labeled as toxic, and boys are raised to see themselves as
defective girls. As we noted earlier, a school in Australia forced boys to
apologize to girls for being boys.

2. Men of marriageable age don’t want to marry because marriage has been
weaponized against men. The availability of single women without children
is also dropping. Baby mamas are becoming the norm more and more. This
is a problem because men are biologically wired to resist playing stepfather
and raise another man’s genes. On the other hand, Single women are focused
on getting educated or advancing their careers. They often come to the
sexual marketplace when their beauty has decayed and are masculine and
combative, further discouraging men from dealing with them. This keeps the
men unmarried. They get sex dolls and consume pornography. On the other
hand, we have successful women marrying themselves or buying a dog and
dying alone.

3. More and more boys are growing without a father figure or an authority
figure and are growing up with what Prof. Warren
Farrell, author of
The Boy Crisis: Why Our Boys Are Struggling and What We
Can Do About It, calls “a void.”
4. Society keeps telling young men to man up. Man up to what? They ask.
They are disconnected from the girls, who would provide them with
reproductive imperatives, and from their fathers, who would guide, inspire
and mentor. Fathers are either absent or silent.

2. The Girls
1. In 1980, women in the US earned 64 cents for every dollar that men
made; today, the gap has shrunk to between 77 and 85 cents of every dollar.
This gap is fast shrinking with educational inequality improving and
children’s caregiving demands for women dropping.
2. Another demographic trend that will further close the pay gap in the U.S.:
the rising ranks of single working women. Based on Census Bureau
historical data and Morgan Stanley forecasts, 45% of prime working-age
women (ages 25-44) will be single by 2030—the largest share in history—
up from 41% in 2018.
3. More women delay marriage, choosing to stay single or divorcing in their
50s and 60s. Women are also delaying childbirth or having fewer children
than in the past. These shifting lifestyle norms enable more women, with or
without children, to work full time.
4. Women are earning bachelor’s degrees at a higher rate than men, and they
are the primary breadwinner for nearly 30% of married households and
nearly 40% of total U.S. households. 5. As far as global leadership, Today,
women make up nearly 25% of the U.S. Congress, compared to just 2% in
1970. More women than ever are serving as CEOs, board members, and in
other high-profile positions at top companies in the business world.
6. Obese women will increase, resulting in larger women than men in size.
This is unnatural. Genetically, men are overall taller, larger, and more
muscular. Among mammals, males are always larger than females, except
for hyenas, which have matriarchial structures, but female hyenas have high
testosterone levels. Human females are getting larger than their males.

Aaron Clarey says in The Book of Numbers that “60% of women between 18-35
are fat...and physically unattractive. And discomforting as it may be,
physical attraction is vital to the survival of the human race, and 6 out of 10
women don’t have it. And though, admittedly, men are no better (being
equally obese to women), at least they’re not delusional enough to celebrate
it.”

If being obese was so great, Aaron Clarey says, obese women would make it
to the centerfolds of magazines.
3. The Impact of SHEconomy and the Future of Intersexual Dynamics

1. From an intergender dynamic perspective, women have evolved to view

men as success objects, with women being better educated and higher-
earning. In contrast, men’s education and income decline in an inverse
proportion; more and more women will continue to be unable to get
competent men who can marry them.

This will result in women treating men as purely sperm donors: they will get
babies and proceed to raise them alone. Men will buy dolls, continue
consuming porn, and occasionally engage in mass shootings to “revenge”
against women who refuse to see them.

2. The top 10% of men will have more side chicks, and polyandry will
increase as monogamy dies out. Polyandry is already happening a lot in
South Africa. Nick Canon is popularizing it in the US, but you can also see
from the lives of DMX, Offset, most politicians (whose “secret families”
emerge once they are dead), and others.

3. Because of hypergamy and an inflated sexual marketplace value, women

will keep shunning average men and stick to High-Value men, even if they
are already married. Most men will become incels or pursue black pill
ideologies like MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way), creating a volatile,
highly unstable society. Marriage rates are already declining. Divorce rates
are on the rise.

4. Marriage, as an institution, will continue becoming less relevant as the ties

that bound men to women continue to fall off. Women are not raised to be
wives but are trained to be workers. Women will become larger, more
masculine (hence don’t need men’s protection), and as men weaken
psychologically and physically, gender roles and functions will unify,
creating chaos.

5. Society will keep breaking down in terms of social norms (LGBTQXYZ

genders). Having more fatherless children will increase delinquents,
homicides will rise because more men will be living without purpose, and
mental health will decline. Prof. Warren Farrell writes in The Boy Crisis,
“Prisons are the United States’ men’s centres (9 percent male). A staggering
85 percent of youths in prison grew up in fatherless homes. More precisely,
prisons are centres for dad-deprived males- boys who never became men.”

6. Civilization is likely to plateau and then experience a decline as more men

lack reproductive access and paternity. This is because innovations and
inventions by men will decline. Men built the world we live in. But they did
it because of women. Without sex, men will stop toiling to move the needle
of progress for humanity. Recall that Psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud says
everything we do is because of sex. There is some grain of truth in it, believe
it or not.

Aaron Clarey says in The Book of Numbers that “Alas, the ONLY reason you have
planes, trains, and automobiles, the only reason an economy exists, the only
reason anything outside the sky exists, is because men built it. And men built
it in exchange for sex.”is because men built it. And men built it in exchange
for sex.”
References

1. Silverstein MJ and Sayre K (Sept 2009) The Female Economy. Harvard

Business Review. https://hbr.org/2009/09/the-femaleeconomy.

2. Guardian News. (2019, Jan 5). We Believe: The Best Men Can Be’ Razors
Commercial Takes On Toxic Masculinity [Video]. YouTube.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYaY2Kb_PKI
3. Essence. (2021, May 22).
Iyanla Says Black Women Are Still Out Of Order With
[Video]. YouTube. https://
Brande Victorian www.youtube.com/watch?
v=6r3_naBC-Gc&t=110s
4. Domino Moloko. (2021, Feb 19). Shahrazad Ali - The Black Woman’s Disrespect
Is The Cause Of The Family Breakdown [Video].
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Axyd0MsI1ho

5. Gijsbert S., & David C. (2020). Gender Differences In The Pathways To Higher
Education, PNAS June 23, 2020, 117 (25) 14073-14076.
https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.2002861117

6. UNESCO IESALC. (2021) Women In Higher Education: Has The Female

Advantage Put An End To Gender Inequalities? UNESCO. Paris, France.
https://unesdoc.unesco.org/ark:/48223/ pf0000377182

7. US Bureau of Labour Statistics. (2019, December). Women In The Labor Force:

A Databook. https://www.bls.gov/opub/reports/ womens-
databook/2019/home.htm.
8. Eliot, L. (2009).
Pink Brain, Blue Brain: How Small Differences Grow Into
Troublesome Gaps. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.

9. James, D. (July 2017). “

Google’s Ideological Echo Chamber: How Bias Clouds
Our Thinking About Diversity And Inclusion”.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Google%27s_Ideological_Echo_ Chamber.
Retrieved 31 Jan 2022
10 Sky News. (2021 March 30). Schoolboys Made To Apologise For ‘Stuff We Didn’t
Do’ During Assembly About Sexual Assault,
https://news.sky.com/story/schoolboys-made-to-apologise-for-stuff

we-didnt-do-during-assembly-about-sexual-assault-12260783,
11. Guardian News. Ibid.
12. Jones, J. and Mosher W. D., (2013, December 20), Fathers’

Involvement With Their Children: United States, 2006–2010, National Health

Statistics Reports, Number 71, https://www.cdc.
gov/nchs/data/nhsr/nhsr071.pdf
13. Clarey, A. (2020).
The Book of Numbers: Analyzing the ROI on the Pursuit of
Amazon.com.
Women.
14. Clarey, A. ibid. p.107

15. Reddit.com. (2021 October 21). Famed Black Matchmaker April Mason Has
Called It Quits Again. https://www.reddit.com/r/
KevinSamuels/comments/qbjn6t/famed_black_matchmaker_

april_mason_has_called_it/
16. Rebecca Lynn Pope. (2017 September 8). Why Women Have

Totally Unrealistic Standards for Men, Dating, and Marriage [Video].

YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6ONHDmDD8s
17. Atkins R. (2016).
Coping with Depression in Single Black Mothers. Issues in
mental health nursing, 37(3), 172–181. https://doi.
org/10.3109/01612840.2015.1098760
18. Aaron Clarey, ibid, p.83
19. Williams, D. R. et al. (1992). Marital Status And Psychiatric Disorders Among
Blacks And Whites, Journal Of Health And Social Behaviour 1992, VOL. 33
(June):140-157
20. Breslau, J., et al,
A Multinational Study Of Mental Disorders, Marriage, And
Divorce, Acta Psychiatr Scand. Author manuscript;
available in PMC 2014 May 6. Published in final edited form as: Acta
Psychiatr Scand. 2011 Dec; 124(6): 474–486. Published online 2011 Apr 30.
doi: 10.1111/j.1600-0447.2011.01712.x
21. Velma, M., et al. (2001).
African American Single Mothers

And Children In Context: A Review Of Studies On Risk And Resilience.Resilience.

155. Clinical child and family psychology review. 4. 133-55.

10.1023/A:1011381114782.
22. Atkins R. L. (2017).
Outcomes of Depression in Black Single Mothers. Clinical
nursing research, 26(4), 464–483. https://doi.
org/10.1177/1054773816633440
23. Atkins R. (2016).
Coping with Depression in Single Black Mothers. Issues in
mental health nursing, 37(3), 172–181. https://

doi.org/10.3109/01612840.2015.1098760
24. American Sociological Association, August 22, 2015,

Women More Likely Than Men to Initiate Divorces, But Not NonMarital
Breakups, https://www.asanet.org/press-center/pressreleases/women-more-
likely-men-initiate-divorces-not-non

marital-breakups
25. Schweizer, V. (2018).
Marriage to Divorce Ratio in the U.S.: Demographic
Variation, https://www.bgsu.edu/ncfmr/resources/ data/family-
profiles/schweizer-marriage-divorce-ratio-demovariation-fp-19-27.html
26. Banks, R. B. (2012). Is Marriage for White People? Amazon. com
27. Hurt, T. R., et al. (2014). Married Black Men’s Opinions as to Why Black
Women Are Disproportionately Single: A Qualitative Study. Personal
Relationships, 21(1), 88–109. https://doi. org/10.1111/pere.12019

28. ABC News. (2010 March 26), Why Can’t a Successful Black Woman Find a Man?,
https://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/ successful-black-woman-find-man/story?
id=10213505
29. Becker, B. W. (1985).
Review of Losing Ground: American Social Policy 1950-1980,
by C. Murray. The Journal of Consumer Affairs, 19(2), 365–368.
https://www.jstor.org/stable/23859948

30. Pearlin, L. I., et al. (1981). The Stress Process. Journal of Health and Social
Behavior, 22(4), 337–356. https://doi. org/10.2307/2136676

31. Betty, F. ( 1963). The Feminine Mystique. New York :Norton 32. Eliot, L. ibid.
33. Pinker, S. (2003).
The Blank Slate: On The Modern Denial Of Human Nature.
34. Wei Ji Ma. (2020).
The Real Reasons All the Top Chess Players Are Men,
https://slate.com/technology/2020/12/why-are-the-bestchess-players-
men.html
35. Konner, M. (2015).
Women After All: Sex, Evolution, And The End Of Male
New York.
Supremacy.
36. American Psychological Association, Boys and Men
Guidelines Group. (2018).
APA Guidelines For Psychological
Practice With Boys And Men. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/
about/policy/psychological-practice-boys-men-guidelines.pdf

37. Pierce Meehan. (2015 February 24). Sharon Osbourne The Talk Penis [Video].
YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=G6_klWFzzgw

38. The Progressive Voice. (2020 August 7).Tomi Lahren Says “Men Are Trash” In
Rant Against Men (Full Version) [Video]. YouTube.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6QQm6VtOAA&t=724s

39. A. Clarey, (2020), The Book of Numbers. Amazon.com

40. Essence, ibid.
41. DJ Doeman. (2018 January 23). Shahrazad Ali On How

Feminism Destroyed The US Black Family [Video]. YouTube. https://

www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1zwQpGUMY8
42. Carroll, A. B. (2009). Incentivizing Divorce.Journal Articles. 137.
https://digitalcommons.law.lsu.edu/faculty_scholarship/137
43. Strauss D. A. (1992).
The Illusory Distinction Between Equality of Opportunity
and Equality of Result, 34 Wm. & Mary L. Rev. 171,
https://scholarship.law.wm.edu/wmlr/vol34/iss1/10
44. Su, Rong, et al. (2009).
Men and Things, Women and People: A Meta-Analysis
of Sex Differences in Interests. Psychological bulletin. 135. 859-84.
10.1037/a0017364.
45. Glaveski, S. (2020),
Why Equality of Outcome is a Bad Idea,
https://glaveski.medium.com/why-equality-of-outcome-is-a-badidea-
cd6e54ec564

46. Stevenson, B. & Wolfers, J. (2009). “The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness,”
American Economic Journal: Economic Policy, American Economic
Association, vol. 1(2), pages 190-225, August.

47. Francine D.B., et al. (2017). “The Gender Wage Gap: Extent, Trends, and
Explanations.” Journal of Economic Literature, 55 (3): 789-865.

48. Farrell, W. (1974).

The Liberated Man: Beyond Masculinity: Freeing Men
And Their Relationships With Women. New York: Random House.
49. Wang, W. (2018 January 10), Who Cheats More? The Demographics of
Infidelity in America, Institute for Family Studies,https://ifstudies.org/blog/who-
cheats-more-the

demographics-of-cheating-in-america
50. Allen, J. (1903) As a Man Thinketh.
51. Ed Mylett. (23 Dec 2021), That which you do not hate you

will eventually tolerate - Mind Over Matter [Video]. YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezV6Jg6Zl-g
52. Wattles, Wallace D. (2007), The Science of Getting Rich.

About the Author

Jacob Aliet was born in Nairobi, Kenya. He attended Heshima Road Primary
School and later Alego Primary school in Kendu Bay, where he completed
his primary schooling. He later joined St. Mary’s Yala High School. In St.
Mary’s, he developed an interest in writing, inspired by Ngugi wa Thiongo,
Robert Ludlum, James Clavells and Meja Mwangi. He went to Moi
University and later to Nairobi University, from where he obtained a BSc.
Information Science Degree and a Masters’ degree in Business
Administration, respectively. He has worked as a trainer, systems developer,
and IT project manager. His works have been published in academic
journals, websites, and several newspapers. He has also written screenplays
and adaptations of books for film production.

Unplugged is his seventh book. He is currently working on an anthology

with other Kenyan authors, to come out in late 2022.
Jacob’s interests are metaphysical naturalism, religious history, archaeology,
philosophy, quantum physics, artificial intelligence,
and science. He lives with his family in Nairobi and can be reached through
email [email protected].
OceanofPDF.com