Gandert 1

Abby Gandert

Professor Calhoun

ENG 1201

12 April 2020
How Parental Divorce Affects Children

With nearly one million divorces a year, divorces in the United States are higher than any

other country in the world. Further, children are included in around 600,000 of the

aforementioned divorces (Halligan 557). In November 2007 at just 4 years old, I became part of

that statistic, along with my 2-year-old sister. Likewise, my first memories include watching my

mother and father yell, fight and argue with one another. For 9 years, I switched between my two

houses every day or two, lugging along the clothing, sports equipment, my school backpack, and

anything else I needed for my brief stay. As a young child, I had to learn to plan my schedule

multiple days in advance and prepare for what felt like a constant shuffle. Further, this event has

impacted my life more than anything else, as I have experienced emotional issues as a result. In

fact, children of failed marriages are “2 to 3 times more likely to suffer from serious social or

psychological pathologies,” as compared to children whose parents remained married

(Armstrong 3). Because children are likely to develop depression and anxiety, among other

emotional issues due to parental divorce, it is prejudicial to them. All in all, divorces including

children are so prevalent in our modern society, one must consider how this sometimes traumatic

event has the ability to affect the rest of their lives, for better or for worse.

However, divorce hasn’t always been so commonplace in society. Due to ever-decreasing

stigma and legality, divorce rates have been on the rise since around 1850. In this time period,

the plaintiff party had to meet the “clean hands doctrine” in order to file a divorce, which means

that they could not have done anything to contribute to the failure of the marriage (Ross).

Studies have proven that with the exception of a couple of dips, the divorce rate continues to
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Abby Gandert

Professor Calhoun

ENG 1201

12 April 2020
increase as the years pass, up until 2010. One of the exceptions was the 1950s when people had

stronger ideals of family units, or “nuclear families”. These ideals were so strong, divorce rates

were significantly less than they had been.

Since 2010, the rate of divorce per 1,000 people in the population is decreasing once

again, due to the fact that the Millenials are marrying less than previous generations. Because

there have been fewer marriages in recent years, there have been fewer divorces as well (Olito).

Another source declares that Millennials are now credited for killing the divorce industry. The

explanation for the decrease in marriages and divorces is that with this generation, for the most

part, people are waiting to marry until they have achieved higher education and higher financial

standing. The divorce rates now are lower than they have been since 1968.

As previously mentioned, lasting emotional issues are arguably the worst effect on

children of parental divorce. A divorce is an adverse event for children, for many reasons. First,

kids usually “crave the unity of parents”, which causes them distress and confusion (Armstrong

3). While children are young, they rely heavily upon their parents. When they witness issues

between them, it can become an event that influences their development, and consequently, the

rest of their lives. Secondly, lots of divorces are not as civilized as they should be. In the worst

cases, violence and abuse can also come with this high-stress event. These catalysts can turn into

trauma for those affected, including children. It comes as no surprise that divorce can leave long-

term emotional issues in its wake.

Next, a separate source confirms the existence of increased depression, anxiety, and

social problems among children of divorced parents as well (Halligan 558). This displays the fact
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Abby Gandert

Professor Calhoun

ENG 1201

12 April 2020
that these issues are prevalent, and take a great toll on children who have experienced parental

divorce. In addition to psychological problems, these affected children are more likely to

experience social maladjustment with peers (Bergström et al. qtd. in 138). This occurs because

the parents, the two people who are most important in a child’s life, are not exhibiting healthy

social interactions to young, impressionable minds. The children have a lack of experience in

learning how to communicate with others, which carries through to their friendships at school,

for example. These children are not able to translate healthy conversation from their home lives

into friendly relationships at school with other children. This multitude of research conducted by

renowned scientists and psychologists was written to prove that an adverse event such as divorce

can be damaging to children.

Additionally, experts have concluded that divorce is an causes affect to other parts of the

lives of children. Also agreed upon by different sources, many studies have proven that children

who have experienced parental divorce have a lower probability of performing well in academics

(Halligan 558). This source refers to academics in general, for students of all ages, from

elementary age to college age. In contrast, others discuss worse “academic outcomes”, such as

the completion of high school and college (Steinbach 359). Research proves that children who

have divorced parents are inherently lessprobable to perform as well in school as compared to

those who have nuclear families. In a study of students whose parents divorced, as compared to

their nuclear family counterparts, there were 8 percent fewer high school graduates, 12 percent

fewer college attendees, and 11 percent fewer college graduates (Brand 3). The purpose of this

article is to display that kids with divorced parents do not perform as well in school, which is yet
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Abby Gandert

Professor Calhoun

ENG 1201

12 April 2020
another damaging effect as a result of the separation. Once again, the divorce of one’s parents

can dramatically affect the course of someone’s life. By dropping out of high school or college,

students severely limit their options for careers.

The next way parental divorce affects children is the instability in home environments.

As previously stated, divorce is stressful and uncertain for all people involved. In fact, parents

and people without children alike commonly experience depression and anxiety during and after

divorce. When these parents are not in healthy mental states, it can “impair parents’ ability to

offer stability and love” to their children, which is a key in childhood and development

(Arkowitz). Without the necessary amount of love and attention, in addition to being in an

unstable residence, children have difficulty staying emotionally stable.

Home stability also plays a large role in academic success, which proves that all aspects

of a child’s life are related to one another. If one need is not being fulfilled, the others will be

sure to fall as well. Also, research proves that the aforementioned “nuclear families” have

“higher levels of well-being” than divided families, as one would expect (Furstenburg and

Kiernan 451) According to Brand, divorce separates the household in half, which children must

navigate the waters of switching between the houses, which causes them to be unfamiliar,

unstability, and insecure. This occurs because these children cannot have the feeling of unity

between their parents. Children must compartmentalize each household, without the hope of ever

merging. In a way, they must learn to live in two separate worlds, with different rules,

expectations, personalities, and family dynamics. Lastly, many articles display the importance of

a stable, happy childhood through the midst of a divorce, and how a lack thereof can affect the
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Abby Gandert

Professor Calhoun

ENG 1201

12 April 2020
person later in life. When someone does not have a happy childhood, it can leave lifelong scars

on their psyche. Proving this thought, a scholarly article states that even if someone achieves

success in their adulthood, they cannot make up for a less than ideal childhood or get rid of the

confusion and affliction they experienced in childhood. (Armstrong 1).

Moreover, parents are essential in the life of a young child; as it is all they know so far,

with no other ways to cope. Studies have shown that children under the age of 10 are more

influenced by their parents, as compared to older children. However, older children are more

impacted by switching houses (Bergström et al. 136). They are more affected due to the added

responsibilities, extra-curriculars, and understanding the environment they are in, and how they

must behave as a result. The younger children do not experience this pressure the same way that

the older children do.

On the contrary, there still are silver linings to parental divorce. A survey of young adults

showed that the ones whose parents had divorced had a better understanding of how complex

marriage can be, they thought of marriage in a more realistic way, and they were able to learn

from their parents’ mistakes in their marriage (Halligan 558). Even though these people had to

endure hardship when they were young, they were set up to do better for themselves in their

relationships. Because they saw what did not work for their parents, they make sure not to repeat

the same mistakes in their future relationships.

Similarly, other studies have shown that divorce leads to other benefits for everyone

involved as well. Many times, each parent will remarry, leaving the children with a step-parent.

If the child is lucky, the stepparent will act as a biological parent as well, and help to raise the
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Abby Gandert

Professor Calhoun

ENG 1201

12 April 2020
child as if they were their own. It is proven that after the divorce, each parent is happier, able to

spend more quality time and overall improve the one-on-one relationships with the children

(Armstrong).

Clearly, divorce is an adverse event that tests the mental and emotional strength of

children and parents. Because divorce is so heavily emotional, children must learn to cope and

deal with their feelings. As a result, a survey of young adults whose parents divorced displays

that a whopping 65.13% reported they had more compassion for others, 63.16% reported that

they accepted different perspectives better, and 60.01% reported that they experienced other

traditions, lifestyles, and values. (Halligan 561). In comparison, other research has found that as

a result of divorce, affected children have more independence starting from a younger age, they

are more emotionally intelligent in all aspects of their lives, they are higher achievers, and they

are overall more fair-minded (Shemin).

First, children become more independent for many reasons, including the need for

protecting and motivating themselves, and because they lacked the attention of their parents

while they were developing necessary life skills as a child. Next, they are more emotionally

intelligent because frankly, they had to be. They must notice and adapt to their ever-changing

worlds. Thirdly, children of divorce tend to become high-achievers, mostly to please their

parents or to build a false facade that everything is okay, as sad as that is. Lastly, children who

have divorced parents are usually fair-minded, since they have spent their whole lives living in

two perspectives and trying to find the fairness that exists between them. These findings show
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Abby Gandert

Professor Calhoun

ENG 1201

12 April 2020
that while divorce may be difficult, it makes the overwhelming majority of people become better

people because of it.

Even though people become better as a result of divorce, as stated in the previous

paragraph, it can cause children to grow up too fast. Consequently, many children lose their

worry-free childhood, in place of being preoccupied with their family’s situation. Childhood is

widely regarded as one of the best times in life, and it is not uncommon for a divorce to tear this

away from young children all over the world. While these children lose their happy childhoods,

it also affects their daily lives, even as adults (Morgan 8). Children can even take on parental

roles to other siblings, the oldest children in particular. This effect of divorce causes them to

forego their childhoods, and jump straight into responsibilities of the real world.

In contrast, many other sources disagree with Halligan, that the separation of one’s

parents early in life may lead to issues in future intimate relationships. Again, when children

grow up without witnessing a functional loving relationship between their parents, have a higher

probability of having trouble developing relationships in their future. This failure is due to the

memories of their parent’s failure of a romantic relationship, but also the lack of experience in a

stable relationship (Armstrong 2). Besides this, other sources corroborate the existence of this

phenomenon, that parental divorce leads to failed relationships of the child in their future.

Scientific American demonstrates that people who have experienced parental divorce have

trouble creating and maintaining intimate relationships, experience more divorces and

satisfactory marriages, and overall worse relationships with the non-custodial parent (Arkowitz).
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Abby Gandert

Professor Calhoun

ENG 1201

12 April 2020
On the other hand, it is a common belief that most, if not all divorces are harmful to all

parties involved, as stated in the article written by Furstenburg and Kiernan (448). According to

research, this is a misconception. Another article demonstrates that as a result of divorce,

families adhering to a joint custody agreement are happier, healthier, have more freedom, and

more equally share childcare (Steinbach 364).

Also, it is proven that a happy divorce is better than an unhappy marriage. Once the

parents are practically free from their troubled marriages, they can provide a happier life for their

children. In the same way, joint custody agreements are healthier for children over full custody

agreements, because children can maintain relationships with both parents, rather than cutting the

non-custodial parent off entirely (Bergström et al. 142). Halligan’s article also discusses these

benefits, in addition to more quality time with each parent individually, escaping abusive parents

and arguing, and the happiness that a new stepparent and stepsiblings bring (559).

In conclusion, divorce provides many adverse effects to all people involved, especially

children. The detriments include emotional and social issues, lower academic scores and higher

education completion, unstable households, among other things. While many people are

positively affected as well, such as being more independent and resilient, it comes at a heavy

cost. When affected children fall into this role, they tend to forego their childhood, the only short

opportunity to live a carefree life. As someone who has experienced the divorce and remarriages

of both of my parents, I relate to every aspect on a deeply personal level. I exhibit almost every

common characteristic of children affected by divorce. Through my research, I have learned a lot

about the variance of effects that divorce has on children and parents alike, in addition to how the
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Abby Gandert

Professor Calhoun

ENG 1201

12 April 2020
heartache that is a common accompaniment in the divorce of one’s parents. All in all, children all

over the world, including my little sister and I, are heavily influenced by the choices of our

parents.

Works Cited

Arkowitz, Hal. “Is Divorce Bad for Children?” Scientific American, Scientific American,

1 Mar. 2013, www.scientificamerican.com/article/is-divorce-bad-for-children/.

Armstrong, Patti Maguire. “Myth of ‘Happy Divorce’ Studies Now Show Divorce, Long

Viewed as One Solution to Marital Discord, Negatively Affects Children, Especially in

Forming Relationships Later in Life Patti Maguire Armstrong OSV Newsweekly.” Our

Sunday Visitor, 13 Aug. 2017, p. 1. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?

direct=true&db=edb&AN=124649884&site=eds-live.

Bergström, Malin, et al. “Children With Two Homes.” Scandinavian Journal of Public

Health, 2019, su.diva-portal.org/smash/get/diva2:1241537/FULLTEXT01.pdf

Brand, Jennie E et al. “Parental divorce is not uniformly disruptive to children's

educational attainment.” Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United

States of America vol. 116,15 (2019): 7266-7271. doi:10.1073/pnas.1813049116

Professor Calhoun

ENG 1201

12 April 2020

Furstenburg, F., & Kiernan, K. (2001). Delayed parental divorce: How much do children

benefit? Journal of Marriage and Family, 63, 446–457.

Halligan, Caitlin, et al. “Positive Effects of Parental Divorce on Undergraduates.” Journal

of Divorce & Remarriage, vol. 55, no. 7, Oct. 2014, pp. 557–567. EBSCOhost,

doi:10.1080/10502556.2014.950905.

Morgan, Kaycee. “Accelerated Adulthood: Narratives of Children of Divorce Growing

up Faster.” University of Colorado Boulder, 2018,

scholar.colorado.edu/concern/undergraduate_honors_theses/rj430496b.

Olito, Frank. “How the Divorce Rate Has Changed over the Last 150 Years.” Insider,

Insider, 30 Jan. 2019, www.insider.com/divorce-rate-changes-over-time-2019-1#since-

the-turn-of-the-21st-century-the-divorce-rate-continues-to-decline-rapidly-13.

Ross, Ashley. “Divorce: From Legal Rarity to Sarah Jessica Parker Comedy.” Time,

Time, 7 Oct. 2016, time.com/4521314/divorce-history-sarah-jessica-parker/.

Shemin, Vicki. “4 Benefits Of Being A Child Of Divorce.” HuffPost, HuffPost, 5 Apr.

2017, www.huffpost.com/entry/4-benefits-of-being-a-child-of-divorce_b_9522314.
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Professor Calhoun

ENG 1201

12 April 2020
Steinbach, Anja. “Children’s and Parents’ Well‐Being in Joint Physical Custody: A

Literature Review.” Family Process, vol. 58, no. 2, June 2019, pp. 353–369. EBSCOhost,

doi:10.1111/famp.12372.