Dr Richard Lim, a consultant palliative physician who once shared with me the crucial part of active listening in communication. He quoted the Mandarin character ‘ting,’ translating to ‘listen,’ and explained how the elements in this Chinese character capture the true essence of listening, involving your hearing, sight, heart, and mind.
I once witnessed a distressed mother bringing in her 2-year-old child to the emergency department for a high temperature. As I clocked in for my night shift, I overheard a medical assistant telling the mother in frustration, ‘Paracetamol from over-the-counter and the hospital are the same, bringing your child 10 times to the hospital will not change anything!’
It turns out, it was her 3rd visit to the hospital that day. Child was well but with temperature spikes every 4-6 hours despite regular paracetamol. Mother knew exactly what to do and she did everything right.
I sat down and listened to her. She is a single mom, all alone with her 2 year old child with a history of febrile seizure. She was teary, anxious and exhausted. She had no help and no support.
As I listened beyond her words, I came to realise that the reason that brought them to the hospital repeatedly was not the child’s fever, it was a mother’s fear.
While the child's fever, diligently managed by her mother, is a concern, our focus should be on addressing the mother's fear.Having children of my own, I could relate and empathise to her situation even more. Even with a strong family support and equipped with medical knowledge, I find myself struggling to keep my head above water while running a circus of juggling act between work and home when my child falls ill. (Do not underestimated the irritability of a sick toddler and the vulnerability of a mother caring for a sick child)
Developing the skill in communication (not just in medicine) but also in life itself is a constant act of fine tuning. Years of experience does not necessarily correlate to better communicating skills if one does not see the value in it.
Are we truly listening enough… beyond words?
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