Comedian Quotes

“Self-hatred is only ever a seed planted from outside in.”
― Hannah Gadsby

“You can make fun of yourself and people will laugh at you. If you’re smart, you’ll end up as a comedian. If you’re not, you’ll end up as a clown.”
― Ljupka Cvetanova, The New Land

“Can you fail and still be strong, Can you not fit in and accept yourself, Can you lose everything and still keep searching, Can you be in the dark and still believe in the light.”
― Kevin Hart - I Can't Make This Up

“Comedy is Camusian...the world is absurd”
― Carol L. Covin

“The mark of a poor comedian is not making the other person laugh. The mark of a worse comedian is asking if the person got it.”
― Weike Wang, Chemistry

“People who are not blessed with the ability to make others laugh compensate for that by saying (or trying to say) things that are profound.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Don't let your current situation dictate your future. Never let fear and doubt overcome your true dreams.”
― LeJuan James, Definitely Hispanic: Growing Up Latino and Celebrating What Unites Us

“My vibe is like, hey, you could probably pour soup in my lap, and I'll apologise to you.”
― John Mulaney

“But a comedian is naked. His only weapon was his wit.”
― Sidney Sheldon, A Stranger in the Mirror

“People always ask me how I got funny. The short answer is: I had to figure out a way to be liked. The long answer is more complicated because humor also developed as a survival mechanism to protect myself and disarm or intimidate people when I didn’t feel safe, to make fun of myself before other people could, to avoid having to feel sadness, or to mitigate the gravity of a situation because laughter was my anesthetic for pain. Also, my last name is Cummings, so as you can probably imagine, I had to learn to defend myself from insults pretty early on in life.”
― Whitney Cummings, I'm Fine...And Other Lies

“We try to stay as thin as possible - which also keeps us weak. When you’re skinny, you have no body fat; when you have no body fat, you’re cold all the time; when you’re cold all time, you stay inside; and when you stay inside... you don’t vote. I may be joking about that last part... but I’m not totally wrong. Ever stop to think that by keeping women eternally preoccupied with superficialities that we might be missing out in important thinks in life?”
― Iliza Shlesinger, Girl Logic: The Genius and the Absurdity

“Sometimes an unhappy comedian spreads joy to the world, makes people burst into laughter because one has to create a paradise of happiness around him in order to hide his own unhappiness!”
― Mehmet Murat ildan

“ Dans les fins de mois, ce qui est le plus dur, c'est les trente derniers jours.

The hardest part of ending each month is going through the last 30 days.”
― Coluche

“Humor is how we find comfort in the totally illogical, for it is the bridge back to the logical.”
― Lewis Black, Nothing's Sacred

“Some so-called comedians are, not funny, but a joke.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Comedians are the most ruthless critics in the world.”
― Amit Kalantri, Wealth of Words

“Both mystic and comedian aspire to get the better of a world they are powerless to reform.”
― Ruth R. Wisse, No Joke: Making Jewish Humor

“Every sane toddler is an aspiring comedian.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Comedy to me has always seemed a social tightrope for the comedian. For all axioms intellectually sound the general public would prefer to be amused, but in those emotionally sound, it then chooses to get offended.”
― Criss Jami, Healology

“...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO... . he isn't like this writer or actor or comedian... - YOU FUCKING LIAR.”
― Deyth Banger, Notes Of A Dead Man Sequel

“Was he to bray this in profoundest brass
Arointing his dreams with fugal requiems?
Was he to company vastest things defunct
With a blubber of tom-toms harrowing the sky?
Scrawl a tragedian's testament? Prolong
His active force in an inactive dirge,
Which, let the tall musicians call and call,
Should merely call him dead? Pronounce amen
Through choirs infolded to the outmost clouds?
Because he built a cabin who once planned
Loquacious columns by the ructive sea?
Because he turned to salad-beds again?”
― Wallace Stevens, Harmonium

“Burger time”
― Funny Gaming

“You hate a subject… you hate a topic… didn't you learn something as comedian... IN SCHOOL?”
― Deyth Banger

“ Dans les fins de mois, ce qui est le plus dur, c'est les trente derniers jours.

The hardest part of the end of each month is last thirty days.”
― Coluche

“ Dans les fins de mois, ce qui est le plus dur, c'est les trente derniers jours.

The hardest thing about the end of the month is the last 30 days.”
― Coluche

“Ricky Gervais, Louis CK, Anthony Jeselnik and I have the same sense of humor. They're just better at it than I am.”
― Oliver Markus Malloy, How to Defeat the Trump Cult: Want to Save Democracy? Share This Book

“If you say enough idiotic things in a row, you're a comedian?”
― Sayam Asjad

“Comedy is like sex for the brain. And the brain has to fuck.”
― Karl Kristian Flores, The Goodbye Song

“The difference between a cartoonist and an illustrator was the same as the difference between a comedian and a comedy actor - the former both deliver their own lines and take full responsibility for them, the latter could always hide behind the fact that it was not his entire creation.”
― Calum MacKenzie

“The joker can be the most depressed.”
― Steven Magee