What do you think?
Rate this book
The Haunted Vagina
It's difficult to love a woman whose vagina is a gateway to the world of the dead... Steve is madly in love with his eccentric girlfriend, Stacy. Unfortunately, their sex life has been suffering as of late, because Steve is worried about the odd noises that have been coming from Stacy's pubic region. She says that her vagina is haunted. She doesn't think it's that big of a deal. Steve, on the other hand, completely disagrees. When a living corpse climbs out of her during an awkward night of sex, Stacy learns that her vagina is actually a doorway to another world. She persuades Steve to climb inside of her to explore this strange new place. But once inside, Steve finds it difficult to return... especially once he meets an oddly attractive woman named Fig, who lives within the lonely haunted world between Stacy's legs.
100 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2006
About the author
Carlton Mellick III
113 books2,044 followersCarlton Mellick III (July 2, 1977, Phoenix, Arizona) is an American author currently residing in Portland, Oregon. He calls his style of writing "avant-punk," and is currently one of the leading authors in the recent 'Bizarro' movement in underground literature[citation needed] with Steve Aylett, Chris Genoa and D. Harlan Wilson.
Mellick's work has been described as a combination of trashy schlock sci-fi/horror and postmodern literary art. His novels explore surreal versions of earth in contemporary society and imagined futures, commonly focusing on social absurdities and satire.
Carlton Mellick III started writing at the age of ten and completed twelve novels by the age of eighteen. Only one of these early novels, "Electric Jesus Corpse", ever made it to print.
He is best known for his first novel Satan Burger and its sequel Punk Land. Satan Burger was translated into Russian and published by Ultra Culture in 2005. It was part of a four book series called Brave New World, which also featured Virtual Light by William Gibson, City Come A Walkin by John Shirley, and Tea from an Empty Cup by Pat Cadigan.
In the late 90's, he formed a collective for offbeat authors which included D. Harlan Wilson, Kevin L. Donihe, Vincent Sakowski, among others, and the publishing company Eraserhead Press. This scene evolved into the Bizarro fiction movement in 2005.
In addition to writing, Mellick is an artist and musician.
Mellick's work has been described as a combination of trashy schlock sci-fi/horror and postmodern literary art. His novels explore surreal versions of earth in contemporary society and imagined futures, commonly focusing on social absurdities and satire.
Carlton Mellick III started writing at the age of ten and completed twelve novels by the age of eighteen. Only one of these early novels, "Electric Jesus Corpse", ever made it to print.
He is best known for his first novel Satan Burger and its sequel Punk Land. Satan Burger was translated into Russian and published by Ultra Culture in 2005. It was part of a four book series called Brave New World, which also featured Virtual Light by William Gibson, City Come A Walkin by John Shirley, and Tea from an Empty Cup by Pat Cadigan.
In the late 90's, he formed a collective for offbeat authors which included D. Harlan Wilson, Kevin L. Donihe, Vincent Sakowski, among others, and the publishing company Eraserhead Press. This scene evolved into the Bizarro fiction movement in 2005.
In addition to writing, Mellick is an artist and musician.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,240 reviews
September 30, 2016
Why not try something new :)?
What can I say, I got inspired :-D.
(the name of the guy is Steve, I changed it to Paul :))
------------------------------------------------------------
OMG I want to read this just to see what kind of whathefuckery this is :-D. A haunted vagina??? That tops even dino erotica :-D.
What can I say, I got inspired :-D.
(the name of the guy is Steve, I changed it to Paul :))
We have a story,
And a guy name Paul.
He had a girlfriend,
And loved her most of all.
Their love was sweet,
But not so pure
He had a mission -
Her vagina to cure.
Her vajeje made noices,
A whisper, a howl
When it got too spooky
Paul cover her crotch with a towel.
Paul tried to be brave.
He thought he could take more,
But her haunted vagina
Was hard to ignore.
Then came the day
When she made some suggestions
But Paul was too shocked
To ask any questions.
Her plan was so simple:
A shove and a push
Her thighs were wide open
He dove into her bush.
It wasn't so simple
It was dark and foggy
But because she loved him
She gave him walkie-talkie.
And after a while
He saw a bright light
Paul was still scared,
But was ready to fight.
He wasn't sure what he'll find there
Maybe a ghost, or a clown
But to his biggest surprise
He found a whole town.
The town was spooky
Even in the daylight
But he comforted himself by saying
That he won't spend the night.
He was planning to crawl back
This vagina was too scary, he wasn't a fan
But a woman he met
Ruined his whole plan.
''You will stay here and play with me,''
The latex girl said.
And when he got dragged to her cave
He knew it was too late.
She cared for him deeply
But Paul was still scared
It wasn't this girl,
But vaginas owner he most cared.
Many months went by
Paul was still being held captive
But a miracle happened
He found her attractive.
She was made of latex
They made love sweetly
The noises were squeaky
But they were doing it weekly
''Paul, are you still there?''
He heard an echo one day.
He looked at his walkie-talkie
And knew it right away.
I am so angry!
You promised to save me, kinda
But here I still am
Lost deep inside your vagina.
I know, I'm sorry,
But I still miss you so.
Although I cheated on you,
I won't let you go.
I know it all,
I wasn't drunk
Your new boyfriend almost killed us all
When he flooded your vagina with his spunk.
I can't come back
I am in love.
This ghost-latex girl
Fits me like a glove.
Paul, I still love you
Hope to see you one day
It might be years,
But be that as it may.
I still care for you too
But don't worry, I'm not in China
I always be here with you
Buried deep in your vagina.
***
This story is simple,
It's not a work of art
But it made me laugh,
Because it sounded like a brain fart.
------------------------------------------------------------
OMG I want to read this just to see what kind of whathefuckery this is :-D. A haunted vagina??? That tops even dino erotica :-D.
December 22, 2021
Instagram || Twitter || Facebook || Amazon || Pinterest
So I have a project called What the Actual F*** Wednesday where I read the weirdest of the weird. My friends and followers nominate books they want to see me read, and this title was recommended to me by like three people this week, so I guess I just had to read it.
Steve, the hero, has an eccentric girlfriend. She has all these "cute" quirks, like the fact that she stayed in college until she was thirty majoring in useless things, or the fact that she's fluent in Russian even though she's Thai because she was adopted, or that she goes to seafood restaurants and orders steak, or that she likes to lick-- yes, that's right, LICK-- her glasses clean. Like she's a cat or something, IDK. I don't make the rules.
One day, while Stacy, Ms. Quirkycentric, and Steve, are doing it, he hears strange noises coming from "down there," and there's a skeleton hand "down there," and suddenly she's birthed a skeleton. The whole thing weirds them out so much that they immediately go out for a drink, and Stacy decides that the thing to do is to have Steve go up "there" on the most horrible spelunking journey ever to figure out what's really going on in her chamber of secrets if you get me.
Well, he does... and it's horrible. Like, the description of it is horrible and what goes on in there is horrible. I'm not sure I can actually describe it all in detail since I'm cross-posting this review to Amazon, but, like, the plastic girl on the cover is Stacy's imaginary childhood friend Fig who's, I guess, made out of plastic. And there's like a whole demonic "Narnia" in there. And eventually Steve ends up putting down literal and figurative roots in there, becoming a permanent plastic resident of this horrible Narnia, shacking up with Fig and treating us to some of the worst sex scenes I've ever read.
Don't even get me started on the scene when Steve finds out Stacy is cheating on him WHILE HE'S IN "THERE." I've read some truly messed up stuff for the sake of this project, but this was some serious nightmare fuel. You've heard of manic pixie dreamgirls? Well, these are manic demon nightmaregirls.
I can't believe I spent five bucks on this. The things I do for y'all, I swear.
1 star
April 10, 2022
Have you ever read a book because you lost a bet? Well, I can now say I have. Let's get a little backstory for this:
One of my friends (who is on here and will no doubt be loving this review soon enough) absolutely delighted in my review of the novel Apeshit (a book which, to say I hated would be putting it lightly). She in contrast really enjoyed it and many of the author's other books and has been asking me to give him another shot because if I liked it "hooray!" if I didn't "at least it should be entertaining."
Well, a bet was formed and I lost so she got to pick the book.
Why did she choose this one? "Come on, it's funny! Plus I want to see it sitting next to the more literary stuff you read when I see your end of year book challenge" Hopefully she's enjoying this.
The book is short. 90 pages with fairly large print. I was able to read it in one sitting.
…
What do you expect from me here? An in depth analysis of the book? The title pretty much sums it up… though it's really more of a gateway to another world filled with skeletons and strange creatures, but I mean, yep, the title tells you what you're getting into.
Honestly though, the book was written clearly as a comedy and those seeing that cover and title looking for an erotic read will likely be disappointed. It's more of a goofy Alice in Wonderland style tale with a sense of the macabre to it. Some of the jokes worked, some just made me roll my eyes. It's very much a "weird shit happens because weird shit is interesting" sort of book, which I'm not personally a fan of (randomness for comedy's sake just isn't my thing). Bizarro lit is just not really my thing. I know that doesn't make for a super entertaining analysis, but that's what I've got.
So… do I recommend it? I really don't know. I mean, it's likely the sort of thing you already know if you're going to enjoy just by reading the plot description. You also probably already know if it's not for you. I will say, it was not absolutely dreadful like Apeshit was, so it gets a much more positive review. Unlike the other book I did chuckle at some of the shenanigans, and despite the obviously shocking title and plot synopsis, the book felt like there was more to it than just shock value unlike the other. In many ways the most shocking thing about the book is how tame it actually was. Maybe I would have liked it more if it had embraced that batshit inanity and run with it? Past experience tells me that is unlikely, but I don't know.
All in all, a very confused 2/5 stars.
One of my friends (who is on here and will no doubt be loving this review soon enough) absolutely delighted in my review of the novel Apeshit (a book which, to say I hated would be putting it lightly). She in contrast really enjoyed it and many of the author's other books and has been asking me to give him another shot because if I liked it "hooray!" if I didn't "at least it should be entertaining."
Well, a bet was formed and I lost so she got to pick the book.
Why did she choose this one? "Come on, it's funny! Plus I want to see it sitting next to the more literary stuff you read when I see your end of year book challenge" Hopefully she's enjoying this.
The book is short. 90 pages with fairly large print. I was able to read it in one sitting.
…
What do you expect from me here? An in depth analysis of the book? The title pretty much sums it up… though it's really more of a gateway to another world filled with skeletons and strange creatures, but I mean, yep, the title tells you what you're getting into.
Honestly though, the book was written clearly as a comedy and those seeing that cover and title looking for an erotic read will likely be disappointed. It's more of a goofy Alice in Wonderland style tale with a sense of the macabre to it. Some of the jokes worked, some just made me roll my eyes. It's very much a "weird shit happens because weird shit is interesting" sort of book, which I'm not personally a fan of (randomness for comedy's sake just isn't my thing). Bizarro lit is just not really my thing. I know that doesn't make for a super entertaining analysis, but that's what I've got.
So… do I recommend it? I really don't know. I mean, it's likely the sort of thing you already know if you're going to enjoy just by reading the plot description. You also probably already know if it's not for you. I will say, it was not absolutely dreadful like Apeshit was, so it gets a much more positive review. Unlike the other book I did chuckle at some of the shenanigans, and despite the obviously shocking title and plot synopsis, the book felt like there was more to it than just shock value unlike the other. In many ways the most shocking thing about the book is how tame it actually was. Maybe I would have liked it more if it had embraced that batshit inanity and run with it? Past experience tells me that is unlikely, but I don't know.
All in all, a very confused 2/5 stars.
February 18, 2012
Do the stories of bizarro books even matter? To an outsider, the whole genre seems to be one extremely tedious oneupmanship contest for the most eyecatching title—whoever writes The Haunted Vagina wins the wackiest dude prize, and readers. (And Carlton Mellick III is that winner, hence me). But the friend who plopped this specimen on my lap—eliciting honks of laughter from the surrounding nerds—was on a mission to convince me the bizarro genre was more than embarrassing titles like Fuckers of Everything on the Crazy Shitting Planet of the Vomit Atmosphere (an actual book—I’m sure it’s a smash hit on GR, sneer). The verdict? I was surprised. This is twee! This is cutesy! It’s like if the latest Joseph Gordon-Levitt movie was set inside Zooey Deschanel’s ladygarden. Sure, there’s cuss words, gratuitous 69-ing and waterfalls of streaming semen (spelled ‘cum’ here—docked a star for that), but you get that if you Google ‘harmless cute fluffiness’ these days. It’s, like, actually about loneliness, and about really being in love with boneless Latex women (chauvinism or feminism?—discuss) over adopted college girls who sat six degrees before turning thirty, or it’s an ecological parable, or about the circle of life (Hakuna Matata!) or something. I wish I had read these books at fifteen. They really would have made me very happy indeed. So, bizarro. For all your outlaw zaniness, your sweary titles, your butt plugs and lubricant, you really only want someone to love you . . . probably your mother. Probably.
December 10, 2015
► BR with my MacHalo Freaks, starting Dec. 10, 2015.
This story is supposed to be funny. Watch me laugh:
It should have been funny. I mean, it's about a woman whose vagina is a gateway to the world of the dead. How could this be anything but hilarious? Such a premise definitely calls for much merriment and revelry. Actually, I think I might be at fault here. Maybe I read it all wrong. Maybe I have no sense of humor. Maybe I didn't try hard enough to like it. Maybe if I'd really put my heart into it I'd have managed to at least, smile? Should I give it another try? Okay, let's see. Concentrate Sarah, concentrate.
Nope. Not working. Sorry. Crap will be crap and funny this is not. But hey, all is not lost for despite not being hilarious, this story is lots of other things: it is boring as hell. And uninspired. And flat. And dull. And insipid. And soporiferous (aka great for napping). And uninteresting from beginning to end. And "un" pretty much everything. This story is so many things! How exciting!
And the moral of this non-review is: do yourself a favour and don't read this. Believe me, you'll be glad you didn't.
This story is supposed to be funny. Watch me laugh:
It should have been funny. I mean, it's about a woman whose vagina is a gateway to the world of the dead. How could this be anything but hilarious? Such a premise definitely calls for much merriment and revelry. Actually, I think I might be at fault here. Maybe I read it all wrong. Maybe I have no sense of humor. Maybe I didn't try hard enough to like it. Maybe if I'd really put my heart into it I'd have managed to at least, smile? Should I give it another try? Okay, let's see. Concentrate Sarah, concentrate.
Nope. Not working. Sorry. Crap will be crap and funny this is not. But hey, all is not lost for despite not being hilarious, this story is lots of other things: it is boring as hell. And uninspired. And flat. And dull. And insipid. And soporiferous (aka great for napping). And uninteresting from beginning to end. And "un" pretty much everything. This story is so many things! How exciting!
And the moral of this non-review is: do yourself a favour and don't read this. Believe me, you'll be glad you didn't.
December 29, 2022
"𝘐𝘵 𝘥𝘢𝘸𝘯𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘮𝘦. 𝘐'𝘮 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳. 𝘐'𝘮 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘩𝘶𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘴." 🤣
This is the first book I've read from the Bizarro genre and it was weird as fuck but I guess that's the whole point.
Some of it was predictable, the writing wasn't the greatest but it was fun from start to finish and I liked it.
I'd also like to mention that I can appreciate the uniqueness of the plot idea.
I can’t wait to read more from Mellick and explore the Bizarro genre!
This is the first book I've read from the Bizarro genre and it was weird as fuck but I guess that's the whole point.
Some of it was predictable, the writing wasn't the greatest but it was fun from start to finish and I liked it.
I'd also like to mention that I can appreciate the uniqueness of the plot idea.
I can’t wait to read more from Mellick and explore the Bizarro genre!
November 22, 2021
ALL OF YOU FUCKING GIVE A ROUND OF APPLAUSE BC I DESERVE IT FOR FINISHING
THE HAUNTED VAGINA
Moving on . . .
Some parts from the book for you to enjoy <33
🔅 “I’m serious,” I said.
“That’s not coming from the walls,” she said. “It’s coming from me.”
“From you?” I asked.
“From inside me,” she said, pulling off the covers and
pointing at her crotch.
I snorted at her.
“Listen,” she said, pulling my head into her lap and pressing my ear against her vagina.
🔅 “It’s not like you have to stick your tongue inside of me,”
she says. “You can just lick the glowworm.”
Glowworm is her pet name for a clitoris.
🔅 I hit the floor. Stacy coughs my cum out of her lungs. I
look up at her as she coughs, mouth wide open, unable to say a
word. She stands and examines her belly as it shuffles. It moves
about like it’s filled with a million cockroaches. And between her
legs, a skeletal hand is reaching out of her
🔅 “Look,” she says, pulling her vaginal lips open. They are
stretchy like rubber.
Then she laughs, hysterically. I chuckle too in a nervous
kind of way.
“I didn’t know it could do that before!” She lets the lips
go and they slap back into place.
🔅 She leans back on the bed and stretches out her vagina
lips again. The hole is big enough to fit a football through. I bend
down and look inside.
“See anything?” she asks.
“No,” I say. Just a fleshy cavity.
Stacy spreads her lips out farther. I help her, pushing the
labia apart, peering in. The hole might be wide at the opening, but
it shrinks to the size of a pea only inches within. I dig my hand
inside, but my hands are a bit dry and abrasive.
🔅 It dawns on me. I’m all the way inside of her. I’m like a human
penis.
That thought actually gives me an erection.
🔅 “The whole world must be some kind of tumor the size of
a pea,” she says, “hiding somewhere in my womb.”
🔅 “She was so lonely,” she says. “Her cries always calling
out to me, begging me to send her somebody to love. She was
always so sad and angry. But then, after you went inside me,
there wasn’t crying anymore. There was singing. She was happy.
She was in love.”
My lips squeak as they rub against the receiver. [this was sweet]
There are more but I'm not adding more, I'm leaving. I need to get this book our of my head.😭😭
Moving on . . .
Some parts from the book for you to enjoy <33
🔅 “I’m serious,” I said.
“That’s not coming from the walls,” she said. “It’s coming from me.”
“From you?” I asked.
“From inside me,” she said, pulling off the covers and
pointing at her crotch.
I snorted at her.
“Listen,” she said, pulling my head into her lap and pressing my ear against her vagina.
🔅 “It’s not like you have to stick your tongue inside of me,”
she says. “You can just lick the glowworm.”
Glowworm is her pet name for a clitoris.
🔅 I hit the floor. Stacy coughs my cum out of her lungs. I
look up at her as she coughs, mouth wide open, unable to say a
word. She stands and examines her belly as it shuffles. It moves
about like it’s filled with a million cockroaches. And between her
legs, a skeletal hand is reaching out of her
🔅 “Look,” she says, pulling her vaginal lips open. They are
stretchy like rubber.
Then she laughs, hysterically. I chuckle too in a nervous
kind of way.
“I didn’t know it could do that before!” She lets the lips
go and they slap back into place.
🔅 She leans back on the bed and stretches out her vagina
lips again. The hole is big enough to fit a football through. I bend
down and look inside.
“See anything?” she asks.
“No,” I say. Just a fleshy cavity.
Stacy spreads her lips out farther. I help her, pushing the
labia apart, peering in. The hole might be wide at the opening, but
it shrinks to the size of a pea only inches within. I dig my hand
inside, but my hands are a bit dry and abrasive.
🔅 It dawns on me. I’m all the way inside of her. I’m like a human
penis.
That thought actually gives me an erection.
🔅 “The whole world must be some kind of tumor the size of
a pea,” she says, “hiding somewhere in my womb.”
🔅 “She was so lonely,” she says. “Her cries always calling
out to me, begging me to send her somebody to love. She was
always so sad and angry. But then, after you went inside me,
there wasn’t crying anymore. There was singing. She was happy.
She was in love.”
My lips squeak as they rub against the receiver. [this was sweet]
There are more but I'm not adding more, I'm leaving. I need to get this book our of my head.😭😭
Shelved as 'the-nope-wagon'
October 22, 2020
Shelved as 'dont-touch-this'
October 22, 2020
It's difficult to love a woman whose vagina is a gateway to the world of the dead....When a living corpse climbs out of her during an awkward night of sex....... She persuades Steve to climb inside of her to explore this strange new place. But once inside, Steve finds it difficult to return... especially once he meets an oddly attractive woman named Fig, who lives within the lonely haunted world between Stacy's legs.
What did I just read!!!!!????? I am talking about the blurb, there is no way I will read the book!
What did I just read!!!!!????? I am talking about the blurb, there is no way I will read the book!
October 15, 2020
I first heard about this book from the book tuber Bookslikewhoa as she was ranking romance book covers (she didn't rank this one very highly) and I was intrigued so here I am.
This is a portal fantasy, think The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe but the wardrobe is a vagina and the lion and the witch are skeletons and rubber people.
At 100 pages this is a fast read and I had a fun time reading it. I really enjoyed the 69 scene, felt pretty accurate to me and had me giggling and the world building inside the vagina was really well done, I could visualise it so well actually im having weird thoughts about my own vagina.
I laughed a lot reading this, was a lot of fun.
This is a portal fantasy, think The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe but the wardrobe is a vagina and the lion and the witch are skeletons and rubber people.
At 100 pages this is a fast read and I had a fun time reading it. I really enjoyed the 69 scene, felt pretty accurate to me and had me giggling and the world building inside the vagina was really well done, I could visualise it so well actually im having weird thoughts about my own vagina.
I laughed a lot reading this, was a lot of fun.
February 15, 2010
What a fun romp through Stacy's vagina. Who knew it would turn into such a heartwarming love story? The alternate universe between Stacy's legs is just as mesmerizing and amazing as Wonderland and the Emerald city. It's funny and beautifully written.
I also enjoyed Carlton Mellick's The Menstruating Mall. It's refreshing to know of a man not afraid to explore the female mystique in such an up close and personal way.
Carlton, thank you for this one-of-a-kind story.I look forward to reading ALL of your books sooner than later.
I also enjoyed Carlton Mellick's The Menstruating Mall. It's refreshing to know of a man not afraid to explore the female mystique in such an up close and personal way.
Carlton, thank you for this one-of-a-kind story.I look forward to reading ALL of your books sooner than later.
February 7, 2017
Do you like it strange?
How far into the bizarre are you willing to go?
This bizarro genre has for me been extremely hit or miss. I either dislike a book so much that I trash it or I like it very much. I do like The Haunted Vagina.
But how odd is it really that someone hears voices coming from a vagina? I find they communicate rather well... simply pay attention people.
I also find the structure of this book alluring. Yea, I'm thinking this book can be role played by its readers with adventurous imaginations.
How far into the bizarre are you willing to go?
This bizarro genre has for me been extremely hit or miss. I either dislike a book so much that I trash it or I like it very much. I do like The Haunted Vagina.
But how odd is it really that someone hears voices coming from a vagina? I find they communicate rather well... simply pay attention people.
I also find the structure of this book alluring. Yea, I'm thinking this book can be role played by its readers with adventurous imaginations.
December 23, 2021
Staci's vagina has a hidden world deep inside. She convinces her boyfriend Steve to lube up and go exploring. Inside he finds a weird world with inhabitants. After a few journeys Steve finds herself stuck inside and unable to return to the world. This is a different read, but in a cool way. I love books that are different and challenge your imagination. So bring some flavored lube, plus your sense of adventure to take a wild ride inside Staci's vagina.
🐱🐱🐱🐱
🐱🐱🐱🐱
December 19, 2022
This book was... something 😅
Steve’s girlfriend Stacy is eccentric and wild in many ways. She’s kinky, chaotic and unpredictable, but her sexual relationship with Steve has gone surprisingly stale. Strange noises and sensations are emanating from her pubic region. Ghostly weeping and skeletal fingers protruding from her privates whenever she attempts to get intimate with a man. After taking a peek inside, Steve begins to suspect that his girlfriend’s private area might just be a portal to another dimension full of supernatural entities. The only way to solve the mystery lurking within is to crawl inside.
I knew this book was going to be a trip just from the title, and it was even weirder than I was prepared for. As stupidly bizarre and immature as the concept sounds, it’s executed with a lot of creativity and surprisingly wholesome resolutions to the problems that are presented.
The pacing is a little too fast for my liking, but it worked out fairly well for such a strange dreamlike story with lots of surreal imagery. I just wish some of the more crazy concepts were explored in further detail.
Overall funny, gross, interesting and entertaining. I’m becoming a fan of Mellick’s extremely unconventional and outlandish style.
My rating: 3.5/5
Steve’s girlfriend Stacy is eccentric and wild in many ways. She’s kinky, chaotic and unpredictable, but her sexual relationship with Steve has gone surprisingly stale. Strange noises and sensations are emanating from her pubic region. Ghostly weeping and skeletal fingers protruding from her privates whenever she attempts to get intimate with a man. After taking a peek inside, Steve begins to suspect that his girlfriend’s private area might just be a portal to another dimension full of supernatural entities. The only way to solve the mystery lurking within is to crawl inside.
I knew this book was going to be a trip just from the title, and it was even weirder than I was prepared for. As stupidly bizarre and immature as the concept sounds, it’s executed with a lot of creativity and surprisingly wholesome resolutions to the problems that are presented.
The pacing is a little too fast for my liking, but it worked out fairly well for such a strange dreamlike story with lots of surreal imagery. I just wish some of the more crazy concepts were explored in further detail.
Overall funny, gross, interesting and entertaining. I’m becoming a fan of Mellick’s extremely unconventional and outlandish style.
My rating: 3.5/5
March 6, 2016
There are voices coming out of Steve’s girlfriends vajayjay. “It was like listening to the ocean in a hairy flesh seashell.” Wtf, is going on down there in Stacy's love oven? Weird. Time to do a little pootie investigation. Get out the spelunking gear and dive head first into the vertical smile. It’s a whole other world up in the lady flower, complete with crafty dinners, spit covered glow worms, melting skeletons and a horny Fig.
Will Stacy ever find out the truth about her hoo-ha? Who could be haunting Stacy’s fiddly bits? Will Steve be able to find true love deep in the panty hamster? All these questions and more will be revealed from down under in the great vagoo.
Sometimes, I just make myself laugh. Like when I looked up silly names for the vagina on the internet while hanging on the couch with my wife. She kept wondering why I was sitting there giggling to myself like a moron. Just in case you’re interested, Googling funny names for the vagina will bring up all kinds of whacky things. Be forewarned. And if you are immature like me and have the mentality of a 14yr old school boy, then have fun.
Will Stacy ever find out the truth about her hoo-ha? Who could be haunting Stacy’s fiddly bits? Will Steve be able to find true love deep in the panty hamster? All these questions and more will be revealed from down under in the great vagoo.
Sometimes, I just make myself laugh. Like when I looked up silly names for the vagina on the internet while hanging on the couch with my wife. She kept wondering why I was sitting there giggling to myself like a moron. Just in case you’re interested, Googling funny names for the vagina will bring up all kinds of whacky things. Be forewarned. And if you are immature like me and have the mentality of a 14yr old school boy, then have fun.
February 15, 2010
Happy Valentines Day!!
This little book was made available for free this weekend by Eraserhead (or Avant Punk, or however this whole incestuous Bizzaro world is organized) as a pdf, so I thought what better way to spend Valentines Day evening, when normal people are out on dates or fucking or whatever it is people do who have relationships with other people, than to read a love story about a boy and a girl with ghosts living in her cooter.
A fun read, I agree with some other reviewer that it could have been developed a little more, but maybe just fleshed out a little, I think the length was just about perfect, much longer and this could have become pretty tiresome. After reading Baby Butt Plug Jesus and finding it to be annoying and trying to hard to be weird for weird's sake, this book had a fun appeal. I could see this being a very delightful Tim Burton movie project; with Johnny Depp climbing into Helen Bonham Carter's snatch and discovering a dreary and decaying world populated with strange creatures and skeletons.
This little book was made available for free this weekend by Eraserhead (or Avant Punk, or however this whole incestuous Bizzaro world is organized) as a pdf, so I thought what better way to spend Valentines Day evening, when normal people are out on dates or fucking or whatever it is people do who have relationships with other people, than to read a love story about a boy and a girl with ghosts living in her cooter.
A fun read, I agree with some other reviewer that it could have been developed a little more, but maybe just fleshed out a little, I think the length was just about perfect, much longer and this could have become pretty tiresome. After reading Baby Butt Plug Jesus and finding it to be annoying and trying to hard to be weird for weird's sake, this book had a fun appeal. I could see this being a very delightful Tim Burton movie project; with Johnny Depp climbing into Helen Bonham Carter's snatch and discovering a dreary and decaying world populated with strange creatures and skeletons.
May 22, 2012
Now THAT was one fucked up story! Definitely not something I would normally read but I have to admit it WAS interesting...in a twisted, gross, fucked up way. Please don't ask me to plot review; I don't think I can.
ETA: Alright, so after thinking about this story some more and reading other reviews, I've realized that I saw this story totally differently from most of those other readers and I have come to the conclusion (with some assistance) that that is totally the point. To be able to interpret this story in multiple ways. So here is my take on it. If you ever plan on reading this story, I strongly suggest you DO NOT read my spoiler.
While the writing here feels very elementary on the surface, if you look a little deeper, its really not. The entire time I was reading it, I was thinking to myself "This is the stupidest thing I have ever read." Even after I finished it and wrote my original review I thought it was just too out there. So, after thinking about it a lot, I'm bumping this story up from 3 stars to 4 simply because of all the thought processes this thing put me through.
I recommend this to anyone who is willing to think outside the box for atleast few hours.
ETA: Alright, so after thinking about this story some more and reading other reviews, I've realized that I saw this story totally differently from most of those other readers and I have come to the conclusion (with some assistance) that that is totally the point. To be able to interpret this story in multiple ways. So here is my take on it. If you ever plan on reading this story, I strongly suggest you DO NOT read my spoiler.
While the writing here feels very elementary on the surface, if you look a little deeper, its really not. The entire time I was reading it, I was thinking to myself "This is the stupidest thing I have ever read." Even after I finished it and wrote my original review I thought it was just too out there. So, after thinking about it a lot, I'm bumping this story up from 3 stars to 4 simply because of all the thought processes this thing put me through.
I recommend this to anyone who is willing to think outside the box for atleast few hours.
March 30, 2023
Jezu… To było obleśne. Cały koncept może i ciekawy dla tego gatunku, ale napisane było okropnie. Jak mokry sen jakiegoś typa co siedzi w piwnicy.
Przeczytane tylko dlatego, że robiłyśmy buddy read na live, także proszę nie oceniać xdd
Przeczytane tylko dlatego, że robiłyśmy buddy read na live, także proszę nie oceniać xdd
Read
August 8, 2020THE BLURB
It's difficult to love a woman whose vagina is a gateway to the world of the dead.
Steve is madly in love with his eccentric girlfriend, Stacy. Unfortunately, their sex life has been suffering as of late, because Steve is worried about the odd noises that have been coming from Stacy's pubic region. She says that her vagina is haunted. She doesn't think it's that big of a deal. Steve, on the other hand, completely disagrees.
When a living corpse climbs out of her during an awkward night of sex, Stacy learns that her vagina is actually a doorway to another world. She persuades Steve to climb inside of her to explore this strange new place. But once inside, Steve finds it difficult to return... especially once he meets an oddly attractive woman named Fig, who lives within the lonely haunted world between Stacy's legs.
Me :
My vagina
The government agent monitoring my activity
and
It's difficult to love a woman whose vagina is a gateway to the world of the dead.
Steve is madly in love with his eccentric girlfriend, Stacy. Unfortunately, their sex life has been suffering as of late, because Steve is worried about the odd noises that have been coming from Stacy's pubic region. She says that her vagina is haunted. She doesn't think it's that big of a deal. Steve, on the other hand, completely disagrees.
When a living corpse climbs out of her during an awkward night of sex, Stacy learns that her vagina is actually a doorway to another world. She persuades Steve to climb inside of her to explore this strange new place. But once inside, Steve finds it difficult to return... especially once he meets an oddly attractive woman named Fig, who lives within the lonely haunted world between Stacy's legs.
Me :
My vagina
The government agent monitoring my activity
and
February 22, 2022
"Who knows what kind of weird creatures live inside of Stacy’s vagina…"
This book has been tormenting me since it came out. The strange title got me at first and then I looked a little closer. The lead character and I share the same name, so it was a must that I read this bizarre book.
No words can prepare you for what takes place between these pages. I thought I had an idea and then Carlton took it a step further. I've never said, "What the F**k!?" so much in my life but that is where this book took me. It was crazy as hell and very enjoyable. Well, if you're into that sort of thing. Apparently, I am.
There are many mysterious out in the world. But who knew that my vagina was haunted!? *Shrug*
This book has been tormenting me since it came out. The strange title got me at first and then I looked a little closer. The lead character and I share the same name, so it was a must that I read this bizarre book.
No words can prepare you for what takes place between these pages. I thought I had an idea and then Carlton took it a step further. I've never said, "What the F**k!?" so much in my life but that is where this book took me. It was crazy as hell and very enjoyable. Well, if you're into that sort of thing. Apparently, I am.
There are many mysterious out in the world. But who knew that my vagina was haunted!? *Shrug*
July 25, 2022
NICZEGO NIE ŻAŁUJĘ XDDDD
July 27, 2019
That was bizarre....and I loved it! Kinda made me think too. I've barely stepped into bizarro book land but i've noticed the best bizarre stories also can make you think, while they also have you going "what the fuck?"
September 28, 2022
Goodreads è davvero un posto meraviglioso dove è possibile scoprire opere importanti e di valore, e allo stesso tempo sconosciute e totalmente pazze come questo romanzo.
Infatti mai avrei pensato che potesse esistere un libro simile (con tanto di genere annesso: bizarro fiction), né tanto meno che mi sarei trovata a leggerlo.
E che vi devo dire? Il titolo già dice tutto. C'è questa ragazza che nella sua patafiocca ha un portale verso un mondo paranormale e il suo fidanzato stranito dalla situazione, ma desideroso di dimostrarle tutto il suo amore, decide di intraprendere un viaggio gargantuesco al suo interno per capire cosa si annida in posto così insolito e magari poter tornare a fare all'amore senza urla sinistre o scheletri indesiderati che fuoriescono proprio sul più bello.
Mostri, paesaggi sconfinati e molto altro lo aspettano. Un vero e proprio libro d'avventura!
Dire che è stata un'esperienza di lettura completamente folle è riduttivo, ma con un titolo del genere non mi aspettavo nulla di meno.
Ora però voglio recuperare anche quello con i peluche killer! 🐼🐻🐰
Infatti mai avrei pensato che potesse esistere un libro simile (con tanto di genere annesso: bizarro fiction), né tanto meno che mi sarei trovata a leggerlo.
E che vi devo dire? Il titolo già dice tutto. C'è questa ragazza che nella sua patafiocca ha un portale verso un mondo paranormale e il suo fidanzato stranito dalla situazione, ma desideroso di dimostrarle tutto il suo amore, decide di intraprendere un viaggio gargantuesco al suo interno per capire cosa si annida in posto così insolito e magari poter tornare a fare all'amore senza urla sinistre o scheletri indesiderati che fuoriescono proprio sul più bello.
Mostri, paesaggi sconfinati e molto altro lo aspettano. Un vero e proprio libro d'avventura!
Dire che è stata un'esperienza di lettura completamente folle è riduttivo, ma con un titolo del genere non mi aspettavo nulla di meno.
Ora però voglio recuperare anche quello con i peluche killer! 🐼🐻🐰
February 19, 2021
Fun, imaginative story that I just wished went on longer. The backstory behind this Haunted Vagina was fascinating and kept me wanting more. Part of me wants another book/novella set in this world, but another part of me feels that the book already ended perfectly as is.
Overall a great story. I was turned off by Carlton Mellick III for a bit, but after reading this one I'm ready to go on a Bizarro binge.
I'm giving this one 4/5 ⭐⭐⭐⭐
For in-depth video reviews, please subscribe to my YouTube channel:
https://youtube.com/c/UptownHorrorRev...
Overall a great story. I was turned off by Carlton Mellick III for a bit, but after reading this one I'm ready to go on a Bizarro binge.
I'm giving this one 4/5 ⭐⭐⭐⭐
For in-depth video reviews, please subscribe to my YouTube channel:
https://youtube.com/c/UptownHorrorRev...
April 10, 2018
This is without a doubt too crazily horrific - even for me. I admit that I LOVE horror movies and have read lots of horror novels in my time so a couple months ago I decided to try reading some Bizarro Horror novels. My first attempt, Night of the Assholes, was more funny and enlightening than it was horrific. This one, however, didn't fare so well with me. At first when I read the blurb I was all:
Then when I started reading it, my reaction turned to:
Then by the time I was finished, I was left feeling like this:
This book was CRAZY ! But, amidst all the far out bizarre horror in the novella there was this underlying symbolism ( or perhaps allegory would be more apt ) that kept intruding into my dazed mind: I left this novella thinking that this author really has a negative attitude toward women and gender relations. In this novella Stacy, the female with the haunted vagina, is a domineering, bossy, control freak type of girlfriend who treats Steve, her puny, passive and scaredy cat tiny boyfriend, like a toy, a pet or a walking dildo. I am not exaggerating. Stacy emasculates tiny Steve to the point where if he doesn't want to have sex with her, she will lift him up literally ( since she's almost double his size ), take off his clothes, throw him on the bed and coerce him. When Steve is bullied, by Stacy into entering her vagina ( to see what's going on inside the haunted cavern of doom ) he meets a weird alien type female called Fig. This woman is made purely of latex and is not as domineering as Stacy but she still uses her feminine wiles to capture Steve and keep him with her. This novella seems to be telling a sad symbolic story about a passive, emasculated man who is controlled by the dictates of the women with whom he gets involved. Stacy eventually gets bored of waiting for Steve to return from inside her vagina so she finds a new boyfriend. Steve seems without a will of his own because he ends up convincing himself that he's in love with this creature called Fig and is content to live with her inside Stacy's vagina.
I never should have read this novella. I love horror novels but I think I am going to stick to the more conventionally gory and slasher type books by Richard Laymon and Edward Lee or the psychological type of horror by Stephen King. I am not saying that Bizarro Horror is definitely out for me, because Night of the Assholes was funny but I am not going to read a novella where women are depicted as such horrible, cruel, bullying and selfish creatures. I know there are obviously some women in the real world who are probably domineering and unapologetic girlfriends/wives like Stacy but I don't want to read about them. I like to keep my naive illusions intact...
Then when I started reading it, my reaction turned to:
Then by the time I was finished, I was left feeling like this:
This book was CRAZY ! But, amidst all the far out bizarre horror in the novella there was this underlying symbolism ( or perhaps allegory would be more apt ) that kept intruding into my dazed mind: I left this novella thinking that this author really has a negative attitude toward women and gender relations. In this novella Stacy, the female with the haunted vagina, is a domineering, bossy, control freak type of girlfriend who treats Steve, her puny, passive and scaredy cat tiny boyfriend, like a toy, a pet or a walking dildo. I am not exaggerating. Stacy emasculates tiny Steve to the point where if he doesn't want to have sex with her, she will lift him up literally ( since she's almost double his size ), take off his clothes, throw him on the bed and coerce him. When Steve is bullied, by Stacy into entering her vagina ( to see what's going on inside the haunted cavern of doom ) he meets a weird alien type female called Fig. This woman is made purely of latex and is not as domineering as Stacy but she still uses her feminine wiles to capture Steve and keep him with her. This novella seems to be telling a sad symbolic story about a passive, emasculated man who is controlled by the dictates of the women with whom he gets involved. Stacy eventually gets bored of waiting for Steve to return from inside her vagina so she finds a new boyfriend. Steve seems without a will of his own because he ends up convincing himself that he's in love with this creature called Fig and is content to live with her inside Stacy's vagina.
I never should have read this novella. I love horror novels but I think I am going to stick to the more conventionally gory and slasher type books by Richard Laymon and Edward Lee or the psychological type of horror by Stephen King. I am not saying that Bizarro Horror is definitely out for me, because Night of the Assholes was funny but I am not going to read a novella where women are depicted as such horrible, cruel, bullying and selfish creatures. I know there are obviously some women in the real world who are probably domineering and unapologetic girlfriends/wives like Stacy but I don't want to read about them. I like to keep my naive illusions intact...
October 25, 2014
I liked the book, although it was weird as hell. It's certainly open to interpretation. I'll be interested in what I think if I can remember to read it again in a year or 5. Right now, I'm seeing it as a horror love story, a man's complete emasculation due to love - not lust. It was very well done, too. The few characters felt real, even in the weird situation.
Don't read the spoiler unless you've read the book. Seriously, it only takes a couple of hours & is well worth it. What you get out of it may be (probably will be) completely different than the way I'm seeing it now.
Don't read the spoiler unless you've read the book. Seriously, it only takes a couple of hours & is well worth it. What you get out of it may be (probably will be) completely different than the way I'm seeing it now.
June 13, 2022
who let this horny, middle-aged white man write and publish books about his fetishes and male fantasies
June 10, 2013
POSSIBLE SPOILER....??
This book is my first introduction into the mind of one Mr. Carlton Mellick III. This story is short and quick but doesn't leave any unanswered questions. From the beginning, our main character is a man who declares his love for this quirky chic named Stacey. Stacey, for lack of a better term is rather harsh in her emotions and selfish in her endeavors and for whatever reason our guy falls for her and hard. Despite lack of sex and a terrifying phobia of Stacey's vagina (rightfully so with noises, crying, and wailing coming from within the fleshy cave one can not blame him for his reservations)but when a skeleton decides to climb his way out of Stacey's special place, she now convinces our sorry sap to climb inside her and take a look around. This is NOT an easy feat. Coming from a chick with a vagina, a normal one as far as I know, fisting is a hard enough sexual act, so after being lubed up, shaved down and shoved in, our lil buddy is on his way into the world that lives within Stacey (is final push in by Stacey reminded very much of the South Park episode with Paris Hilton...) I absolutely love the world inside her. The description Mellick gives of the village and the people is of warped awesomeness. The "imaginary" ghost girl of Stacey that resides within her exudes adorable childlike wonderment and her character is by far one of my favorites. She is simple and matter of fact in her actions and love for the main character. The main character however only wants to be released from within Stacey and out into her arms, but this is not to be. Once he is trapped by Fig, it is only a matter of time before he begins to change and become more like the creature of Fig. Eventually he returns Fig's love after being left behind by Stacey. Their love grows and grows and he realizes that Stacey though he loved her, he now belongs with Fig and is happier with her than he was ever with Stacey. I am not a sappy person for the most part, and love stories are just shit to me, this story is the perfect love story if I were to ever fall in love with one (HA!)
Mellick's explanation of how the world became to be is rather intriguing and oddly beautiful. His explanation for their existence can be summed on as an incredibly odd STD lol. I liked the story a lot, I fell in love with the cover art, and I am pleased to know this author has lots more work for me to delve into.
This book is my first introduction into the mind of one Mr. Carlton Mellick III. This story is short and quick but doesn't leave any unanswered questions. From the beginning, our main character is a man who declares his love for this quirky chic named Stacey. Stacey, for lack of a better term is rather harsh in her emotions and selfish in her endeavors and for whatever reason our guy falls for her and hard. Despite lack of sex and a terrifying phobia of Stacey's vagina (rightfully so with noises, crying, and wailing coming from within the fleshy cave one can not blame him for his reservations)but when a skeleton decides to climb his way out of Stacey's special place, she now convinces our sorry sap to climb inside her and take a look around. This is NOT an easy feat. Coming from a chick with a vagina, a normal one as far as I know, fisting is a hard enough sexual act, so after being lubed up, shaved down and shoved in, our lil buddy is on his way into the world that lives within Stacey (is final push in by Stacey reminded very much of the South Park episode with Paris Hilton...) I absolutely love the world inside her. The description Mellick gives of the village and the people is of warped awesomeness. The "imaginary" ghost girl of Stacey that resides within her exudes adorable childlike wonderment and her character is by far one of my favorites. She is simple and matter of fact in her actions and love for the main character. The main character however only wants to be released from within Stacey and out into her arms, but this is not to be. Once he is trapped by Fig, it is only a matter of time before he begins to change and become more like the creature of Fig. Eventually he returns Fig's love after being left behind by Stacey. Their love grows and grows and he realizes that Stacey though he loved her, he now belongs with Fig and is happier with her than he was ever with Stacey. I am not a sappy person for the most part, and love stories are just shit to me, this story is the perfect love story if I were to ever fall in love with one (HA!)
Mellick's explanation of how the world became to be is rather intriguing and oddly beautiful. His explanation for their existence can be summed on as an incredibly odd STD lol. I liked the story a lot, I fell in love with the cover art, and I am pleased to know this author has lots more work for me to delve into.
November 6, 2020
This is by far the weirdest book I have ever read and I loved every second of it! It is so out there and hilarious and I have NEVER read anything like it before and I doubt I ever will again. I bought this on a whim because the cover and title just made me laugh, I definitely wasn’t expecting to enjoy it as much as I did. Behind the weirdness and horror and hilarity the writing is actually surprisingly good which I wasn’t expecting because let’s be real, it’s a story about a haunted vagina so I had pretty low expectations for the quality. Consider me pleasantly surprised, incredibly amused and very much looking forward to reading more bizarre stories from this author!
July 23, 2024
Been wa tid to read this boom for a long time as it sounded so weird and funny premise. The story was actually good and entertaining, in a weird way. Glad I finally decided to buy it. I havnt read a book like this and it was definitely unique. Hopefully no one has a haunted vagina because that definitely sounds complicated especially if your boyfriend climbs in and goes on a wild adventure lol.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,240 reviews