Eoin Colfer > Quotes

“Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“I never tell anyone exactly how clever I am. They would be too scared.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Eternity Code

“If I win, I'm a prodigy. If I lose, then I'm crazy. That's the way history is written.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“If you were me, then I'd be you, and if I were you, then I'd hide somewhere far away.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Eternity Code

“Trust me. I'm a genius.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Lost Colony

“Foaly: Anyone see you come in here?
Holly: The FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA, MI6. Oh, and the EIB.
Foaly: The EIB?
Holly: (smirking) Everyone in the building.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl Band 1-3

“Artemis: (shocked) Why, Doctor? This is a sensitive area. For all you know I could be suffering from depression.
Doctor Po: I suppose you could. Is that the case?
Artemis: (head in hands) It's my mother, Doctor.
Doctor Po: Yes?
Artemis: My mother, she...
Doctor Po: Your mother, yes?
Artemis: She forces me to endure this ridiculous therapy when the school's so-called counsellors are little better than misguided do-gooders with degrees.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Arctic Incident

“Good. Illegal is always faster.”
― Eoin Colfer

“Listen to me, goblin. You're stupid, let's accept that and move on.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Eternity Code

“Butler could kill you a hundred different ways without use of his armoury. Though I'm sure one would be quite sufficient.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“Artemis felt like he was six again and caught hacking the school computers trying to make the test questions harder”
― Eoin Colfer, The Time Paradox

“Let us proceed under the assumption that the fairy folk do exist, and that I am not a gibbering moron.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“Hey, look—your girlfriend is saying something."
Artemis had a vast mental reserve of scathing comebacks at his disposal, but none of them covered girlfriend insults. He wasn't even sure if it was an insult. And if it was, who was being insulted? Him or the girl?”
― Eoin Colfer

“You know you're in trouble when your own imagination starts punishing you.”
― Eoin Colfer

“Who are you?" he asked.
I am the future queen of this world, at the very least. You may refer to me as Mistress Koboi for the next five minutes. After that you may refer to me as Aaaaarrrrgh, hold your throat, die screaming, and so on.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Time Paradox

“In my experience, boys are predictable. As soon as they think of something, they do it. Girls are smarter—they plan ahead. They think about not getting caught.”
― Eoin Colfer, Half Moon Investigations

“I don't like lollipops.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“And one more thing. About my name — Artemis — you were right. In London, it is generally a female name, after the Greek goddess of archery. But every now and then a male comes along with such a talent for hunting that he earns the right to use the name. I am that male. Artemis the hunter. I hunted you.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Eternity Code

“Being in command means making tough decisions. Not being in command means shutting up and doing what you're told.
--Artemis Fowl”
― Eoin Colfer, The Artemis Fowl Files

“A CD. How quaint. We have these in museums.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Eternity Code

“I can't imagine what they're planning. But I can tell you two things. We won't like it, and it won't be legal.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Artemis Fowl Files

“We're being lead by an idiot with a crayon.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Arctic Incident

“You wouldn't know a clue if it danced in front of you with a T-Shirt that read 'I'm a clue”
― Eoin Colfer

“The problem is that I know the textbook answers to any question you care to ask.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“That was horrible. Horrible. That poor little guy."
Pex was unrepentant. "Yeah, well, he asked for it. Calling us ... all those things."
But---buried alive! That's like in that horror movie. Y'know -- the one with all the horror."
I think I saw that one. With all the words going up on the screen at the end?"
Yeah, that was it. Tell you the truth, those words kinda ruined it for me.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Eternity Code

“Humm humm haaa. Rahmumm humm haaaa," intoned Opal, finishing her chant. "Peace be inside me, tolerance all around me, forgiveness in my path. Now, Mervall, show me where the filthy human is so that I may feed him his organs.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Time Paradox

“Hit that back-stabber where it hurts, right in the ambition.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“D'Arvit!”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl Band 1-3