The Night’s Young, So Find a Gray Bar

NEW YORK does not lack for hip bars that drip with beautiful people sipping $12 drinks, being assaulted by thumping music and feeling that they have found the center of the nightlife universe.

But that's a universe ruled by the under-40 crowd (and haunted, despite laws to the contrary, by quite a few under-20s). So does that mean weekend visitors who own a graying mane or, the horror, receive a regular Social Security check, must head from a pricey meal, Broadway show or Lincoln Center concert and straight to bed without even a cocktail?

Of course not. They just have to look for the tip-offs that indicate that a bar attracts a more mature crowd, the kind that doesn't trust anyone under 40.

Those helpful hints include an upscale, old-school setting (though downscale, old-school Irish bars work pretty well, too); background music that stays where it belongs — in the background; and closing hours earlier than the city-prescribed limit. There's no need to stay open till 4 in the morning if a good part of your clientele wakes up at 7 without an alarm clock.

And there's the added bonus of civility. Middle-age-and-up bar patrons are bar patrons not because it's the default activity on a weekend night, but because they enjoy bars. Perhaps for that reason, their conversations are not as stilted as younger drinkers', but more like a collegial chat between strangers brought together by a taste for fine Scotch than hormonally charged gamesmanship.

One classic spot is Bemelmans, with its comfy chairs, waiters in uniform and quirky murals (and lampshade art) drawn by Ludwig Bemelmans, creator of the Madeline children's books. You will probably find at least a 40-year difference between the youngest patron and the oldest (and also between the youngest employee and the oldest). A jazz trio and drinks like the gin-gin mule (gin, homemade ginger beer, fresh mint and lime juice; $16) make the place, in the Carlyle Hotel on the Upper East Side, ooze timelessness.

Other classics include the King Cole Bar at the St. Regis Hotel and the evening incarnation of the Grill Room at the Four Seasons restaurant. The general rule is, the older the establishment, the older the crowd and the more refined the atmosphere. (The new boutique spots skew younger and louder.)

The Algonquin attaches its Round Table literary cachet to its several drinking spots. The purest bar scene is the Blue Bar, which has its own entrance and takes its mixed drinks seriously enough to claim that the rye-and-bitters Sazerac ($15) is “one of America's greatest cocktails resurrected from its Southern cocktail tomb.” Not all is so serious: there's also a drink named after Matilda, the hotel's cat.

But being timeless is not a requirement. The Bar Room at the Modern (attached to the Museum of Modern Art) is a slick spot with creative drinks where three well-dressed generations could gather at the bar or adjacent tables and everyone would feel comfortable.

The Bar Room doesn't even skimp on music you might hear amid a younger lounge crowd, from neo-soul to French pop to thumping electronic beats. In this case, though, the throb is more like a distant heartbeat than a having a woofer channeled directly into your eardrum.

The Modern's drink menu is conversation-worthy, too. There's its most popular drink, Coming Up Roses, a concoction of rosewater, rose petals, champagne, rum and lime that inspires oohs and aahs from bar neighbors ($12), as well as the signature Modern Martini ($14), made with their own cilantro-infused gin and whose iffy taste might make you question the whole infusion-spirits movement.

But there's something for everyone there: the beer list is quirky, with a local favorite, Brooklyn Pilsner ($7), squaring off against choices like the Troubadour Obscura stout from Belgium ($15) and Magic Hat from Vermont ($7). And Reed's Premium ginger beer and Ithaca root beer ($5) mean that even teetotalers have drink choices worth talking about.

Steakhouse bars, for some reason, tend to attract a mixed-age crowd, and there are plenty of choices. At Wolfgang's on Park Avenue, the bar is often crowded, with everyone from business types dining alone as they play BrickBreaker on their BlackBerrys to couples in their 40s making out as if they can't afford a room. If those activities don't appeal to you, check out the Gustavino-tiled vaulted ceilings or chat with the friendly bartenders.

THERE are plenty of New Yorkers who have been lamenting the death of the smoke-filled room since the 2003 smoking ban (and that's not including the dry cleaners who profited handsomely from day-after business). But those lamenters still have a few places to go, like the oversize Club Macanudo on the Upper East Side or the undersize Velvet Cigar Lounge in the East Village (and Williamsburg, Brooklyn).

The Carnegie Club is another such spot imported from another era, especially on Saturday nights, when Steve Maglio and the Stan Rubin Orchestra perform their well-regarded Sinatra show. Though the tobacco and drink minimum can annoy — you're not going to make it out of there for less than $100 a couple, no matter what — it's worth it for the time travel.

And with the first show at 8:30, the early-to-bed crowd can sip a vintage cocktail, puff on a Dominican cigar and listen to “The Way You Look Tonight” — even if they maintain a slight preference for the way they looked, say, three decades ago.

VISITOR INFORMATION

Bar Room at the Modern, 9 West 53rd Street, (212) 333-1220; www.themodernnyc.com.

Bemelmans Bar at the Carlyle Hotel, 35 East 76th Street, (212) 744-1600; www.thecarlyle.com.

Blue Bar at the Algonquin Hotel, 59 West 44th Street, (212) 840-6800; www.algonquinhotel.com.

Carnegie Club, 156 West 56th Street, (212) 957-9676; www.hospitalityholdings.com.

Club Macanudo, 26 East 63rd Street, (212) 752-8200; www.clubmacanudo.com.

Four Seasons Restaurant, 99 East 52nd Street, (212) 754-9494; www.fourseasonsrestaurant.com.

King Cole Bar at the St. Regis Hotel, 2 East 55th Street, (212), 753-4500; www.starwoodhotels.com/stregis.

Velvet Cigar Lounge, 80 East Seventh Street (near First Avenue), (212) 533-5582; and 174 Broadway (near Driggs Avenue), in the Williamsburg section of Brooklyn, (718) 302-4427; www.velvetcigars.com.

Wolfgang's Steakhouse, 4 Park Avenue (East 33rd Street), (212) 889-3369; and 409 Greenwich Street, (at Hubert Street), (212) 925-0350; www.wolfgangssteakhouse.com.