infiniteViral.js

/*
 * find any news headings on the page
 * load a viral headline generated by Infinite Viral (https://github.com/laboon/viral_gen)
 */


        var noun = new Array("Dog", "Cat", "Bird", "Timepiece", "Issue", "Person",
      "Kid", "Street", "Head", "Day", "House", "Group", "Car", "Country", "City", "Problem",
          "Community", "Hand", "Name", "President",
      "Place", "Team", "Case", "Idea", "Company", "System", "Body",
      "Program", "Information", "Question", "Bone", "Work", "Parent", "Government", "Face",
      "Number", "Boss", "Office", "Point", "Door", "Home", "Candy Bar", "Candy", "Gumdrop",
      "Cup", "Room", "Art", "Mother", "War","Area", "History", "Dollar Bill", "Party",
      "Story", "Result", "Fact", "History Book", "Fish", "Foot", "Pastry",
          "Study", "Baby Doll", "Book", "Eye", "Food", "Job",
          "Moment", "Word", "Air Hockey Table", "Business", 
          "Spell", "Wizard", "Doll",  "Code", "Airplane",
          "Conference", "Keyboard", "Website", "Page", "Network", "System",
          "Poison Ivy Plant", "Daisy", "Gasoline", "Campfire", "Lawn", "Pizza",
          "Bridge", "Baseball", "Hockey Puck", "Cookie", "Cake",
          "Football", "Antenna", "Dresser", "Kiwi", "Kumquat", "Eyepatch", "Finger Painting",
          "Weasel", "Earthworm", "Koala Bear", "Frog", "Dolphin", "Record Player", "Stamp Collection",
          "Dance Club", "Sidewalk", "Skate Park", "Amusement Park", "Stuffed Animal", "Teddy Bear",
          "Napkin", "Fork", "Spoon", "Table", "Tablecloth", "Fireplace", "Glasses", "Moustache",
          "Mouth", "Floor", "Egg", "Watermelon", "Garden", "Porch", "Gate", "Violin", "Oboe", "Piano",
          "Necklace", "Broom", "Stove", "Bedroom", "Bed", "Fan", "Lamp", "Horse", "Duck", "Sheep",
          "Conspiracy", "Boardroom", "Kitchen", "Stove", "Refrigerator", "Chainsaw", "Garbanzo Bean",
          "Prune", "Mechanic", "Meatloaf", "Kidney", "Duck", "Guacamole", "Aardvark", "Lion", "Lollipop",
          "Medicine", "Pill", "Buffet", "Election", "Wagon", "Monkey", "Space Monkey", "Legislation",
          "Tree", "University", "Quiz", "Test", "Video", "Laugh", "Spectacles", "Arm", "Illness",
          "Freckle", "Space Station", "Cheese Wheel", "Salami Slice", "Cucumber", "Cereal Bowl",
          "Elf", "Celebrity", "Salad Bar", "Chart", "Hamburger", "Cheeseburger", "National Park",
          "Pizza", "Pizza Slice", "Apartment", "Dorm Room", "Home Room", "High School", "AK-47",
          "Machine Gun", "Attack Helicopter", "Bomber", "Tree", "Bowling Ball", "Pancake",
          "Energy Drink", "Violin", "Pirate Ship", "Treasure Chest", "Parrot", "Heirloom",
          "Tomato", "Driveway", "Sidewalk", "Picture Frame", "Painting", "Museum", "Rock", "Stone",
          "River", "Sea", "Social Media Site", "Slug", "Mattress", "Hospital", "Stethoscope", 
          "Dinosaur", "Stegosaurus", "Tyrannosaurus Rex", "Floorboard", "Cupboard", "Teacup",
          "Coffee Mug", "Computer", "Monitor", "Ball", "Bulldozer", "Tractor-Trailer", "Vampire Bat",
          "Police Car", "Fire Truck", "Camera", "Steering Wheel", "Microphone", "Microwave",
          "Xylophone", "Tin Can", "Bag of Manure", "Bag of Money", "Cash Register", "Freezer",
          "Stapler", "Copier", "Irrigation Ditch", "Barn", "Airport", "Stick", "Piece of Sushi",
          "Hot Dog", "Pumpkin Spice Latte", "Mocha", "Cappucino", "Soap", "Dance", "Pick-Up Line", "Joke",
          "Dance Club", "Country Bar", "Prison", "Fairy", "Sword", "Wreath", "Ghost", "Spirit",
          "Can of Beer", "Bottle of Booze", "Jack O' Lantern", "Argument", "Basement", "Lawn Chair",
          "Christmas Tree Ornament", "Toilet Paper Roll", "Chocolate Chip Cookie", "Sheep", "Fence",
          "Doll", "Anvil", "Bottle Rocket", "Website", "Sidewalk", "Sculpture", "Statue", 
          "Battleship", "Wombat", "Opossum", "Labradoodle", "Billy Goat", "Gavel", "Won Ton Soup",
          "Rattlesnake", "Energy Drink", "Salad Bar", "Buffet", "Smorgasboard", "Laser Pointer",
          "Supercomputer", "Blob", "Broiling Pan", "Spatula", "Fireplace", "Food Dish", "Rhinoceros",
          "General Tso's Chicken", "Dinner", "Sushi Roll", "Cave", "Rabbit", "Lamp", "Poodle");

        var pluralNoun = new Array("Dogs", "Cats", "Birds", "Antlers", "Antennae", "Ducks", "Goats",
          "Books", "Plants", "Ants", "Blankets", "Cookies", "Cakes", "Whales", "Feathers", "Collages",
          "Paintings", "Pictures", "Rugs", "Indoor Hockey Arenas", "Baseball Fields", "Buildings",
          "Colleges", "Universities", "Schools", "Places", "Streams", "Chairs", "Volcanoes",
          "Curtains", "Pirates", "Giraffes", "Zombies", "Cups", "Glasses", "Bookcases", "Bookshelves",
          "Newspapers", "Skyscrapers", "Pipes", "Papers", "Socks", "Shirts", "Grandfathers", "Grandmothers",
          "Fathers", "Mothers", "Shoes", "Children's Books", "Noses", "Eyes", "Ears", "Faces", 
          "Record Players", "Radios", "Doors", "Wars", "Pages", "Bicycles", "Gnomes", "Elves", "Staircases",
          "Horses", "Cities", "Towns", "Airplanes", "Ducks", "Geese", "Mice", "Sheep", "Models", "Phones",
          "Companies", "Non-Profit Organizations", "Streets", "Hammers", "Bedspreads", "Websites",
          "Hamsters", "Restaurants", "Boats", "Lakes", "Televisions", "Movies", "Movie Theaters",
          "Coal Shovels", "Shovels", "Sandboxes", "Yards", "Telephone Lines", "Coffee Shops",
          "Coins", "Fish", "Reindeer", "Deer", "Crayons", "Pencils", "Pens", "Holidays",
          "Hotels", "Games", "Board Games", "Kittens", "Conspiracies", "Mechanics", "Racers",
          "Rollercoasters", "Clowns", "Kumquats", "Garbanzo Beans", "Navy Beans", "Aardvarks",
          "Alligators", "Yaks", "Circuses", "Lions", "Lollipops", "Buffet Tables", "Monkeys",
          "Space Monkeys", "Celebrities", "Quizzes", "Illnesses", "Cheese Wheels", "Carrots",
          "Leaves of Spinach", "Cucumbers", "Boxes of Cereal", "Olives", "Anteaters", "Fantasies",
          "Objections", "Receipts", "Whiteboards", "Desks", "Podiums", "Gold Bars", "Canned Tomatoes",
          "Bubbles", "Bumblebees", "Basketballs", "Christmas Trees", "Pumpkins", "Pumpkin Spice Lattes",
          "Ditches", "Polling Places", "High Heels", "Lamps", "Necklaces", "Earrings", "Three-Piece Suits",
          "Pick-Up Lines", "Dances", "Dance Clubs", "Fairies", "Bottles of Vodka", "Microwave Burritos",
          "Convenience Stores", "Birthday Cakes", "Philosophy Textbooks", "Hoodies", "Hipster Glasses",
          "Badasses", "Leather Jackets", "Jean Jackets", "Gorillas", "Mortgages", "Skinny Jeans",
          "Yoga Pants", "Snack Cakes", "Suits", "Cards", "Aliens", "UFOs", "Loch Ness Monsters",
          "Mexican Jumping Beans", "Grapes", "Wines", "Sandwiches", "Flannel Shirts", "Pajamas",
          "Nightlights", "Futons", "Swings", "Hiking Trails", "Telephone Poles", "Ice Cream Sandwiches",
          "Stadiums", "Tattoos", "Fingernails", "Radiators", "Car Engines", "Bowling Alleys", 
          "Zoos", "Ice Cream Shops", "Dance Halls", "Beer Halls", "Polkas", "Waltzes", "Sheep", "Reindeer",
          "Golf Balls");

    var adjective = new Array("Big", "Tall", "Small", "Little", "Short", "Quaint", "Ugly", "Obsolete",
          "Shiny", "Magenta", "Funny", "Sad", "Fuchsia", "Beige", "Massive", "Refinanced", "Tight", "Loose",
          "Dead", "Alive", "Smart", "Dumb", "Flat", "Bumpy", "Vivacious", "Endearing",
          "Slim", "Intense", "Bloodthirsty", "Beautiful", "Omniscient", "Omnipotent",
          "Flowery", "Purple", "Entertaining", "Short-Lived", "Sandy", "Rough", "Imperfect",
          "Perfect", "Heroic", "Minimalist", "Shoe-Losing", "Major", "Incredible", "Awe-Inspiring",
          "Overflowing", "Wonderful", "Loving", "Fun-Loving",
          "Oracular", "Low-Level", "High-Level", "Functional","Static", "Dynamic",
          "Executive", "Fast", "Bulletproof", "Late", "Silly",
          "Salty", "Sour", "Wallet-Borrowing", "Restaurant-Judging", "Picky", "Observant",
          "Chair-Adjusting", "Brave", "Forgetful", "Chair-Sitting", "Mind-Blowing", "Crazy",
          "Sexy", "Funny", "Birdlike", "Bird-Brained", "Miniature", "Amazing", "Inspiring",
          "High-Strung", "Famous", "Light", "Dark", "Feral", "Hairy", "Unkempt", "Empty",
          "Leaky", "Criminal", "Electric", "Sassy", "Frumpy", "Tiny", "Itty-Bitty",
          "Prehistoric", "Immense", "Metallic", "Sharp", "Historical", "Fierce", "Loud",
          "Lunar", "Interstellar", "Intergalactic", "Bohemian", "Bored", "Suspicious", 
          "Flirtatious", "Street-Smart", "Forgetful", "Elongated", "Religious", "Atheist", 
          "Abominable", "Weak", "Ambidextrous", "Irredentist", "Tooth-Filled", "Ravenous", 
          "Anarchistic", "Well-Directed", "Well-Fed", "Well-Maintained", "Deep", "Shallow",
          "Victorian", "Formal", "Informal", "Creamy", "Tangy", "Fresh", "Magical", "Mystical",
          "Ancient", "Secret", "Prophetic", "Immortal", "Undying", "Bulging", "Far-Sighted",
          "Short-Sighted", "Antediluvian", "Latin", "European", "Mermaid-Like", "Medical",
          "Straightforward", "Literary", "Critical", "Excited", "Backward", "Rabid", "Bombastic",
          "Stinky", "Smelly", "Wanton", "Confusing", "Intellectual", "Understated", "Cheesy",
          "Devious", "Pumpkin Spice", "Overblown", "Underestimated", "Underwater", "Muscular",
          "Efficient", "Well-Organized", "Smooth", "Delicious", "Creamy", "Dry", "Smelly",
          "Independent", "Free", "Cheap", "Ironic", "Scantily Clad", "Diaphonous", "Tired",
          "Sultry", "Beguiling", "Exotic", "Long-Lived", "Immortal", "Unbelievable", "Repetitive",
          "Iterative", "Disgusting", "Swampy", "Dirty", "Muddy", "Clean", "Dry", "Wet", "Voluptuous",
          "Unappealing", "Clear", "Transparent", "Glorious", "Sacrificial", "Electric", "Mechanical",
          "Automatic", "Unyielding", "Invincible", "Rapid", "Nervous", "Calm", "Contemplative",
          "Cerebral", "Voracious", "Starving", "Full", "Killer", "Wicked", "Rational", "Real",
          "Actual", "Homemade", "Cigar-Chomping", "Aerodynamic", "Sinister", "Doubting",
          "Robotic", "Monosyllabic", "Maniacal", "Intellectual", "Postmodern", "Prehistoric",
          "Internationally Acclaimed", "Penniless");

    var goodSuperlative = new Array("Cutest", "Fluffiest", "Best", "Shiniest", "Most Awesome",
          "Fastest", "Nicest", "Most Awe-Inspiring", "Happiest", "Most Enlightened",
          "Best-Performing", "Most Powerful", "Most Humble", "Greatest", "Most Epic",
          "Most Elegant", "Most Mathematical", "Strangest", "Strongest", "Most Difficult",
          "Furriest", "Funniest", "Most Hilarious", "Most Beautiful", "Prettiest", "Loudest",
          "Noisiest", "Brightest", "Smartest", "Most Honest", "Friendliest", "Hairiest",
          "Most Dynamic", "Latest", "Saltiest", "Dirtiest", "Cleanest", "Most Inspiring",
          "Prettiest", "Deepest", "Roundest", "Sharpest", "Skinniest", "Most Gentle", "Most Energetic",
          "Most Flexible", "Tallest", "Sharpest", "Least Hungry", "Most Calming", "Most Entertaining",
          "Most Professional", "Most Giving", "Most Loving", "Finest", "Wooliest", "Most Rambunctious",
          "Most Ambitious", "Quietest", "Highest", "Most Intellectual", "Most Straightforward",
          "Richest", "Longest", "Most Masculine", "Most Feminine", "Most Hopeful", "Cheesiest" );

    var badSuperlative = new Array("Least Fluffy", "Baldest", "Worst", "Sickest",
          "Slowest", "Meanest", "Angriest", "Least Epic", "Saddest", "Most Depressing",
          "Ugliest", "Least Enlightened", "Worst-Performing", "Least Powerful", "Least Humble",
          "Smallest", "Least Elegant", "Most Normal", "Weakest", "Least Difficult",
          "Least Furry", "Least Funny", "Ugliest", "Crankiest", "Quietest", "Meekest",
          "Least Friendly", "Least Honest", "Dimmest", "Sleepiest", "Most Confused", "Fattest",
          "Most Evil", "Shortest", "Smallest", "Sleepiest", "Dopiest", "Hungriest", "Most Vicious",
          "Least Professional", "Least Entertaining", "Loudest", "Least Giving", "Most Wiry",
          "Least Ambitious", "Loudest", "Lowest", "Least Intellectual", "Poorest", "Most Confusing",
          "Least Masculine", "Least Feminine", "Least Hopeful", "Least Cheesy");

    var person = new Array("Programmer", "Jogger", "Cyclist", "Hairdresser", "Narcissist",
          "Police Officer", "Wife", "Balloon Artist", "Husband", "Pedestrian", "Skateboarder",
          "Fashion Designer", "Lion Tamer", "Monkey Trainer", "Acrobat", "Crook", "Outlaw",
          "Spelunker", "Adventurer", "Girlfriend", "Boyfriend", "Escape Artist",
          "Father", "Mother", "Sister", "Brother", "Dog Groomer", "Soldier", "Nuclear Technician",
          "Technician", "Ballroom Dancer", "Dancer", "Climber", "Biker", "Reader", "Author",
          "Writer", "Mathematician", "Lover", "Baseball Player", "Office Worker", "Banker",
          "Accountant", "President", "Vice President", "CEO", "Retail Worker", "Rapper",
          "Passerby", "Passenger", "Driver", "Model", "Teenager", "Child", "Plumber",
          "Carpenter", "Web Designer", "Designer", "Professor", "Teacher", "Model", "Fashion Designer",
          "TV Dad", "TV Mom", "Former Child Star", "Journalist", "Scientist", "Grad Student",
          "Student", "Internet Commenter", "Forest Ranger", "Bully", "Classmate", "Co-worker",
          "Cartoonist", "Butler", "Knight", "Aristocrat", "Peasant", "Noble", "King", "Prime Minister",
          "Senator", "Reporter", "Miner", "Space Cowboy", "Cowboy", "Gangster", "Role-Player",
          "College Student", "Shepherd", "BASE Jumper", "Welder", "Underwater Welder", "Exterminator",
          "Cyborg", "Centaur", "Photographer", "Best Friend", "Cousin", "Neighbor", "Crush",
          "Secret Crush", "Haberdasher", "Editor", "Rodeo Clown", "Football Player", "Hockey Player",
          "Reader", "Philosopher", "Marxist", "Socialist", "Conservative", "Republican", "Democrat",
          "Monarchist", "Civil War Re-Enactor", "Pilot", "Classmate", "English Teacher",
          "Exchange Student", "Confidant", "Spy", "Tailor", "Card Shark", "Pool Shark",
          "Boss", "Security Guard", "Artist", "Social Media Addict", "Maid", "Party Host", 
          "Hostest With the Mostest", "TV Personality", "Talk Show Host", "Comedian", "Partygoer",
          "Friend", "Blind Date", "Hero", "Superhero", "Bandit", "Jailbird", "Nerd", "Dork", "Geek",
          "Prisoner", "Bodybuilder", "Internet Addict", "Vegan", "Vegetarian", "Nose-Picker", 
          "Meth Dealer", "Drill Sergeant", "Housewife", "Police Officer", "Science Fiction Fan",
          "Ex-Boyfriend", "Ex-Girlfriend", "Mariachi Singer", "Lounge Singer", "Bird Caller",
          "Stamp Collector", "Watch Enthusiast", "Babysitter", "Friend", "Neighbor", "Lover",
          "Best Friend", "College Roommate", "Roommate", "Fellow Apartment Dweller", "Landlord",
          "Superintendent", "Commanding Officer", "Principal", "Sergeant", "Captain",
          "Coach", "Mentor", "Role Model", "Actor");

    var verbPast = new Array("Walked", "Finished", "Silenced", "Kicked", "Punched", "Ate",
          "Dug", "Judged", "Programmed", "Refactored", "Restored", "Drew", "Entertained",
          "Drove", "Flew", "Understood", "Drank", "Rapped", "Quaffed", "Fixed", "Spilled",
          "Cast", "Let Go Of", "Engaged", "Married", "Rejected", "Wrote", "Emailed",
          "Connected", "Corrected", "Engineered", "Created", "Rolled", "Reduced", "Threatened",
          "Raised", "Funded", "Unrolled", "Rolled Up", "Injected", "Selected",
          "Rejected", "Impacted", "Scooped", "Ran", "Rammed", "Explored", "Cracked",
          "Cut", "Foraged", "Defenestrated", "Quacked", "Compacted", 
          "Quit", "Bejeweled", "Bedazzled", "Amused", "Awakened", "Sparked", "Started",
          "Ended", "Cheapened", "Rattled", "Guzzled", "Gave Away", "Deleted", "Elevated",
          "Complained", "Quacked", "Barked", "Smiled", "Frowned", "Bamboozled", "Fooled",
          "Tripped", "Had", "Did", "Said", "Went", "Got", "Made", "Knew", "Thought",
          "Took", "Saw", "Wanted", "Used", "Found", "Gave", "Told", "Worked", "Called",
          "Tried", "Asked", "Needed", "Felt", "Left", "Put", "Meant", "Kept", "Began",
          "Seemed", "Showed", "Heard", "Ran", "Lived", "Believed", "Stood", "Lost",
          "Paid", "Met", "Included", "Excluded", "Continued", "Paused", "Stopped",
          "Changed", "Watched", "Followed", "Stopped", "Created", "Generated", "Read",
          "Led", "Spoke", "Spent", "Grew", "Opened", "Closed", "Walked", "Won", "Lost",
          "Taught", "Offered", "Remembered", "Appeared", "Considered", "Bought", "Sold",
          "Served", "Died", "Sent", "Stayed", "Built", "Destroyed", "Passed", "Failed",
          "Raised", "Cooked", "Sold", "Decided", "Returned", "Regressed", "Explained",
          "Expanded", "Broke", "Developed", "Received", "Covered", "Drew", "Chose", "Produced");

        var gerund = new Array("Grooming", "Walking", "Driving", "Eating", "Yelling", "Talking",
          "Modeling", "Drinking", "Seeing", "Feeling", "Entertaining", "Dining", "Jumping",
          "Biking", "Whispering", "Programming", "Playing", "Climbing", "Fiddling", 
          "Procrastinating", "Entertaining", "Performing", "Growing", "Meditating",
          "Juice Cleansing", "Cleaning", "Scrubbing", "Crouching", "Thinking", 
          "Speculating", "Investing", "Researching",
          "Electing", "Texting", "Hiking", "Playing",
          "Faking", "Taking", "Baking", "Backing",
          "Seeming", "Showing", "Hearing", "Running", "Living", "Believing", "Standing", "Losing",
          "Paying", "Meeting", "Including", "Excluding", "Continuing", "Pausing", "Stopping",
          "Changing", "Watching", "Following", "Stopping", "Creating", "Generating", "Reading",
          "Leading", "Speaking", "Spending", "Growing", "Opening", "Closing", "Walking", "Winning", "Losing",
          "Teaching", "Offering", "Remembering", "Appearing", "Considering", "Buying", "Selling",
          "Serving", "Dying", "Sending", "Staying", "Building", "Destroying", "Passing", "Failing",
          "Raising", "Cooking", "Selling", "Deciding", "Returning", "Regressing", "Explaining",
          "Expanding", "Breaking", "Developing", "Receiving", "Covering", "Drawing", "Choosing", "Producing",
          "Drooling", "Slobbering", "Slandering", "Rejecting", "Undermining", "Picking", "Kicking",
          "Punching", "Loving", "Editorializing", "Moving", "Smoothing", "Linking", "Crying",
          "Laughing", "Endowing", "Mocking", "Snacking", "Eating", "Shooting", "Dating", "Marrying",
          "Engaging");

    var blewMeAway = new Array("Blew Me Away", "Blew My Mind", "Made Me Look Again",
          "Made Me Rethink My Position", "Was Unbelievable", "Was Just Too Much For Me",
          "Was Just Too Much", "Was Out Of This World", "Made Me Jump Out Of My Skin",
          "Warmed My Heart", "Restored My Faith In Humanity", "Made Me Love Him Even More",
          "Made Me Love Her Even More", "Made Me Love Him", "Made Me Love Her",
          "Restored My Faith", "Made Me Gasp", "Warmed My Heart", "Taught Me What Love Really Is",
          "Restored My Belief In Love", "Restored My Spirit", "Taught Me About True Love",
          "Cannot Be Believed", "Is Just Too Much", "Enlightened Me",
          "Made Me Realize How Good I Have It", "Was My Favorite", "Was Amazing",
          "Made Me Laugh Out Loud", "Made Me Break Down And Cry", "Made Me Cry", "Gave Me Chills");

    var mayShockYou = new Array("May Shock You", "May Surprise You", "May Not Be What You Were Expecting",
      "Might Scare You", "Might Just Make This World A Better Place");

        var timePeriod = new Array("Millisecond", "Minute", "Hour", "Day", "Monday", "Weekend", "Week", "Season",
          "Fortnight", "Month", "Year", "Decade", "Century", "Millenium", "Summer", "Winter", "Fall", "Spring");

        var wh = new Array("What", "Where", "When", "Why", "How");

        var decades = new Array("50's", "60's", "70's", "80's", "90's", "00's");

        var places = new Array("Pittsburgh", "The United States", "New York", "Peoria", "San Francisco",
          "North America", "South America", "Costa Rica", "Central America", "Tokyo", "Japan", "China",
          "Mongolia", "Australia", "Perth", "Narnia", "Paris", "London", "Norway", "Sweden", "Moscow",
          "Uzbekistan", "Kazakhstan", "Tajikistan", "Azerbaijan", "Finland", "Scotland", "Dublin", 
          "London", "Paris", "Chicago", "Harvard", "MIT", "Carnegie Mellon University", "Ohio",
          "Namibia", "South Africa", "Egypt", "Saudi Arabia", "the Middle East", "Iraq", "Iran",
          "Chile", "Argentina", "Brazil", "Paraguay", "Your Neighborhood", "Your City", "Your Town",
          "Your Country", "Hawaii", "The Faroe Islands", "Cambodia", "Laos", "Vietnam", "France",
          "Spain", "Monaco", "The Pacific Ocean", "The Atlantic Ocean", "The Indian Ocean",
          "Antarctica", "India", "Pakistan", "The Former Soviet Union", "The Former Yugoslavia",
          "Germany", "Berlin", "Hungary", "Turkey", "Budapest", "Europe", "Asia", "The Phillipines",
          "Middle-Earth", "New England", "New South Wales", "The Netherlands", "Belgium", 
          "Lichtenstein", "Luxembourg", "Tibet", "The Himalayas", "Turkmenistan", "The Gobi Desert",
          "The Sahara Desert", "Libya", "Manchester", "Liverpool", "Florida", "Texas", "Washington, DC",
          "Mexico", "Canada", "Ontario", "Alaska", "California", "New Jersey", "North Dakota", "North Korea",
          "Tashkent", "The Panama Canal", "Mexico City", "Siberia", "The Arctic Circle", "Svalbard",
          "The Solar System", "Walla Walla, Washington", "Cucamonga", "Squirrel Hill", "Yemen", "Qatar",
          "Abu Dhabi", "Baghdad", "Beirut", "Beijing", "Singapore", "Hong Kong", "Pakistan", "Bangladesh",
          "Nepal", "Thailand", "Guatemala", "El Salvador", "Panama", "Chile", "Argentina", "Brazil");

    //extends array to include a sample function
    Array.prototype.sample = function () {
        return this[Math.floor(Math.random() * this.length)]
    }

    function capitalize(str) {
        return str.charAt(0).toUpperCase() + str.slice(1);
    }

    function aOrAn(str) {
        if(str.match("^[aeiouAEIOU]")) {
            return "An " + str;
        } else {
            return "A " + str;
        }
    }

    function getRandomNum() {
        return (Math.floor(Math.random() * 15) + 5).toString();
    }

    function getRandomMost(num) {
        num = parseInt(num);
        return (Math.floor(Math.random() * num) + 1).toString();
    }

    function generateOnlyPeople() {
          var toReturn = "Only People Who " + verbPast.sample() + " Their " +
            noun.sample() + " Will Understand This " +
            adjective.sample() + " " + noun.sample() + ".";
          return toReturn;
    }

    function generateNReasons() {
          var num = getRandomNum();
          var numMost = getRandomMost(num);
      var toReturn = num + " Reasons That This " + person.sample() + " " + verbPast.sample() + " " +
            ["His", "Her", "Somebody's"].sample() + " " + noun.sample() + "."
            + " Number " + numMost + " " + blewMeAway.sample() + ".";
          return toReturn;
    }

    function generateNBest() {

      var superlative = (Math.random() < 0.5) ? goodSuperlative.sample() : badSuperlative.sample();
          var num = getRandomNum();
          var numMost = (Math.floor(Math.random() * num) + 1).toString();
      var toReturn = "The " + num + " " + superlative + " Kinds Of " +
            adjective.sample() + " " + person.sample() + "." + " Number " +
            numMost + " " + blewMeAway.sample() + ".";

          return toReturn;
    }

    function generateBlewMeAway() {
      var toReturn = "This " + adjective.sample() + " "
            + person.sample() + " " + verbPast.sample() + " " + ["His", "Her"].sample() + " " + noun.sample()
        + ".  What Happened Next " + blewMeAway.sample() + ".";
      return toReturn;
    }

    function generateMayShock() {
          var toReturn = capitalize(wh.sample()) + " This " + adjective.sample() + " " + person.sample()
            + " " + verbPast.sample() 
            + " " + ["His", "Her"].sample() + " " + noun.sample() 
            + " " + mayShockYou.sample() + ".";
          return toReturn;
        }

        function generateTwist() {
          var toReturn = "I Thought This " + person.sample() + " Was " + adjective.sample() 
            + " Until I Realized " + ["His", "Her"].sample() + " "
            + noun.sample() + " " + ["Was", "Is", "Could Be", "Might Be"].sample() + " " + adjective.sample() + "!";
          return toReturn;
    }

    function generateHotTrend() {
          var toReturn = "The Hot New Trend For " + ["This", "Next"].sample() + " " 
            + timePeriod.sample() + "? " + gerund.sample()
            + " " + ["Your", "The"].sample() + " " + noun.sample() 
            + " Just Like " + aOrAn(person.sample()) + "!";
          return toReturn;
        }

    function generateSecrets() {
          var num = getRandomNum();
          var numMost = getRandomMost(num);
          var toReturn = num + " Secrets Of This " + adjective.sample() + " " + person.sample() + ". "
            + "Number " + numMost + " " + blewMeAway.sample() + ".";
          return toReturn;
        }

    function generateWhatXAreYou() {
          var toReturn = "What Kind Of " + adjective.sample() + " " + person.sample() + " Would You Be? "
            + "Take Our Quiz And Find Out!";
          return toReturn;          
        }   

        function generateStopEverything() {
          var toReturn = ["Stop", "Drop", "Forget"].sample() + " Everything And " 
            + ["Look At", "Behold", "Stare At"].sample() + " This " + adjective.sample()
            + " " + noun.sample() + "!";
          return toReturn;
        }

        function generateOnlyXKids() {
          p = person.sample();
          n = noun.sample();
          var toReturn = "Only " + decades.sample() + " Kids Will Understand This " +
            adjective.sample() + " " + [p, n].sample()  + "!";
          return toReturn;
        }

        function generatePics() {
          var num = getRandomNum(); 
          var numMost = getRandomMost(num);
          var toReturn = num + " " + ["Pics", "Pictures", "Images", "Snapshots"].sample() + " Of The World's "
            + goodSuperlative.sample() + " " + pluralNoun.sample() + "!  Number " + numMost + " Is So "
            + adjective.sample() + "!";
          return toReturn; 
        }

        function generateOmg() {
          var p = person.sample();
          var n = noun.sample();
          var toReturn = "OMG.  You " 
            + ["Need To", "Really Need To", "Should", "Have To", "MUST", "Can"].sample()
            + " " + ["See", "Check Out", "Look At", "Hang Out With", "Figure Out"].sample()
            + " " + ["This", "The", "My", "His", "Her"].sample() + " " 
            + adjective.sample() + " " + [p, n].sample() + "!";
          return toReturn;
         }

         function generateBetter() {
           var num = getRandomNum();
           var numMost = getRandomMost(num);
           var toReturn = num + " " + ["Reasons", "Ways"].sample() + " That " + gerund.sample() 
             + " Can Make You " + adjective.sample() + " When You're In " + places.sample() + ".";
           return toReturn;
        }

        function generateThoughts() {
          var num = getRandomNum();
          var numMost = getRandomMost(num);
          b = blewMeAway.sample();
          m = mayShockYou.sample();
          var toReturn = num + " " + ["Thoughts", "Reactions"].sample() + " You Have When " + gerund.sample() + " "
            + ["For The First Time", "For The Last Time", "Repeatedly", "Unexpectedly",
               "On a Saturday", "On A Monday", "With Your Parents", "On A Boat", "With Your Crush",
               "In Your Hometown", "At Your High School Reunion", "With Your Prom Date"].sample() + ". "
            + "Number " + numMost + " " + [b, m].sample() + ".";
          return toReturn;
        }

        function generateTheBestXInY() {
          g = goodSuperlative.sample();
          b = badSuperlative.sample();
          var toReturn = ["This", "That"].sample() + " " + ["Is", "Was"].sample() 
            + " " + ["Definitely", "Certainly", "Obviously", "Without A Doubt", "Clearly"].sample() 
            + " the " + [g,b].sample() + " " + noun.sample() + " In All Of "
            + places.sample() + ".";
          return toReturn;

        }

        function generateWays() {
          var num = getRandomNum();
          var numMost = getRandomMost(num);
          b = blewMeAway.sample();
          m = mayShockYou.sample();
          p = pluralNoun.sample();
          s = noun.sample();
          var toReturn = num + " " + adjective.sample() + " Ways That The " + goodSuperlative.sample() 
            + " " + person.sample() + " is "+ gerund.sample() + " " + ["His", "Her"].sample() + " "
            + [p, s].sample() + ".  Number " + numMost + " " + [b, m].sample() + ".";
          return toReturn;
        }

        function generateXInY() {
          var toReturn = "What You Don't Know About " + adjective.sample() + " " + pluralNoun.sample()
            + " In " + places.sample() + " " + mayShockYou.sample() + "!";
          return toReturn;
        }

        function generateHonest() {
          var toReturn = "If Everybody In " + places.sample() + " Were Honest, They'd Tell You That Their " 
            + pluralNoun.sample() + " Are " + ["Really Just", "Actually Just", "In Reality", "Supposed To Be"].sample()
            + " " + adjective.sample() + " " + pluralNoun.sample() + ".";
          return toReturn;
        }

        function generateVideo() {
          var g = "The " + goodSuperlative.sample();
          var b = "The " + badSuperlative.sample();
          var a = adjective.sample();
          var p = pluralNoun.sample();
          var n = noun.sample();
          var toReturn = ["LIVE", "RAW", "AMAZING", "REAL-TIME"].sample() + " Video Of " 
            + [a, b, g].sample() + " " + person.sample() + " in " + places.sample() + " "
            + gerund.sample() + " " + ["His", "Her", "My", "Somebody's"].sample() + " "
            + adjective.sample() + " " + [p, n].sample() + "!";
          return toReturn;
        }

        function generatePerfectResponses() {
          var num = getRandomNum();
          var numMost = getRandomMost(num);
          var toReturn = num + " Perfect " + ["Responses", "Comebacks"].sample() 
            + " To Your " + person.sample() + " When " + ["He", "She"].sample() + " "
            + verbPast.sample() + " Your " + adjective.sample() + " " + noun.sample() + ".  Number "
            + numMost + " " + blewMeAway.sample() + ".";
          return toReturn;
        }

        function generateGoodBadSuper() {
          pronoun = ["He", "She", "It"].sample();
          var toReturn = "I Thought " + pronoun  + " Was The " + goodSuperlative.sample()
            + " " + noun.sample() + ", But " + ["Actually", "In Reality", "In Fact"].sample() 
            + " " + pronoun + " Was The " + badSuperlative.sample() + " " + noun.sample() + ".";
          return toReturn;
        }                        

        function generateIfXLikeY() {
          var toReturn = "If " + pluralNoun.sample() + " " + verbPast.sample() + " Like " 
            + adjective.sample() + " " + pluralNoun.sample() + "...";
          return toReturn;
        }

        function generateIfXLikeX() {
          p = pluralNoun.sample();                       
          var toReturn = "If " + adjective.sample() + " " + p + " " + verbPast.sample() + " Like " 
            + adjective.sample() + " " + p + "...";
          return toReturn;
        }

        function generateXWasAY() {
          var toReturn = "I Always " + ["Thought", "Knew", "Figured", "Suspected"].sample() + " That "
            + ["This", "My", "That"].sample() + " " + person.sample() + " Was " + adjective.sample() 
            + ["...", " -", ".", "!"].sample() + " But Then I " + ["Discovered", "Saw", "Found Out"].sample()
            + " That " + ["He", "She"].sample() + " " + verbPast.sample() + " "
            + ["This", "That", "The", "An Entire", "My"].sample() + " " + noun.sample()
            + ["...", "!", "."].sample();
          return toReturn;
        }

        function generateTop10() {
          var toReturn = "The 10 " + ["Top", "Hottest", "Wildest", "Sexiest"].sample() 
            + " " + pluralNoun.sample() + " In " + places.sample() +"!";
          return toReturn;
        }

        function generateWeirdTrick() {
          var toReturn = ["Dad", "Mom", "Teacher", "Grandfather", "Grandmother"].sample() + " In " 
            + places.sample() + " Discovers One Weird Trick For " + gerund.sample() + " "
            + pluralNoun.sample() + "!";
          return toReturn;
        }

        function generateDidNotKnow() {
          var num = getRandomNum();
          var numMost = getRandomMost(num);
          var toReturn =  num +" Things You Didn't Know About " + pluralNoun.sample() + " In "
            + places.sample() + ".  " + "Number " + numMost + " " + blewMeAway.sample() + ".";
          return toReturn;
        }

       function generatePercent() {
          var percent = (Math.floor(Math.random() * 98) + 1).toString() + "%";

          var toReturn =  ["A Shocking", "An Amazing", "Incredibly,", "An Unbelievable", "Only"].sample() + " "
            + percent + " Of People In " + places.sample() + " " + ["Think", "Know", "Understand"].sample() 
            + " That " +  pluralNoun.sample() + " Are "
            + ["Actually", "Really", "In Reality", "Supposed To Be"].sample() + " "
            + pluralNoun.sample() + "."
          return toReturn;
        }

        function generateThinkXAreY() {
          n = pluralNoun.sample();
          a = adjective.sample();

          var toReturn = "This " + person.sample() + " " + ["Insists", "Thinks", "Says"].sample() + " That " 
            + pluralNoun.sample() + " Are " + [n,a].sample() + ". This " 
            + ["Movie", "Video", "Article", "Speech"].sample() + " Proves " 
            + ["Him", "Her"].sample() + " " + ["Right", "Wrong"].sample() + ".";
          return toReturn;
        }

        function generateForOneDay() {
          vp = verbPast.sample();
          var toReturn = "For One " + timePeriod.sample() + ", I " + vp + " What This "
            + person.sample() + " " + vp + ".  It Was " 
            + ["Amazing", "Beautiful", "Mind-Blowing", "Depressing", "Heavenly"].sample() + ".";
          return toReturn;
        }

        function generateItOnlyTakes() {
          var toReturn = "It Only Takes One " + timePeriod.sample() + " To Show How These "
            + pluralNoun.sample() + " Are " + gerund.sample() + " Their " + pluralNoun.sample() + ".";
          return toReturn;
        }

        function generateDescribe() {
          var toReturn = "I've Never Heard Anyone " + ["Describe", "Explain", "Talk About"].sample() 
            + " " + gerund.sample() + " Their " + noun.sample() + " Like This Before.";
          return toReturn;
        }

        function generateTogether() {
          var num = getRandomNum();
          var toReturn = aOrAn(person.sample()) + " And " + aOrAn(person.sample()) + " "
            + ["Were Together", "Were Partners", "Were Married", "Dated"].sample() 
            + " For " + num + " Years.  Then " + ["He", "She"].sample() + " "
            + ["Found Out About", "Discovered", "Forgot", "Uncovered"].sample()
            + " The " + noun.sample() + ".";
          return toReturn;

        }

        function generateThisPerson() {
          var toReturn = "This " + ["Man", "Woman"].sample() + " From " + places.sample()
            + " Made A Lot of People " 
            + ["Angry", "Mad", "Upset", "Happy", "Sad", "Crazy"].sample()
            + " Just By "
            + gerund.sample() + " Some " + pluralNoun.sample() + ".";
          return toReturn;
        }

        function generateWord() {
          var num = getRandomNum();
          var toReturn = "This " + num + "-Letter Word Could Be Offensive To Your "
            + person.sample() + ".  Or Anyone Who " + ["Is", "Is Not"].sample()
            + " " + adjective.sample() + ".";
          return toReturn;

        }


        function generateIWish() {
          var toReturn = "This " + person.sample() + " Was Just " + gerund.sample()
            + " In " + places.sample() + ". I Wish That Didn't "
            + ["Shock", "Scare", "Surprise", "Endanger", "Delight"].sample() + " Me.";
          return toReturn;
        }

        function generateTwoCountries() {
          var toReturn = places.sample() + " Is " + ["Incredibly", "So Far", "Somewhat", "Just A Little"].sample()
            + " " + ["Ahead Of", "Behind"].sample() + " " + places.sample() + " When It Comes To " 
            + pluralNoun.sample() + ".";
          return toReturn;

        }

        function generateSinceWhen() {
          var toReturn = "Since When Is Being " + adjective.sample() + " "
            + aOrAn(["Crime", "Blessing", "Drawback", "Felony", "Misdemeanor"].sample())
            + "? In " + places.sample() + ", Since "
            + ["Yesterday", "Last Week", "The Dawn of History", "This Man Was Born", "This Woman Was Born"].sample()
            + ".";
          return toReturn; 
        }

        function generateFutureDest() {
          var year = (Math.floor(Math.random() * 220) + 1850).toString();
          var num = getRandomNum();
          var toReturn = num + " " + adjective.sample() + " Images Of " + places.sample()
            + " In " + year + "!";
          return toReturn;

        }

        function generateNRules() {
          var num = getRandomNum();
          var numMost = getRandomMost(num);
          var toReturn = "This " + person.sample() + " Wrote " + num + " Rules For "
            + gerund.sample() + ". Number " + numMost + " " + blewMeAway.sample() + ".";
          return toReturn;
        }


        function generateNotThatKind() {
          pl = places.sample();
          var toReturn = "Every " + timePeriod.sample() + " In " + places.sample() + ", "
            + "There's " + aOrAn(noun.sample()) + " " + ["Party", "Festival", "Celebration"].sample()
            + " (Not That Kind).  Now "
            + ["The Police Department", "The Neighborhood", "The Government", "The United Nations", pl].sample()
            + " Wants To "
            + ["Shut It Down", "Take It Everywhere", "Copy It"].sample() + ".";
          return toReturn;
        }

        function generateIsItOK() {
          var toReturn = "We Asked This " + person.sample() + " If It Was OK If This "
            + person.sample() + " " + verbPast.sample() + " " + ["His", "Her"].sample() + " " + pluralNoun.sample()
            + ". The " + ["Response", "Answer"].sample() + " " + mayShockYou.sample() + ".";
          return toReturn;
        }

        function generate() {
      var viralTemplates =  new Array("blew-me-away", "only-people", "n-reasons", "n-best", "may-shock",
            "twist", "hot-trend", "secrets", "stop-everything", "what-x-are-you", "only-x-kids", "pics",
            "omg", "better", "thoughts", "the-best-x-in-y", "ways", "x-in-y", "honest", "video", "perfect-responses",
            "good-bad-super", "if-x-like-y", "if-x-like-x", "x-was-a-y", "top-10", "weird-trick", "did-not-know",
            "percent", "think-x-are-y", "for-one-day", "it-only-takes", "describe", "together", "this-person",
            "word", "i-wish", "two-countries", "since-when", "future-dest", "n-rules", "not-that-kind",
            "is-it-ok");

          decision = viralTemplates.sample();

      switch (decision) {

            case "is-it-ok":
              return generateIsItOK();
              break;

            case "not-that-kind":
              return generateNotThatKind();
              break;

            case "n-rules":
              return generateNRules();
              break;

            case "future-dest":
              return generateFutureDest();
              break;

            case "since-when":
              return generateSinceWhen();
              break;

            case "two-countries":
              return generateTwoCountries();
              break;

            case "i-wish":
              return generateIWish();
              break;

            case "word":
              return generateWord();
              break;

            case "this-person":
              return generateThisPerson();
              break;

            case "together":
              return generateTogether();
              break;

            case "describe":
              return generateDescribe();
              break;

            case "it-only-takes":
              return generateItOnlyTakes();
              break;

            case "for-one-day":
              return generateForOneDay();
              break;

            case "think-x-are-y":
              return generateThinkXAreY();
              break;

            case "percent":
              return generatePercent();
              break;                        

            case "did-not-know":
              return generateDidNotKnow();
              break;

            case "weird-trick":
              return generateWeirdTrick();
              break;

            case "top-10":
              return generateTop10();
              break;

            case "x-was-a-y":
              return generateXWasAY();
              break;

            case "if-x-like-y":
              return generateIfXLikeY();
              break;

            case "if-x-like-x":
              return generateIfXLikeX();
              break;

            case "good-bad-super":
              return generateGoodBadSuper();
              break;

            case "perfect-responses":
              return generatePerfectResponses();
              break;

            case "video":
              return generateVideo();
              break;

            case "honest":
              return generateHonest();
              break;

            case "x-in-y":
              return generateXInY();
              break;

            case "ways":
              return generateWays();
              break;

            case "the-best-x-in-y":
              return generateTheBestXInY();
              break;

            case "thoughts":
              return generateThoughts();
              break;

            case "better":
              return generateBetter();
              break;

            case "omg":
              return generateOmg();
              break;

            case "pics":
              return generatePics();
              break;
  
        case "blew-me-away":
          return generateBlewMeAway();
          break;

        case "only-people":
          return generateOnlyPeople();
          break;

        case "n-reasons":
          return generateNReasons();
          break;

        case "n-best":
          return generateNBest();
          break;

        case "may-shock":
          return generateMayShock();
          break;

        case "twist":
          return generateTwist();
          break;

        case "hot-trend":
          return generateHotTrend();
          break;

            case "stop-everything":
              return generateStopEverything();
              break;

        case "secrets":
          return generateSecrets();
          break;

        case "what-x-are-you":
          return generateWhatXAreYou();
          break;

            case "only-x-kids":
              return generateOnlyXKids();
              break;

        default:
          return decision;
      }

    }

    //alright, generate the headlines!
    //get a headline with: generate();
    //find the title on the page
    //this is tricky, because their's no standard headlines
    //so look through all likely element classes for keywords
    //right now it assumes a pretty semantic DOM
    (function() {
        var headings  =  Array.prototype.slice.call(document.querySelectorAll('div, h1, h2, h3, h4, h5, h6, a')).map(
            function(heading) {
                if(heading.className.toLowerCase().indexOf('story') > -1 ||
                    heading.className.toLowerCase().indexOf('headline') > -1 ||
                    heading.className.toLowerCase().indexOf('title') > -1 ||
                    heading.className.toLowerCase().indexOf('lede') > -1) {

                    if(heading.tagName === 'A' && /\S/.test(heading.innerText)) {
                        heading.innerText = generate();
                    }
                    else if (heading.tagName !== 'A'){
                        //TODO: Assumes first child link is the article heading
                        var immediateLinkChild  = Array.prototype.slice.call(heading.querySelectorAll('a'))[0];
                        if(immediateLinkChild) {
                            //Shouldn't alter inner text if there's an child image tag
                            var immediateImgChildren  = Array.prototype.slice.call(immediateLinkChild.querySelectorAll('img'));
                            if(!immediateImgChildren.length > 0) {
                                immediateLinkChild.innerText = generate();
                            }
                        }
                        else if (heading.tagName !== 'DIV') {
                            heading.innerText = generate();
                        }
                    }
                }
            });
    })();